Sorry that there's been a bit of a lag on this one. Hope you all enjoy this new chapter. Reviews would be awesome.
Somehow that night, she was able to get him upstairs and into bed but when she went to leave, he reached out a hand and grabbed hers. He held on like a drowning man as no words passed between them. He just stared into her eyes, his own fatigued, pained, confused and a jumble of other emotions. Gillian considered, but only for a moment. Kicking off her shoes, she lay down next to him. Not being as mobile, he lay somewhat stiffly on his back, but she curled next to him, looping one arm around his ribcage, her head against his good shoulder. Sleep gradually overtook both of them.
(BREAK)
During the night, Gill was pulled from deep sleep by Cal's thrashing. His face glistened with sweat, breaths coming hard and fast as he mumbled incoherently.
Pushing herself upright, she reached out, touching his cheek, smoothing his hair back. "Shhh. You're fine." Her voice was barely audible, but it was enough. He gradually stilled, but didn't awaken.
She watched his face in the dim moonlight filtering in through the window. He was quiet, but not peaceful. He looked pinched and stressed even in sleep.
PTSD. Depression. Gill wondered if he'd be willing to see someone. Cal could be so proud and stubborn but he'd gone through a very traumatic situation. He needed help to work through it. She wondered what the odds were that he'd agree. Possibly, with a little push from Emily. She had to try.
At that moment, he jerked into wakefulness, a cry dying on his lips. He looked around in a panic, before recognition began to settle in. Cal's eyes finally locked on Gillian's. "Sorry. Did I wake you?" he sounded raspy, but the tone was gentle.
"No. I was already awake. You okay?" She touched his face again.
"Yeah, just some nightmares." His eyes remained on hers, vulnerability etched in his face. "I'm glad you're here."
She scooted up near the headboard so she could more easily put her arms around him. Her fear of hurting him made the endeavor quite awkward. "I'm sorry I wasn't before."
"You had lots of good reasons. I hope not so much now."
A dry chuckle passed her lips. "Oh they're still there Cal, I'm just working around them."
The feeble attempt at a joke led to several minutes of silence.
She thought that he'd fallen back asleep and immediately wanted to kick herself. The last thing he needed was more guilt.
And then, "I'm sorry for everything Gillian. You're stuck at this...this emotional…crossroads and it's completely my fault."
It was her turn to be at a loss for words.
"I'm not sure what direction you'll choose," he voice lowered to an agonized whisper. "Actually I think I do know…I just… want you to be aware that I would never blame you. It would probably be best if you ran as fast and as far away from me as you possibly can."
Gillian froze, a knot weaving it's way through her insides and pulling tight. She fought to catch her breath before hot tears filled her eyes. Breaking free of her personal binding, she sat up, shifting her body to be able to look straight into his face. "You can not assume what I may or may not do." Her utterance shook badly, tears beginning to course down her cheeks. "You can not assume my feelings." Her hands moved to roughly grasp either side of his face. "How dare you tell me to run from you! What the hell gives you the right?"
Cal stared at her, his jaw sagging open, startled. He honestly didn't know how to react. "I…I was just thinking of you. I'm such a selfish bastard…"
"Don't assume you know what's best for me!" She jarred his head ever so slightly for emphasis. He could feel her breath on his face. She was just inches away. "If I was going anywhere, I would probably have been long gone by now you idiot! Don't you even realize that?" Noting that her grip had become stronger than intended, she loosened her hold, but did not let go. "I'm not going anywhere."
They didn't break eye contact. It was almost like a childhood staring contest. Neither was willing to look away.
He moved his left hand slowly up to the side of her face and gently tucked a wavy lock behind her ear. "I'm glad." There was no ambiguity in his tone.
(BREAK)
Before heading to school, Emily risked a peek into her Dad's bedroom. She knew that she shouldn't but she couldn't help herself.
A smile tugged up the corners of her mouth as she observed them. They were nestled together and asleep in one another's arms. Both seemed peaceful. She hadn't seen that level of peace on her dad's face for a very long time. As she watched, he pulled Gillian even closer with his good arm. They complimented one another perfectly and they were the only two people that didn't seem to know it.
Gently closing the door, Em headed downstairs.
(BREAK)
Cal had to grit his teeth but managed to slip out from under Gill's arm without waking her. Moving slowly, he grabbed some clean clothing and headed toward the bathroom.
