Word For Thought:
Another Chapter! Hooray!
Thank you to all. For everything. :)
Music credit to Flo Roda () and Adele.
I own nothing.
Enjoy.
Two weeks and 1 day.
That's how long Quinn had lasted without having to make any actual contact with Puck. Every other day while she was at cheerios practice he would stop by the house and visit Beth, dedicating some time to her amongst the mess that her parents had created. She missed him, very much so. Her body ached for his touch and the feeling of his breath against her neck as they fell asleep in each other's arms. She missed his dumb jokes too, but that was something she would never admit. She missed him but missing someone wasn't enough reason to forget. He had walked out on her and despite it all, she couldn't forgive him for that yet.
Prom was coming up in a week and her dress still hung in the back of her closet. Her ticket had already been purchased and there was no chance she could talk her way out of going. Ms. Sylvester, deciding to be coordinator this year, planned to make this year's prom one for the books. From what she could make out during Cheerios practice, confetti cannons had been rented and hundreds had been spent on Christmas lights alone. She twirled a lock of hair around her finger, completely tired of the discussion that was being carried out in AP English.
Prom.
The topic alone made her stomach churn. What the hell was she going to do?
Her mother had tried convincing her last night that prom was a right of passage every high school senior had to experience and what with her being nominated for prom queen (something entirely unexpected and last minute) she owed it to all those who planned to vote for her to make an appearance. Quinn had laughed, telling her mother she wasn't some sort of celebrity her fellow peers were dying to see and in truth, she knew many girls on the cheerios were dying to make a move on Puck and she really wasn't in the mood to see them hanging off him the entire night. Maybe she would take Beth to the carnival in town that weekend and ride a couple rides together.
Her mother didn't approve.
Now she was left with the hardest choice yet.
Should she go alone or take a date?
Something inside her felt unsettled at the thought of taking another guy to prom; an event that should have been spent dancing with Puck. Puck might have walked out on her and said some things he didn't mean but her going with another man would have been hypocritical of her she assumed. If she wasn't willing to let him date and see other women she had to do the same and stay away from guys.
Or did she?
She shook her head discretely, clearing her mind of all thoughts having to do with Puck just in time to hear the teacher announce a class activity.
'Now, I want you all to pair up with someone you have never worked with before. I urge you to find someone on the opposite side of the room. Introduce yourselves and get to work. By the end of class I want a 2 minute speech prepared for every couple telling us what the poem we just read meant to them.'
With a scoff, Quinn gathered her binder and textbook preparing to walk towards the opposite side of the room when she felt someone take a seat next to her, clutching her hand and pulling her down beside them.
'Hey. Quinn right? I'm Jackson. We're in AP Econ together?'
Quinn looked down at the guy sitting beside her, her stomach fluttering slightly at the sight of him. His striking blue eyes caught her off guard, as did the smirk on his face at her obvious reaction to his presence. She had spoken to him before, a handful of times she was sure. He was captain of the lacrosse team and she was sure she had yelled at him more times than she would care to remember during cheerios practice for practicing on their part of the field.
'Work with me?'
Taking a second to gather herself, she offered him a warm smile before sinking down into her seat once again.
'I'd love to.'
'I don't know if you know this or not but I've always thought you were really beautiful.'
Quinn smirked, turning her face ever so slightly way from Jackson to keep him from seeing the sudden burn of her cheeks.
'You don't have to say that I'm like, hot or anything. Just thought I would let you know what I think about you.'
'Is this your way of flirting with me?'
'Is it working?'
Quinn laughed softly, amused to no end at Jackson's antics.
'You know, realizing that I have a baby is quite a turn off to guys.'
'If she looks anything like you then she must be gorgeous.'
Turning in her chair slightly to face him, Quinn raised both hands as a form of surrender.
'Okay, look. You're cute. You are. But you don't even know me. You know nothing about me. I don't want to be some sort of like, party pooper or anything but where are you heading with this?'
Jackson laughed, ducking his head slightly in embarrassment before looking up at her with his ocean blue eyes, a pout on his lips.
'Word on the street is that you and Puckerman are over. I heard you are having some issues and I couldn't help but notice that you are captain of the cheerios and a contestant for Prom Queen so your appearance at prom is basically mandatory. You have your ticket; Becky Jackson let that little detail slip. What do you say about going with me, huh? We can catch dinner before, dance a bit…'
Puck's face immediately popped into her head. She pictured him at the bottom of her mother's staircase, looking up at her with a tender smile and a bouquet of flowers in one hand, dressed sharply in a tuxedo. She could feel her face drop, her heart aching briefly before taking a deep breath and smiling brightly at Jackson.
