A/N - thank you so much! I love you all! I really really do!
I hope that this story won't create any sadness or serious upset with you readers, the idea came into my head and it stuck so I thought 'why not?' and decided to write it and upload it. I am so sorry if this brings any form of hurt to you, please note I am nottrying to cause people upset and trigger ANYTHING. If you don't like it, don't feel comfortable reading it, please feel free to discontinue reading the story. If you're a member of the site, please PM me and I'll personally apologize to you for upsetting you. If you're not a member, leave an anon review and I'll mention you in the chapter after.

The response from last chapter made me soo happy!
I know a lot of you will probably begin to hate Lily - a lot of you reallylove Scorpius, haha - and that's fine, just tell me if you do! :D

I know this isn't really very long, but it's sort of a filler. Let you know how Lily's reacting to...everything...sort of.

speedsONEandONLY - yeah...I changed somethings around...I know you'll review anyway so you can just tell me then :D

Disclaimer - I do not own anything Harry Potter related.


Never in my entire life had time moved to quickly.

One second, Scorpius and I were coming home from the hospital, the next we were stood in the cemetery at the end of Malfoy Manor, hand in hand, in the rain, staring at the little white coffin in the ground.

The fact that it was raining was natural, it was real.

It was as if the world knew how I was feeling and decided to broadcast it to the few people in attendance at the...funeral.

White coffin, a small white coffin held my entire world in it.

On the left side of Narcissa Malfoy's plot, was a white marble headstone with a simple message,

'Olivia Lily Malfoy

Born 30th August 2030

Died 30th August 2030

Born playing with the angels.'

Reading that little message, it made my heart break into small pieces, too small to count, to pick up and to put back together.

Not very many people went to the funeral.

I didn't even want anybody other than Scorpius and myself there, but he managed to persuade me to allow our families and friends to go.

We stood by the side of the grave. My parents and his stood a couple of feet behind us, Albus and Dominique behind them, everybody else behind them two.

We were stood with our backs to our family, our own little way of grieving on our own.

Astoria and Draco offered to hold the wake at Malfoy Manor.

It was quite fitting actually, that the wake of our daughter was held at the place the accident happened.

As everybody spoke quietly, I stood looking out the huge window, facing the grounds.

Behind the vast gardens, the miles of grass, the hundreds of flower beds and the dozens of statues, I could see the ivory covered wall of the cemetery.

In my imagination I could see through the wall, I could see the rows of ornate black Malfoy gravestones, no personal messages; just their names, and dates of birth and death.

I didn't have much say in Olivia's funeral - I didn't want to have any say in it, I let Scorpius and our parents arrange everything - but the one thing I wanted, was that her gravestone be pure white, with a little message. Not much, just a line or something. That way, anybody who would stumble on the private cemetery would immediately know that Olivia was different, that Olivia was special.

As I stood looking out at the grounds, several people came up to talk to me, my parents, aunts, uncles, cousins, brothers, Scorpius' parents, but I didn't speak to any of them.

What would I say?

Thank you for coming to celebrate the death of my daughter?

Not likely.

When my family would come to speak to me, I wouldn't even look at them. Let them think I wasn't paying any attention to them. Just let them stand there for a minute before they would either kiss my forehead or touch my arm slightly and then move away from me.

I only spoke to Scorpius when he would wake up in the middle of the night and would find me sat up in bed, wide awake.

I'd lie and tell him I was going to the bathroom, or getting a drink of water, but I knew he didn't believe me.

I just didn't care whether he believed me or not.

I didn't want to sleep, Every time I did I had a nightmare - not a nightmare, just a dream. A pleasant dream where I played with Olivia in her bedroom; we played with dolls, potion sets, Quidditch sets, she brushed my hair, I brushed hairs.

Every time I slept, I woke up crying and with the feeling that my heart had broken into more tiny pieces.


A week after the funeral, Scorpius told me he was going back to work. I didn't say anything to stop him, I didn't say anything to encourage him.

I wanted him to go to work. I wanted to be alone, while he was in the flat with me, I wouldn't be alone.

The day Scorpius left for work, it started out the same.

I sat in bed, looking out the window until he woke up.

When he did, I'd pretend I'd just woken up. He'd pretend to believe me and go shower.

While he showered, I stayed sat in bed, looking out the window.

While he came back in the bedroom to get dressed, I stayed sat up in bed, looking out the window.

Once he was dressed, Scorpius would come over and ease me out of bed. He'd then take me into the wardrobe, sit me on the chair we had in there and try to get me to help him pick some of my clothes out for me to wear.

When I wouldn't help him, he would sigh and then pick some simple clothes out for me. A pair of jeans, clean bra and knickers, a plain black or white t-shirt and a hoodie most days. One day he picked a dress for me.

Either way, he'd dress me himself. He never once complained about getting me dressed, he just did it silently, every now and then he'd look at me through sad eyes.

I didn't really care. I just wanted him to hurry and leave me alone.

