The Iron Sole Alchemist Goes to Hogwarts (Chapter 15) Wands and Unicorns and Thestrals
by Howlin
(Disclaimer: I don't own any rights to any of the universes, places, or characters, and only claim the protagonist, Sloth, and Loki as my own creation. This is fan fiction, and I don't profit from it. Please don't sue me.)
By the time we were heading for Platform 9 3/4, I'd verified that Floo Powder only worked in wizard fireplaces. Rather than having power in itself, it worked as a trigger for a kind of magical transportation infrastructure that linked wizard fireplaces, overseen by the Ministry of Magic.
We got to the platform early and were able to stake out a compartment as soon as the train started boarding. Hermione found us shortly after that and we settled in to wait for Harry and Ron. By the time the train lurched into motion, however, neither of them had come.
"Did they find a different compartment?" asked Sloth.
"We'd better make sure," I said. "Harry's got enemies, and that house elf was giving him dire warnings about not coming back to Hogwarts this year."
"We'd best split up," said Hermione, hopping to her feet.
Sloth and Hermione went one way while Loki and I went the other. I found Percy in with the other Prefects and asked if he'd seen Harry or Ron.
"Not since we crossed the barrier," he said. "They were right behind us, but we were all running late, so as soon as we were through, we had to run to catch the train. Fred and George made it. So did Ginny. But I haven't seen Ron or Harry."
"So they missed the train?" I asked.
"I'm sure everything's all right. We can send an owl to mom and dad when we get to Hogwarts."
I went to find the others, cursing the poor communication infrastructure of the wizarding world and desperately missing the radio equipped Amestrian trains. Sloth and Hermione had found the twins, who told basically the same story.
Worried, we returned to our compartment only to find Draco, Crabbe, and Goyle had claimed it while we were out searching. I didn't have the motivation to fight this one, so left to find another compartment to worry about Ron and Harry in during the ride. Unable to find privacy, we kept our speculation to a minimum as the hours passed and the train eventually reached Hogwarts.
While Hagrid led the first years down to the boats, the rest of us were loaded into carriages pulled by emaciated horse-like creatures with leathery, bat like wings folded at their sides. We rode up to the main gates and were allowed straight into the Great Hall where we were forced to separate and go to our own House tables for the start of term feast.
Promising myself I'd ask after Harry first chance I got, I settled in for the sorting ceremony, cheering for the new Ravenclaw first years. Luna Lovegood, a blonde haired young witch with a vaguely distracted expression on her face sat down next to me after the Sorting Hat put her in Ravenclaw.
"I know we can't start Care of Magical Creatures until third year, but does anyone know what those horses that pull the carriages are called?" she asked when the Sorting Ceremony had passed and Snape pulled Dumbledore and McGonagall away for a moment.
"The carriages are spelled," said Michael Corner. "They move on their own."
"What are you talking about, Michael?" I asked. "There was a pair of emaciated horse-like creatures pulling every carriage. How could you not have noticed them there?"
"Don't go making up stories for the first years, Greed," said a fifth year prefect. "Just because her eyes were playing tricks on her doesn't mean you get to have a laugh at her expense."
"My eyes weren't playing tricks," said Luna firmly. "Although if none of you saw them, maybe they were invisible."
"But if they were invisible, how did we see them?" I asked.
"I don't know. That's why I wanted to know what they were called. It'd make looking them up easier."
After Dumbledore and Snape arrived back, rumors started to spread that Harry and Ron had arrived in a flying car. Apparently Mr. Weasley added more technically legal features that would upset his wife than just the added space in the passenger compartment and trunk. I breathed a sigh of relief that nothing had happened to them, and was able to actually enjoy desert before it was time to go up to our dorms.
As we went, I told Luna, "I know the groundskeeper. He'll know the name of those horses."
Sloth and I met with Harry, Ron, and Hermione the next day, where we verified that they had indeed flown the car to Hogwarts, and nearly gotten expelled for it. Apparently, the barrier wouldn't let them through. They'd crashed into a whomping willow tree, which they advised we avoid approaching, since it had a tendency to hit back. Ron's wand had been damaged in the collision with the ornery tree, but he'd taped it back together.