Looking at himself in the mirror, it was hard to meet all the demons behind his own eyes. His face appeared more heavily lined now, gaunt with weight loss and exhaustion. For the first time, he didn't kid himself. He felt his age. Older in fact. His hair was light enough to mask most of its gray, but if he looked close though he could see it. Silver camouflaged itself in his short beard as well.
With a sigh, he pulled his eyes away from his aging reflection and tentatively pulled at his bandage, successfully peeling it away. The wound still looked ugly but the sutures held. He had been told to wait several days before taking a shower and now he was more than ready. He needed to wash everything away. Physically and psychologically would be nice. Cal wished it would be that easy.
Starting the shower, he awkwardly undressed and moved into the warm, soothing spray.
(BREAK)
Gillian awoke to a loud thump and an oath. Shaking the granules of sleep from her mind, she quickly scrambled off the side of the bed and went to stand outside the bathroom door. She gave a tentative knock.
"Cal?"
Silence.
"Are you okay?"
"Uh, yeah luv. Just lost my balance." She could hear pain and embarrassment in his voice
"Do…you…um…need help?"
More silence.
"I'm…alright. Be out in a minute."
She hovered with worry, not being able to help herself, until the door finally cracked open. He was noticeably paler.
Cal gave her a sheepish but pained smile. "Still a little woozy I guess. At least I don't stink now." He wore only a pair of sweats.
Her eyes automatically swept across his lean chest before landing on his shoulder and cringing.
He'd caught her expression. "Yeah, I know. Ugly isn't it?"
"Well..."
"I could use a hand redressing it though, if you're not too uncomfortable…?" She
could tell it took a lot for him to ask.
"Of course. Just…" She waved him back into the bathroom to sit on the toilet lid.
Finding everything she needed under the sink, she had it cleaned and dressed within minutes. They continued to gaze at one another afterward, as she sat on the edge of the tub.
"Any more nightmares?"
"Not that I recall."
Reaching out a hand, her fingers lightly combed through his beard. Cal didn't move away. "What are you going to do with this?"
"Dunno. The group ZZ Top ring any bells?" He tilted his head, a lazy smile crossing his face.
"Very funny."
"Well, luv, it's gonna have to wait until I can move my arm a bit more. Otherwise, I'll likely cut my own throat."
"I could do it for you." Her voice was soft but confident.
"Cut my throat?"
Her lips twisted slightly and she raised an eyebrow.
"Sorry luv, bad joke." Cal cocked his head to the side, watching while Gill's face softened. "You don't have to do that."
"I'd like to. Do you trust me?"
Staring deeply into her eyes, the words came easily. "With my life."
Gillian nodded with a little smile and once again rummaged under the sink, finding grooming scissors and the rest of his shaving supplies. He couldn't help but subtly observe the curve of her hip and backside as she leaned over. Swallowing, he averted his gaze.
She draped a towel around his shoulders, and used the scissors to carefully trim as close as possible before setting them aside and reaching for the foam.
Cal's eyes never left her face. He wasn't worried, just entranced. Her touch was gentle and deliberate as she worked, smoothly running his razor up and over his jaw in even strokes. He watched as she took her lower lip between her top teeth in concentration, being so mindful as to not hurt him. Unconsciously his heart rate increased and he stated to feel a little warm. He finally moved his eyes away, embarrassed at what she might find lurking there. His usual mask required a bit too much energy at the moment.
Finishing, Gillian wiped away any residual shaving cream from his face and stepped back to allow him room to get to his feet.
With a grunt, he pulled himself up and went to peek in mirror. He proceeded to mockingly move his face this way and that to get a better idea of her level of skill. "Not bad at all. I think I could maybe hire ya."
She smiled as he turned toward her and touched his cheek. "That's better. I can see your face again."
"What, this mug? Why would you want to do that?" His eyes gently teased.
Just for this moment, undamaged Cal was back. She was so happy to see it that she felt her eyes start to water, which naturally made him frown in bemusement.
"What luv?"
Keeping her hand on his freshly shaven cheek, she moved closer and gently pressed her lips to his. He returned the kiss, bringing his fingers up to curl in the hair at the back of her head. It was so tender and sweet that they both broke away smiling.
"Thank you darlin'. I really enjoy the extra services that you provide." He gave her a suggestive wink.
