Okay, well - I feel so terrible - I'm so sorry - everyone - I've been withholding chapter eleven. The reason is I gave everything to my writing and so berried my soul in a very public way.

I can't remember ever crying over my own writing since chapter four / or / five. But, sadly it happened in the writing of this chapter. I literally broke my own heart. I honestly hate we're at this point but I'm not the kind of writer who knows, love is challengless.

Don't I just wish my life and the life of these characters could be full of love? Beautiful pure and strong fearless, LOVE? Yes definitely…..

But life doesn't' work that way! My life doesn't work that way.

So I've spent my time avoiding this chapter and everything coming after. Since yes this chapter completely drained me.

I watched a bunch of movies to name two Girl Vs. Monster and Lemonade Mouth, which reminded me avoidance of fear isn't really living. So eventually I couldn't hide anymore.

So here I am. I'm finally able to face the biggest challenge ever; one I can't imagine is coming soon! This story has had such an impact on my heart for years. I'm only now ready to begin to let go…..

I hope you'll love this chapter for what it truly – represents. The open door to a million new ideas for my sequel. I promise happiness very soon.

Also I have some exciting news (I have an all new story planned – the seeds will be planted soon – like in chapter in twelve ;) for example.) Since I've struggled for weeks trying to return my story to its roots. Ginny and Luna. This novella will give all my #Cissamione fans what they've always wanted. A completely new and completely all Narcissa and Hermione story!

I wasn't originally going to tie this story to my Amaranth series but I've the perfect idea. Imagine it as a story in the same universe like Rogue One is a Star Wars story though without given an episode title. This story will take place before book two and will take Hermione's story in a completely different direction.

I will be holding off writing book two until I am nearly done with this novella, instead of writing two book in tandem to book one. This way I can stretch out Ginny and Luna's story and do everything I hope to for these amazing characters. It'll all make sense very soon, I promise….

I'm still not working but I'm heading back to PA & NY next week for a quick business trip. So my writing will be on hold, maybe lol. I will try and write and give you as much as I can until then. Portrait is completely done so I'll post that and Emma will continue to correct whatever I write on the road. I will be taking my laptop.

I love you all.

Juju I hope you'll forgive me for this chapter lol.

Nightingale - interesting I promise to tell you more about that soon.

"Cause you're a part of me

So you can find me in the space between

You'll never be alone

No matter where you go

We can meet in the space between"

I dedicate this song to someone very special to my heart, I hope someday you can live fearless!


Chapter 11: Still Lost in What We Found.

Hermione snuggled deep into the covers pulling them tightly around her shaking frame feeling hot tears cascading down her cheeks, her breath coming in gasps.

Her heart quite literally shattering as though a thousand knives now pierced her soul. She was sickened and tormented by her tortured psyche.

Ron's disregard his very ignorance, his vapid cruelty had merely stung. This was so much more, beyond her wildest imagination. She was taken aback by this crushing rush of emotions. As the startled Gryffindor realized she was plunged into uncharted waters.

Narcissa, it seemed had splintered her fragile existence completely.

Her entire life now fractured so reborn in one mind blowing kiss.

As she stood alone, the snow swirling around her, Hermione completely undone. Her breath catching in the back of her throat to have such passion and then completely having it ripped away felt like a physic assault. A soft cry had fallen from her lips as her rosy cheeks lost their warm and tears swam before her eyes. As Narcissa's words had echoed back resonating within the growing wind, until "we can't please" sounded like a roar. Even in the raging intensity of the storm, like wolves bearing down upon her skin like teeth, even then she felt numb. As light seemed to explode behind her eyes, she collapsed losing consciousness.

Which is how Luna found her completely alone and freezing to death. Her black gown frozen so completely and covered in ice. Luna worriedly had touched her skin, now snow white and fringed. She could only whimper at the softest warm on her hypothermic skin, her eyes had already been frozen shut. All the same, a red glow seemed to draw her nearer as her breathing rattled painfully.

Luna leaned over her wordlessly using her wand to raise Hermione off the ground and levitate her to the hospital wing. She hadn't been noticed as the Valentines Dance was still claiming the attention of most of the Hogwarts students.

She'd brushed the hair from the Gryffindor's icy forehead and whispered words of comfort.

Luna's glass slippers clicked loudly upon the flagstones as she ran down the deserted corridor.

Madam Pomfrey had taken one look at Hermione and jumped into action, yelling for Luna to go alert the Headmistress. As she cast a water spell that formed an intense protective bubble around the head girl. As the color quickly returned to the young woman, she was caught in suspended animation while the water brought her body back to life.

"The poor child" the matron had muttered as the Headmistress had entered the hospital. Luna's even calm expression troubled as she saw her beloved's best friend spread lifeless in a shimmering water cocoon.

