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DISCLAIMER: Comme d'hab!
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Wow!
E-mail #1:
Hey Thermopolis,
You know, I kind of miss you.
Still need some time to sort it all though…
M
Michael misses me, Michael misses ME! Oh Joy, oh happiness!
He simply can't live without me! I mean, sure, I never heard he would have broken up with his other girlfriend, aka Judith Greshner but…
OMG! What if he is still seeing Judith?
Lilly kept saying they were not dating but Lilly sure believes tons of bullshit!
Like she believes I had sex with I don't know who and got pregnant and had abortion! Duh!
Still, this was like a love letter. I mean the word "love" was not actually mentioned… But it had been mentioned earlier, in that note of him! He he!
E-mail #2:
What do you think you're doing with that Tim guy? You're mine, ok?
I said I needed some time to figure things out. I never said you could date someone else!
M.
Here comes the jealous man act.
I dunno if I should feel flattered or annoyed at it.I mean that is pretty macho of him. I bet he thinks he can throw me like an old sock and then take me back when he wants to! Hell, no!
Though… yeah, sure he can. Hello! I'm after all on the verge of begging him to have me back!
Yeah! That's how pathetic I am!
On the other hand, I have to confess that it has been my LIFE LONG fantasy to have two guys –preferably hot and famous; but one can't have everything, so let's forget about the famous part- fight for me.
Also, I like to think of Michael as possessive of me. Yep, I'm Michael's girl!
E-mail #3:
I heard Kenny on the news. Said you never did… well, that thing, together.
So I guess I have been behaving like… a supreme ass…
Will her Highness ever forgive me?
Well, if forgiving Michael means more making out… Sure!!!
Or should I be like more assertive and all? Avoid him for some time (as he did to me!).
Nay! Couldn't survive that! Gosh I so love to be weak!
And there, I was, about to write to Michael that as far as I was concerned we could go make out right away when I received a fourth e-mail:
E-mail #4:
Did Josh and you really… I mean…? No! No way!
That is utterly disgusting!
So what now? Are we on or not? I mean, I dunno what that last e-mail really meant. Is e-mail #3 cancelled by e-mail #4? Who does he believe anyhow, Josh or me? Cause it sure looks like he believes Josh!
Josh! JOSH! The very infamous Josh! Who pretended he liked me just to be on the cover of the country's tabloids!
And whose girlfriend is –ok; WAS- Lana Weinberger!
A double set-up! That's what it is!
But no, no! The Moscovitz geniuses can't see that!
Cause if it's in the news, it has to be true…
And I thought Tim was the blind one. But, he, unlike some others, sure sees through Lana and Josh's petty games.
After 10 minutes or so ruminating on that, it started to get on my nerves! I mean really…
And that's how I decided to tell Michael how disappointed I was by his last reaction. Of course, I, being a princess and all, said it in a very delicate, subtle and well-expressed way:
E-mail to Michael:
You, jerk!
Ha! That felt good!
For a whole five minutes…
After which I started to actually feel bad about it. Why does everything have to be so complicated?!
So for once I'm being assertive… and I can't live with it. Knowing that I may have lost Michael forever thanks to these 2 seconds of assertiveness. Sigh.
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Ok, so I spent most of the night crying because… well because, and that's not a surprise, things are not going well at all.
After that, getting up was very, very hard. Total lack of sleep! But I had set my alarm clock. Which was a real blessing as I wouldn't have been up before Lana otherwise.
So got up early, took with me a couple of clothes and Fat Louie and ran to Ronnie's.
Ronnie is really nice. But really s/he doesn't have a very good sense of taste. Yep, s/he found that purple was a great plus for Fat Louie! Yeesh!
Then I called Lars and hopped in the limo as soon it parked down the building. I knew I was going to be an hour early at school but I could always spend it in the limo, working on my poem or trying to figure out what on earth that last Algebra lesson had been all about.
Cause, I don't even have an Algebra tutor anymore…
Twenty minutes later, my cell rang. But duh! I knew best than to answer.
Only I panicked and did. Answer I mean. It could have been serious. You know, if someone had catnapped Fat Louie or something. Or if there'd been a problem with mom and the baby…
And as a matter of fact, it was mom. She didn't sound too pleased.
And, strangely enough, I could guess why.
Also I could hear some hysteric screaming in the background.
Yep! Lana had met her fate! Thinking about the shock she must have had when she saw her face in the mirror, I couldn't help smiling.
Sometimes, like three seconds a week, life is not THAT unfair. I mean to me, anyway.
Though I guess it also meant I would met mine –fate, I mean- very soon.
But really, there was no way things could have gone worse. Well, except if Dad decided I had to resume Princess lessons. But I wouldn't go in any case.
