This is for my anon on Tumblr (I don't think you want people to know who you are because the last time you messaged me was from anon). This chapter is dedicated for her and I hope you guys all say nice, supportive things to her in the comments so she can read them and smile from wherever she is. That'd be really nice of you guys!
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Marley woke up that night sweaty, panting and feeling more alone than ever. The dreams were back, if you could even call them those. The only thing she could hear was her rough breathing and her frantic heartbeat. It'd been months since the last time a memory like that had haunted her dreams. Why were the back so suddenly?
Of course she knew the answer, as well as two other people who attended McKinley but neither of them had her trust. The only person who attended her school who did have her trust, she had pushed away as a part of keeping the secret hidden from the rest of the world. She made a deal and she was set on keeping it.
But still, as she looked around her room at all of the shadows the moonlight was leaving on her walls, she reached towards her phone and highlighted a familiar number. Without hesitating, even slightly, she pressed the green button.
It took four rings for him to pick up. "Hello?" His voice was hoarse as if he had just woken up. Of course he had just woken up. It was three in the morning. Suddenly, Marley felt sick to her stomach. Why was she doing this to him? "Are you there?"
"I'm sorry." She whispered as she ran a few fingers through her tangled hair. Biting her lip, she looked around the room. Maybe something on her walls would give her an excuse. Maybe if she just lied, said it was the wrong number, he'd hang up without a second through. He'd go back to sleep and she wouldn't have to worry about keeping him up anymore.
But she didn't want to hang up. Hearing his voice calmed her down. It made her feel safe. "Is everything ok?"
He didn't sound as tired as he did when he first picked up the phone. Concern masked his sleepiness and she felt guilty all over again. Licking her lips, she laid back down with her phone still pressed to her ear. To lie or not to lie. That was the question and her answer was simple: lie. "N-no."
Rolling her eyes at her answer, she wiped her face, surprised at the amount of tears that were rolling down her cheeks. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No." She whispered, looking down at her comforter. She looked at her clock which now read 3:36, hearing him sigh as she comprehended the time. "But I… can you come over?"
Ryder sat up in his bed slowly as he pressed the end button on his phone. Was this a joke? Was she just playing him like she seemed to be doing since the moment they saw each other on the track? She sounded upset, though. She sounded broken. And although every fiber of his mind was telling him to lay back down and go to sleep, his heart was pushing him to move, to act.
No matter what this meant to Marley, whether it was just because she needed him for the night or whether she needed him for life, he was going to be there for her because back in rehab, she had been there for him. At that moment, it didn't matter how many times she had broken his heart, he was always going to be there for her.
So he quietly locked the door behind him and grabbed his bike. The only thing on his mind was making sure Marley was alright. The only part of the trip where he worried about his own safety was when he finally reached her house. What if Mark found him trying to sneak in?
What if Mark wanted to kill him and Marley was helping her brother the whole time?
Quickly he sent her a text message asking what to do and she said to climb up towards the balcony.
Now Ryder had never been very keen on the idea of heights. Even as a kid, he'd been scared to climb the jungle gym. His teachers were even warning him all the time that what went up had to come right back down. He didn't like that idea. Knowing that no matter what, no matter how hard you work, there's always a chance you'll crash and burn never settled with him. He liked to believe that if you work hard enough, your success will stay with you.
Taking a deep breath, he grabbed hold of a tree branch and pulled himself up easily. Thank God for Coach Bieste's weight lifting regimen she set up for the boys on the team. Slowly, but surely, he made his way up the tree and over the railing of her balcony.
He stopped for a second to breathe. He didn't fall. So far so good.
The door to her bedroom opened before he could knock and he was upset to see her tearstained face standing in front of him. "What took you so long? You got here ten minutes ago."
Shrugging his shoulders, he smirked casually. "I don't like climbing things."
She nodded her head and retreated into the shadows of her bedroom. He figured since she left the door open, he was welcome to follow her. As he shut the door behind him, he heard her whimper. "Marls, what's wrong?"
"Do you think there was ever a chance we'd get better?" She asked, ignoring his question. Currently, she was sitting on the edge of her bed, staring at the wall opposite her. It was easier to concentrate on her words if she wasn't looking at him. "Do you think we ever truly had a chance?"
"Marley, I-."
"Or were we just fed lies; given false hope that maybe one day we'd be normal?" With a dry chuckle, she turned towards him, fresh tears threatening to escape as she saw him frowning in her direction. "We're not normal, Ry. We're always going to be tainted, broken, and never good enough."
Taking a few steps forward, he sat next to her on the bed. It squeaked under the pressure of holding up two people. "We're different, sure. We've been through more than a lot of people, but that's what makes us special."
She let out a small sigh as she rested her head on his shoulder. "I don't want to be different. I want to be like Katie."
"Why?" She laughed at how repulsed he sounded by her statement and she was repulsed to. The more she thought about it, however, the more she realized how true it really was. Katie didn't have to work for anything. Her parents were rich and she was beautiful, a combination that could make any guy fall in love with her, even Ryder whether he realized it or not.
It was silent for a while as they both thought over what'd been said. "I'm glad you're not like Katie."
"She's pretty and normal."
Ryder thought for a second. "Do you remember that day you told me what happened to you? It was in the staircase at the hospital?" She nodded her head as the memory entered her mind. She remembered it all too well. "Well once Sam came in and interrupted, I promised myself that I'd always protect you and make sure you felt… loved, even if what I'm protecting you from is your own thoughts. Marls, Katie is a bitch. She's mean and vindictive. You don't want to be like her and I don't want to see you become like her, ok?"
"But-."