"But what has happened then?" the headmistress had asked.

"Ms. Granger was near death" Madam Pomfrey whispered frowning. "I'm only glad our Ms. Lovegood enjoys roaming out of doors during blizzards, or surely this child's light would be extinguish."

Minerva had gasped, her steely resolve breaking down, she felt her own tears threaten to fall. She'd given Luna a weak smile which the Ravenclaw had returned. "Ms. Lovegood, I thank you." It was all she could say before Madam Pomfrey pushed a goblet of firewisky into her hands.

"Drink please, Headmistress" Madam Pomfrey advised "then follow me."

The two women had left Luna alone with Hermione.

"Sleep, Mione" Luna said lovingly. She quickly left the hospital to find Ginny. Had it really been hours ago, they'd danced together, that they'd kissed.

When Hermione had awoken perplexed, the water bubble had magically disappeared and she was gloriously warm. She'd sat up disoriented, only to see the hospital wing by the glow of dying candle.

No sooner had she wondered how she'd found herself here, then the memories returned – washing over her like a tidal wave.


Ginny ran up the staircase her gown flying around, sparkling emerald, catching every torch as she passed. Her heals thundered as she increased her speed, she was free at last, free to love Luna.

She nearly crashed into the portrait of the Fat Lady, much to her disapproval.

"No running in the halls" yelled her painting scathingly.

"I'm sorry" Ginny said smirking, though she wasn't.

"Pfft" sniffed the Fat Lady, looking down at the Gryffindor owlishly, "password."

"Eros" she said impatiently as the porthole swung open.

Ginny quickly rushed across the common room and up the stairs to the seventh year dormitories. She hoped her theory was correct and that Hermione had merely turned in early. She couldn't find her within the Great Hall, so now that she thought about it. She hadn't seen Luna nor Professor Black either.

Taking a deep breath and smoothing her gown, she rushed into their room. Her hair's once elegant updo falling disheveled and curly as the door banged against the wall.

The room was dark mauve, the moon's ghostly light filtering through the overcast sky. She didn't even wait for her eyes to adjust as she was too excited and feverishly delighted.

"I did it! I broke it off, I ended it" she gasped painfully as she attempted to lean against Hermione's bed. She was gasping for breath when she realized Hermione wasn't in her bed.

As perplexed as Ginny felt, she wasn't off put. If she wasn't in their dorm room she must be in the library. She retreated from the room and closed it with a click.


"Potter?" Draco said cautiously sitting down next to him.

He'd been slightly surprised to find his crush sitting on a deserted step in this part of the castle. He certainly hadn't been looking for him. It had been a rather happy accident.

After Ginny's presence had driven him from the Great Hall, he'd went looking for his mother. He couldn't judge but still he was bitterly afraid his mother would be hurt by her feelings. He'd always felt overwhelmingly protective and when he'd seen her rushing up the grand staircase he'd given chase. He didn't need to use Legilimency to know she was upset.

He'd lost her within the maze or corridors eventually he'd had to give up. As if memory was guiding him he wandered toward Moaning Myrtle's bathroom habitually, completely lost in thought.

At the split in the corridor, as thought he was being drawn by an invisible force, he chosen the left hallway in the direction of what he assumed as Gryffindor tower. He'd climbed a lonely staircase, shivering as he'd emerged on the ramparts covered in snow. He'd quickly thrust his hands into his dress robes as his shoes crunched on the now frozen snowfall. It was his every intention to hastily cross to the door on the other side of the breezeway when he spied Harry.

The raven haired young man was sitting on step that lead up to another passageway. He'd melted the snow around himself and charmed a flame that hissed against the frozen water excitedly. It had been the little flame that drawn Draco's attention, it's soft delighted light warm inviting and glowing.

Harry looked up a little dazed, his dejected expression making Draco's stomach churn with emotion.

"Potter? What are you doing out here?" Draco said guardedly.

"Thinking" was his response, nearly lost in the hissing flame.

"Oh, do you want me to go?" Draco said, he didn't want to overstay his welcome. His normally cavalier, smugness lost in the vacant of Harry's viridescent eyes.

"No it's okay" he mumbled despondently.

"Do you want to" Draco gulped "want to talk about it?"

He was utterly out of his element sitting here beside his childhood enemy for which he'd always secretly nursed a torrid affection for. A part of him wanted to run away, it's what he did best. If he wanted to admitted it to himself, hide himself behind his years of cruelty and calculating disregard for anything remotely compassionate.

He knew himself to be flawed, perhaps utterly beyond repairing. A Slytherin who'd incased his heart in ice that none but his mother could penetrate as he'd sought to protect himself from his father's abusiveness.