Mom
: Mia, where are you?Me
: On my way to school, why?Mom:
Oh, you bloody well know why!Me:
Actually mom, I have absolutely no idea what you're speaking about… (She, of course, couldn't see my nostril flaring. However she still didn't seem to be fooled. Why am I such a bad liar?)Mom:
You know Mia, (and she sighed heavily) you're not making our life any easier. Things were already bad, but now… they're getting out of hands.At that point I heard Mr. G. shouting at Lana
: Oh, but you will go to school! I don't care how humiliated you're gonna feel. After all, we had Mia go with all the rumours and all. You might be my daughter, but you certainly won't be privileged.So everybody will see Lana's new hair colour! Yippee. But God, I am so dead!
Concept: HIDE!!!
Mom:
Mia? Are you even listening? You know, I thought you would be responsible enough not to, huh, not to screw up. I'm really disappointed.How did she dare? So Lana can do everything she wants, is hardly ever punished and I am the one who screws up! Yeah. Sure. Life is so unfair! Plus, who is she kidding? I mean she thought I was pregnant! Wouldn't that be counted as "screwing up"?
Me:
Well, mom… like mother, like daughter! Cause you were sure acting responsible when you let Grandmère bring me to the hospital! You know, I too am very disappointed.Mom:
Honey…Me:
Oh and, by the way, I'm not coming home tonight.And I hanged up.
So ok, that was not very nice of me. But, hey! I am a human being! I too have feelings. I can't just take everything and keep smiling like a complete moron.
Also I can't live knowing my stepsister is torturing animals (especially when it's Fat Louie). Something had to be done. I'm sure Greenpeace would approve.
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I'm in the girls' bathroom now. I'm not crying though. Not yet anyhow. But, yeah, I'm a bit shaky.
Half of the day's gone and I'm still alive. Definitely a plus!
Still have to go through the second half of it though and then through tomorrow, and through the day after, and the day after. And so on, for about four years. God, why didn't I think about that? I mean before I put the ink in the shampoo.
Cause even if Lana leaves home, she'll still be at school!
So Lana has been trying to hide her hideous new self by wearing a hat! With some success, I must admit.
Not such a great idea though, as I heard some Cheerleaders laugh at it. Apparently wearing that kind of a hat is terribly passé and… way uncool! Even Josh complained about it.
The day started with Algebra (which was a bit unnerving), but I ran away as soon as the class was over so that neither Mr. G. nor Lana could catch me. Yes, I know, I'm completely and definitely a COWARD!
But I couldn't escape her all day long. Cause, you see, I had to eat! And so she found me at lunchtime sitting with Shameeka, Ling Su and Tim. The usual! (Although very new, very recent usual!)
Lana
(screaming hysterically): You're so dead! What did you think?Me:
… (Not answering. Really I had nothing to tell her! I don't think I needed to explain WHY I had done that. Hello, Lana! Remember Fat Louie!)Lana:
You may be the Princess of fucking Genovia but I totally rule the school, OK?Obviously, she was waiting for an answer but I decided it'd be best to just ignore her.
Lana
(getting redder and redder with rage any minute):I'll have my revenge, you know. I'll steal your boyfriend, I, I, uh, I don't know, I'll kill your cat!OMG no! No, not Fat Louie! Poor Fat Louie! Thank God, he is safe at Ronnie's right now.
Anyway, everybody was looking at Lana as if she was a psycho. Which she is!
They seemed pretty amazed… And terrified too! I heard someone whisper the word "lunatic".
I so hope her popular friends would all dump her! Yeah, I know. Wishful thinking!
The thing was, nobody knew why Lana was raging at me. They had not seen her hair. Yet. You know, with the hat factor.
But I knew sooner or later, a teacher would ask her to take it –the hat- off. I don't know what would happen then
Of course, there was a slight possibility Mr. G. had asked the other teachers to let Lana wear her hat in class. She's his daughter, for Christ's sake!.
Lana:
Hey witch! (yeah, you know the trick, it was indeed the b-word) I'm waiting for an answer?Me:
Lana, you've obviously never heard the Genovian proverb: "Mieux vaut fermer sa gueule et passer pour un con, que l'ouvrir, et prouver qu'on est con!"Lana:
Huh? What the f…Me:
Which means I'd rather shut up and look like a silly witch (replace with b-word), than open up, as you do, and prove to be one.Wow. That was… fun! Lana was so taken aback. Ha! She dropped her jaw once again.
Me:
You know Lana, you should really quit that bad habit of you. I'm sure swallowing flies is an overrated pleasure!After which I got on my feet and started to leave. I heard Lana step in my direction and so I turned back one last time towards her and added:
Me:
Oh and about your hat… I've never seen something uglier! I dunno, maybe it's the colour. Yeah, you should really try the same in GREEN.At that point Lana almost hit me, but Tim put himself in front of me. And caught her fist in his stomach. Ooch! Poor Tim! He's a real sweetie though.
