Previously…

"Edward," she whispered, and I froze, thinking that she had woken. But she slept on, a smile on her lips, and I relaxed again. But then she started mumbling things again in her sleep, and I listened closely. "No, Edward, babe is too common. You can't call me that," she muttered, "or darling. That's so old-fashioned."

I felt a smile lift the corners of my lips. She was dreaming about me.

But then the small smile on her face fell away and she thrashed around violently in her sleep, suddenly letting out an anguished and incomprehensible shriek.

Terrified that her cries would cause her father to run in panicking, I acted without thinking it through.

I took a hold of her shoulders and shook her awake.

~FOM~

Seems like just yesterday you were a part of me

I used to stand so tall I used to be so strong

Your arms around me tight, everything it felt so right

Unbreakable like nothing could go wrong

Now I can't breathe, no I can't sleep

I'm barely hanging on

-Behind These Hazel Eyes, Kelly Clarkson

Foundation of Memories

Chapter 11 – The Study of a Girl Named Bella

Bella POV

As soon as Edward disappeared into his own bedroom, I turned my face into my pillow and let the tears that had been threatening to overtake me for a while flood from my eyes. There was an ache in my chest so strong that I was sure that I must have been dying. Or something.

As soon as he had said 'I want to be friends with you', my heart had broken in two. What had happened to 'I really like you Bella. As… as more than a friend'? I remembered that night in the meadow, when he had told me how much he loved me. And now he was back to 'just friends'. It wasn't that I hadn't expected as much, but it killed me to have my suspicions confirmed. What, would it take me another seventeen years to get back to that stage?

I was exhausted. Sleep threatened to take over at any second, so I kicked off my jeans and changed into a tank top to sleep in and then hid under my duvet cover. I knew that Charlie wouldn't be looking in any time soon since I had had dinner with Jacob and he had called for a pizza with chillies on- knowing that I detested chillies and taking the advantage of me not being there so that he could have them.

I felt awful as I drifted off to sleep. I had been a cow to my very best friend when he needed me most. He hadn't deserved that at all. But what was done was done, and what had been said had been said, and it was too late to take it back now. I'd just have to live with my own mistakes.

Finally, sleep dragged me under. But, of course, I had a nightmare. The very same one I had been having on and off for weeks now. The very same one that broke off another piece of my heart every time I dreamt it…

Edward and I were walking through the forest, heading in the opposite direction from our meadow. There were huge smiles on both of our faces and my laughter echoed off of the trees.

He caught me as I stumbled over a tree-root. "Careful, babe." He smirked at me.

I pulled a face. "No, Edward, babe is too common. You can't call me that; or darling. That's so old-fashioned."

"Will you settle for anything?" he asked as his car came into view.

I shook my head. Then, as Edward opened my door for me, I pursed my lips. "Actually… how about Bella?"

"Bella?" He quirked a brow at me playfully. Then, he glanced over my shoulder and his eyes widened.

Instinctively, I glanced over my shoulder as well, in time to see a van speeding right at us. It took less than a second to register in my head that the van was going to collide with Edward's car… and I was standing right in between them. I drew in a shocked breath, frozen to the spot with fear. Then it all happened so fast.

I felt someone pull me from behind; Edward. He threw me aside and I hit a tree trunk with such force that I was winded. But that wasn't what was at the front of my mind. As my breath whooshed out of my chest, there was an ear-splitting screech and a loud crash.

"Bella!"

I gasped as my eyes shot open to meet a pair of stunningly beautiful green ones. I sighed with relief and fell into him, wrapping my arms around his neck and burying my head in his shoulder, feeling the tears begin to fall. "Edward… I had such a horrible dream… it was so… real…" I trailed off.

He didn't respond for a long time. Then, his arms came up and he patted my back awkwardly.

I tilted my head to look at his face and saw that he looked just as awkward. Suddenly, ice shot through my veins as I remembered. The dream had been real. The dream had happened. Edward didn't know who I was.

I flushed and pushed away from him, curling my arms around my knees and looking up at his face. He looked almost… guilty? I glanced over at the clock, which read twenty minutes past one, and then back at him. Slowly, everything came back to me. "What are you doing here?" My words came out sharper than I intended them, though that was probably because his words from earlier that day were ringing in my ears: you are the freaking definition of hypocrisy. I clenched my fists and looked away.