The day he went to work, after he got me dressed he took my hand and led me to the kitchen island.

I was momentarily surprised to see both our parents sat there, waiting for us.

When he sat me down, ignoring our parents completely, he then moved over to the kitchen counter and started up the different muggle appliances we had.

I sat and watched him, patiently waiting for him to hurry and get on with it and curious to why our parents had decided to join us for breakfast. Nobody did or said anything untill he turned with a full tray of breakfast, a pot of coffee and a pitcher of fresh orange juice.

"My mother went shopping for us yesterday," Scorpius told me as he sat opposite me, nodding to Astoria who was sat on his right.

I wasn't at all interested in eating food, every time I tried to eat something I either threw it up or it made me want to throw up, so I just poured myself a cup of coffee.

"Lily you need to eat something," My mother said as she piled a plate high for me, she pushed it across the island so it was right in front of me.

"Just have some fruit or some toast or something?" Scorpius pleaded five minutes later when I didn't do anything apart from sip my coffee.

"How about some cereal?" He offered, pushing his plate away and standing up from his seat and turning to the cupboards.

"Bacon? Egg? Muffins? Just tell me what you want babe, and I'll make it." Scorpius sighed, closing the cupboard and turning back round to face me and our parents.

"What I want?" I whispered, ignoring how rough and cracked my voice was.

I hadn't spoke properly in nearly two weeks, it was hardly surprising.

"Yes," Scorpius moved to put lean on the island, looking highly relieved I was actually speaking, "anything. What do you want?"

I licked my lips and took a deep breath, ignoring the looks my parents and in-law's were giving me.

"I want you to go to work. I want to be able to go to sleep without dreaming about her," I ignored Scorpius hanging his head, I pulled away when my mother put her hand on my arm. "I want to have a screaming newborn in the flat. I want to hold my daughter. I want my daughter to be alive in my arms! I want everybody to leave me alone." I got louder with each sentence, not that I cared.

I didn't care that I upset Scorpius. I didn't care that I upset my parents, nor did I care I upset his parents.

I stood from my stool and walked out the kitchen, slamming the door behind me. I ran through the living room, and into our bedroom where I locked the door, ran into the wardrobe and locked that door.

When I was alone, I slid down the wall untill I was on the floor and pulled my knees into my chest.

I cried for hours. Cried for myself, cried for Scorpius, cried for my parents.

I cried untill I practically ran out of tears.

I remained sitting in the wardrobe even after I cried though.

I just sat and thought things over.

Surrounded by Scorpius's clothes actually helped me.

Being in the wardrobe, with the only things in here being clothes and a few boxes with belongings we didn't want on show in the apartment, for a brief second it kept my mind away from Olivia.

For a second, I forgot about the pain, the heart-shattering, gut-wrenching pain.

For that second, I felt almost normal.

"I have to leave," I whispered to myself.

I couldn't do this.

I couldn't stay in this apartment, with reminders of her every time I turned around.

It made sense, the looking into the fire or out the window for the past week.

Looking at the sky, or the muggles walking the streets, or the logs burning in the fire; it had no relation to Olivia and what happened. It distracted me slightly from my pain.

It distracted me from thinking about her.

In every room in this flat, there was reminders of her.

The untouched crib in the bedroom.

The baby bottles and milk powder in the kitchen.

The Moses basked, toys, changing unit, photos in the living room.

The baby products in both bathrooms.

The entire second bedroom in a pink nursery, with Olivia Malfoy, wrote in huge multi-coloured letters alone one wall.

Everywhere I went in this place screamed 'The-Baby-You-Killed' at me.

I couldn't do it no more.

I had to go.


I didn't even leave the wardrobe as I packed a bag of my clothes. I grabbed one of Scorpius' bags that he used to take to the Magical Gym in the ministry and packed some basics.

I didn't intend on going away for long.

I just needed a few days...away.

Once the bag was packed, I unlocked the wardrobe door and walked out, throwing the bag on the bed.

In the bathroom I grabbed my toiletry bag, threw my toothbrush in there and walked back into the bedroom. I glanced at the clock and was slightly shocked to see the time.

Four p.m. I'd been in that wardrobe for nearly nine hours.

Without looking back, I picked the bag up and walked out the bedroom.

As I expected, the living room was empty. A note was waiting for me on the coffee table,

Lily,
I left for work, I wanted to give you some space. Your mother said she's going to be at home all day and night - if you need anything, she's there.

My mother says the same.

Both our fathers said if you needed them, just go straight to their offices.

If you need me, I'll be in the office all day.

I'll come home at lunch to check on you.

I'm sorry.

I love you, I always will.

Your,
Scorpius
xx

Taking a deep breath to push the small pang of guilt I felt at those last few words.

"You need to do this, Potter - ah, Malfoy. Lily Malfoy, you need to do this." I sighed and moved to cabinet that we kept photo's on.

I opened a drawer took out a quill and a small bottle of ink - I'll never understand how Scorpius can write with the pens, they're too uncomfortable.