At breakfast, Ron got a letter from home. Ordinarily, I didn't see any mail from teh other houses while sitting at the Ravenclaw table, but this letter contained a magically amplified version of Molly Weasley's voice screaming at the top of her lungs. She yelled at Ron for stealing the car, and noted that her husband was facing an inquiry at work as a result of their trip.
That excitement over, I promised Luna I'd introduce her to Hagrid come the weekend and hurried off to my first class of the term. Defence Against the Dark Arts with Gilderoy Lockheart.
Lockheart introduced himself and handed out a quiz. Bizarrely, all the questions were random trivia about himself rather than anything that would assess our knowledge of defense as we started second year. Fortunately, I'd assimilated this year's text books with a red stone and could provide the answers.
"I see Mr. Oren's been paying attention," said Gildero Lockheart. "Where is the young man who remembered that I state in chapter twelve of Wanderings With Werewolves that my ideal birthday gift would be harmony between all magic and nonmagic peoples, and that I wouldn't say no to a large bottle of Ogden's Old Firewisky?"
I tentatively raised my hand, still unsure of the point of this exercise.
"Excellent," he declared. "Full marks! Ten points for Ravenclaw."
Lockheart then took a large, covered cage from behind his desk and said, "Be warned. It is my job to arm you against the foulest creatures known to wizardkind. You may find yourselves facing your worst fears in this room. Know only that no harm can befall you whilst I am here. All I ask is that you remain calm. I must as you not to scream. It might provoke them."
He pulled off the cover revealing that the cage was full of small, bright blue, humanoid creatures, each less than a foot tall. "Yes," said Lockheart, "freshly caught Cornish pixies."
The quiz, the dramatic pronouncement about facing our worst nightmares, and now these pixies. I laughed as I came to the conclusion it had all been a practical joke to lighten the mood of our first defense class after a full term under Voldemort.
"Yes," asked Lockheart smiling.
"I don't think anyone in here has pixies as their worst fear," I noted jovially.
"Don't be so sure," replied Lockheart. "Devilish, tricky little blighters they can be. Right then, let's see what you make of them."
Lockheart opened the cage, and a dozen of the pixies launched out of their cage in every direction. I was on my feet at once, wand in hand and a smile plastered on my face. These fast moving creatures would be great for target practice, and I'd missed using my alchemy in combat. After last year, I had enough incantations to fake it.
"Petrificus Totalus!" I shouted, pointing my wand at the nearest pixie. I hadn't studied its anatomy to tamper with its muscles or nervous system, so I just held it in place with a skintight aura of transmuted air. "Wingardium Leviosa!" I called out, casually flicking my wand in the direction of the cage and causing the pixie to fly right back into it as fast as it'd flown out.
My fellow Ravenclaws weren't doing so well. One girl was screaming while a pixie was entangled in her hair. A pair of pixies were taking turns tearing pages out of another student's books. I was the only one who even had his wand out. The others were either taking cover under their desks, batting at the pixies with their bare hands, or in one case, using a book to knock a pixie out of the air.
I plucked the pixie out of the girl's hair and tossed it back in its cage with my left hand while I paralyzed and levitated two more back in. The student who'd stunned one with a book tossed his defeated foe in after mine. A pixie came out of nowhere and grabbed the back of my collar, lifting me off my feet before the aforementioned book slammed hard into my back, incapacitating that pixie. With a nod, we went back to back and continued thinning out the swarm until they'd all been recaptured.
"Not bad for a first attempt," said Lockheart. "I hope you all see what can be accomplished by carefully reading my books." He clapped a hand on my shoulder.
"They make for a good bludgeon too," I said, nodding to the combatant who'd watched my back.
This year in Herbology, we were working with mandrakes. The plants' roots took on a very human appearance, and they screamed when uprooted. The seedlings we were repotting could knock a person out for hours with their screams, while a mature plant's scream would be instantly fatal. As a safety precaution, Professor Sprout provided earmuffs. They must've had a minor enchantment on them, since, while wearing them, I could make out no sound whatsoever.