Edward sighed, and then whispered, "I'm sorry."

I shrugged. "Yeah, well…" I looked back at him then and realised that I couldn't even pretend to be like that. I couldn't pretend that he meant nothing to me so that it wouldn't hurt anymore. That happened so often in books and films and stories. The heroine was strong enough to pretend that there were no feelings involved, sensible enough to know that the hurt they'd suffer by doing that would be much better than the hurt they'd suffer if they didn't. I wasn't that strong. I felt tears spring to my eyes but I held them back, reaching around Edward's neck again and hugging him. "I'm sorry," I whispered, "for everything."

He didn't hesitate this time, just climbed up onto the bed beside me and took me into his arms properly. Just as we used to do when we knew each other; when this confusing relationship wasn't one-sided. "Bella…" he said quietly.

"Edward." I reached up and buried my fingers in the hair at the bottom of his neck, gripping him tightly. "I wish…" I trailed off.

"You wish?"

I took a deep breath and then let it all out. All of the words that I had been longing to say for weeks. "I wish that we had stayed in the meadow for just five minutes more. I wish I had made you stay there with me. I wish that you didn't care so much about me getting sick. I wish that I had never agreed to come with you. I wish I had gone with Jake instead to some stupid Mexican restaurant." The tears had overflowed now and were rushing down my cheeks like hot salty waterfalls.

Edward was silent for a moment but then he lifted his thumb and tried to brush away the tears; it didn't work. "But you don't like spicy food," he murmured.

I opened my mouth to respond, but then I froze. It took me a second to remember how to control my body but then I looked up at him. "How did you know that?"

He blinked and then realisation swept over his face. "I… I don't know. I just… knew?"

I couldn't stop my lips from curving upwards slightly.

"Bella, look. I know that… I know that I don't remember you as such, but it's all here." He tapped his head. "I just have to find it."

I sighed and relaxed back in his arms, pressing my back flush against his chest. We sat in silence for a long moment, his arms wrapped around my body, my hands gripping his tightly.

"I'm sorry about earlier," I said quietly once I had gathered my thoughts. "You just… you said something and it…" I sighed. "Sometimes I forget that you're not the same person, not really."

He opened his mouth and I knew that he was about to deny being any different, but then he shut it again, knowing that he couldn't say that he was the same person when he didn't know who he had been before. "What… what was I like, then?" he asked curiously.

"Um…" I played nervously with his fingers, unclasping his hand from the tight fist that it was in and spreading out his fingers. "You were… very funny, always cracking jokes, always there with a great comeback for anything anyone said." I rolled my eyes. "You got into trouble for it sometimes. Actually, you got into trouble for it quite a lot." I laughed as I remembered. "You were very sarcastic, and sometimes a little stupid. Kinda careless- you didn't worry enough, but that was okay because I worry enough for two.

"You always got on Alice's nerves; you practically lived to wind her up when you were both younger. When you got older, you got a bit better but you still pissed her off every now and then." I snorted at the understatement. "You were very close though. Very close. You were close to Emmett as well, but I think Alice was the favourite- she was the baby.

"You could be very sweet though. Especially when it was just us. You had the most amazing sweet side, very caring and thoughtful and… lovely." I sighed wistfully. "You took care of me. Even Charlie – my Dad – trusted you to look after me; and he's protective. You were protective too." I rolled my eyes. "If any guy so much as looked at me at school, you'd go all tense and take my hand and tell me that the interested guy was a cruel bastard who wouldn't treat me right. It didn't matter, though. I wasn't interested in any of them; I preferred…" I caught myself, remembering that Edward was the one listening just as I was about to reveal how obsessed with him I was. I looked up to see that he was staring at me with an intensity so strong that it almost made me shiver. "What?"

He bit his lip and looked away. "I'm sorry. That I can't be him."

His words made my heart ache for him. I reached up and grabbed his chin, turning his head so that he was facing me. "Edward. You're still the same person. You're not that different."

