The Friggin' Cure

by Inzane

Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN DARK ANGEL! I AM NOT MAKING ANY MONEY FROM THIS STORY!!!! I AM JUST HAVING FUN, PEOPLE! Anyone getting the idea that I am tired of these disclaimers?

Summary: Alec is critically injured while on a mission to get the cure. Max comes to realize her true feelings for Alec, but is it too late?

A/N: First, let's get this out of the way. I AM A BIG, FAT LIAR. This is not "Endings and Beginnings" as previously promised. I started to write that chapter, and found I was leaving too much out--stuff that I knew you guys would take me to task on. Then I tried putting it into flashbacks, and that was so not working, so either I was going to have to the longest chapter of all time, or I was going to have to add another one. I just decided to make it an additional chapter. My minor reworking of the plot outline, combined with my sister visiting from out of state and a minor bout with a migraine, is why this is being posted later than my usual standards. I know… excuses, excuses! Sorry to keep you hanging! It's super long to make up for it, okay?

Next, I'd like to say WOW (mouth hanging open in shock). The last chapter put me over 230 reviews. For my first fic ever. And I really mean ever. There are no other un-posted fanfiction stories moldering in a box somewhere or gathering dust in some corner of my hard drive. First ever. I thought I was just gonna post this story, exorcise it from my brain, and be done with it all. Since I've found that I have become deeply addicted to reviews, and additional story ideas keep popping into my head that will require exorcism, I guess I might continue on. All I can say to everyone who has reviewed my story is that I really, really love you guys. (Inzane sniffs and wipes a tear from her eye.)

I do not own the song "Since You've Been Gone" by (no, not Kelly Clarkson…sheesh!) Theory of a Deadman (one of my favorite bands, by the way). Liberties with the medical stuff. Oh, and with Alec's hair because... well, just because.

Warning: Bad language is a given. Some serious introspection. Also, a high probability that the reader will become pissed off. I'm not giving anything away by telling you this. I think I already did that with the chapter title.


Chapter 10: Rude Awakening

Something was beeping. A rhythmic beep...beep...beep...beep... It was monotonous. It droned on and on and on. It confused him a bit. He knew he should understand the significance of it, but he couldn't. It was like the wheels of his mind had stopped turning, and he didn't have enough energy to get them running again.

Everything was dark. Part of him realized it was because his eyes were closed, but it seemed like too much effort to try to open them. Something wasn't right, but he couldn't remember what it was. He couldn't focus. It was all so... fuzzy. He decided to quit trying and just sink back down into oblivion.

He wished someone would stop that fucking beeping, though. It was really starting to annoy him.


He surfaced several times from the deep oblivion where he had been hiding, each time unable to move or even open his eyes. He heard different voices each time, but he had a hard time understanding what they were saying. He thought he heard Joshua, Dalton, and the Doc. There were times when he could have sworn he heard Max, thought that he felt her touch, but that couldn't be right, could it? His head was hurting trying to think about it. Everything was so messed up. His whole body felt heavy, as if there was some enormous lead blanket over him. He tried to move, to open his eyes, but even his eyelids felt weighted down. The effort wore him out, and he once again descended into oblivion.


Although he was not aware of the passing of time, it had been five days since Alec had been shot. Five days since his heart had temporarily stopped beating. Five days that he had languished in a coma, slowly wasting away.

It was midmorning. The light from the clear day filtered hazily through the windows, casting the strange shadows of medical equipment across the floor. Dalton sat leaning back in a chair next to Alec's bed, a sheaf of reports resting on his chest, feet propped on the bedside table, the chair balancing on two legs. He was fast asleep, and had been since he had nodded off about an hour ago while reading some status reports to Alec, the warmth of the sun through the windows lulling him to sleep. So he didn't see it when Alec's eyes began to flutter.

The X-5 felt like he was swimming up from the depths, but through some liquid much thicker and heavier than water. His eyes fluttered as he tried to surface. He refused to sink back down into the darkness this time. He would fight it. All of the sudden, it felt as if his consciousness crashed back into his body from some great height. His eyes shot wide open and his pupils contracted to pinpoints.

Pain.