Professor McGonagall was easing everyone back into classwork with a simple beetles to buttons transfiguration. It was still a violation of equivalent exchange that used up r ed stones, but it was far less a violation than the mouse to snuffbox that had been last year's exam.
"Which came first, the chicken or the egg?" asked the brass eagle knocker that barred entrance to Ravenclaw tower when the day was over.
"The egg," I said confidently. "Fossil records of eggs go back millions of years before hte first chicken."
The door didn't open. I sat outside the door fuming as I awaited another student to answer the door and get us inside.
"I already tried egg," I told the next student to arrive. "This thing must've been enchanted before modern evolutionary theory."
Shrugging, she said, "Chicken."
Again, the door didn't open.
"So, you don't want either answer?" I yelled at the door knocker. "Why even give choices if you don't want either one? Is this some sort of stupid wordplay where we're supposed t o answer 'which' since it was the first word in your sentence? That isn't a riddle, and it isn't clever! Not that asking a basic chronological question with a factual answer (which you don't accept) qualifies as a riddle either! Hermione said wizards were bad at logic, and that must double for whoever enchanted you!"
"I'll just go find a prefect," said the student, backing away slowly from my rant.
"It's not like they give the prefects an answer key," I said as she quickly left the scene.
Loki stared between me and the formerly neutral talking door knocker. He seemed to be trying to decide between comforting me and attacking the door that had upset me. He was such a good dog, and I told him so, sitting down on the stairs and ruffling Loki's floppy brown ears with both hands.
"I could just blast a hole in it and go to bed," I mused when I'd calmed down, "or just mimic Sloth's powers with alchemy and pass through a wall. But at this point, I just have to see how this plays out and what the answer it's looking for is."
"Oh," said the prefect when he had heard the riddle. "You got stumped by a classic paradox. There is no answer. The egg births the chicken, and the chicken births the egg. It's a cycle with no beginning or end."
The door swung open.
"But there is an answer," I protested as I entered the common room. "Egg laying creatures have been around way longer than chickens have."
"You're overthinking it," said the prefect, who headed up to his dorm.
"Why does a house that's supposed to be full of clever people not use a simple password system like the Gryffindors use?" I asked Loki with a frustrated sigh as I sat down to do my homework.
At lunch on Friday, Ron came up to me at the Ravenclaw table.
"You have to help me," he pleaded. "I really messed up this time."
I immediately stood up and followed him out of the Great Hall, taking a large handful of turkey slices with me for Loki, who did still need to eat after all. We found an empty classroom and Ron held up his wand.
"It broke when we crashed into the whomping willow," he explained. "I held it together with some spellotape, but it's been getting worse. This morning, I lost control of it and it beaned Professor Flitwick in the face."
I looked at the wood. There was no tape, and I couldn't detect so much as a crack in it. At that point, I knew why he'd come to me.
"You tried fixing it with alchemy," I said. "What went wrong?"
"I thought I did everything right. Here, I brought the circle I used. But after it was done, I couldn't do any magic with it at all. It doesn't even spark and backfire. It's like it's just a stick."
"I can't be sure," I said, examining the paper he handed me, "but do you remember practicing curses with me and Sloth last year. I learned that magic doesn't really stick to a person or object that's been deconstructed and reduced to its component atoms. I think when you deconstructed your wand in the process of repairing it, the magic stopped sticking to it."
"You mean I killed my wand?" asked Ron, staring at the seemingly intact shaft of wood.
"Looks like," I confirmed. "Like with bioalchemy, if you don't fully understand and account for all the mutually interdependent systems, you're not likely to end up with a living thing after the transmutation."
"You can do bioalchemy," said Ron, pointing to Loki. "Can you fix it?"
"I don't understand how a wand is supposed to work. Not well enough to stimulate the magic using alchemy. You need a new wand."
"If I write home, I'll get another Howler," complained Ron.
"We could try to make you a new wand the conventional way," I suggested. "There are unicorns in the forbidden forest, and a lot of wood, obviously."
"You can do that?" asked Ron, skeptically.