He scoffed. "Yeah, I'm exactly the same. I called you a hypocrite; so much for warning you away from cruel bastards."

"You're not like that!" I exclaimed, pushing myself up so that I wasn't slouching. "Edward Cullen, why would you say that?"

"I made you cry," he whispered, knotting his fingers together.

"I started it," I pointed out, remembering how I had freaked out just because he had said he wanted to be friends. How was he to know that I wanted to be so much more?

"But I shouldn't have said that…"

"Edward," I cut him off. "Everyone says things that they don't mean. Don't beat yourself up about it. I won't let you."

A warm smile lit his face. "You know… I think I was lucky to have a friend like you."

I smiled too, glowing at his words. "Edward, I'll always be your friend. No matter what happens."

He parted his hands and then reached one hand across himself to take one of mine. Then he squeezed it gently. "I wish I knew you better."

"Ah, but then you'd find out how annoying I am. You'd know all of my irritating habits." It was easier to joke about it than point out that he had known me better than I had known myself.

"Well… do you want to tell me any of your irritating habits?" he asked casually.

I stared at him in disbelief.

He looked up to meet my gaze. "What?"

"Er… no." I laughed, whacking him playfully. "I'm ecstatic about you being under the misapprehension that I'm perfect."

He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "Hmm. Fault number one- you use long and confusing words."

My brow furrowed. "Perfect?"

"Misapprehension and ecstatic," he told me.

I rolled my eyes. "They're not confusing. And ecstatic is only… eight letters."

"Do you have a pen and piece of paper?" Edward asked then, completely out of the blue.

"Yes," I replied slowly. "Why?"

"Can I borrow them?"

I pulled open the drawer of my bedside desk and handed him a pen and notebook. He opened it to a random, blank page and proceeded to write. With my brow furrowed in confusion, I rested my head on his shoulder and read the words as he wrote them. He had scrawled a title: The Study of a Girl Named Bella. Very funny, Cullen. And he continued to write in bullet points. I rolled my eyes but waited for him to finish before reading it aloud. "'The subject in question uses too many long and confusing words and is apparently unaware of said fault. She is also tactless as she uses these long words without even having the decency to check that there is no one within hearing distance who has '," I quoted, laughing. "What the fuck Edward?"

He shrugged. "It's true. I could have hippo…what-the-hell-ever."

I glared at him. "You do not have a fear of long words; I know that for sure. And you spelt it wrong by the way," I said. I pointed to a place in the word. "There's only one 'p' there."

With a resigned sigh, he crossed one of the 'p's out and then proceeded to add 'know-it-all' and 'picky' to his list.

I scowled. "Gimme that." I snatched the notebook from him and wrote 'intelligent' in capital letters underneath.

He took it back and added 'arrogant' to his list.

I huffed and crossed my arms.

'Stroppy' went down too.

"Oh for goodness sake," I sighed. "Is there anything I can do that won't result in another negative point?"

Edward just wrote 'nosey' on his list and smirked at me.

Two could play at that game.

I bent down and grabbed another pen and notebook from my drawer, writing The Study of a Boy Named Edward at the top of my page. Underneath the title, I scrawled 'obnoxious, annoying, bad speller, and obviously is a hypochondriac.'

"What's a hypochondriac?" Edward questioned.

"Someone who thinks that they have a host of illnesses that they actually don't. Like you thinking that you have a fear of long words," I replied, while simultaneously adding 'limited medical knowledge' to my list.

Edward wrote 'limited general knowledge' on his list.

I added 'forgetful' to mine.

He snorted and wrote 'unsensitive'.

"It's insensitive," I corrected automatically, writing 'stupid'.

"Okay, this is stupid," he said suddenly. He turned a page. "So we've got the negatives. Let's do positives."

"That's not fair!" I pointed out. "I know loads of good things about you, but you barely know me!"

He shrugged. "I'm sure I can come up with something. Plus, you also knew more bad things about me."

I turned a page too, not wanting to admit that he was honestly pretty faultless in my opinion. Hell, even his annoying habits were endearing in my eyes! I tapped my pen against the top of my notebook for a second, wondering what to put, and then I noticed that Edward was scribbling away. I leant forward to see what kind of things he was putting, but he drew back, hiding his list from my sight.

