CHAPTER 10
Cara couldn't decide if she wanted to take a long, hot shower to ease her muscles after the driving she had done the past couple days, or to cry from the exhaustion she felt after worrying over Will and not knowing if he would actually let her help him.
She shut her motel room door, tossing her bag on the queen-size bed in front of her with a sigh. Shrugging off her coat, she took out the vial and her cell phone from her pocket, placing the vial carefully on the end table next to the bed. She groaned, seeing a myriad of missed calls and a few text messages - mostly from an old roommate she hadn't talked to in half of forever. However, those messages from past friends - even the one from her estranged mother - could wait. All she cared about was seeing the latest reply text from John Doggett.
Cara had the opportunity to initially reply to the unidentified message at the last fuel stop, discovering it was John Doggett. She hoped it was at least, but became confident it was after he revealed intimate details of their meeting a day before. She didn't have much opportunity to talk with Doggett, but all that he said made sense. She was convinced Will needed the contents of the vial that now sat on the small end table next to her motel bed. She was even more sure after seeing his face moments ago, pale and worn with sickness. She only hoped he would listen to her and trust her as he needed to. However, given his reaction to her tonight, she doubted he would be an easy convert.
Cara glanced at the clock as she slipped her sweater over her head, craning her neck to the side to stretch the sore muscles. 3:13 AM. She changed into a silky pajama set Monica had given her. The graphite-colored silk material was definitely fancier than Cara was used to sleeping in, but she was grateful for the kindness Monica had shown her by giving her several of her own personal items to use.
As Cara ran the hot water to begin washing her face, she took a long look at herself in the mirror. She noticed she had dark circles under her eyes where they hadn't been before, her now dark hair reminding her of all the had committed to. Ignoring the fear that crept up inside her as she wondered what would become of herself should they get caught, Cara lathered her face and rinsed, patting it dry and flicking off the bathroom light.
As she climbing into bed, she glanced at her phone to see ten minutes had passed, which felt much longer as she wrestled with how to talk to Will in the silence of her mind. He probably didn't understand why she would hide it from him, her confrontation with the Englishman and the mysterious vial of liquid. She didn't, however, know of his experience with the shape shifter - she just assumed his ego was hurt that she actually kept something from him.
Cara always knew they had an unbalanced relationship when it came to matters of the heart. She chalked it up to women being more adept at sharing, while men were less comfortable with the prospect. Still, she couldn't help but become angered a bit at Will when she realized all he was holding back from her. How could he be so mad at her when it was only kept secret for his well-being?
Unable to rest, Cara sat up in bed, picking up her iPhone and scrolling through her music. Maybe a few songs will help. I'll talk to Will in the morning. She settled on Adele, skipping to the middle of the album where she knew a particular song was that resonated with her at the moment.
Some say I'll be better without you
But they don't know you like I do
Or at least the sides I thought I knew
I can't beg this time
It drags on as I lose my mind
Reminded by things I find
Like notes and clothes you left behind
Wake me up, wake me up when all is done
I won't rise until this battle's won
My dignity's become undone
But I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk
Was she willing to take the risk? Her brotherly love for Will had evolved more recently into something far from platonic, which at the moment she thought inappropriate, given that people were trying to kill him and he was sick. She justified to herself that she had these feelings for Will long before the last two days began - but how did he feel?
I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk
So petrified, I'm so scared to step into this ride
What if I lose my heart and fail the climb?
I won't forgive me if I give up trying
I heard his voice today
I didn't know a single word he said
Not one resemblance to the man I met
Just a vacant broken boy instead
He was like a little boy at times, scared and alone. She knew the feeling of being scared and alone all too well. However, was being alone his destiny? Would his life resemble that of a comic book super hero, destined to be alone for fear of the safety of anyone who got too close? Could she convince him she wasn't afraid of what was to come? Could she convince herself?
But I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk
I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I am willing to take the risk
There will be times
We'll try and give it up
Bursting at the seams, no doubt
We'll almost fall apart then burn the pieces
To watch them turn to dust
But nothing will ever taint us
Plenty had tried to taint them in the last 48 hours. She imagined it would get worse the closer to the truth they got. Would he let her stay, let her take the risk?