"No idea," I admitted. "As I understand it, you encase a bit of magical material inside a wooden shaft and you've got a wand. Unicorn hair was one of Ollivander's three choice materials to work with. I'd like to try, anyway."
"Couldn't I just do what you do and fake it with alchemy?"
"I'm a master alchemist," I said. "And even with everything I know, I still need amplifiers for some spells, and that's just for the ones I've already figured out how to duplicate. You aren't ready for that. Besides, why would you want to fake it when you can do the real thing?"
"Whatever we're going to do, can we do it soon?" asked Ron. "I don't fancy taking this into a class knowing nothing'll happen when I go to use it."
"Meet me outside the fat lady's portrait tonight," I told him. "With luck, you'll have a new wand by morning."
That evening, I pulled my new invisibility cloak out of my trunk. Slipping it over my shoulders and pulling the hood over my head, I disappeared from view. I creeped down the stairs, the transmutation circles on the soles of my shoes ensuring that I neither made a sound, nor left footprints. Luna was sitting in an armchair by the fire, reading a magazine. I didn't breathe as I crossed the room.
When I opened the door, Luna said, "It's after curfew, you know. If you go out and get caught, we'll lose house points."
I pulled back my hood. It didn't matter if I was invisible when I left. She'd be able to figure out who had left by process of elimination when I'd gone.
"You're up late," I said.
"I didn't get a chance to finish reading my article earlier. The others were playing keep away with the magazine."
"I went to bed early to fake being asleep," I said. "If I'd been down here, I'd have made them knock it off."
"Where are you going?" asked Luna.
"Can you keep a secret?"
"Of course I can," she said cheerfully. "Whether I will depends on what the secret is."
"Fair enough," I said sitting down across from her. "If I tell you, will you tell me if it's a secret you're willing to keep, then? That way, if you decide not to keep it, I can just decide not to go."
Luna thought about that for a long moment, tapping her upper lip with a finger, then she closed her magazine, set it on a table and nodded. "I think that's fair." She stared at me expectantly.
"I'm going to the forbidden forest."
"There are supposed to be all sorts of magical creatures in there," she said. "Werewolves, centaurs, unicorns, maybe even a crumple horned snorkrak." She sounded excited.
"I'm going to track down a unicorn. I'm doing some magical experiments and I need a tail hair from one," I explained.
"Well, then it's a good thing I caught you," she said.
"What do you mean?"
"Unicorns don't like boys very much. You'd never get close enough if I wasn't coming along." She got to her feet.
"You have to keep this secret," I said. "I'm meeting someone and he could end up in worse trouble than us if he gets caught."
Luna nodded her agreement, I pulled the invisibility cloak over both of us, and we walked out of Ravenclaw tower together.
Ron was waiting just outside the portrait of the fat lady who guarded Gryffindor tower. He jumped with surprise when my and Luna's faces appeared out of thin air in front of him.
"You've got an invisibility cloak too?" asked Ron.
"I'm a master alchemist who can make gold," I reminded him. "I can buy pretty much anything I want."
"Hello," said Luna.
"Who's this?" asked Ron.
"Luna Lovegood, Ron Weasley," I introduced them. "Luna's a Ravenclaw first year who volunteered to help us get a unicorn hair."
"What was your plan for getting close to the unicorn without a girl?" asked Luna.
"Let's can the chatter until we're in the forest," I said. "We don't want Filch to catch us out of bed."
Ron quickly got under the cloak with us, and we creeped out of the castle, along the path Filch had taken me for my detention last year. It was pitch dark, and we didn't dare light a lamp, so I shifted to my pale skinned, black haired homunculus form. The purple slitted eyes had better night vision. We paused at Hagrid's hut and listened. A loud snore told us the enormous groundskeeper wasn't out patrolling the forest, so we could do our task unmolested.
"Harry, Hermione, and me are going to visit Hagrid tomorrow," said Ron.
"You should come along, Luna," I said. "We can ask him about the horse creatures."
"Horse creatures?" asked Ron.
"The ones pulling the school carriages," I said. "Hagrid should know what they're called."
