Explanation/Disclaimer: All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy...
All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy...
All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy...
All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy
All work and no play makes Ed a dull boy
Quickie # 11 Shine on!
Announcer: Ash Misty and Bork...
Brock (interrupting): That's BROCK!
Announcer: Whatever..., have just left Camp Painfuldeath and are on their way to happier places. How did they escape from that dangerous situation? Well, don't ask questions, or we'll break your legs. We'll do it too! What do you think happened to those two little kids from Cardcaptures? They started sniffing around where they didn't belong and BAM!!! Bodies in a wood chipper...
Ash: (making a clearing of the throat sound) ahem...
Announcer: Anyway, here's Ash Misty and Brock... ... and remember what happens to snitches... they found Michigan J. Frog dead in the woods with his genital cut off and stuffed in his mouth... REMEMBER THAT!!!!
Ash
Misty and Brock just stare at each other in disbelief.
"Meanwhile..." Ash said, "Back at the ranch. It's
good to be alive, huh?"
"Yeah!" Misty agreed,
"I cant believe how we got away! It was amazing!"
"Yeah,
I thought we were goners but then... well you know the rest!"
Brock replied.
Then
Misty smacked Ash on the arm. "And its all your fault!"
"Ow!" Ash yelled, "My fault?"
"Yeah!"
Misty complained, "Your fault, it was your idea to go to
Lavender Town, WE wanted to go to Mahogany Town!"
Brock
nodded his head, "We would have been perfectly safe if we went
there!"
***SCENE CHANGE TO MAHOGONY TOWN...
Jill Valentine backs up against the wall, she could hear the shuffling feet of the undead creeping closer. The moans of the poor souls of the still animated deceased getting closer scared her; she knew she was running low on ammo, and it will be a while before Chris Redfield would be here with STARRS backup. She knew they were close... she could smell them... and she could hear that funky beat.
Suddenly a horde of zombies led by Michael Jackson doing the thriller burst around the corner... (I know, old joke... but wait for it...)
Jill
screamed in fear and started firing, Michael took two in the chest
and dropped the zombie baby he was holding out the window. He
slumped down to the ground and Jill crept up closer to make sure he
was "dead".
SUDDENLY Michael's nose bared its
teeth and growled and leapt off his face and started gnawing at her
neck! Jill knew she was in danger...
(See, I told you to bear with me)
***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...
Ash
shrugged, "Come on guys, we're alive, doing fine, so lets just
drop it, OK? Besides, its not like that was the worst place we ever
stayed... hey, remember that time that we took that job to be
caretakers for that hotel for the winter? Now THAT was a sticky
situation!"
Misty and Brock shot a glance at one another
then Misty asked, "Ash, what are you talking about?"
"You
don't remember?" Ash asked surprised, "Come on, it was like
2 years ago..."
*SCENE CHANGE TO THE OVERLOOK HOTEL...
Ash
Misty and Brock are walking down the hallway of the old hotel, being
shown around by the supervisor. "Things are pretty quiet here
in the winter," the man explained, "No outside contact once
the snow starts, you cant get to town once the snow starts, not
without the snowmobile."
Ash shrugged, "Oh I'm sure
we'll be fine... We can always watch TV."
"The TV
doesn't get any reception once the snow starts." The man
explained.
"Oh..."
Ash replied, "Well, there's always video tapes..."
"Sorry,
but all the VCR's are broken." The man stiffly said.
"Oh, well there's always radio." Ash said taking another guess.
"The only station that comes in clear is the all Polka station; WSUCK."
Ash
made a rye face, and said, "Well, I'm sure we'll find something
to keep us busy."
"Yes, well just make sure to do
all your duties." The man continued, "Every room is to be
vacuumed and dusted once a week, the elevator is to be oiled once a
month, the ax collection must be shined every single day, the knives
must be sharpened daily, the chainsaw must be started and swung
around wildly every 2 days, to keep it from rusting up."
Our
favorite trio exchange a nervous glance. The man pauses for a
moment, "Am I forgetting anything?
