Title: Every Unsatisfied Urge
Author: Concupid
Pairing: Noel/Julian
Warnings: drug references, angst, RPF
Summary: Noel, Dave, Mike and Pete stay with Julian's dad. Awkwardness occurs
Author's note: I know it's been a while but thanks to 10,000 words in 10 days, another installment. I can't thank bluestocking79 enough for her beta/support/cheerleading. Thank you to everyone who is reading and I eat up comments like little cakes.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Boosh and what is based on reality, is often based on the inconsistent and poor memories of those involved.
Noel just laughed when people called his brother a pothead or a stoner. People who met Mike now would never guess how nervous and unhappy he had always been before finding marijuana. Noel was a nervous person as well, but he'd learned to use that energy constructively. Mike had been crushed by his anxiety. Julian rolled his eyes when Noel pointed out that Mike would need to be able to smoke up, so he probably shouldn't stay with Julian's mum. Noel allowed Julian to keep believing Mike was just a recreational drug user. Julian certainly knew about self-medication, but it somehow felt wrong to share Mike's past with anyone. He had a current persona as a carefree, easy-going stoner, and Noel didn't want to mess with that. Noel knew how hard it was to reinvent yourself.
So Noel, Mike, Mike's mate Pete, and Dave all went to stay with Julian's father on the other side of town. For someone who had complicated reactions to everything, Julian had really healthy relationships with all of his parents. It made Noel wonder where all Ju's relationship issues came from. As far as broken homes went, Julian's seemed pretty well put together. Julian's step-dad gave Noel some money, "just in case". Julian's parents were always giving them money, like they were little kids. No matter how successful Julian was, Noel had a feeling his mum and step-dad would always think of him as a kid until he got a "proper" job. Julian would put up a fuss and refuse the money, but Noel would allow a few notes to be slipped into his hand or pocket. They didn't need the money, but it made Julian's folks happy, and it made Noel feel warm and safe, like he was a little kid. A little kid in a normal family.
Plus, sometimes they needed the money.
Andy was watering his lawn when they pulled up, and he immediately ran over to them. He pulled them each out of the car, hugging them like long-lost sons. Noel wouldn't be surprised if he had an actual fatted calf set aside for dinner. He was as gregarious as Julian was reserved. The first time he and Julian had stayed at Andy's, Ju had had a few drinks and fallen asleep on the couch, while Noel and his father spent hours talking. Noel had been happily buzzed on lager and listening to Andy proudly go on about his record collection and his son's various accomplishments. Noel had felt like a proper man, drinking and chatting with Andy. The only things they had in common were a love of music and Julian, but that was more than enough to keep the conversation going. After Andy had given him a rough pat on the back and said he was heading to bed, he'd subtly hinted that he didn't mind if Noel and Julian shared a room. Andy looked completely sincere as he'd explained he was a "liberal kind of guy," and Noel choked on his lager.
As Andy had bent Noel over and smacked his back until he'd stopped coughing (with beer coming out of his nose and mascara running down his cheeks), he was back to feeling like a little kid. He was a man(nish) child, perpetually out of his element, as he awkwardly tried to explain that he and Julian did not share a bed (although they sometimes did) and there was nothing physical between them (although there sometimes was). As confusing as their relationship might be, Noel had felt he needed to make it clear to Andy that Julian wasn't keeping him around for sex. Enough people already questioned Julian's need for Noel as a comedy partner; he didn't need his value being questioned for other purposes as well. Julian's father had apologized profusely. He looked like Julian when he apologized, or at least like Julian when he was drunk and apologetic. Ju could be so sincere and passionate in those moments, it was hard not to wonder what else he kept buried in his brain when sober.
"Whadja do?" Julian had mumbled from the couch. "What time is it?"
"Bedtime," Noel said, instinctively holding his hand out for Julian's. He'd waited for Julian to grab it, so he could heave him off the couch - he might have even made a pained noise and made a joke about Julian's pumpkin arse getting heavy - but he'd suddenly felt like he was saying, "Let's go upstairs, darling! I am dying to suck your cock."
Oblivious, Julian had grabbed Noel's hand and yanked him down until Noel fell in Julian's lap. Noel struggled to get back to his feet but the arm Julian had draped over his chest weighed a ton. When he was drunk and tired, Julian's long limbs were like downed tree trunks. Noel had lost more than one argument by having a Northern pin dropped on his legs like a living safety belt.
Andy was suddenly very interested in an imaginary piece of lint on his sweater.