The three of us stepped onto the path, picked a direction, and began walking. Voldemort had caught and killed two unicorns the previous year, and I was sure we'd find one of the brilliantly white creatures without too much trouble.
"Stay close and under the cloak," I cautioned. "The centaurs are on good terms with Hagrid, so even if he is asleep, word might get back to him."
"Hagrid wouldn't get us in trouble," said Ron.
"Not deliberately," I said, "but he doesn't exactly know how to keep a secret."
"Fair enough," said Ron.
Three hours later, Ron was convinced we should turn back, while Luna was excitedly encouraging us to continue the search. We'd already had two close calls with the centaurs by then. Finally, our persistence paid off, and the three of us beheld the sight of a brilliantly white furred horse with golden hooves and a single straight horn projecting from its forehead. It was as though the moon was shining down tonight for the sole purpose of illuminating this creature's beauty and grace.
"You're on," I prodded Luna from beneath the invisibility cloak. She stepped into view, a pair of metal sheers in her hand.
"You're beautiful," Luna told the unicorn as she approached. Meanwhile, I steeled myself to kill it if it proved threatening to Luna. Fortunately, such preparation proved unnecessary.
Luna reached out a hand and stroked the creature's nose. Running her hand along the unicorn's flank, the unicorn showed no sign of objecting to her touch. The unicorn allowed Luna to run her fingers through the long silvery strands of hair on its tail.
"Don't worry. This won't hurt a bit," she reassured the unicorn, then used the sheers to clip the hairs off its tail.
I pulled off the cloak, revealing myself and Ron. The unicorn galloped off into the forest. Luna handed me the large handful of unicorn hairs.
"What happened to you?" asked Ron, startled as he stared at me.
I took a moment to remember I'd shifted forms for better night vision. "Nothing happened," I said, sighing at my own absentmindedness. "Sloth and I are shape shifters. I took this form because it can see better in the dark."
"Any other secrets you'd like to share?" asked Ron.
"I'm competing with Hermione for top of the class because I'm really a good deal older than I look, and I use my powers to look this age to fit in," I offered with a shrug.
"So, you're like a metamorphmagus," said Ron.
"You didn't know?" marveled Luna.
"You just found out too," shot back Ron.
"I just though this must've been your plan before I came," said Luna.
"Actually, I was just going to run one down," I said. "I figured if Quirrell could do it, so could I." I clapped my hands and touched my index finger to a nearby tree. Pulling it back, a long, diamond hardened needle, not much thicker than the unicorn hair followed my finger back amid blue sparks of alchemic light until the transmutation ended and I caught the needle.
"What was that?" asked Luna.
"Alchemy," explained Ron. "I'm learning it too."
I threaded one of the unicorn hairs onto my new needle and found an appropriately sized branch that was relatively straight. "We've established that alchemy damages the magic in a wand, so this part has to be done manually." I jammed the needle into one end of the stick and pushed it through until it came out the opposite end. I then used the needle to carefully thread the unicorn hair into the core of the wand. "Give it a try," I said, handing the wand to Ron.
He accepted it and pointed it up. A handful of red sparks flew out of the tip. "It feels funny, but it works," said Ron, sighing with relief.
I was beaming. I'd successfully made a working magic wand. I could add this to the list of magical skills I could actually practice, and wouldn't have to duplicate with alchemy. "Field trip's over," I said happily. "Everyone back under the invisibility cloak."
We quickly gathered together and made our way back to Hogwarts. Luna and I dropped Ron off at Gryffindor tower and returned to our own house common room together.
"Do you do that often?" asked Luna when we were back.
"It depends on what's going on," I said. "Last year was pretty eventful."
"You should turn back to normal now," she reminded me.
I shifted back to my human appearance, bid her goodnight, and climbed the stairs to find Loki asleep at the foot of my bed, with the cloth dummy I'd transmuted from the bed sheets undisturbed. I changed the dummy back, put away my invisibility cloak, and climbed into bed myself, feeling very accomplished.