"Oh,
I don't know," Brock says sarcastically, "Maybe there's a
large acid collection that we will have to test."
The man
stared icily at Brock. Brock sweatdropped, "I was just kidding
sir."
"Yes well," The man replied, "I will
say this only once. You are to leave the acid collection
alone."
The trio exchanged a troubled glance again.
"Well," The man said picking up his suitcase, "I must
get going now, I'm sure you'll have a pleasant winter. Oh, I don't
want to have to say this, but I really should. If you feel the need
to go insane and kill yourselves like the last 4 keepers have, please
do it in the kitchen, its much easier to clean the blood up there.
Good day..."
And with that the man left, and our trio
shared one more worried glance.
***SIX MONTHS LATER...
They are all dead...
...
... ...
... ... ...
... ... ... ...perhaps we should back up a little bit...
***FOUR MONTHS BEFORE THOSE SIX MONTHS (Two months from the start for those of you keeping score)...
"Hey
look!" Ash said pointing out of a window, "Its starting to
snow..."
"Cool!" Brock said.
"Yeah, its a good day to just chill." Ash replied.
"Yeah,
that's always ice to do." Brock returned.
"Only if
you have snowhere to go." Ash came back.
Brock
was stuck, until Misty walked into the room, Brock quickly jumped on
it, "Oh, Hail-o there Misty."
Ash didn't bat an eye
and explained to Misty, "Don't mind Brock, we're in the middle
of a pun war, and he's losing under my flurry of wit."
Misty
sighed and said, "You two are a couple of flakes, you know
that?"
That surprise pun actually stopped the war.
"Well, the rooms are all cleaned." Misty said, "Brock,
what's for dinner tonight?"
Brock surprisingly shouted
out, "I'LL KILL YOU AND COOK YOU FOR DINNER!!!!"
Ash
and Misty stepped back shocked.
Brock
shook his head gently, "I mean... ... ... chicken nuggets
tonight."
"Oh..." Ash said quietly, "Can
you make your famous honey mustard sauce?"
Brock leaned in and quietly whispered, "I'll kill you slowly and show you your own guts."
Ash
blinked once... then twice... then a third time, and then said,
"So... does that mean that you WONT be making your famous honey
mustard sauce?"
Brock wiped his mouth a few times, and
then silently walked out of the room.
There
was a moment of silence between Ash and Misty, till Misty said, "Hey
Ash, Is it me, or is Brock acting a bit unusual?"
"How
so?" Ash asked.
"Well,
I haven't seen Togepi since Brock took it to see the sledgehammer
collection." Misty explained, "And then we had those funny
scrambled eggs later that day..."
"Yeah,"
Ash said remembering, "Now that you mentioned it, I haven't seen
Cyndaquill, since Brock took him to see the lethal hypodermic needle
collection... and THAT day we had that strange Mexican meal called
Cyndachungas..."
"Yeah..."
Misty said quietly, "...those were spicy."
There was
a moment of silence, then Ash shook his head, "Nah, come on
Mist, we're just being silly, paranoid even... I mean there's
nothing weird going around this place at all, its just the cabin
fever getting to us..."
Misty smiled, "Yeah, your
probably right..., hey, you wanna come upstairs with me, and help me
clean the mirrors on the third floor?"
"Sure!"
Ash said taking off, "Race ya to the elevator!"
The
two teens raced down the hallway, and Misty got there a half second
before Ash, "HA!" She said, "I win!" And then
pressed the button.
The doors open, and surprisingly a wave of red gloopy liquid came gushing out and flooded past Ash and Misty, up to their knees. "Oh my god." Misty breathed.
Ash
shivered, "I don't believe it..."
Misty started to
shake, and asked quietly, "What is it Ash? It's... its not what
i think it is... is it?"
"Misty..." Ash said
seriously, "I... I think its blood! Maybe human blood..."
Ash
then dipped his finger in the liquid and then tasted it. Misty
looked at him shocked, and Ash tasted it for a second and said,
"Yep... definitely human... Jamaican I think..."