I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk
I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I am willing to take the risk
Will he... will he still remember me?
Will he still love me even when he's free?
Or will he go back to the place where he would choose the poison over me?
She didn't know if he would end up being controlled by darkness or light once he was administered the vial. On paper, it seemed as if he would return to normal. Still, she was barely sure of who she was right now, let alone what a man as unpredictable as Will would become.
When we spoke yesterday,
He said to hold my breath and sit and wait
"I'll be home so soon, I won't be late"
He won't go
He can't do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
He's willing to take the risk
He had to be willing to risk everything. Otherwise, why would they be trying to find people they didn't even know? Trying to search for answers to questions that weren't even asked before two days ago? So why was he afraid?
So I won't go
He can't do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk
Cause he won't go
He can't do it on his own
If this ain't love, then what is?
We're willing to take the risk
I won't go
I can't do it on my own
If this ain't love, then what is?
I'm willing to take the risk
As the next song bled into the background, Cara's heart jumped at the sudden loud knock on her motel room door. She glanced at the clock on the end table, seeing it was 3:37 AM. "Let me in," she heard Will say gruffly. She barely heard the lyrics to the next song now playing softly on her phone that she rested on the end table, standing to let Will inside her room after verifying it was him through the peep hole.
Didn't I give it all,
Tried my best,
Gave you everything I had,
Everything and no less?
Didn't I do it right?
Did I let you down?
She unlocked the door, opening it slowly as she realized she only had her silk pajamas on. Will didn't seem to notice. In fact, before she could full open the door, he pushed through her, opening and shutting the door quickly, turning to her. She gasped as he grabbed her by the shoulders and slammed her up against the wall next to the door across from the bed. Adele continued to croon in the background, neither aware of the musical presence, but rather focused solely on one another.
"I'm going to give you one chance," Will said, his voice low and deep. "Tell me who you are."
Genuine fear began to register in Cara as she realized Will truly doubted who she was. "Will-"
"Answer me!" he said louder, pressing her a little more into the wall.
"It's Cara, you idiot!" she yelled, angry at him for scaring her, but mostly for doubting her.
"Tell me who you are!" Will yelled again, rage burning in his eyes.
"Cara English!" Cara spat, shaking from her own rage and fear.
Maybe you got too used to
Well, having me around.
Still how can you walk away
From all my tears?
It's gonna be an empty road
Without me right here.
But go on and take it,
Take it all with you.
Don't look back
At this crumbling fool.
Just take it all
With my love,
Take it all
With my love.
"Cara wouldn't hide things from me," Will growled.
"I hid it to protect you!"
"Bullshit! You're with them!"
"I don't even know who the hell 'they' are!" She squirmed under his powerful hands, trying to free herself.
"Stop lying to me!" Will now drew Cara's head up by tugging her hair, forcing her to be still. "Who are you?!"
Maybe I should leave
To help you see
Nothing is better than this
And this is everything we need.
So is it over?
Is this really it?
You've given up so easily,
I thought you loved me more than this.
"Will, let go of me!" Cara yelled. "You're hurting me!"
"I doubt it," Will sneered, still believing she was the shape-shifting man he encountered in the hospital.
"Jesus, Will! What the hell is wrong with you?!" Cara asked. "It's me!"
But go on, go on and take it,
Take it all with you.
Don't look back
At this crumbling fool.
Just take it all
With my love,
Take it all
With my love.
What came next, Cara could never expect. It was almost as if she saw a switch of darkness literally flick off in Will's eyes, his hand raising and grabbing her by the neck.
"Will!" Cara gasped, her airways tightened from his grip. "Will! ... Will ... Jabber...wocky! Jabberwocky!"
Will's eyes widened, his grip still tight on Cara's throat. He saw the tears forming in her eyes, splashing down her cheek onto his hand as he stood there frozen, realizing what he was doing. The word she had used wasn't random. It was far from it, in fact. The code word Jabberwocky was something they had agreed on in the beginning years of their friendship, mostly when either acted as a wingman (or wingwoman). They would either text it or speak it, knowing the other needed to escape whatever circumstance they were in. His eyes brimmed with tears, his hand releasing slowly as the guilt rose up in his throat in the form of bile. He had almost killed his partner, his best friend. Now, as she stood catching her breath, he saw the redness that was caused by his hands around her neck.
