Chapter 10

—Bill Kaulitz—

I glanced at Holly from the couch in which I lay. Her gaze was locked on the window, watching the mesmerizing clouds roll by from the view of Tokio Hotel's private jet. She had such a blatant expression of fear and worry, and yet she would tell me everything was fine. She was hiding something—but why?

The brunette girl's friend Christie was sitting on the couch across from me, giggling and conversing with Dimitri. I felt my anger return full force; how could that chick tolerate someone like him? I felt so alone; everyone around me—Holly, Christie, the G's, Tobi, David—saw him as a nice guy with a great personality and a hero that stepped in for Tom. I saw him as a lie, a copycat who only agreed to step in as a replacement for the fame and money that came with being a guitarist of Tokio Hotel.

Scotty, who lay sprawled on top of me, suddenly yelped; I didn't realize my anger had caused me to squeeze my dog's ear painfully.

"Leider, Scotty," I mumbled as I released his floppy ear from my grasp and resumed scratching it.

"We're landing in fifteen minutes," David announced from another room.

I sighed and threw my head back against the arm of my sofa. Almost home…I'm almost home…

Within minutes, the G's gathered all the luggage, and Dimitri went to collect his guitars. Holly knelt beside me in preparation for carrying me out, and Christie came over to see if she could help.

The plane landed and the doors opened. Tobi directed the other band members out first, who lugged bags and suitcases behind them like heavy tails. David grabbed a leash and clipped it to Scotty's collar, leading him out of the plane for me.

"Bill," Holly muttered. "Can you stand up?"

"I can try," I replied. I swung my spindly legs over the side of the couch and slowly pushed myself to a sitting position. My head was pounding painfully and my stomach was churning, but I forced myself to stand up. I pushed up on my legs, which shook violently under my weight, but I dared not take a step. My entire body felt sore and ready to drop, and I grabbed Holly's shoulder for support.

"Looks like he still needs help," Christie observed as she grasped my wrist and slung it over her shoulders. I noticed Holly roll her eyes in mild annoyance as she mimicked her friend with my other arm, and together they dragged me out of the plane and into the limo outside.

"So this is Germany?" Christie asked as we rode down the highway toward Hamburg.

"It sure is," Holly answered. "This place sure brings back memories—shopping with Tokio Hotel, saving half of them from dying…" I could tell she was trying to be funny, but Christie was the only one that laughed.

"Is that true?" Christie suddenly questioned. "Did you really save Georg's life?"

"Yep," Georg replied. "A crazy guy with a gun almost shot me, and she shoved me out of the way."

"And when you helped Gustav through his emotional problems or whatever?" she persisted.

"Yeah," Gustav mumbled shyly. "Times had been tough for me, but she was always by my side. She really helped me open up about the things that have happened to me and taught me to move on."

Holly's friend continued. "Didn't you also save Tom from—"

Christie suddenly cut herself off, her shocked eyes darting around the limo. My stomach flipped, and Holly was glaring at her. The G's just stared dumbfounded, as if unable to believe even Christie could make such a slipup.

"I mean…um…" she stuttered. "Sorry…"

I turned my aching head to stare out the window, trying to concentrate on keeping my food down. My half-digested breakfast started to feel like a bubbly pit of slime just waiting to explode, and I had to stretch myself straight to give my insides more room. As much as I tried to push the nostalgic thoughts away, my head was suddenly littered with images of Tom, and it only made me feel worse. I realized after a while that I was moaning, but I couldn't help it.

"Oh, Gott," Georg mumbled. "Bill isn't going to puke, is he?"

"No," I groaned. "We're almost there…"

The limo dropped me and Scotty off at my house, Holly and Christie following so that they could aid me; Holly helped me inside while Christie helped me with my dog. But the reminiscences only intensified as I set foot on the front porch. My vision was practically blinded with old flashbacks of Tom, and my memory caught every detail—his chocolate-brown eyes, his jet-black cornrows, his glossy lip piercing, his lively smile.

I was wheezing in agony when we made our way inside the house; so many old memories came down on me like a landslide. My Hamburg home was the last place I had seen Tom, and now this once-lively house only filled me with pain. Tears raided my eyes, and my stomach felt like it was on fire. I knew I couldn't take it anymore.

"Into the washroom!" I screamed. "NOW!"

When Holly heard the urgency in my voice, she half-carried-half-flung me into the washroom by the door. I scrambled desperately for the toilet and threw the lid up with a clang. Almost immediately, rancid mouthfuls of liquid eggs and bacon shot out of my mouth; the bathroom was soon filled with the sounds of grunting and splashing, and the acrid smell that my digested food emitted only made me vomit more—eventually my stomach ran out of food and started discarding sour bile.

It took me a while to notice Holly kneeling beside me, but I soon felt her rubbing my bony, withered back with her gentle hand. I remembered this very scenario from a year back—we were on the tour bus, and Tom had just called me off with words harsh enough to weaken my stomach and land me in the washroom for hours leaning over a toilet bowl. Holly was there to rub my back and whisper to me, and I couldn't remember being so comforted in my life.

"This can't go on, Bill," Holly muttered, her voice cracking as she came to the verge of crying.

When I was sure my stomach had returned, I responded. "I'm so sorry you have to see me like this, Holly. But I just can't function properly without Tom—he was everything to me, yet all I had left."

The brunette girl leaned in closer. "What do you mean?"

I sighed; of course I had never told her. "Tom wasn't the first family member I had ever lost, and the tragedy before my brother was hard enough to bear…"