It crashed through him in waves, pulsing with the beat of his heart. It began to beat faster, causing that familiar beep beep beep to increase in tempo, and the pain increase with it. His whole body screamed at him. It felt like his every muscle was strung taught and could not release. The entire right side of his chest was nothing but pulsing, white-hot agony. The weight of the covers over his body was too much, the electrodes he could now feel attached to his skin ike little discs of a thousand needles, pricking into his skin. There was nothing but mind-numbing pain.

Alec tried to take in a deep breath to help him focus on blocking the pain, but there was nowhere for it to go. It felt like an anvil was sitting on his chest. He began to take small, quick breaths. He was crawling back from the depths, and at first, his panicked mind didn't understand what had happened, why he was like this. When his mind reluctantly joined his body on the surface, memories flashed before his eyes, overloading his battered senses:

Logan's face when he told him about the cure/kissing Max before he left TC/crawling through the airducts/Dalton's panicked voice calling out "Trap!"/the Familiars clawing at their own skin as they died/White pointing his gun at Dalton/the pain of the first bullet/stalking after White/the flash of his knife slashing through the air/the burning fire of the bullet from point blank range/ White/blood/tunnels/Max/pain/White/blood/Max/ pain/pain/PAIN!

Alec's panic entered overdrive, causing his body to instinctually enter flight mode, and he couldn't stop himself from trying to move from the bed. He had only managed a slight movement when he felt every muscle in his body scream in protest, and he couldn't help but cry out at the pain.

CRASH!

Dalton jerked awake at the sound of Alec's cry, and the chair he had been so precariously balanced on while sleeping crashed to the floor, taking him with it. As he slammed into the ground, a wave of pain hit him from his still healing ribs, causing him to groan.

"Shit," he muttered through clenched teeth, as his hands went involuntarily to the pain now radiating through his side. He thought he had heard someone cry out, but he figured he was having nightmares again until he heard the cry a second time, this time weaker. It was coming from the bed above him.

Dalton scrambled awkwardly to his feet, face full of hope as he stood to look down at Alec. His mouth dropped open as he saw Alec's eyes, his startling green-gold eyes, staring at him through a haze of pain.

"You're awake," Dalton whispered reverently. He thought he might have to revise his standing on God, because he was pretty sure he had just been witness to a miracle. His awe lasted only a moment when he saw Alec's jaw clench, stifling another pained cry, and his eyes rolled up into his head. Dalton false started twice before running from the room.

"DOC!!"

Vash burst into the hall at Dalton's yell. "What is it?" she asked quickly, concerned the worst may have come to pass.

Dalton frantically waved an arm back in the direction of the Critical Care ward. "He's awake. In pain!"

Vash whipped her head back towards her transhuman medic, who was in the doorway to her office. "Widget!" she called out, already starting down the hall, knowing he would understand the situation and get what they needed.

Vash barreled into the room and immediately went to the bank of various machines monitoring Alec's condition. Dalton followed, taking position on the other side of the bed. She noted Alec's heart rate and blood pressure were sky high for a transgenic. She turned to him, and found his eyes shut tight, several tears gathering at the corners, and his teeth were clenched so hard she could hear them grinding.

While Alec had been in a coma, Vash had not administered anything to address his pain. She had been afraid to give him anything while he was in a coma, fearing that it would slow his healing process. She was also dealing with a limited supply of drugs, at least until Mole came through with the next heist, and she knew he would have a greater need for them when he woke up…if he woke up. She had been beginning to doubt he would wake up. She was overcome with relief that she hadn't let everyone down--all the transgenics out there pulling for their beloved SIC. The feeling bothered her; she wasn't used to dealing with emotions—Manticore had made sure of that. She pulled on her usual gruff façade to hide her discomfort.

"Well. It's about time you joined us," she groused. "Widget! Get your furry ass in here!"

Widget scrambled into the room, carrying a tray full of various syringes. His nose was twitching excitedly. He'd always believed that Alec would wake up. He never doubted it for a moment, because after all, it was Alec. He picked up a syringe from the table, depressed the plunger a bit to remove any air bubbles, then inserted it into Alec's IV port to administer the painkiller.

Vash leaned over Alec and put her hands on each side of his face, turning it slightly so he was facing her.

"Alec. I need you to look at me. I need you to open your eyes and look at me." When he finally opened his eyes, they were so full of pain and fear that Vash had to force herself to focus on the task at hand. She spoke in a slow and even tone that allowed no room for refusal.