'I'd love to accompany you to prom.'
'Oh, Quinnie! You look absolutely beautiful!'
'You don't think it's too much? I mean, are you sure it looks okay? What do you think Beth?'
Judy giggled softly, bouncing Beth in one arm before shaking her head, a bright smile on her face.
'Quinn, you look wonderful. I'm so proud of the woman you've become Quinn. You are so beautiful.'
Placing Beth down on the floor, she walked over to Quinn, caressing her cheek tenderly.
The doorbell rang, interrupting the moment before mother and daughter.
Judy squealed loudly, throwing her arms in the arms in the air as she made her way down the stairs, 'He's here, Quinn! He's here!'
Opening the door, she smiled widely at Jackson. Part of her was disappointed that Quinn and Puck had not worked through things in time for prom but she knew that Quinn needed to come to the decision on her own and if exploring her options was her way of dealing, she would have to respect it.
'Good evening Ma'am,' Jackson said, bowing and placing a gentle kiss on her hand. 'You must be Quinn's mother, although I have to admit if I didn't know better I'd think you were here sister'
Judy waved him off, blushing slightly as she ushered him into the sitting area.
'Make yourself comfortable, I'll go let Quinn know you are here.' She said with a smile, walking up the stairs to gather Quinn.
The drive to prom was loud.
Music blasted through the speakers of the party bus as couples chatted excitedly.
'You look absolutely stunning, Quinn. Truly beautiful.' Jackson whispered into Quinn's ear, caressing her hand tenderly with him thumb.
Quinn smiled, feeling her cheeks redden.
'Thank you. You look great as well.'
Jackson chuckled, wrapping his arm around her and leaning back against his seat.
'Loosen up beautiful, tonight will be amazing. I can promise you that.'
They danced. A lot.
Quinn was almost positive her feet were numb halfway into the night. There was not a song that Jackson didn't enjoy and if he was dancing, that sure as hell meant she was dancing right along side him.
'Hey I heard you were a wild one
Oooh
If I took you home
It'd be a home run
Show me how you'll do
I want to shut down the club
With you
Hey I heard you like the wild ones
Oooh'
Jackson's hands were placing strategically on her hips, guiding her body to rhythm of the music. She could feel his warm breath on her neck and despite knowing that she should be enjoying this moment, dancing here with a charming guy on the night of her prom, she couldn't help but think this was all wrong. Only one guy had ever really touched her in the way Jackson did and she had yet to run into him. Swaying her hips side to side, she turned around, facing Jackson and smiled up at him. She wrapped her arms around his neck, leaning in close to whisper into his ear.
'I'm going to take a quick break…'
'What!' Jackson shouted, not able to hear her properly over the music that blasted throughout the hall.
'I'm going to go sit down for a bit!'
Pouting at her dramatically, he offered her a warm smile as he squeezed her arm before seeing her go, 'Go for it! I'll be here!'
'Quinn! Come over here really quick!'
Turning around Quinn found Kurt and Blaine chatting happily with Mercedes and Sam.
Walking over, she greeted them all happily before taking a seat on Blaine's lap.
'Don't you all look dashing!'
'Oh please, honey, have you seen yourself properly! You're exquisite!' Kurt spoke, entirely captivated by Quinn's gorgeous pale peach lace gown. 'Where did you even find this? It's beautiful!'
Laughing, Quinn shrugged her shoulders. 'A woman never spills her secrets!'
They caught up for a moment longer, the group assuring her they had cast their votes in her favor and were positive by the end of the night she would be leaving the hall with a crown placed deservingly on her blonde head. She wasn't so sure.
'Have you seen him?' Mercedes asked her quietly, trying not to get the attention of the men around her.
Quinn shook her head, looking off at the dance floor where couples had begun to dance a slow dance together. Was Jackson dancing too? Looking around the room, she caught sight of him laughing along with his lacrosse friends at a table not far from the one she currently she found herself and she breathed a silent sigh of relief before looking back at Mercedes.
'No, I haven't. I'm not sure if I want to see him either.'
'I think we both know that deep down you want to. Senior prom was always supposed to be a night spent together, don't you remember?'
Sighing somberly, Quinn only offered a small nod before standing up, kissing Blaine and Kurt softly on the cheek.
'I'm going to go sit down at my table for a bit. I'll come find you guys later okay?'