Ash
dipped his finger in again and took another taste, "... ... ...,
yep... Jamaican.," Then stuck his finger to Misty, and asked,
"Want some?"
"NO!" Misty shouted and
slapped his hand away, "There's something really wrong here...
the blood here... Brock's slowly creeping madness, the voices in the
middle of the night, the.. the... Ash... what are you doing?"
Ash
started giggling and stared at his wiggling fingers through glazed
over eyes, "You know Misty?" Ash said giggling, "I
think whoever's blood this was, was doing some gooooooood shit!"
"ASH!!!"
Misty said grabbing his shoulders, "Snap out of it!"
"Oh
mannnn," Ash said stoned, "You always snap out of stuff...
why cant you ever snap INTO stuff?"
"Ugh, Come on
Ash!" Misty said dragging Ash off.
"Dudeeeeee, now i know how RVD feels all the time..." Ash said spaced out.
***MEANWHILE, BROCK IS ON FLOOR TWO...
Brock heads down the strangely eerie corridor muttering to himself. "It's been way to long since I've had a pretty girl to hit on..., why couldn't Ash have gotten a job taking care of a tropical paradise, maybe on an island not owned by a TV network. That way we couldn't get voted off. I BET Ash would try and kick me off... well, there's only one thing to do... kill him... kill them all! hehehehe, kill them all, Ash, Pikachu, Misty, Simon from that rigged TV show... they'll all pay..."
Brock
stopped his rambling, when he saw room 666 was opened a crack. Brock
thought it was weird... "Wait a minute..." Brock said, "Who
could have left this room open... hey! Wait a minute! I'm on floor
2, someone must have switched signs from the 6th floor... HEY! Wait
a minute... there IS no sixth floor."
Brock shook his
head staring at the door, then opened it muttering, "Damn that
Ash, creating rooms out of thin air to make more work for me to
do..."
The hotel room seemed a bit steamy, and Brock
could hear the water running. Curiously Brock walked into the
bathroom, and he couldn't believe his eyes. There was a
breathtakingly beautiful woman, lying naked in the half filled tub.
Brock looked at her, stared for a moment then yelled,
"Woohoo!!!" and started to sing, "When you wish upon a
star... doesn't matter who you are..."
Brock then lifted his head... it was weird, but somewhere... somehow, he could SWEAR he heard Disney Chairpeople laughing, and making "Ka-Ching!" sounds. "Damn royalties," Brock swore.
But as the woman stood up from the tub and took a few steps towards him, Brock forgot allllll about that.
The
woman wrapped her arms around Brock, and the two kissed deeply.
Brock shut his eyes. As she pulled away, Brock opened his eyes, and
was surprised to see that this young woman was now an animated,
decaying, wrinkling corpse. The grizzly woman just bared her teeth
at him in a disgusting grin. Brock looked at her... paused a moment,
then shrugged and said, "Meh, A piece of ass, is a piece of
ass..." Then went back to kissing the phantom.
***LATER...
Misty walked into Ash's room. Ash wasn't around, but his laptop was running. She peered down at the screen and gasped at what she saw. Written on the screen was "All work and no play makes Ash a dull boy", over and over.
Misty backed away, her hand covering her mouth, "Oh my god... Ash has gone crazy too!" She whispered.
"No
I haven't!" Ash said walking into the room startling Misty.
Ash picked up his laptop and tried Ctrl, Alt, Delete, but
nothing happened, Ash explained, "My stupid Windows NT has
locked up and just keeps copying that line... I think it has some
type of online casino virus..." Ash fiddled with it a bit more,
and with a "BAH" of frustration, he closed it up.
Mockingly and annoyed he said, "Dudeeee, I got a
Dell!... ...piece of crap..."
Suddenly, the walls started to bleed. The blood spread around and spelled, "RED RUM"
Ash
looked at the wall and sighed, "You know, those walls are NOT
scotch guarded, that's going to be a bitch to get out...
"Wait
a minute," Misty said, "Red Rum? That's MURDER spelled
backwards! Do you know what that means?"
"We have
dyslexic ghosts?" Ash guessed. That earned him a slap upside
his head.