Having long enough arms, Will reached over to the end table and took the vial in his shaking hands, opening the bottle in front of Cara, who was still trapped against the wall by Will's body, pressed closely to hers. Cara watched him as he looked at the syringe, his eyes traveling up to meet hers. There was still a darkness in them, and it frightened her.
Without a word, he yanked up his sleeve and swiftly pressed the needle into his upper arm without a single reaction to its entry. Cara's mouth fell open, realizing that he had just taken a huge risk and neither really knew what the outcome would be.
I will change if I must.
Slow it down and bring it home, I will adjust.
Oh if only, if only you knew,
Everything I do is for you.
But go on
Go on and take it,
Take it all with you.
Don't look back
At this crumbling fool.
Cara was shocked and relieved as she saw the color return to Will's face, and she swore she even saw the light return to his eyes as he rapidly changed into the man she knew and recognized. Will, himself, was shocked as well. His joints didn't hurt, he wasn't cold anymore. His strength came back to him, and the raging battle in his mind diminished. He was well again.
Just take it,
Take it all with you.
Don't look back
At this crumbling fool.
"Shit," Will whispered, his fingers gently reaching up to touch Cara's neck where the redness was slowly fading. His heart broke as he felt her wince slightly when his fingers made contact, knowing she was still afraid of him. Rightfully so, he thought sadly.
Just take it all
With my love,
Take it all
With my love
Take it all
With my love.
"Will?" Cara whispered in the silence between tracks, realizing just how silent it was between them in that moment.
"Cara …" Will's fingers reached up and brushed away the hair from her face. "Jesus, Cara. I'm sorry."
"How do you feel?" Cara whispered, her heart racing as she felt the familiar heat of his fingers once again on her skin. No longer was he stone cold; instead, his heat poured through him, surrounding her, comforting her.
"Like an asshole," he murmured, still tracing her face carefully as the next track began to play in the background.
Hold me closer one more time,
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,
Please forgive me for my sins,
Yes, I swam dirty waters,
But you pushed me in,
"It's alright, Will."
"No, it's not." Will's voice was firm, but the firmness wasn't intended to frighten Cara. Rather, she sensed it was seeking restitution.
I've seen your face under every sky,
Over every border and on every line,
You know my heart more than I do,
We were the greatest, me and you,
Almost reflexively, Cara licked to moistened her lips, her heart beating wildly in her chest. There was something she had never seen before in Will's eyes that bore into her, their faces mere inches apart - passion.
But we had time against us,
Miles between us,
The heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,
And I see my future in you,
Her eyes fluttered shut as he closed the gap between them, pressing his warm lips onto her forehead, kissing her softly. She breathed quickly, expecting him to pull away from her afterwards. However, the butterflies swarmed inside of her as she felt his lips trail down her face, the heat from his mouth lingering on her skin.
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I'll put my hands up,
I'll do everything different,
I'll be better to you,
She was even more surprised when his lips came crashing down on hers. He pressed into her, holding her tightly against himself and against the wall. His hands roamed to her hair, cupping her face as they kissed with passion.
Abruptly, Will broke away from the kiss, Cara's eyes now opening to look up at him. He was breathing deeply, his hands still cupping her face. "Tell me to stop," he whispered to her, his voice low and sensuous. Cara couldn't form a coherent thought quick enough and Will's lips came crashing down on hers. She gladly reciprocated, feeling Will's body push closer to hers.
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I'll put my hands up,
I'll be somebody different,
I'll be better to you,
"Tell me to stop," he said again, this time a little louder as he pulled away. He looked like that of a crazed madman who had absolutely no control over himself, though she knew that wasn't true. She knew he was trying to be a gentleman, trying to make sure this is what she wanted.
"No," she said defiantly, locking eyes with him. He was all she could ever want, in this moment and forever.
She gasped as he sought a particular spot on her neck with his mouth with laser precision, feeling her knees buckle.
Let me stay here for just one more night,
Build your world around me,
And pull me to the light,
So I can tell you that I was wrong,
I was a child then, but now I'm willing to learn,
She couldn't breathe. She couldn't think. She was getting dizzy. She felt his lips move to her collarbone. She was paralyzed.
