Disclaimer; I do not own anything sadly. Grey's Anatomy belongs to both ABC and Shonda Rhimes.
Secrets Never Shared.
Graveyard Friendship
Meredith paced the floor of the trailer, contemplating what to do. The Chief had been paged to the hospital a few hours ago but only left after Meredith gave him a big lecture about how all she was going to do was sleep and she didn't need a baby sitter for that. She reassured him that she was fine and that at that present moment in time, he had nothing to worry about.
However, now there was, as Meredith had just come off the phone with Lexie who had filled her in on everything that happened over at Thatcher's house. Apparently Derek had left there a few hours ago and he was nowhere to be seen. She phoned the hospital to find out if he had been paged but the nurse had informed her Dr Shepherd hadn't been paged since before he left the hospital this morning.
Going by what Lexie had said on the phone, Derek and Thatcher had been at each other's throats, more than likely throwing nothing but insults in each other's faces. Meredith cringed at the thought of what words were exchanged between the two, especially with them being on their own. She could feel the bile rising from her stomach, unable to stop questioning if Derek was ok? Did he not come back because he was worried that she would be mad that he told Lexie she had collapsed? Had Thatcher said something? Meredith couldn't stop herself from worrying and once again, she was on the floor unconscious.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA.
Derek had been driving around the streets of Seattle for the past hour playing everything that had happened over the past twenty four hours, repeatedly in his mind.
"If I were to move on and be with you, what would that say about Max?"
"I was so scared."
"It's just; I was never that person who believed in happy ever after. Nobody ever really gave me a reason to believe in it. My reality in life is that people leave. Everybody leaves and…"
"Ellis had to live with the guilt until the day she died, Derek..."
Meredith is carrying a big weight of guilt on her shoulders when there is no need as she is the innocent one in all of this…
She slipped through me and Adele's fingers once Max was dead…
We lost our daughter…
I haven't been sleeping….
I didn't want anybody thinking I was weak…
'I love you'…
"You can't do this to me,"
"They don't happen that often and I haven't had one as bad as that in a year or so."
…'this is why I can't see me and you having the happily ever after … because according to you I can't do things myself…I knew the moment I told you about Max you would try and cocoon me from everything and everybody in life'…
You can't stand there and lecture me about upsetting Meredith when, lets face it, you did a great job of that all on your own…
'What's your excuse for abandoning Meredith?'
…'you abandon her after her wife shows up. You abandon her after she drowns and I'm guessing you had to abandon her when it came to competing for chief and the question there is did you go back to Meredith after you were unsuccessful'…
Derek couldn't help but think that maybe Thatcher was right. It's not something he wanted to admit to himself or anyone else for that matter but he knew the straight comments he had given him were true. It wasn't the best thing for Derek's ego to think that he was being slatted by a man who abandoned his wife and daughter on Christmas Day but truth be told, some of his points were valid.
Derek knew he couldn't head home to Meredith until things were slightly clearer in his head. There was no denying that he always worried about Meredith but he knew if he went home at that moment in time, then she would be able to see the worry and fear in his eyes and that is the last thing she needed. He was aware that he really needed to talk to somebody. However, Derek couldn't as it would mean breaking her trust and that was a road he refused to go down until something finally dawned on him and he discovered exactly who he could talk to feel better. He knew exactly where he needed to be.
…'He is buried in the crematorium nearest the hospital. I try and go around three times a week…You probably think I'm crazy but I talk to him'…
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA.
It took Derek approximately fifteen minutes to get to his destination, stopping off at a local garage to buy a bunch of flowers. Derek knew he shouldn't have been going without Meredith, but he knew that now wasn't the right time for her, especially with her being so exhausted.
As Derek drove through the streets of Seattle to get there, all he could think about was the past year and a half with Meredith, trying to think of anything that maybe happened, or if something was said that indicated that Meredith had a child. He wondered if when Meredith spoke about the sick baby in the NICU while they watched Alison, the rape victim, should have been an indication. She spoke about how innocent he was and how no one had damaged him yet. Should that have been some sort of sign or indication to him?
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA.
A shiver went down Derek's back when he reached his final destination. An unsettling feeling came over him as he stared at Max's grave in the freezing cold, midnight light.
"I don't really know how this works," he began, crouching down in front of the gravestone. "This is going to sound crazy but I felt as if I needed to come here and talk to you. You see, I'm Derek Shepherd, your mum's boyfriend. I know she has talked to you about me and I'm guessing the stuff you have heard has probably got you worried about your mum after everything I've said and done to her."