"Do you really want to know? Or are you just looking for my weakness Malfoy?" Harry said warningly.

Draco drew back, his heart racing painfully - he'd been so close to showing actual tenderness. Yet Harry's biting remark had stopped him cold. He fidgeted and sighed, he really did honestly want to help. He wanted to be better, he wanted to be the reason those soft sad eyes found joy. He took a deep calming breath, fighting the part of himself that wanted to tell Potter to fuck off, this was laughable.

"No," he said as kindly as he could "I really want to know." He gave his crush a reassuring smile.

Harry's surprise lit up his lifeless eyes and a lopsided smile almost made him look comical.

"Oh okay" was all he said. As the Gryffindor and Slytherin watched the vibrant flame, angrily trying to fight its way through the snow.

"So um," Draco said attempting a little humor "can you tell me before we freeze?"

Harry chuckled nodding as his hand accidentally brushed Draco making both blush.

"Ginny broke off our engagement" Harry said quickly wanting to ignore how Draco's fingers had made his heart flutter.

"Oh, well I'm sorry" Draco said rather dispassionately.

"I guess we're both single" Harry said softly.

"Yeah so what? Single isn't bad Potter" Draco said finding a little of his coincidence. "Don't take this the wrong way? I'm not honestly trying to be mean" he said giving Harry a intense look. "You deserve better than Ginny Weasley" the words had burst from him before he could stop them.

Both Harry and Draco looked surprised by his candor and compassionate resolve.

"Potter don't think I say this because it's easy" Draco continued squirming under Harry's fierce look.

He'd yet to ever feel this uncomfortable before as his feelings turned his stomach upside own.

"Oh so why say it?" Harry looked angrily at Draco. How could he have trusted, they could ever talk amiably his feeling had gotten him into trouble again.

"Damn!" Draco nearly screamed "because you needed to hear the truth."

"I thought she was in love with me." Harry said forlornly.

That stopped Draco and he realized he needed to try another approach.

"I'm sorry," he said and he meant it "I can't believe I'm even saying this but Potter, you stopped the Dark Lord. You did what my mother and I couldn't you disobeyed a force that nearly took your life. You acted selflessly something I've never been able to do" He looked down embarrassed. "That's why this is so hard to say. I'm admitting my wrong doing basically I'm apologizing for every terrible thing I've said to you, about you and your friends. My saying you deserve better isn't a slander against the one you love. It's merely my way of saying that if she doesn't realize what an amazing man she had, she definitely deserves to lose you" Draco said. His voice laced with both empathy and vexation as it hung heavy in the chilly air.

As Harry's mouth agape completely surprised. His once enemy now turned friend, his secret love had just defended his honor. He couldn't believe what he'd said.

Draco watched the flame as he tried to calm his heart. He took a deep breath and turned to Harry. "It, at least, speaks to her character. She told you. She didn't lead you on, I nearly did" he gave Harry a meaningful nod "with Astoria" he said bitterly.

"Why did you break it off?" he said unsure.

"I wasn't in love with her." Draco said sadly. "I wanted to be, it would have been so simple, her and I."

Harry knew better than to press the point. Instead, they sat quietly each lost in their own thoughts until the flame died.


Narcissa couldn't remember ever being so angry with herself. She'd kissed Hermione, she'd given into this passion and desire and then she had run away. She'd left her standing alone in the falling snow. She'd rejected her out of her own fear. A nightmare had awoken in her heart, a realization that she might have ruined everything specifically her sister's chance at redeeming Hermione's purity. She might have obliterated the Gryffindor's fragile trust and broken her heart as well.

She was so stupid. How could she have thought that she could open herself to someone as innocent as Hermione.

"Well you're home early!" Bellatrix cooed as Narcissa opened her office door. "Missed me too much?"

"Not now Bella!" Narcissa said fearfully.

"Aw now tell you big sister what's eating you?" Bellatrix said teasingly. "Oh wait is that it?" She said with a satisfied smirk on her lips.

"My baby Cissy? Do you miss someone eating you," she drew the last word out seductively as she licked her lips suggestively.

"Fuck you!' Narcissa said angrily.

"I wish Cissy, oh how I want you" she purred.

Narcissa rolled her eyes and Bellatrix just giggled.

"Aw Cissy come on, really" she wheedled "tell me what's wrong."

"Nothing you can help with Bella" she moaned sadly.

"Okay try me."

"No!"

"Please?"

"Absolutely not!"

"Fine!" Bellatrix said stamping her foot.

Narcissa drew ever closer to the painting sighing. She missed her sister so much that she was physically sick over it. All the same she'd never been so confused in her life. Her loyalty to her sister threatening to drive her to madness. How would she react when she realized she was falling in love with Hermione.