"I need you to calm down, Alec. You're breathing too fast. Your lung had collapsed. We were able to repair the damage, but it's still healing. It's going to be a while before you recover full lung capacity. I need to listen to my voice and concentrate. Take small, shallow breaths. Come on…slow and steady… Slow and steady… That's it."

Alec slowed his breathing, and some of the horrifying pain in his chest began to ease. As Vash released him, he turned his head to the other side to see Dalton. A wave of relief--mental if not physical--flowed through him. He hadn't been sure how badly Dalton had been injured. The kid was standing, so that had to mean something. He latched on to Dalton's wrist, intending to get his attention, but another wave of pain flared through him and he squeezed involuntarily, causing the X-6 to cringe under the strength of his grasp. When the wave of pain had passed, he eased his grip and tried to talk. It took him several tries before he was able to get any words out. He gave a slight tug on Dalton's wrist, hoping the kid would understand his meaning.

"...o...kay?" The one word left him breathless.

Dalton blinked a couple of times, touched by the sentiment. He began to answer, but his voice cracked a bit and he had to clear his throat before continuing.

"Yeah, just a couple of cracked ribs, some cuts and bruises, no big. I won't be showing you up in the injury department anytime soon."

Another wave of pain surged through Alec, but it was duller than before. The drugs were taking affect. He was sinking down into a blissful, pain-free haze. He fought it, trying to get out one more question.

"...where... Mmmaaa..." His voice trailed off as the drugs dragged him down into darkness.

Dalton watched as Alec fell into a drugged slumber, then started as his brain figured out the words Alec had tried to mutter.

"Shit. Max!"

On that note, Dalton blurred from the building, in search of their leader.


Max leaned back in her chair, unaware that she was impatiently drumming her fingers on the table as Luke reported on the improvements they wanted to make in Communications. She had to concentrate hard to pay attention. She had more people relying on her than just Alec, and he would have been the first person to remind her of that.

The doors to the meeting room suddenly flew open, slamming into the walls. Dalton stood in the doorway breathing hard, eyes wide.

Max stood suddenly, sending her chair crashing to the floor. Her heart was pounding in her chest, and her blood had run cold. Everyone's eyes turned to her, but she didn't notice. He was gone, oh God, he was gone. She gripped the edge of the table to brace herself, waiting for those horrible words from Dalton.

"He's awake."

She heard Dalton's breathless words, but it took a moment for them to sink in. She had been so scared that he had come to tell them the worst, that what he'd said didn't compute. When she finally understood, she found her knees buckling and she had to grab the table tighter to keep herself from falling. Her head hung down, dark locks cascading on either side of her face, hiding her expression.

"Meeting adjourned," she said quietly, her voice quavering slightly. They had to go, they had to leave, because she was going to break down at any moment.

No one moved. They were all confused by her reaction. This was good news, yet Max seemed like she was barely holding it together. Only Joshua, and strangely, Mole, had an idea of what was really going on in her head.

Max slammed her hand down on the table, putting a dent in its surface.

"MEETING ADJOURNED!"

She could hear them filing out of the room, talking excitedly in low tones about Alec's recovery, or making comments about her own reaction. She didn't care what they thought. She slowly bent over and lowered her head to the table, on the verge of breaking.

When Joshua's large hand came to rest on her shoulder as he quietly murmured Little Fella, it was more than she could take. She shook him off and fled from the room, blowing by a startled and confused Dalton.

Joshua walked to the doorway to stand next to the boy. They both watched as Max crossed the room and flew into her office, slamming the door behind her. Dalton looked at Joshua with a questioning look, hoping the transhuman could explain her behavior. He'd seen Max with Alec while he was in the coma. He knew how she felt about him. He couldn't understand why she was acting like this now.

Joshua kept his eyes on the closed door to Max's office. "Max thought were going to say Alec dead."

Dalton drew his eyebrows down and scrunched his forehead, more confused than ever. The mysteries of the female heart were definitely beyond his tender years.

"But he isn't. He's awake. He was asking about her." He paused, looking up at Max's closed door. "I thought she'd be happy."

Joshua smiled sadly, placing a hand on the adolescent's shoulder. "Will be happy. But for just one moment, Max thought Alec dead. Need time to deal."