Derek paused wondering what to say next.
"I just want you to know that I love your mum very much. I would never do anything intentionally hurt her. We have been through so much together. I love her more than life itself Max and I know she loves me…it's just that she's frightened of loving me or even allowing herself to love me because she thinks that she would be betraying you."
Derek felt his emotions get the better of him so he took a minute to compose himself before he continued.
"Your mum is the most amazing woman I have ever met. She's an extraordinary surgeon, a beautiful woman, a kind and caring person. She's an amazing friend to everyone in her life. She's so selfless and I can't help but wonder who she got that off of because it certainly wasn't your grandparents. They never treated your mum right Max. They were too caught up in their own lives to care about her."
He felt anger fill him as he spoke of Thatcher and Ellis, but knew he had to brush it aside.
"Anyways, I'm not here to talk about them. I'm here to talk about your mum," he softly spoke, tears in his eyes.
"She would have been the best mother in the world to you Max. She would have done anything and everything to make sure you were happy," he smiled at the thought. "Well, she was and she did."
"It's wrong that you were both robbed of your time together. She knows the little time you had together was precious. She loves you so much Max. This brings me to the reason why I am here Max," he stated clearly a bit shaken.
"I want you to know that…that…that I love her. She's the love of my life and I'm going to take good care of her. She will always be priority in my life."
"I have never met a woman like your mum before. Did you know she opened her home for her friends to stay because they had nowhere else to go? She has been a loyal best friend to Christina. Although, between me and you, Christina isn't my most favourite person in the whole world…In saying that, I owe Christina a lot because she was there for Meredith when I couldn't be. She stood by your mum through thick and thin."
"I want to marry your mum Max. I want to spend the rest of my life with her; loving her, making up for all my mistakes, making her happy. The last thing I want you to do is worry about her. I'll make sure she's happy, if it's the last thing I do on this earth. I will spend every day telling her how much I love her, as well as making up for all my stupid, idiotic mistakes which really hurt your mum. I don't think I need to tell you how strong and stubborn she is."
Derek had tears streaming down his face as the emotions were finally getting the better of him. The night was extremely cold but he didn't care. He was here now and he had things he needed to say.
"I love your mum with all my heart Max. I love how her hair smells of lavender from her conditioner. I love how she rambles and fidgets with her watch when she's nervous. I love her beautiful green eyes that sparkle when she smiles. She doesn't smile that often but when she does, it lights up the whole room. I love working with her. She's so smart and funny. I know she is going to make an incredible surgeon Max. Her intelligence overwhelms me."
"On her first day as an intern, we were all baffled by this sixteen year old girl's case. Your mum managed to diagnose the problem and save her life."
Derek pauses for a moment, thinking of what he wanted to say next. He felt as if his head was going to explode with everything he wanted to tell Max about.
"Your mum is suffering from exhaustion at the moment Max but I am going to take good care of her. You don't need to worry. Leave that part to me. I'll make sure she gets plenty of rest. Lots of T.L.C is in order. She has put everybody else before herself and now it has come to the point where she has to put herself first which I think is going to be easier said than done. I've booked us a week away hoping it will be easier for her to just get her away from the routine she is in here. Getting her out of Seattle, spending some time alone together will do her the world of good," he smiled before looking at his watch.
"It's getting late Max and I really should get back to your mum. She will be beginning to wonder where I am. Just so you know, I would have loved to see you grow up, be able to kick a ball about with you and love to watch your mum make a big fuss over you," he softly spoke.
"I know there is one thing I don't need to tell you and that is that you are very much loved. You are your mum's world Max but you're also mine too. I know that I never got to see you before…" he hesitated, feeling tears come to his eyes again.
"…before…before your passing. I want you to know that I love you so much. How couldn't I? You are a big part of my life, in a way, as well as your mum's. I'll always see you as mine Max…you…you are very much loved Max."
"Don't worry about your mum Max. I'll look after her. I promise you that," he stated firmly to make his point known.
"I love you little man," he whispered, releasing a sob.
He took a moment to compose himself before turning around to walk back to his car.
"Ahh!" Derek jumped back slightly startled.
As he turned, he came face to face with a rather elderly woman. The last thing he expected to see in a grave yard at midnight.
"Oh. I'm sorry dear. I didn't mean to scare you," she smiled.