"Wass wrong?" Julian slurred. "You 'fraid I'll mess up your hair?"
Mortified as he was, Noel could already hear himself explaining it all to Julian later on. He'd set the scene with himself being comically stunned at Andy's suggestion. He'd do his terrible Northern accent for Andy and make him sound like a beatnik.
"Hey man, it's cool. Love is love, I ain't here to judge," Andy would say, as he snapped his fingers.
As he told the story, he would make Julian equal parts brutish and over-sexed, like something out of a trashy romance novel. Julian would laugh and, soon enough, he wouldn't remember what had really happened anyway. Noel could arrange the details any way he wanted to; Julian just cared about the storytelling.
Julian had smacked him on the ass as they'd headed towards the stairs.
Andy told Julian, "Set Noel up wherever you think he'll be most comfortable. You know where everything is."
It all would have been a lot less confusing if Noel had known about Roger then. It would have been less confusing if just about anyone on the planet had been involved, other than Julian. No one else was even capable of causing so much chaos without trying. Noel had ended up blurting out the whole story at the top of the stairs. He didn't bother trying to make it funny, but Julian had laughed anyway. The next day, he would tell the story better, but for the night, he'd been content to let Julian apologize in his heartfelt way for making him uncomfortable. Julian had felt so bad that his father had mistaken Noel for his boyfriend that he'd let Noel sleep in his bed with him. The irony had not been lost on Noel, but it didn't seem to cross Ju's mind.
"So," Andy said as he helped them with their luggage, bringing Noel back to the present, "has Julian's head gone all big, now that he's going to be a movie star?"
Noel laughed. "Yeah, he's gonna be the new Errol Flynn."
Julian had assured Noel he'd set his father straight about their relationship, but Andy still treated Noel like a prospective daughter-in-law, bringing every conversation back to Julian's many attributes. When Julian was in a strop, Andy would inevitably remind Noel that, "Jules has always been sensitive."
"He's so nervous, but he's good at everything he does. Both my kids are like that," Andy continued. "They're like their mother that way, thank god, but people are going to realize he was made for the big screen."
It was a little embarrassing, but it was kind of nice that, even though Julian was currently dating a beautiful girl with a proper job , Andy was still talking Julian up to Noel. Like there was a chance of Noel becoming disenchanted.
"I'm sorry," Dave piped in, "but is Julian actually doing a movie?"
Noel said no. Andy said yes. Noel wanted to punch Julian in the face.
"A big picture, too, with big names! It'll be a real stepping stone for him," Andy explained, beaming with fatherly pride.
It was like a gut wound. Julian had insisted he wasn't going to pursue acting, despite his agent's suggestions; he kept saying that he didn't really want to say other people's words. Noel had never tried to persuade him either way. He wasn't about to be the one to get in Julian's way. All he'd asked was that Julian be honest about his career plans.
Andy dropped the bags he was holding, grabbed Noel by the arm, and physically turned him so they were face to face. "Jules told you about the movie? I know he was worried you'd be upset, but..."
"Yeah! Yeah, course he told me, but he hasn't told anyone else," Noel lied. Andy looked so worried that he couldn't bear to make the older man feel guilty.
"It's not a done deal," Andy explained to Mike, Pete and Dave. "And you know Julian. He always expects the worst. Don't tell him I spilled the beans on his big news. Act surprised when he tells you."
xxx
He tried to keep his tone light, but his eyes were welling up and his voice was cracking. On the other end of the line, Julian was silent.
"Why didn't you tell me?" Noel croaked into the phone. He whispered, lest Andy overhear.
"I'm not going to be in a movie," Julian finally explained. "It's not going to happen. They're going to get a proper actor."
"You are a proper actor, Ju. You're so good." Noel couldn't help but try to comfort Julian. Andy was right: Julian was good at so many things, but he never let himself believe it.
"I was going to tell you. I was just waiting for the right time..."
"We've been together almost non-stop for a month..."
"That's it, yeah?" Julian interrupted. "I didn't want to say something that might... I just wanted to get through Edinburgh before I rocked the boat."
Noel reassured Julian that he was brilliant and handsome, and that of course he wasn't angry. He still wanted to poke Julian's tiny little eyes right out of his head, but he could never resist the urge to coddle his insecure partner. He imagined himself as a 1950's housewife, pressing a perfect crease into her man's trousers and turning a blind eye to the lipstick on his collar - all in the name of maintaining the illusion of living happily ever after.