"Uh uh," he told me. "No peeking."

"Fine." I tapped my pen a few more times and then started to write my list.

Edward is… kind. Funny. No, hilarious. Sensitive and caring. Selfless and modest and a brilliant listener. He's really smart, sometimes coming out with things that I never would have even thought of. He's possessive, which some people might see as a bad thing, but I think it's sweet. He's fun to be with and one of the only people I can fully relax around and just be myself. Nothing seems forced with Edward- ever. He's not pretentious or tenacious or stupid or dishonest. He's loyal and trustworthy. He's good at bringing the best out in people, including myself, and he always knows how to make me feel better. He has some crazy sex-hair that I can see coming from miles off and the most amazing eyes that entrance me. He knows me better than I know myself and he's my very best friend. I just wish that he had stuck around a bit longer to become more.

By the time I was finished, tears were running down my cheeks. Because I knew that the Edward I was describing was the old Edward. The new Edward didn't know me better than I knew myself; he barely knew me at all. I looked up at him to see him watching me with wary eyes.

"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.

I clutched the notebook to my chest, not wanting him to see what I had put, and nodded. "I'm fine," I whispered, wiping away the tears.

"You're not gonna let me see that, are you?" He sounded sad.

I shook my head.

"Okay." He shut his notebook and threw it down on the floor. Then he got off of my bed and headed toward the window.

"Edward, wait!" I stopped him, not wanting him to leave.

He flopped into the chair by the window. "Yeah?"

I realised that he hadn't been leaving at all; he had just been going to the chair. I slipped off of the bed too, and went and perched on his lap, draping my arms around his neck and pressing my face into the hollow between his neck and shoulder. "I thought you were mad at me," I whispered.

I felt him smile against my cheek and his arms came around me, holding me. "Never."

We sat there for a long time, just holding each other. I remembered times when we had slept through the whole night holding each other in my bed, and I hoped that maybe this was the first step back to that.

After a while, though, Edward broke the silence with a whisper. "Can I ask you something?"

"Go ahead."

"Actually, I have two questions… well, one question and a favour…"

I hid my lazy grin in his shoulder. "Just spit it out."

"When you fell asleep in my bedroom a while ago and I brought you back home." He paused, and I wondered if he was waiting for an acknowledgement. I was about to respond, when he continued. "Your Dad said that… that I saved your life. That night when I… lost my memory. What… what happened? And… why did I do that? How did I do that?"

I was frozen in his arms, reliving my dream and that moment. The nightmare that had become real.

Edward seemed to gather that I was tense. "It's okay. You don't have to…"

"You pushed me out of the way," I answered with no emotion, cutting him off. I shut my eyes and shivered as I saw it all happen behind my eyelids. "I was in between the cars – yours and the one that was coming. I had my back to the other car, but you could see it coming. I heard it… and I turned round. I saw it and then…" My brow furrowed. "Everything went so fast. I was there and then… then I wasn't. And then there was a noise… a horrible screeching noise and…" I took a deep breath. "You screamed. No… no you didn't… I screamed. I was screaming your name…" My eyes flickered open but I narrowed them, staring at the curtain without seeing it. "A lot. And then I found you… and there was blood…" My voice was a hoarse whisper. "Blood everywhere." My voice broke then, and I whimpered as the memory pulled at my heartstrings.

Edward's arms squeezed me tighter. "I'm sorry."

My whole body was shaking now. "You did, though. If that had been me there… I probably would have died." I felt fresh tears sting my eyes as I realised why he had done it. He had loved me too much to let that happen to me. So he had sacrificed himself, and this had happened instead. I couldn't decide which was worse.

I changed the subject. "What was the favour you wanted to ask?"

He sighed. "Well. You know I came to watch you and Jake… skating the other day?"

"Yes." Surprise coloured my tone; Edward had never taken any interest in my skating before. In fact, he had loathed it.

"I was wondering if… if you'd teach me?"

I pushed back and looked up at his face, certain that he was pulling my leg. "To skate?"

"Yes."

I thought for a second. Teach Edward to skate. But… that would be so… there wasn't a word. I pushed off of his lap and said, "No! I can't… it's not… ugh! Don't do this to me!"