"That's ok," he replied, looking slightly bewildered. "Well, I uh….better be going."
However, as Derek began to walk away, the old woman began to speak.
"You must be Derek," she stated confidently, giving him a big smile as he turned to face her in shock.
"How…how do you know my name?" he asked.
"Meredith talks about you all the time. I've heard so much about you," she spoke softly.
"Oh," he responded, sounding surprised.
"Don't worry," she assured. "I've only heard good things about you."
"Ha," he laughed nervously. "I find that hard to believe."
"I'm Nora by the way," she told him, out stretching her hand for him to shake.
"Derek Shepherd," he nodded, shaking her hand.
"It's very nice to finally meet you. I know Meredith through circumstances," she informed him.
"Circumstances?" he queried, curiously.
"Well, I prefer saying that than 'we met in a graveyard as our sons' gravestones are near each other'," she told him.
"Oh, I'm sorry," he replied, feeling guilty.
"Don't be," she smiled. "Meredith is such a lovely woman," she stated, changing the subject.
"Yeah, she is," he smiled at the thought of her. "I'm so sorry for your loss."
"Thank you," she whispered. "It was an awfully long time ago now. I hope you don't think I'm a nosey old busy body but I couldn't help overhear, is Meredith ok?"
"Yeah," he sighed and then realised he would have to elaborate to appease the woman's concern's that were written all over her face. "Well, she should be. She just needs to rest. A lot of T.L.C," he assured her.
"Oh, that's good. Can I assume that you are back together?" she asked with a huge grin on her face. "For good?"
"Uh…yes, I suppose so," he replied, wondering how much she knew. "There's a lot to work through but we'll get there."
"Well, relationships are never easy but you'll make it. I'm really happy for you both and I hope you don't think I'm out of line for saying that I'm glad she finally told you," she said.
"How…"
"Like I said, Meredith talks about you all the time," she interrupted. "She was convinced that not telling you about Max was best for you. She takes the promise she made to Max before he died very seriously. And so she should, but that doesn't mean that she can't move on, be happy, get married and have children, which she so desperately wants."
"And she told you she wants these things?" he asked, knowing how important the answer was.
"She's holding back on her own happiness, thinking it's what she needs to do for Max and in the long run, what is ultimately best for you. She dreamt all of those things but now she won't allow herself to even dream of them."
"Why?" he asked, confused.
"Because the only person that she can truly see any of those dreams coming true with; is with you. And now…well…now, she won't even allow herself to dream of those things with you because in her reality, its best to let you go. In the long run, you can find someone else to settle down with, fall in love with and have happily ever after with. She thinks this is in your best interest," Nora explained.
"So, she tells you everything?" he smiled, half joking.
"More than Christina," she stated, as a matter of fact.
Derek was gob smacked.
"Nora laughed at the shocked expression on Derek's face. He was beyond shocked.
"Derek, when you visit a grave as much as Meredith and I do, and you see the same person over and over again, you begin talking and sharing life stories and experiences," she smiled at him. "It certainly helps when you are in or have experienced similar circumstances," she added.
"Yeah, I suppose it does," he replied. "Can I ask…can…No, you know what, it doesn't ma…."
"I know that you and Meredith met in the bar across from Seattle Grace Hospital," she began, sensing what he wanted to ask.
"I know about Addison and Finn. I know all about prom and Thatcher, Susan and Lexie. I know about Christina's wedding or non-wedding as Meredith refers to it as. I know that you are the love of Meredith's life. I know that her mum was the famous Ellis Grey and all about her affair with the Chief of surgery….Eh…What else? Oh, I know you don't get along with Christina and she tries to make it extremely difficult for you to be with Meredith," she explained, laughing at Derek's baffled expression.
"We all make mistakes Derek and it's always much harder to accept when those mistakes hurt the ones we love," she assured him.
"Yeah, tell me about it," he whispered with a whole lot of guilt etched in his voice.
"Meredith isn't completely innocent when it comes to your relationship Derek," she reassured him. "And she knows it."
"Do you think Meredith still wants a happily ever after with me? Especially, after everything that's happened between us?" He questioned her nervously.
"Without a shadow of a doubt," she answered firmly.
Derek couldn't help but smile at the thought.
"You really love her, don't you?" Nora asked, smiled knowingly.
"Yes, I really do," he admitted. "She's my whole world."
"Can I ask you to do something for me Derek?" she asked innocently.
"Sure," he answered, slightly uncertain.