At breakfast, I introduced Luna around to Sloth and Hermione. Ron showed us a note Harry'd left indicating he had an unexpected Quidditch practice. We agreed to head out to the field and wait for him, since Harry was the closest to Hagrid.
At the field, we found an excitable Gryffindor first year named Collin waiting in the stands with a camera. He happily showed off a wizard photo of Professor Locheart and what Collin assured me was Harry's arm, which Lockheart was attempting to drag into frame.
The Gryffindor Quidditch team emerged from the changing room, and Collin started lining up his camera for a picture of Harry.
"Aren't you finished yet?" asked Ron, impatiently as Harry came out holding his broom.
"Haven't even started," sighed Harry. "Wood's been teaching us new moves."
The Gryffindors had barely had time to take their first warmup lap when the Slytherin team arrived on the field. Draco Malfoy was wearing Quidditch robes. Our group left the stands to see what was going on while the Gryffindor team landed to confront the Slytherins.
Ron was the first to speak when we arrived. "What's happening? Why aren't you playing? And what's he doing here?"
"I'm the new Slytherin seeker, Weasley," said Draco. "Everyone's just been admiring the brooms my father's bought our team. Good, aren't they? But perhaps the Gryffindor team will be able to raise some gold and get new brooms too. You could raffle off those Cleansweep Fives. I expect a museum would bid for them."
"At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy their way in. They got in on pure talent," shot Hermione.
"No one asked your opinion, you filthy little mudblood," spat Draco.
Draco's comment provoked an extreme reaction from the Gryffindors. Fred and George lunged at him, but were held back by the Gryffindor captain Wood. Ron's face twisted with rage and he drew his new wand, pointing it at Draco as the Slytherin team prepared to back up and defend Malfoy.
"How dare you? You'll pay for that one, Malfoy!" yelled Ron. Green light seemed to build up, visibly leaking from teh cracks in the wand wood. Then, Ron was enveloped in green light as his wand blasted itself into splinters in his hand. Ron fell backward onto the ground.
Hermione rushed to him, calling out, "Ron, Ron, are you alright?"
Ron sat up, staring at his empty wand hand. A few splinters were embedded in his palm, but he was otherwise uninjured. Then his eyes bulged and he vomited up a number of slugs.
The backfired curse effectively ended any threat of immediate violence as the Slytherins were utterly incapacitated with laughter. Draco in particular laughed so hard he collapsed to the ground and beat his fists on the grass.
"We'd better get him to Hagrid's," said Harry. "It's nearest." He and Hermione helped Ron to his feet as he continued to spit up large slugs.
Sloth shooed off Colin, who was getting underfoot, and I apologized profusely to Ron about the malfunctioning wand that had done this to him. Luna just quietly tagged along.
As we approached Hagrid's cabin, Harry caught sight of Professor Lockheart exiting. Harry immediately dove into a bush, pulling Ron with him and hissed, "Quick, behind here!"
"But maybe he can help Ron," I suggested, before Harry dragged me in, Sloth, Luna, and Hermione having already hidden behind the bush at Harry's urging.
Lockheart was loudly speaking with Hagrid. "It's a simple matter if you know what you're doing. If you need help, you know where I am. I'll let you have a copy of my book. I'm surprised you haven't got one. I'll sign one and send it over. Well, goodbye."
Harry waited until Lockheart was out of sight before letting us proceed to Hagrid's. By that time, Hagrid had gone inside and shut the door. Harry's knock summoned Hagrid instantly.
"Been wondering when you'd come to see me. Come in. Come in. Thought you mighta been Professor Lockheart back again."
We quickly explained what had happened to Ron as we got him inside. Hagrid gave Ron a large basin.
"Better out than in. Get 'em all up, Ron," said Hagrid, cheerfully.
"I don't think there's anything we can do except wait for it to stop," concluded Hermione as she kept an eye on Ron. "That's a difficult curse to work at the best of times, but with a defective wand..."
"I had no idea this could happen," I told Ron. "I'll make it up to you. I promise. We'll got to Diagon Alley and I'll buy you a new wand from Ollivander's. I am so sorry."
Meanwhile, Hagrid made tea and Fang greeted Loki. Both dogs were excited to see one another again.
