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The air was warmer than expected as they left the hotel and the night-even the New York City night-dark after the bright lights of the lobby. The grey sky that had been looming over them for the better part of the month, though unseen beyond the glare of the city, seemed to have lifted, and taken the bitter cold with it. Castle guided a curious and expectant Beckett out into the night and told the doorman that they would need a cab. Unable to help herself, Beckett crowded into him, as though she might by simply standing closer to him or wrapping her hand around his arm get an indication of what he meant to show her. Castle merely smiled at her, his eyes bright with happy secrets. So she pressed her cheek against the rough wool of his coat at his shoulder and decided to simply wait him out.

Her attention was momentarily diverted from the man at her side when she caught sight of a couple walking past the hotel. They were tall and smartly dressed; he was handsome and she was beautiful and they were laughing with their heads together as they walked, the unknown source of their mirth described in the way they moved together and the ever-lifted curves of their cheeks. They were in love, were exuding it with a force that looked to be strong enough to be physically felt, even by a stranger. At least Beckett felt it, and found herself wondering if she and Castle looked ever looked like that to the strangers they passed on the street..

Probably not, she thought with a sigh. She was momentarily surprised that she could see her breath misting out in front of her, a big cloud that gave away her silent emoting. It drifted away quickly, though, perhaps before Castle would have had a chance to notice it, and Beckett rubbed her cheek against his shoulder again. There was still hope that they might one day give off that kind of joy every time they were seen on the street, and that the strength of Castle's good nature and his optimism might drown out the keening of her own recurring despair.

She didn't notice the cab had arrived until Castle was tugging on her sleeve. Blinking down at him in surprise where his face was peeking out of the back seat at her, she let him help her down into the cab next to him. She had apparently missed him telling the cabbie their destination, and she scooted closer to him on the seat with the intention of finding out. She pressed her thigh against his and slid her fingers between his and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"You going to tell me where we're headed?" she asked softly, the words just a warm gust of breath over his ear, more felt than heard.

"Nope." He grinned and turned into her to take the opportunity to wrap her up in his arms and press his lips against her cheek. She came willingly, for his benefit letting out a tiny sound of annoyance at his denial, and turned to catch his lips with hers. They kissed sweetly, the better moods of the evening still caught around them, and Beckett decided that at this very moment she didn't care where they were headed, but just that they were here together. Castle could feel even now the heaviness in her that had set in so quickly was slipping away. Not gone, no, but lessened by his interruption of her melancholy and by the happiness that had been swirling around them today. The weight was lighter.

A good day, he decided. Not perfect, but so very close, so much better than he would have hoped for if he were anyone but himself. He, of course, being prone to hoping for everything he could think of. Including everything he could think of sharing with the woman beside him. Playfully, he fingered the red ribbon she was still wearing around her waist. He nibbled lightly on her lower lip and gave the fabric a tiny pull. Lowering his voice, nearly whispering, he asked, "So is this my Christmas present?"

Beckett shifted a little closer, but her teasing response was left to go unspoken when she recognized the landmark outside of the cab. "Are we going to Carnegie Hall?" She asked in confusion, leaning over him to look out at the ornate building. Lights glowed warmly beneath ornately wrought arches and the Carnegie flags flapped casually above the wintry crowds and the orphaned bicycles locked up outside and left to rust.

Castle didn't have to answer when the cab moved on, taking a left, and then a right. Beckett, in full detective mode now and with her bearings about her, glanced out the other window at the passing streets.

"Times Square?" she asked with an unimpressed arch of an eyebrow. Castle laughed at her expression and shook his head, pulling her back against him even as she continued to watch the lights pass by outside.

"Not that far. Just wait a second, Detective. Not everything needs detecting."

Beckett muttered under her breath, smiling now. Whatever he had planned, she was enjoying it already, and that was enough. This was enough, him and her and a secret. So she settled a little deeper into his arms, and let the night take them where it would.