"No." He interrupted with a shake of his head. He moved his shoulder slightly so she was no longer leaning on it and was instead staring into his eyes. "I don't know what's going on with us right now, but through everything that's happened, I can honestly tell you that you are perfect just how you are."
Marley couldn't help but smile small at his words. Finally, after a few seconds, she whispered, "I promise."
With a sigh of relief, Ryder leaned back so he was laying on the bed with his legs dangling off the edge. "Oh and by the way, she might be pretty but you're beautiful."
It seemed like time slowed down for both of them at that moment. Marley glanced down at his lips, which looked as kissable as ever. Just as she was about to give in to herself, she bit her lip and released a breath, turning to look in the opposite direction. An upset Ryder ran his hand through his hair and she sighed once more when she realized what this may have been doing to him.
"I think you should go now." She whispered, afraid that if she said it too loud the world around her may come crashing down.
He stiffened. "Why are you doing this to me? Did I hurt you or something? Did I say something that made you feel like crap?"
"Ryder, I just-."
She was going to explain to the best of her ability what was going on, why she was doing what she was doing, but he interrupted her before she had a chance. "No, because I'm confused. You push me away and then you bring me back in only to push me away again? Look, whatever I did to you, I'm sorry but please stop fucking with my head."
"It's not like that." Although he was right, she felt the need to defend herself. After all, she wasn't the bitch in his scenario. The real bitch, the one playing all the games, was safely tucked away in her bed somewhere across town, probably sleeping with a smile on her face. "I don't have a choice."
"Why not?"
It was an honest question, one she would have asked had she been in his shoes at this moment, but it irritated her. She couldn't answer it and she knew he knew that. "I don't want you to get hurt, Ry."
He let out a sarcastic chuckle as he stood up from the bed. It creaked again, the sound seemingly amplified in the dead of the night. "It's a little too late for that, now isn't it?"
"Ryder, please just listen to me." She pleaded as she stood up in front of him, blocking his only path to her bedroom door.
As the words left her mouth she saw his attitude shift from confused to irritated. "What do you think I've been trying to do!? All I ever do is listen to you but you never say anything."
She regretted getting in his way in the first place. Realizing that she should have let him walk out in the first place, she shifted her weight and stepped out of his way, looking down shamefully. This wasn't fair. What she was doing to him wasn't fair and maybe a part of her knew that. Everyone always talks about the thrill of the chase as if it's some irritating quality all boys have, but Marley liked the feeling that came with being chased. A part of her wondered how far she could push him, what limits he'd cross for her.
Another part of her, though, didn't want to have to test him. She wanted to trust him like she did before, trust that no matter what he'd be there for her.
The largest part of her, the one with the most power, was the one being influenced by Katie. She didn't want Katie to destroy the reputation she knew he was trying to rebuild. After the trial, she got several texts from him saying people were being weird about everything, that everyone was judging him. Going back down that path wasn't something he wanted to do, and she knew that for a fact. But she wanted him to. She wanted him to be willing to throw everything on the line for her.
And she knew he would. She knew he'd risk the stares and the glances from the teenagers who had nothing better to do than make anyone's life miserable. As much as she wanted for that to happen, for them to face their foes head on but together, she didn't want him to have to. So she wasn't going to tell him. Katie's evil plot was going to be kept a secret.
She sighed and ran a hand through her hair as she sat down on the bed. "I'm sorry, Ryder but I- I just-." She looked up at him and saw his brown eyes staring back into hers. Glancing down, she noticed his lips were slightly parted as if he were about to say something, probably some negative towards her. But she didn't care. They still looked appealing to her anyway, and she imagined they always would.
Ryder watched her glance down and instantly knew what she wanted, but he couldn't tell if she wanted to want it, so he hesitated. It'd be the perfect chance. He was confused by everything, and he could tell she was confused herself, but this was one thing he was sure of. So, quickly and without giving it much more thought, he stepped forward and grabbed the back of her head, pulling her head closer to his. Their lips touched and instantly they were reminded of what they left behind in rehab. The laughing. The crying. The random dates and the silly fights. The late nights they'd spend watching movies. Simple touches and quick glances. It all came back to them.
It may have been lost somewhere in translation but it was real. It had always been real. Ryder knew it and he also knew that although she'd try to deny it, Marley knew it too.
Surprising both herself and the boy in front of her, Marley didn't back up. Instead she craned her neck as she was looking up at him. Her chin was almost touching his chest. "It's complicated."
"I've got time." Ryder smirked, glancing at the clock. It was a little after 4 now and neither of them were going to get much more sleep anyway.
Biting her lip, Marley looked down. To tell him or not to tell him….
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I'm not sure if that's a cliffhanger or not. I can't tell. Maybe it's because I know where this story is going now and I'm a little excited. It's about time I predict how many chapters this story is going to have left and I'm just going to assume there's going to be 28 or so chapters and then that'll be it for this 'series', I guess you could call it.
Anyway, thanks to::
XXEllieJellyxx, guest 1, TeaAndGlee, Peninc, LittleMusicalOwl, Savannah. Ramirez. 35, camypoo, ChuckNutz, and Reflections of Twilight
I am going to write responses to reviews on both chapter 10 and 11 at the bottom of chapter 12. I don't have time right now and really didn't plan on updating until after the weekend but I promised my anon buddy.
SO PLEASE COMMENT and tell me how you're liking Carry On and if you liked the chapter and why. AND please at the end or at the beginning of your review write a nice little sentence or two showing support for my anon. That'd be so nice.
And anon: I'll send you what everyone says as they say it on Tumblr, since I know who you are now. :) That sounds creepy but I'm ok with that.
I love you guys,
Have a great rest of the week!
Kaylie