"Do what?" he asked, confused.

"But you hate ice skating!" I wailed as quietly as I could, remembering that Charlie was asleep in the next room.

"I do?"

"Yes!" I sighed. "Edward, I can't… please… no!" I went back to his side and straddled his lap. I pushed one of my hands through his hair and he shut his eyes, much like a cat would if you stroked it. "What's happened to you? I feel like I don't know who you are anymore!"

His eyes opened again and smouldered at me through the darkness. "I don't know."

I shook my head. "No. I can't do that. I'm sorry."

He nodded in understanding, but looked completely and utterly dejected. "Okay," he whispered. Then he stood up, gently pushing me off of his lap before crossing over toward the window and pushing it open.

"Where are you going?" I asked quietly, staying where I was and watching him awkwardly.

The corner of his mouth twitched. "Home. You know, so that I can sleep?" There was no depth to his joke, his disappointment clear in his tone.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"It's fine, I understand," he replied, just as quietly. Then he started to haul himself up.

"Edward, wait," I repeated.

He stopped and turned round. "Yes?"

I crossed the space between us in a few short strides and reached my arms around his torso, pressing myself against him. I breathed him in, the delicious sweet yet manly smell that lingered all over him, and his arms closed around me. Then, before I knew what I was doing, I got onto my tip-toes and stretched my neck up so that my lips were inches from his, our noses touching.

His breath caught in his throat and he blinked at me, shocked, but he didn't pull backwards or put any distance between us, so I closed my eyes and waited for him to close the gap between our lips, but still giving him the choice to pull away. You could have cut the tension with a knife.

Eventually, though, his mouth touched mine and I felt that spark of electricity. I nearly cried with relief to find that it was still there. I reached up and grabbed the back of his neck, holding his face to mine and moving my lips smoothly against him. My heart soared and my pulse rocketed when he kissed me back, his hands moving to sit on my waist. He pulled away and took a deep breath before coming back for more. He groaned slightly and then pushed my mouth open with his lips. I whimpered and melted into him.

Just then, the floorboards outside of my bedroom creaked and we both froze, our eyes snapping open simultaneously. We stared at each other for a brief second, our mouths still practically welded together. But then the floorboard creaked again and I pushed him away toward the window. "Go!" I hissed urgently.

He blinked at me, shocked out of moving for a second, but then I pushed his chest again and he clambered out of the window and practically falling onto his own veranda. I stifled a giggle and pulled the window shut again before diving back into bed, just as Charlie opened the door to my bedroom.

I held my eyes shut, breathing slowly and deeply in and out to imitate sleep, until I heard him leave. Then I breathed a sigh of relief and waited until I heard him make his way to the bathroom and then back to his own room. I rolled over and it was then that the enormity of what I had just done came crashing down on me. I had kissed Edward. He had kissed me back.

Just then, though, my phone buzzed with a text message. I reached over and grabbed it, flipping it open to read the message:

Are we ok? Still friends, right? –E

I sighed. Friends. Again. Was this his way of telling me that what had just happened had been weird for him? That he didn't want it and just wanted to stay friends?

Biting my lip, I opened reply and typed:

Yeah, we're ok. Goodnight –B

~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~X~

Aw :( But they kissed! :D

BTW, in case you're wondering, hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobia is actually the fear of long words ;) Talk about irony :L

Okay, I have a little bit of bad news for you guys… I've worked out my chapter plan and I think that there're only gonna be about 6 chapters left :S So I'm going to try and get it finished within the next few weeks so hopefully more frequent updates from now on :)

If you're a reader of my other stories then you'll know about my preview for review thingy and this story is no exception ;) So if you want a preview of the next chapter then leave a review and I'll send one as a reply. BUT if I posted this more than 3/4 days ago then I might not be able to send one because I've found that it's fairly difficult to keep track of which reviews you've replied to and which you haven't :S But, yeah, so preview for review :D

And I'm gonna shut up here because I'm being nagged on MSN to post this already :L

Please tell me your thoughts on this chapter- kinda fluffy and cute? :)

Thank you! :)

-Steph