After that people started to "boo" at Lana. And she ran away.
So I may not have won the war, but I did win a battle. And, God, was I assertive! I'm kinda proud of myself! And that look on Lilly's face! Priceless!
There is an icky factor though: maybe I've become too Lana like.
Also I started to shake a little, and so I went to hide a bit in the bathroom. I mean, I needed to calm down. Luckily Lana was not in there.
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I found Tim, Shameeka and Ling Su waiting for me nearby the bathroom. They looked a bit worried.
Ling Su:
Mia, are you ok?Me
: Yeah. Don't worry! Be happy! (Oh and that answer was so NOT pathetic!)Shameeka:
But do you know why Lana…?Me:
(ironically) Oh, she tried to dye her hair this morning. Didn't turn out as she wanted. Kind of blames me for it. (with a wink) I have no idea why though.Shameeka:
You didn't!Me:
Yes, I did!Ling Su:
OMG! You're so dead!Me
(with a sigh): Oh, yeah!Tim:
And which colour is it?Me:
Well, green of course.Shameeka:
How green?Me:
Don't know. Haven't seen the results yet. Still hoping though. The thing is, I had to escape quickly.Tim:
And why did you…?Me:
She dyed Fat Louie purple. Wanted to see how she'd like it herself!At that moment, my heart stopped as I spotted Michael at the other hand of the hall, coming towards us.
Me
(with a forced laugh): Oh, hihi! Tim! You're so funny!Tim:
What? But… Oh yeah. I'm betting Moscovitz is around…Me
(whispering): Shh! Yep! Can't you play around?Tim
(putting his arm around me): Mia, do you know why I love you so?Me
(still whispering though in a hissing sort of way): Not that kind of plays, you silly! The I-have-such-good-friends-and-therefore-don't-give-a-damn-about-you kind of plays!Tim:
Right! So as I was saying, the reason why I love you so is that you're… huh, such a great buddy!Me
(laughing for real now): Happy to see I'm not the only blubbering idiot around here.Tim
(pretending to be hurt): Hey! Man, you make me look like a fool!And then, as we were gonna pass up Michael, I saw him open his mouth, move his lips to eventually utter my name. (I swear it was like in a slow motion).
Michael:
Mia.Me
(surprised): Michael?Michael:
We need to speak.Me
(uncomfortable): Did y-you, uh, get m-my e-mail?Michael:
Yes. Could we go somewhere and speak about it?And the bell rang! My luck! Though I'm not sure I would have liked what Michael was about to tell me anyhow.
Me:
Sorry, have to go to class!Michael:
See you in G&T then.Me
(still nervous): Yeah, ok.And so I was doomed to stress and obsess for most of the rest of the day, as G&T was my last period. Or so I thought.
But something else happened. Something which made me forget about Michael for a little while. Yeah, just for a little while.
And that thing had something to do with Lana. Yeah. Apparently Lana had really been thinking she'd succeed to hide her hair all day long.
But Mrs Spears really hates people to wear caps or hats in class and so she asked Lana to take off her hat. I guess Mr. G. had not mentioned the problem to the other teachers after all.
Lana refused, of course. Mrs Spears got angry and decided she'd do it herself. Take off Lana's hat I mean.
But Lana lost her nerves and, slapped -yes, slapped!- Mrs Spears in the face.
The shock on the face of Mrs Spears! In fact everybody was so shocked… nobody even uttered a sound for a whole 3 minutes. And then Mrs Spears pulled off Lana's hat anyhow.
And everybody got to see Lana's new colour! And OMG, that was an ugly green! A –excuse my French- shitish kind of green. And well everybody started to laugh their guts out. Yeah, me too!
Mrs Spears was still in rage though. Because of the slapping incident. So she didn't have any sympathy left for Lana. She sent her to Gupta's office. I heard she got three weeks' detention. Plus she has to write a five-page essay on the subject: "Respecting one's teachers".
Not enough to my taste! But still something. Lana really deserved what happened to her, if you want my opinion.
On top of which, I heard Lilly ask Lana in Biology, if she'd like to do the show tonight. Well done, Lilly. Too bad you're not my friend anymore. Of course Lana didn't appreciate Lilly's humour…
Lana:
Oh shut up Moscovitz! You know I can't go, with my hair! So don't bug me!And also the whole class kept gossiping on what was going on with Lana… It was so good to see Lana take a sip of her own medicine!
OMG, the bell is ringing! And now it's time to go to G&T. I don't know if I'll live to write what will happen (Might die of heart attack because of what Michael has to say or might be murdered by Lana on the way)… but I sure hope things will go smoothly.