"NO!
It means that we're in real danger!" Misty warned, "And
probably from Brock, I think he's snapped! I saw him sharpening an
ax before!"
"Well, that's one of his jobs..."
Ash started to say...
...but Misty interrupted saying, "He was sharpening it on his Onix!"
Ash
face fell... "Oh..., but that doesn't mean that we can't cant
sit down, and rationally talk to him about this..."
As if
on cue, Brock sunk an ax through the door. He stuck his head into
the hole and said crazily, "Herreeeeeee's Johnny!!!"
Everyone paused for a second, because they all thought, that
somewhere, somehow, they heard Ed MacMahon laughing and going
"Ka-Ching!"
The reality of the situation then sunk in and Ash and Misty sprinted out the other door. They could hear Brock swear and break down the rest of the door.
Brock
clenched the ax closer to his body and grinned and said, "Wait
til they get a load of me... hahahahaha!!!"
"Where DOES he get all those toys?" Ash wondered.
"Never
mind that Ash," Misty said, "Its Chinatown..."
And
somewhere... somehow, they could all hear Jack Nicolson laughing and
going "Ka-fbleeping-Ching!"
Ash and Misty ran as fast as they could, right into the main hall, and were shocked at what they saw. In the room, there were all sorts of specters, ghouls, ghosts, and skeletons... (skeletons or super models... who can tell the different these days?)
"Oh my god!" Misty screamed, "It's a party of the undead!"
Ash
studied the room, and said, "Nah, cant be, Dick Clark's not
here..."
"Yea, tell me about it," Misty said,
"What's the deal with him, why doesn't he age?"
"Pact
with Satan" Ash explained, "Eternal life in exchange for
Bloopers... that's why he's always saying that he'll do ANYTHING for
those little gems..."
"Oh."
Misty said, "Makes sense..."
Suddenly the room's door burst open and in strode Brock, the dangerous ax slung on his shoulder.
"Come take your medicine children," he said wiping his lips.
"Alright then," Ash said reaching for a pokeball, "I didn't want to hurt you Brock, but you leave me little choice,"
In
a flash, Ash called out his Bayleaf, who was joined by Pikachu.
"Alright," Ash commanded, "Bayleaf, try to restrain
Brock with vine whip!"
"BAY!" The pokemon cried
out as it whipped out two long vines, which were then quickly chopped
by Brock, who then leaped forward and buried the ax deep in the skull
of the pokemon. Ash, Misty and Pikachu stared at the bloody mess.
Pikachu shook its head and said, "Oh fbleepk, this!" and left.
Misty
and Ash looked at each other. Misty said, "I suggest we keep
running..."
"Good plan!" Ash agreed and took
off, Brock's ax missing him by inches.
***THREE JOKES THAT YOU MISSED OUT ON AND TEN MINUTES LATER...
Ash
and Misty had made it back to the main room, both were out of breath,
"Oh man," Ash said breathing hard, "I think we lost
him..."
"Wonderful!" Misty said sarcastically,
"We just have to avoid him for 2 more months... should be easy
to hide in this hell's party" Misty spread her arm out, pointing
out that the undead party was still going on.
"You think they have chips?" Ash said looking. That earned Ash a slap upside his head.
"Well,"
Ash said trying to be cheerful, "It cant possibly get any
worse!"
ON CUE... ????: "PREPARE FOR TROUBLE!"
????:
"YES! and make it double!"
"To protect the
world from... what the HELL is THAT???" she shrieked as Jessie
just noticed the evil party of hell going on in the room.
The evil trio stared at the party, then looked at the dead Bayleaf, then at the disheveled twerps. There's a moment of silence between them.
Then
James said backing away, "Well... we can see your busy... we'll
just come back another time..."
"Good luck with...
well... surviving." Meowth said, backing away.
They didn't get far, since Brock appeared from behind a corner and sunk the ax deep in James's back. Then gave Jessie's a taste, then proved that there is more then one way to skin a Meowth, but the effect is pretty much the same.
The
dying trio laid there, and moaned out, "Looks like Team Rocket
is dying off again..."