It was only a few minutes before the cab was pulling over. Castle looked over at Beckett with barely restrained glee, his fingers gripping her knee in a squeeze that was more excitement than seduction, and she pursed her lips at his childlike affect. He held up a hand for her to wait, got out of the car and ran around so he could open her door for her. And despite the way they'd been holding hands and touching and kissing of late, she was still pleasantly surprised by the warmth of his fingers around hers while he handed her out of the cab.

When she stood up, she wasn't looking at anything special, but Castle used his grip on her hand to turn her in a little circle until she gasped, then smiled up at him with something like wonder.

"I haven't been here in... forever," she murmured with a smile.

It was Rockefeller Center. Just a short walk away from them was the skating rink, and Beckett had a fleeting but strong concern that Castle intended them to go skating. She hadn't been skating in such a very long time and her emotions were on a strange and tremulous thread that left the idea of doing so tonight an utterly overwhelming idea. She wouldn't have been able to express the sensation if she had been asked, but Castle seemed to understand, squeezing her hand and giving a tiny shake of his head.

"No skating. Not tonight, anyway," he corrected with a gleam in his eye, and let her hand go so that he could wrap his arm around her waist and bring her close beside him. "Walk with me, Kate?"

She needn't answer, and soon he was guiding them down toward whatever it was that he had planned. As they approached the rink, the fiery statue of Prometheus gleamed golden in the background and behind it the mighty rise of the Rockefeller Christmas tree. At some ten stories high the tree was the great guardian of the scene, and Beckett felt herself feeling uneasy at the express command of it's presence. Here is Christmas. Celebrate! Be merry!

Beckett tore her eyes away from the tree to find Castle watching her, unreadable. She bit her lip and shook her head at him with a little shrug. Someday soon, she could try to describe what she was thinking in this moment, but the words weren't in her yet. It seemed enough for him that she acknowledged the moment, and he let it go with a sigh. Tightening her fingers around his, Beckett made a forcible effort to be in this moment. Not the one that her years of hiding from the holiday wanted to create, but the one that Castle was trying to offer to her.

"So what was it that you wanted to show me, Castle?"

Castle looked down at her with quiet eyes. He wasn't sure what had just happened, but he knew that she was uncomfortable. It occurred to him to leave. To guide her out of there as quickly as they had come. Perhaps return to the party, or maybe take her to the loft, or a bar, or drop her off home. That maybe, just maybe this wasn't the time to try to explain to her how deeply he felt about Christmas or the hope it manifested inside of him.

But she was still beside him, watching him, trusting him to bring them out of this in one piece, so he took a deep breath and collected the scattered limbs of his thoughts.

"Look at all of these people," he began slowly, his eyes skipping over the crowds moving jerkily over the ice, or gathered ringside to watch, or walking across the way toward the tree. "Look how happy they are. I mean," he reiterated, his eyes suddenly piercing into hers, "really look. Do you see how happy they are?"

A little thrown by the intensity of his words, Beckett looked as he told her to do. There were laughing couples, and families, and kids playing. They were, every one, smiling or laughing or generally joining in the merriment. She nodded, returning his gaze with an expression that she could only hope conveyed her sincerity. "I do," she nodded again. "But, what..." she trailed off, having lost the threads of his thought.

"People aren't usually like this," he continued, apparently satisfied by her answer. "There isn't another time of year when people spend so much time with family, or friends, doing something other than working and running the race." Castle slipped his arms around her waist and drew Beckett back to him so they were both looking out on the scene together. He took the time to press a lingering kiss to her temple before continuing, murmuring into her ear as they watched the skaters and the revelers.

"All of these people, they're happy because they are taking the time to live, now. They are in their Christmas present," Castle was grinning a little at his own pun; she could feel the change in his lips at her ear. "They aren't worried about tomorrow, or what happened last week or last month. And if they do, it's with hope of better things. They're just in this moment. They feel what I feel. It's a kind of magic out here, and it doesn't just happen at Rockefeller Center, but it does only happens at Christmas time."