Max leaned heavily against the closed door to her office. It was the only thing holding her up. She could feel her blood pulse through her with every beat of her heart.

He was awake. Alive.

Max pushed herself away from the door and slowly made her way to her battered leather couch, which was patched with silver duct tape in several spots. She couldn't count the number of times she'd come into her office and found Alec sneaking a nap on that very couch. He'd always bitched about why she'd gotten the better couch, that the couch in his office was way too short for him to sleep comfortably--even though he had been the one to find the couch and put it in her office. She stood next to it for a moment, struck by a memory of his sleeping form on her couch.

She closed her eyes, and slowly sank down onto the battered piece of furniture, folding her legs up and wrapping her arms around them. She found herself shaking slightly as she began to hyperventilate, trying to hold back the flood of emotion that threatened to overtake her. But she couldn't hold it back. She had been fighting it, fighting it, since the first night she had broken down, the night he'd been shot. All of the guilt, the fear, everything trembled on the edge of a precipice, threatening to spill over. When the first sob finally broke through, it opened the floodgates. She lowered her head onto her knees and cried. She cried harder than the night she had broken down, harder than she had ever cried in her life. She found it difficult to draw breath around the sobs that were wracking her body. She cried until she felt like she was turning inside out.

She cried for Alec. Because he was alive. And because he could have died.


Max stood motionless in the shadows on the opposite side of the room. For the longest time, she didn't even breathe. She had waited until darkest night when most of Terminal City was fast asleep before she had been able to muster up the courage to come here. She also wanted to make sure that she could see him without anyone else around. And in all honesty, she was hoping that Alec would be asleep, because she wasn't really sure if she could face him right now.

The lights in the room had been turned off, to allow him to sleep better. She watched his chest rise and fall only slightly as he slumbered. She had needed to see him with her own eyes, to verify that he was still breathing, that he hadn't left her.

A soft glow came from the hall, shining dimly through the door to fall across Alec's bed. It highlighted the planes and angles of his face and arms. She stared, wondering how in the year and a half that she had known him, she had never allowed herself to see just how stunningly handsome he was.

She eventually found herself drawn to his bedside. She tried to resist, suddenly afraid for reasons she didn't quite understand, but her feet lead her to his side nonetheless. As she looked down at him, her breath caught in her throat.

It was different from every other night she had come here. Every other night he was a still as a statue, and seemingly as lifeless. Now there were small, involuntary motions that animated his face, and Max ached to see them. She could see his eyes twitching slightly under the closed lids, as he lay deep in REM sleep. His lips parted occasionally as he drew in breath. Despite the scar and fading bruise marring his cheekbone, his face was almost too perfect.

Alec's breath hitched suddenly as he tried to draw in too much air into his damaged lung. His body responded by shifting slightly, and he winced, face scrunched in pain. But he didn't wake. The evidence of Alec's pain brought Max's guilt flaring to life, threatening to crush her under its weight.

I did this to him. It's my fault. White had set the trap, trying to lure them in with the cure, because he had wanted to capture her. Logan had convinced Alec to take on the doomed mission because he had wanted to be with her. Alec had done everything that he'd done--had almost died--because of herbecause he loved her.

He did this for me, because he thought it was what I wanted. He's everything noble and loyal and heroic, and it takes something like this to finally force me to acknowledge it. I was too stupid, too afraid to recognize what I really wanted, and it almost killed him.

What kind of person am I, to be the cause of so much pain?

He would forgive her, she knew, because he had always forgiven her. No matter the slight, no matter how much she hurt him, he had always just accepted it and forgiven her, without expecting so much as an apology. Of course he would forgive her, would tell her that there was nothing to forgive… but could she ever forgive herself? Renfro's words from long ago echoed over and over in her mind.

Don't you see, 452? You're poison. You destroy everyone that you love.

She reached out her hand, and it shook slightly as she ran her fingers through Alec's hair, then brought her hand around to lightly touch his face, careful not to wake him.

You destroy everyone that you love.

A single tear rolled down her cheek. She let her hand fall and began to back away from the bed in slow, measured steps, never taking her eyes off him.

Poison.

"I don't deserve you, Alec," she whispered as she disappeared quietly into the dark.