But we had time against us,
Miles between us,
The heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
But now the sky has cleared and it's blue,
And I see my future in you,
As if on cue from the music, Will pulled away, taking Cara's hands into his, raising them over her head and pressing them against the wall, capturing her mouth in another heated kiss.
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I'll put my hands up,
I'll do everything different,
I'll be better to you,
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I'll put my hands up,
I'll be somebody different,
I'll be better to you,
His hands slid down her arms, which she kept above her head, still feeling drunk with desire and unable to move. Her eyes widened as he expertly unbuttoned the silky shirt she was wearing, revealing her bra underneath. She felt his eyes flick down to her chest, and saw him pause.
Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
"What's wrong?" she asked softly.
Will's eyes sought Cara's, the way he looked at her making her heart skip a beat. "Absolutely nothing," he replied. "I … I just …" Cara lowered her arms, still in close proximity with Will - close enough that her breath hitched as she felt his definite physical reaction to their rendezvous. "I just imagined this differently."
Time against us,
Miles between us,
Heavens cried,
I know I left you speechless,
I know I left you speechless,
I'll be waiting,
"We can wait," she whispered, reaching up to touch his face. She felt his well-after-five-o'clock shadow under her fingertips, the coarseness of it scratching against her soft hand.
"Do you want to?" he asked, tangling his hands in her hair.
"Not particularly," she replied, tracing his jawline.
"I just tried to kill you," Will said, angry at himself.
"No, you didn't," Cara replied, catching his face in her hands. "You were trying to protect yourself."
"Do you trust me?" Will asked, his hands deep in Cara's hair.
"Do you trust me?" Cara asked back.
"Yes," he murmured, his breathing quickening. "Do you?"
"With my life," was her soft reply.
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I'll put my hands up,
I'll do everything different,
I'll be better to you,
Will's hands escaped her hair, his arms wrapping around Cara's small waist, easily lifting her up. Their lips met in a deep, passionate kiss. Cara could've sworn she tasted the saltiness of a tear that must have fallen from Will's cheek. She wrapped her legs around his waist, and she heard Will swallow his groan at the contact.
It was only a couple steps to the bed, where Will laid Cara down, her shirt still unbuttoned and her dark hair splayed over the pillow wildly. He hovered over her, gazing into her eyes.
"I'm sorry-" he whispered.
"Shh," Cara interrupted, reaching up to touch his lips.
I'll be waiting for you when you're ready to love me again,
I'll put my hands up,
I'll be somebody different,
I'll be better to you.
The silence was evident once again as the song ended, Will still over Cara on the bed. "No, Cara," he said remorsefully. "I can't do this."
"Is it me?" she asked softly.
"God, no," Will replied assuringly. "No. I … just … I can't put you at risk anymore."
"Will-"
"Cara, they will come for me. And if they know about you …"
"Will, I can-"
"I won't let you risk yourself," Will said sternly, balancing above her with one hand as he pushed her hair on the pillow.
"I won't leave," Cara replied; Will could see her stubbornness confirming her statement.
"I know," he replied. "Then I will."
"Please, Will," Cara said softly, pulling him closer to her. She heard him fight a groan again as their bodies made contact. "Let me fight with you."
"You mean too much to me," he said softly, kissing her cheek.
"Will-"
"Damnit, Cara, stop being stubborn!" he chastised, still pressed against her.
"Never," Cara said with a small smile. "I'm Lois Lane. Sort of."
After a moment, a matching grin warmed over Will's face. "I'm not Superman."
"You are to me."
Before he could reason with her anymore, Cara wrapped her legs around his waist, pulling Will in to kiss him. This time, he couldn't suppress his groan, and she smiled against his face when she heard it resonate deep in his throat.
Neither had a concept of time after that moment. Layers of clothing were discarded in all directions, skin pressing into skin with heated desire as hands and mouths explored new landscapes. She had expected him to be good, but not nearly as much of an expert as he was, taking control of her in the most intimate ways, worshipping her as no man had ever done before.
He, on the other hand, never expected what he felt as he made love to her - he felt like he was finally home.