Music continued to play loudly, a slow song starting. Couples gathered on the dance floor, holding each other tightly as they swayed to the music but Quinn didn't bother to see any of it. She walked over to her table, taking a long sip of water from a bottle of water that she had left behind, lost in her thoughts. These past few weeks were not at all what she had expected her last days of high school to be like.
"When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love"
Taking out her mirror from her clutch, she did a quick touch up and sighed at her reflection. Part of her regretted ever coming to prom with Jackson. He was a charmer but if she was being honest with herself, she only wanted him on her arm as a way of getting back at Puck and that had backfired. Rather than showing him off to make Puck suffer, she only made herself hurt. It didn't feel right walking into the massive ballroom along side him, greeting all of his lacrosse friends and joining them at their table.
She belonged along side Puck, arm in arm smiling and making the most of one of the most significant nights in their high school experience. She placed the mirror back inside her clutch, about to place it on the chair beside her when a hand reached for her own. She immediately recognized the touch. She had grown so used to feeling these hands within her own.
'You don't need to look in the mirror. You always look beautiful.'
"When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love"
She swallowed, her heart racing inside her chest.
'Thank you.' Her voice was barely above a whisper.
'Do you want to take a walk? Get out of here, talk maybe?'
She looked up at him, suddenly taken aback by his attire. He was dressed in an all black tux, his Mohawk trimmed and styled neatly. Glancing down at her hands, she nodded softly, not trusting herself to speak. He extended a hand towards her, helping her up and placed a hand on her lower back as he guided her outside towards their candle lit canopy.
Lights adorned the trees around them, beautiful white lanterns hanging from the tent above. Quinn rested her head against Puck's chest, her arms around his neck as she they swayed to the rhythm of the music. She was going to make the most of this before the words they inevitably had to share ruined it.
The soft breeze felt cool against her skin, in contrast to Puck's warm hands on her lower back. Lights twinkled above them like some sort of fairytale, everything just the way she had always dreamed it would be. She nuzzled her head closer against Puck's neck, tears coming to her eyes.
Neither spoke as they swayed together, taking in the moment.
'I owe you an apology Quinn. I don't even know how I can ever make it up to you…'
Quinn shook her head against chest, tears falling freely down her cheeks.
'No, I do. I should have never said what I said to you. I was stupid.'
Quinn scoffed softly, not removing her head from the spot against his chest.
Puck stayed quiet for a moment longer before pulling back and looking at her.
'I'm sorry I hurt you. I never…'
His voice cracked slightly and he released his hold of her, walking towards a bench that sat in the middle of a lit garden, mentioning for her to join him.
She knew she shouldn't give in so easily. She couldn't go back on her word. She swore she wouldn't forgive him so easily but something deep inside her was pulling at her, telling her to follow him and so she did.
Taking a seat beside him, she waited for him to speak. Minutes passed before he spoke.
'I was scared.' He said softly, barely above a whisper.
'Everything was happening so fast. We were doing so great. I…I mean, I even asked you to marry me. I don't know what happened.'
Quinn remained silent, unsure of what to say.
'If I'm being completely honest with myself, Finn didn't really have anything to do with the shit I pulled on you.'
He looked up at her; taking in every delicate feature on her face as if it was the first time he had ever seen her.
'I was scared I was going to ruin everything. I was scared our life would be too perfect and I would screw it up. You have all these amazing things ahead of you Quinn and I would never forgive myself if I ruined it for you by being some deadbeat.'
'You wouldn't have been a deadbeat.' She said softly, looking down at her lap.
'You say that now Quinn but how do you know for sure? I don't even know what I want to do with my life.'
'I would have supported you. I meant it when I said I would always be here for you Puck.'
'No, I know that. I just…'
'You're not the only one that's lost. You aren't the first person who doesn't know what they want to do with their life.'
Puck said nothing.
'I told you I was willing to help you. Just because you don't start school now doesn't mean you won't have a future. Plenty of people take time off. What's important is that you do it eventually. That you don't just say you will and spend the rest of your life regretting never having done a thing.'
'I know that. I just didn't want you to have to put up with me and…'
Quinn sighed, suddenly angry.
'You don't get it do you? I'm here for you! I'm not with you out of sympathy, Puck!'
Tears filled her eyes again and she brushed them away, praying that her makeup wasn't entirely ruined.
'I am with you because I love you. I told you the night we brought Beth home that I loved you. I meant it. I was a fool to think then that you were nothing more than a guy who got me pregnant. I realized that then and since then I've been trying to prove that to you. We were doing so great Puck. For the first time in a long time I thought that maybe our lives would really work out for the better. That we would both make it out of here and start our futures together, whatever they may be.'