Lovingly she touched the painting "I miss you Bella."

"I know, Cissy" Bellatrix said letting emotion leak into her voice. "It's my penance to be locked up. Able to see but detached from you. I don't deserve your- love."

Narcissa felt own her tears cascading down her cheeks again. "I don't deserve - it either- love," she whispered.


"I seem to remember a similar scene," Ginny said cautiously "but our roles reversed." She carefully untinged the knots from Hermione's matted hair.

"Mmmm yes" Hermione managed to hiccup.

"I'm so glad you're okay!" Ginny said bitterly.

Hermione looked down and a tear trickled down her cheek.

Ginny sighed. She'd been so upset when she'd finally located Hermione in the hospital wing. A friendly ghost had mentioned it to her in the library and Gryffindor had run straight there.

"What were you even doing out there?" Ginny said curiously. Her news could wait.

"It's not important."

"The fuck it is!" Ginny said passionately. "It nearly killed you."

"I'm perfectly fine." Hermione muttered, she definitely didn't want to talk about it.

Ginny sniffed and Hermione frowned looking up into her best friend's tears.

"I'm sorry Ginny."

"I just want to help."

"I know" Hermione said guilty.

"Just start from the beginning Mione" she said gently "I promise you'll feel better."

"I doubt that" Hermione gulped as she wiped another tear away. "But fine, I'll tell you' she bit her lip drawing blood. Her heart thundered painfully as she looked into the loving eyes of her almost sister. "Narcissa kissed me" she breathed.

Whatever Ginny expected, it wasn't that.

"Did you like it?" Ginny asked cautiously.

"Wait what?" Hermione said surprised, Ginny was taking this very well. "Oh goddess yes" She moaned. "What am I going to do!?"

"You're going to relax," Ginny said. "It's fine you're of age."

"It's not fine!"

"What why?"

"She kissed me and then ran away!"

"Oh" Ginny said a bit loudly "that's not okay, but maybe she's just scared Hermione."

Hermione burst into tears. "That's just great I scared her away?"

"No – I mean maybe how she felt scared her away?" Ginny said tentatively. "Give her some time, this is all so new. I mean Professor Black just divorced her husband? Right you have a boyfriend. My stupid oaf of a brother. I mean for both of you take it easy. Damn I thought my news was going to be the biggest tonight." She couldn't help laughing.

"Your news?"

"Uh – yeah – I broke up with Harry and I kissed Luna."

"WHAT THE FUCK!" a voice yelled stopping both girls' hearts. "you kissed a girl!?" Ron was livid his face nearly as red as his hair. "Ginny what the hell! Mom's going to kill you! I can't believe you it, you're disgusting!"

Ginny immediately stood up shielding Hermione who was cowering in her bed. "So what if I did?" she yelled back just as menacingly. She'd never felt so angry in her entire life, never could she imagine her older brother, stupid as he could be who'd always stood up for her could be homophobic. It was like she'd been slapped in the face, angry tears burned unshed. She was shaking as she felt Hermione's hand reassuringly grab hers.

She thought she should faint.

"Hermione," he whined "you must know this is wrong? Just tell her, I can't stand to even be near her." He backed up his hands forming fists against his sides.
Hermione looked back and forth between her boyfriend and best friend terrified. She wanted to stand up, she wanted to smack him, how dare he! While another part of her wanted to run if he ever realized she also fancied women, a secret she'd even hidden from herself. She would be sick, all color drained from her face.

"Stop this screaming at once" Madam Pomfrey came running out of her office. "Ms. Granger needs her rest! If you need to scream, take it outside!"

Both siblings looked at each other furiously and Ginny gave Hermione a sympathetic look before marching out of the hospital, her brother following.

Thank God he only heard that I kissed Luna.

As soon as they were out of ear shot, Ginny expected him to continue his tirade. Instead what he said turned her blood to ice.

"Fine if you've made your choice then I've made mine."

"What do you mean?!" She said shivering, her stomach in knots.

"I may find this repugnant" he sighed "But I won't abandon you."

Ginny couldn't believe what she was saying when had her brother even heard that word let alone used it correctly. This surely was a nightmare and her mind screamed to be awoken. But Ron was still talking.

"You're still my sister and I can't see you ruin your life. So you've given me no other alternative. Stop this whatever the fuck it is…..or…"

"Or what! Ron don't you threaten me!" Ginny wailed.

"I'm writing to mum" he said as he turned and left his sister sobbing on her knees.


Omg so is everyone still breathing? I promise my next chapter won't be as heavy! I've just had so much on my mind when I wrote it (it leaked into my writing.) Please read and review, I look forward to hearing everyone's thoughts. I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! ~Cissy

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