Harry asked, "What did Lockheart want with you, Hagrid?"
"Giving advice on getting keplies out of a well. Like I don't know. And banging on about some banshee he banished. If one word of it was true, I'll eat my kettle."
"I think you're being a bit unfair," said Hermione. "Professor Dumbledore obviously thought he was the best man for the job."
"He was the only man for the job, and I mean the only one," said Hagrid, offering us all fudge. "Getting very difficult to find anyone for the dark arts job. People aren't too keen to take it on, see. They're starting to think it's jinxed. No one's lasted long for a while now. So tell me, who was he trying to curse?" He indicated Ron.
"Malfoy," I said.
"He called Hermione something," said Harry. "It must've been really bad, because everyone went wild."
"It was bad," said Ron, gasping for breath. The first words he'd managed since the backfiring curse. "Malfoy called her 'mudblood', Hagrid." Then Ron puked up the batch of slugs he'd had to hold in to get that much out.
"He didn't?" said Hagrid angrily.
"He did," said Luna, obviously no more pleased than Ron or Hagrid.
"I don't know what it means," said Hermione. "I could tell it was really rude, of course."
"It's about hte most insulting thing he could think of," said Ron, fighting down another slug attack. "Mudblood's a really foul name for someone who is muggle born. You know, non-magic parents. There are some wizards, like Malfoy's family, who think they're better than everyone else because they're what people call pure blood." He belched up another slug and continued. "I mean, the rest of us know it doesn't make any difference at all. Look at Neville Longbottom. He's pure blood, and he can hardly stand a cauldron the right way up."
"And they haven't invented a spell our Hermione can't do," added Hagrid. "And you're muggleborn too, aren't you, Greed."
I nodded.
"It's a disgusting thing to call someone," continued Ron. "Dirty blood, see. Common blood. It's ridiculous. Most wizards these days are half blood anyway. If we hadn't married muggles, we'd've died out."
Ron resumed vomiting slugs into the basin.
Hagrid replied philosophically, "Well, I don't blame you for trying to curse him, Ron, but maybe it was a good thing your wand backfired. I expect Lucius Malfoy would've come marching up to the school if you'd cursed his son. Least you're not in trouble."
"True," said Sloth. "Didn't Dumbledore threaten to expel you if you broke the rules again?"
Harry nodded.
Taking advantage of the lull in conversation, Luna piped up. "Hagrid, do you know what the horse creatures that pull the school carriages are called?"
"You can see them" he verified, slightly subdued.
Luna nodded. "But Hermione can't."
"Well, I should ruddy well hope not," declared Hagrid. "They're called thestrals. I take care of the school's herd. And the reason some people can see 'em and some people can't is they're only visible to people who've seen death."
"That explains Sloth and I," I said in a subdued tone.
Harry nodded. He'd been in the room when I killed Quirrell.
"During the last war, there were lots of students that could see them," said Hagrid. "It's a sign of the times and a ruddy good one too, that most of the students just think the carriages drive themselves."
"Can we see them?" asked Luna.
"I don't see why not," said Hagrid. "They're real friendly."
"Are you two going to be okay?" Sloth asked Ron and Hermione. "I don't think there'll be much for you to see."
Ron gave a thumbs up and spat another batch of slugs into the basin. Hagrid led Sloth, Luna, Harry, and I outside and lured the thestrals in using a bucket of what looked like pig's blood.
"A lot of folks treat 'em like they're a bad omen, 'cause of the death thing and how they look," said Hagrid approaching one, who let him stroke its muzzle. Up close, I could confirm their skeletal appearance was due to having pale skin stretched tightly over a thin body. Another testament to magical creatures being tougher and stronger than physics and biology said they should be, the threstrals' emaciated appearance didn't seem to leave them weaker or slower than a normal horse.
As I stroked the mane of one, Sloth said, "Better be careful, Ron's in bad enough shape from unicorn hair."
"You want to ride 'em?" offered Hagrid, clearly enjoying showing off the herd. "Not far, obviously, just a short up and down. They're trained for it."