Beckett twisted in his arms so she could stay leaning back against him while still catching a glimpse of his face. That same fierce seriousness was there, but also the joy and the mirth he was describing. Smiling at the contradiction, she pressed the palm of her hand against the barest scratch of stubble on his cheek, unable to prevent the smile from forming on her lips.

"You take happiness very seriously," she teased, but his eyes flicked back down to her with a sharpness she wasn't expecting.

His arms tightened around her waist, and he seemed to hesitate before diving in to his response. "I didn't always. I was always happy, I always felt these things at this time of year, especially after Alexis was born. But knowing you, knowing what happened to you and all you've had to go through... That makes me appreciate it even more. There's something to be said for seeing the alternative."

Beckett felt a stunned retort form and melt off of her tongue before she had a chance to voice it. It was too much, but also perfect. So instead, she chose to grin at him, the quick flash of her teeth a startling contrast to the somber conversation thus far. "And you've shown me the alternative, Castle."

Castle's eyes crinkled almost completely shut at that, his cheeks lifting into a closed-mouth smile that he scraped against her cheek, holding her close in a moment of perfect understanding. "Good," he said simply.

Beckett disentangled herself from him and linked their hands. "Let's walk, Castle."

They wound their way around the rink and up by the tree, somehow not so intimidating now. As Beckett let herself laugh at something Castle said, her face turned into his chest to help muffle the sound, she could see how now, maybe, they would be the kind of couple a stranger might think was in love. At that thought, her laughter died away and she kept her smile pressed against him, her cheeks suddenly hot with surprise. But she found the courage to pull back and meet his eye as they walked, knowing that he could see the depth of her emotion in her face.

"I worry about us, Castle," she said suddenly, the declaration popping out of her mouth and surprising them both.

Castle looked down at her with a question in his eyes and in the furrow of his brow, but he didn't speak, for which she was grateful.

"I mean, I worry about you." His eyes widened, and she shook her head. "I'm not very good at this," she muttered, swinging their hands and admiring the way they sidestepped a few errant children in unison. Always so in sync.

"No one is," Castle replied, sympathetic understanding on his face, even as she could see that he was making an effort not to pester her. What do you mean? What do you mean?

"You have so much joy in you, Castle. And lately you've been helping me to experience that. But what if some day, instead, you have to feel some of what I usually... some of my... well." She came to an abrupt halt, both verbally and physically, so that the crowds around the couple had to part and alter course to avoid crashing into them.

But Castle, he smiled. His head tilted and he nodded at her as understanding finally dawned. She thought that she could ruin his Christmas spirit. Linking their arms again, he started them walking, with a new destination in mind. "Even if I feel some of that, Kate, it'll be something we share and fight together. It could never actually overwhelm the magic I usually feel here." He swung a hand out to gesture around them, though she knew he didn't mean just here, at the skating rink.

"Besides," he said with a returning bravado, "what have I told you about living in the moment. Don't you worry about the ghosts of our Christmas futures. Or rather, the ghosts of our Christmas future. Singular. Because, Kate," he was striding along at a good clip now, only reigned in by the limitations of the heels she was wearing, "there is only one future for us, together. Not two futures, separately."

She grinned at the simple, factual way he said it. No doubt, ever. Just them, in the future, having Christmas together. Having a life together, full of all sorts of things. "Where are we going now?" she asked as they began to leave the Christmas tree, and with it much of the crowd, behind them.

"One more thing to show you," he said. "An old favorite spot of mine, at any time of year."

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A/N: Thanks for reading! I GREATLY appreciate every review, fav, follow on this story. Thank you! Pretty sleepy while doing the final read-through on this, so just ignore any mistakes, por favor? Or point and laugh, whatever suits you. :)