I flipped his note over and scribbled a quick note back too him;

Scorpius,
I've had to get away for a while. I don't know where I'm going and I don't know when I'll be back - but I
will be coming back.

I'm sorry, I just need some time alone, alone and away from everything. There's too many reminders here for me.

I'll let you know how I am when I get to wherever I'm going.

Tell my family?

I love you,

Mrs. Lily Malfoy

xx

I signed my full name in an attempt for him to know I wasn't leaving him, I was just leaving.


"You want an emergency portkey?" The pimple-covered attendant asked me skeptically, raising a ginger eyebrow at me.

"Yes," I hissed, looking round. I had successfully made it into Diagon Alley, then Gringotts without getting seen, approached or photographed. I didn't need somebody to recognise me as I was leaving.

I glanced at the clock behind him, four forty five. In fifteen minutes, Scorpius would be finished for the day. He'd be ready to go home, expecting to find his emotional-wreck of a wife.

Not a note saying his wife was running away.

"That's gonna cost ya -" He whistled as he looked down at a lit of countries and prices.

"Name your price and I'll double it, if you get it done in the next five minutes." I snapped quietly, using the technique's I'd picked up from the Malfoy's over the years.

Money meant power. Power meant influence. Influence meant that people generally got their own ways whenever they wanted it. Normally, I'd be against such ideas, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Name?" The attendant asked me quickly.

"Lily Malfoy." I muttered, looking him directly in the eye. "I'll triple that price if you keep my name from those records. You know of me, you know my father and uncle. You know my husband. Keep my name of those records and you have a hell of a tip coming your way." I nodded to him, my voice barely above a whisper.

"As you wish, Mrs. Jones." The attendant muttered, I glanced down at the parchment and saw him write down all sorts of false information. When Scorpius and my Dad come huntilng, they'll find no Lily Malfoy the half-blood's details here. They'll find Marjorie Jones, a middle-aged muggle born from Wales.

"Thank you," I smiled, one of my first real smiles in nearly a month, at the man and put my hand in my pouch. I was pulling my third handful of coins out when something caught my eye.

Potter Prodigy's pain, was the title of the Prophet and then a photo of Scorpius and I in the hospital.

"Keep your money, and you're probably sick of hearing this but, I'm sorry for your loss." The man smiled that sad smile at me.

It's strange, when my family and friends smiled at me like that, I wanted to curse their faces so they could never smile ever again.

When this stranger smiled at me, it made me melt.

"Thank you," was the only thing I said to him. A couple of minutes later he went somewhere for a couple of seconds and then returned holding a plank of wood.

"It's set to leave thirty seconds after you touch it. Where you wanted is in a muggle neighbourhood so it's set to land in an alleyway, I've just scanned the area and there is nobody around. When you land, take two lefts and then your third right. The street you want is there if you follow those directions." The man told me before he handed the plank of wood over to me.

Once I took hold of it, I felt it vibrate slowly.

I know he told me to keep the money, but I felt guilty. Since it was too late for him to stop me, I pulled the coins out of my pocket and dropped them back on the counter for him.

Before he could do anything, I felt a sharp tug behind my naval and felt myself being pulled backwards.

When the feeling got sharper, I let go of the plank of wood and braced myself for the fall.

A second later and I was on my knees in an alley way.

I could smell rubbish straight away and it was so strong I had to cover my mouth and nose.

I straightened up, kicked the plank of wood under a large, overflowing, rubbish bin that was right in front of me, grabbed my bag and made sure my wand was still up my sleeve.

Looking around carefully, I followed the mans instructions and took two lefts and then my third right.

Hundreds of houses were in this street.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, hoping to Merlin that she was home.

For what felt like an hour I walked down that street, grumbling to myself as I counted the numbers on the houses,

"Oh, of course she has to live right at the end. Couldn't live in a simple one or two digit number, could she? No, she has to live in the hundreds!"

I sighed in relief when I finally found the house I was looking for.

Three stories, a flower box for every window, a huge bright white door, dark blue paint job on the outside of the house. It was lovely.

Hopefully, it will be my home for however long I needed.

Hopefully.

Before I chicken out, I take a deep breath and walk forwards, open the gate and walk up the steps to the house.

I notice that the knocker is in the shape of an eagle. A bronze eagle.

"Bronze eagle, blue house," I laughed as I knocked, "Ravenclaw through and through."

It took only a couple of minutes for the door to open.

When it did, I felt relieved straight away.

"Lily? What are you doing here?" Sophia Reynes gasped when she saw me stood on her doorstep after nearly three years of virtually no contact.


I know you have a reaction to that.

Remember - grief does strange things to people.

Let me know what you think?

BTW - Sophia Reynes wasn't a really important character in WWYCH, but for those who can't remember, she was Lily's friend in Ravenclaw, who told her she didn't care if she and Scorpius were together. Her older sister Caroline, Victoire's best friend, had sex with Albus in the toilets of the Hogs Head.