Luna happily mounted immediately, while Harry hesitated for a long moment. Sloth and I each picked one, getting on in time for Harry to make his decision and join us.
"All right, hang on tight," said Hagrid. Then to the thestrals, "Just a quick flight along the tree line and back."
Understanding, the thestrals spread their bat like wings and launched into the air with surprising speed. Loki ran along the ground under us for a few dozen feet, but couldn't keep pace. I doubted he could keep pace in his chimera form. Wind whipped through our hair. Our robes flapped and billowed as we shot through the air. I could feel my spine compressed by g-forces as the thestrals banked hard and turned back toward Hagrid's hut. In no time, they deposited us back on the ground.
"That was faster than my racing broom," marveled Harry.
"They're the fastest way to travel if you want to see any scenery at all," said Hagrid happily.
As we went back inside, Hagrid said, "Harry, got a bone to pick with you. I've heard you've been giving out signed photos. How come I haven't got one?"
"I have not been giving out signed photos," declared Harry, angrily. "If Lockheart's still spreading that around-"
"I'm only joking," said Hagrid with a laugh. "I knew you hadn't really. I told Lockheart you didn't need to. You're more famous than him without trying."
"Bed he didn't like that," said Harry, grinning satisfied.
"Don't think he did," said Hagrid slyly. "And then I told him I'd never read one of his books and he decided to go."
We bid Hagrid goodbye at that point and headed back to the school for lunch. Ron's slug attacks were getting farther between, and the slugs he coughed up were getting smaller. As we entered, we were accosted by Professor McGonagall.
"There you are, Potter, Weasley. You will do your detentions this evening."
"What're we doing, Professor?" asked Ron.
"You will be polishing the silver in the trophy room with Mr. Filch. And no magic, Weasley. Elbow grease. And you, Potter, will be helping Professor Lockheart answer his fan mail."
"Oh, n-" began Harry, suppressing himself, then more carefully, "Professor, can't I go and do the trophy room too?"
"Certainly not," said McGonagall with finality. "Professor Lockheart requested you particularly. Eight o'clock sharp. Both of you."
After she'd gone, I told Ron, "At least that leaves us time to get your new wand."
The Ravenclaw common room was empty when I brought Ron in. The riddle asking what spends all day on its feet before spending the night under the bed with its tongue hanging out was answered with "shoe". I told Loki to stay while I retrieved the floo powder from my trunk.
Ron took a pinch, threw it into the fire, and stepped into the green flames. Pausing to make sure he wasn't going to have another slug attack, he said, "Diagon Alley," and vanished.
I followed suit, and after a ride through the disorienting floo network, emerged from a fireplace in the Leaky Cauldron. Ron was already waiting for me.
"Why do we have the train if the floo network gets us there and back that fast?" I asked Ron as we stepped into Diagon Alley.
"It's mostly for the sake of the muggleborns," said Ron. "Their parents wouldn't know how to use floo powder, or be very happy if their kids stepped into a fire and vanished for a year."
"Good point," I acknowledged. "Hermione's parents went pale when your family flooed off."
We stepped into Ollivander's wand shop together. Ollivander was there, and he smiled before sweeping across the shop to greet us.
"Come to make another try and see if a wand chooses you?" he asked, staring at me in a manner that was slightly unnerving.
"No," I said. "I put something together that's working for me. I'm here about Ron."
"I don't believe I've seen you in my shop before," he said, transferring his attention to Ron. "A bit old to be seeking your first wand, aren't you?"
"I've been using my brother Charlie's old wand until now," he said, embarrassed. "There was an accident and it broke."
"For the best," said Ollivander in a clipped tone. "Unicorn hair wands are among the most loyal and consistent. They almost never perform their best magic for anyone but their first master. Here, try this one."
Ron took two tries before Ollivander found his match. I paid and slipped out before he could question me further about my fake wand. We flooed back to the Ravenclaw common room and I ushered Ron out before anyone caught him in there.
Author's comments:
Luna was introduced far too late in cannon. She should, by all rights, be utterly impossible to miss, even as oblivious as Harry tends to be sometimes.