Ash looked at the dead villains
and said to Misty, "You know... I don't know HOW I'm suppose to
feel about this..."
Brock crept in closer to Ash and
Misty. "Come here children... its time to take your
medicine..."
Ash
stopped backing away and said, "You know... this seems awfully
familiar..."
Misty looked at Ash curiously.
"No
really," Ash said, "I could swear I've seen this before!"
Ash thought deeply for a second, then snapped his finger, "Hey!
I know, this is just like that book by Stephen King! Oh but look at
this, its all messed up..."
Brock stopped in his tracks,
"What do mean? Messed up?"
"Well for one..."
Ash said pointed at Brock's Ax, "YOU'RE suppose to have a large
mallet, NOT an ax..."
Brock just looked at his weapon.
"And..., there's the matter of me not having psychic powers...",
Ash said, "I really should have been given psychic powers... oh
man..., that would have been sweet!"
Brock
tapped his foot, "Alright Mr. picky, is there anything else that
is wrong?"
"Well," Ash said trying to remember,
"There's something about a furnace..."
"A
furnace?" Brock and Misty asked together.
We then pan to the outside of the hotel, just in time to see the entire building burst into a huge fire ball with a loud "BOOOOOOOOM!!!!"
*************
Ash
quickly sat up from bed, "Oh my gosh!" he gasp, "What
a horrible dream i had..."
"Easy there, Ash"
Misty said, sitting up from her own bed, "It was just a dream...
we're all safe... Hey... by the way, did you check the
furnace?"
"The furnace?" Ash asked.
****BOOOOOMMMMM!!!!******
Ash
snapped up from the couch, his forehead dripping, "Oh my
gosh!!!!" Ash screamed, "That was intense... what a
dream!"
"Hey," Misty said, "Look who's
awake!"
"Good to see ya Ash!" Brock said,
putting in a video tape in, "Your just in time to watch this
movie we rented.
"Cool!" Ash said, "Whatcha rent?"
"Oh..."
Brock said grinning evilly, "Just the newest Shaq movie... its a
buddy picture where he teams up with Andy Dick as homosexual
rent-a-cops in Harvard."
Brock pressed the PLAY button.
Ash screamed, "Noooooooooo!"
*******BOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!********
(Don't ask me why that blew up...)
***SCENE CHANGE BACK TO MAIN STORY...
"...and that's how we all died." Ash said proudly finishing his recollection.
Misty and Brock just stared at Ash open mouthed. "That was the..., I mean, the stupidest..., i mean, not a lick of sense." Brock said, trying to talk, even though he'd be stricken speechless.
"Augh"
Misty said annoyed, "Not ONLY did that not make sense... BUT you
wasted the whole episode on it..."
"Well," Ash
said, "Well, I guess i didn't just know Jack!"
Ash
grinned and we...
IRIS
OUT...
"Wait
a sec..." Misty says from the darkness...
IRIS BACK
IN...
"I don't get the close out joke." Misty says.
"Jack was the name of the character from the Shining." Ash explained.
"Oh." Misty said.
IRIS BACK OUT...
THE END
"I
cant believe you wasted the whole episode on that stupid story!"
Misty complained, "We had such a good plot lined up!"
"Yeah!"
Brock said, "We were going to teach them the ancient Japanese
secret of eternal happiness!"
"Meh," Ash said,
"Maybe next time, hey, wanna get a bite to eat?"
"Sure!"
Misty and Brock replied, Brock then said, "Hey, should we ask if
Jessie, James and Meowth want to come too?"
Misty looked
over at the corpses of Team Rocket, "Umm... Brock..." She
asked, "You DID use a prop ax, right?"
"A prop
what-now?" Brock asked confused.
"Uh oh..."
THE
REAL END
Whew! That was a long one! I hope everyone
enjoyed, cause I really enjoyed writing it! Thanks for taking the
time to read this, and I reallllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy would appreciate it
if you would review it. Well, i guess its time to wrap this up...
guess I should save this fanfic to Windows... uh oh... error... oh
no!!!