She sighed, taking a seat next to him again.
'I want to forgive you, Puck. So much. But I just can't. I'm not there yet.'
Puck hung his head, nodding in acknowledgement at the words she spoke. He could feel his chest tightening, his hope of making it right with her slowly slipping through his fingers.
'You said a lot of things. I don't know what you meant or what you said out of spite but you can't take them back. I didn't ask for this life, Puck. As much as I love Beth never in a million years would I have ever dreamt of being a teenage mother, but it happened. Now there is nothing in this world that could ever make me turn my back on her and wish my life were different. If she doesn't have us, she doesn't have anyone, Puck. As her mother I need to protect her.'
Silent tears ran down Puck's face and she knew that despite his lack of response to her words, he was listening to every word she said.
'I remember the night we brought her home. I was so scared. I thought I would end up doing something wrong and the hospital would take her from me. Part of me was still wrapping my head around the fact that I had had a baby at all. I remember holding her in my arms and I realized that I…that we were all she had in the world. She might have my mother and the glee club but she came from us and no one would ever treat her the way we would and it was my responsibility, through thick and thin to stand by her and do what was always best for her. Being with you and being a family is what is best for her. I knew it then and I know it now but we can't do it alone. We need you to realize that too.'
Puck looked up, opening his mouth to say something when an out of breath Kurt interrupted the moment, his hair in complete disarray.
'Quinn! Oh, thank God I found you! We've been looking for you! They are about to announce prom queen! Hurry up!'
Quinn nodded, standing up quickly. She turned back towards Puck who roughly brushed his face with both hands to remove any trace of tears or evidence that could be held against him in the future.
Reaching down to take both his hands in her grasp, Quinn placed a delicate kiss on his cheek before straightening out. 'Once you realize how great you can be, we can start again.'
With that she turned around, linking arms with Kurt as they rushed back inside. From Puck's spot on the bench he could hear Kurt chastising Quinn for her ruined eye make up and her low giggles. He sat there for a moment. He knew she was right. She was always right but now he had to prove to her that he could be what she needed him to be.
But how?
'Welcome to William McKinley High School's prom extravaganza!' Principal Figgins announced to the rambunctious crowd of high school seniors and juniors.
Quinn stood up on the stage, fidgeting in her spot along side Olivia Hymowitz, a fellow cheerio whom she had never really gotten along well with. The bright lights of the ballroom all focused on the prom court nominees, creating a shield of light between her and the crowd. From her spot she could make out an anxious Santana, holding Britney's arm tightly in her own as both offered her encouraging smiles. She smiled back at them before turning back to Principal Figgins, her heart beating loudly in her chest.
She knew in the long run winning prom queen wouldn't mean much but if she won the failures of the last few weeks wouldn't sting as bad.
'I would like you introduce to all of you your 2012 Prom Court! On the left we have…'
She couldn't hear a thing. Everything had faded into background noise as she glanced up, the lights shining so bright her eyes watered slightly. Deep down she knew she had a good chance of losing. She might have been the Cheerios captain, leading them to nationals 3 of her 4 years but she knew deep down no one really cared for her other than those in glee club. Her fellow cheerios envied her status and relationship with one Noah Puckerman. The rest of her McKinley High female peers envied everything else about her. If she really thought about it, her chances were slim. As it was she was running without a mate. Puck had refused to be dragged into what he thought to be a pathetic excuse to prove to everyone just how popular they really were. He didn't need a dumb crown to prove anything to anyone. He was a grade -A badass. EVERYONE knew it. Who would really vote for her? With everything happening within the past few weeks she had hardly dedicated sufficient time to winning the people's vote. She sighed, inwardly admitting defeat.
'This won't mean anything in the future, Quinn. Who cares if you don't win prom queen? You have so much more ahead of you. You're better than this dumb high school act…'
She laughed softly to herself, not believing a word she said. Who was she kidding? Senior Prom Queen had been her dream, as her mother's and it would hurt like hell if she didn't win.
'Children!' Figgins shouted into the microphone, waving an off-white envelope in the air before taking a deep breath.
'Your 2012 William McKinley High School Prom Queen is….'
She closed her eyes, her heart racing. She took a deep breath, ignoring the sudden urge she had to cry.
Put on a brave face Fabray, who cares if you don't win.
She faced the audience, her smile never faltering.
'...Quinn Fabray!'