"Don't be too hard on her for not telling you about Max until now," Nora advised. "She really did think it was in your best interest."
"How could it ever be in my best interest?" he queried.
"I think that's something you should be asking Meredith," she answered hesitantly.
Both Derek and Nora noticed how the sky looked as if it was about to open in the dark night.
"Well, it's getting extremely late, Can I offer you a…well can I first ask what you're doing here so late on your own?" he prodded gently.
"I'm actually flying out to Scotland to visit my daughter for six weeks. My flight leaves at four a.m. so I came here before heading to the airport. I always stop off here before I visit my daughter. Guilt of leaving for so long comes with the territory. Meredith, actually said she would drop by once or twice to make sure…I must sound…"
"No, actually, you sound like a loyal and devoted mother. I'll be with Meredith over the next few weeks so we'll both keep our eye out. Now, how about I go and wait in the car while you speak to your son and then I give you a lift to the airport," he offered. "It's the least I could do."
"Oh, no, don't be silly. I was just going to get a cab. It's…"
"I will not here of it," Derek insisted. "I'll be in the jeep over there. Just take your time," he smiled, walking towards the car.
In the car, Derek tried calling Richard's cell phone and Meredith's but it was out of range. It didn't worry him though as he knew she was in safe hands with the Chief watching over her.
Ten minutes later, the rain was coming down heavy and Derek was driving Nora to the airport. He discovered that Meredith met Nora's daughter in the N.I.C.U as her granddaughter and Max were born a couple of days apart. It wasn't until Meredith started working at Seattle Grace that they started bumping into each other.
"So how is the adjustment from life from 'the Big Apple' to Seattle?" Nora asked, making conversation.
"It's certainly different," he chuckled. "Life here is what I always wanted in life."
"Including all the rain?" she asked incredulously.
"Well, that I could take or leave," he confessed.
"Meredith loves the rain. I think it's something about being born here," Nora admitted. "A bit like my husband and I," she added.
"Are you both from Seattle?" Derek queried.
"Yes. We met in High School. Fell in love in English Lit," she smiled, as if she was in her own day dream.
"Do you mind if I asked what happened to him?"
"Who? My husband?" she laughed.
Derek quickly turned and nodded.
"My husband is in Scotland already. He's a War Veteran. He often gets asked to lecture in different schools' and universities'. He was asked to do a lecture in some of the Uni's in Scotland so he flew out earlier this month to stay with Stephanie and I agreed to fly out and meet him later. One of my best friend's sons got married yesterday and I promised I'd help with the arrangements and I'd be there for the wedding. That's why I'm only flying out now," she explained as Derek pulled in to the doors of the Airport.
"Thank you so much Derek." Nora smiled with gratitude at Derek.
"Wait a sec…What about your suitcases?" Derek questioned, watching everybody enter the airport.
"Oh, most of my holiday stuff is at Stephanie's. The pro's of staying at relatives when you're on holiday. Anything else is in this carry on or I can buy when I'm over there," she assured him.
"Ok," Derek answered, stepping out of the car and going round to Nora's side to help her out.
"Thank you so much Derek," she whispered as he helped her out of the car. "And listen, please tell Meredith to get well and we can catch up over coffee when I get back."
"I will," he assured, giving her a hug to show his appreciation.
"And remember what I said Derek, take care of her and don't be too hard on her," she whispered. "You guys are going to make it. Don't worry."
"Ok. Listen; here is my card with my cell and home number. If you and your husband need collected when you get back then you just give me a call. Please don't hesitate," Derek smiled.
"We won't. Thank you very much Derek." Nora gave Derek a peck on the cheek to say thank you. "It really was lovely to finally meet you."
"You too," Derek agreed. "Just be sure to have a fab holiday and thank you for tonight."
"And you Derek. Now on you go. Go home to that beautiful woman of yours," she smiled.
"Enjoy Scotland Nora. I hope the weather is nicer there than it will be here," he smiled, stepping back into the car.
"Bye Derek," she waved.
With that, Derek drove off, waving back.
GAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGAGA.
Derek got back to the trailer at 1.20am and began to panic before he even parked his jeep as the Chief's car was nowhere in sight. Entering the trailer, he suddenly felt cold.
Meredith was nowhere to be seen.
Richard was nowhere to be seen.
He couldn't see any of Meredith's stuff anywhere. All he could see were the specks of blood on the bottom of the bed sheets.
What the hell had happened?