Thanks to some excellent painkillers, Alec slept through most of the first and second day since he had woken from the coma, surfacing only for a couple minutes at a time each day. The only part he really remembered from the second day was when Vash efficiently but painfully removed his catheter and then helped him into some scrub pants. He was pretty sure he managed to get out the words "fucking bitch from hell" that day.

On the third day, he hadn't even realized he was awake until he found he had been staring for an unknown length of time at the various stains and imperfections on the ceiling above him. They were way more fascinating than they should have been. Hmmm...kinda fuzzy. Apparently I'm still flying. Damn good drugs.

At the sound of someone entering the room, Alec rolled his head bonelessly to the side. The doctor walked into the room, holding a clipboard and going over the reports that charted Alec's readings throughout the night. She stopped next to the bank of monitors, noting their readings and making a few notations on the chart. When she was finished, she set the clipboard on the table and finally looked at her patient.

"Oh, look. He decides to grace us with his presence. 'Bout time you woke your lazy ass up."

Alec gave her a toned-down version of his infamous smirk, which was about all he could manage at the moment. His words came out slow, and he had to stop to catch his breath more than once.

"Funny. You don't... look like Max, but I swear her... voice just came out your mouth."

"Hah. Hah. Very funny. Let's see how funny you find it when I prop up your bed here." She hit a button on the bed, and the top half began to rise. He gritted his teeth at the forced change in position. Those drugs must not have been as good as he thought.

As if reading his thoughts, Vash commented, "I've been gradually cutting back your painkillers. Thanks to your five-day coma stint, and the transgenic healing capabilities, you've already passed through the worst of the healing process. You still have a long way to go, but I think you'll be able to get by with minimal painkillers."

"The hell you say," Alec ground out through clenched teeth as the bed continued to rise. When it stopped, he let out a sigh of relief. Now that he wasn't preoccupied with pain, his mind caught up with what Vash had said.

"Wait. Wait. Five days? I was in a coma? For five days?!" Saying that many words at a time left him a breathless, causing him to pant heavily.

"Yes, five days. And you pretty much slept through the past two, so you've been down and out for about a week."

"A week..." Alec muttered, eyes focusing inward. He had been out for a week. "Where's Max?"

Vash picked up her clipboard again. "Don't know," she answered offhandedly. "Hasn't been around the past two days." Vash began to do a rundown for Alec of his injuries, so she didn't really notice the affect what she'd said had on him.

Two days. She hasn't been around in two days. Since I woke up. He vaguely heard Vash listing his injuries in the background, but hell, he'd been there for them, so he wasn't really that interested in going over them again. She doesn't want to see me. His mind kept running through various reasons why she hadn't come to see him, but it always kept coming back to Logan Cale. He began to run through a litany of curses in his head until something Vash said caught his attention... something about a his cheekbone.

Alec looked up, a little pissed off at the knowing smile on Vash's face.

"Are you tellin' me that sonofabitch broke my face?!" His exclamation left him gasping once again. He was really going to have to remember to stay calm.

Vash's smile turned into a smirk, and she wordlessly held a small mirror in front of his face. He found a light scar running across his left cheekbone. It was surrounded by a fading bruise that must have been horrendous a couple of days ago. He winced, reaching up with his left hand to gingerly touch the wound. When Vash moved the mirror back a bit, what he saw had his eyes widening in shocked confusion.

"And what the hell happened to my hair?!" His voice was a little higher pitched than usual, and he ended up panting as he forgot the whole "stay calm" thing again. He reached up to pat the top of his hair, which was sticking up in crazed directions. It refused to lay down.

"Side effect," the doctor announced matter-of-factly, still smirking. "Had to use a bit more energy than usual to get you jump started. Should go away after you wash it a couple of times."

Alec ground his teeth and a growl issued from the back of his throat. "Next time I see White..." he paused a second to catch his breath. "...he's a fucking dead man."

There was a deep chuckle from the doorway at Alec's words. He turned and found Mole leaning casually against the doorframe, his habitual but unlit cigar bobbing slightly. He sauntered into the room, automatically shrugging to adjust his shotgun, which he wore like other people might wear a watch.

"Kid said you'd be pissed about the face."

Alec harrumphed. Damn Dalton. Knows me too well.

Mole grabbed his cigar out of his mouth and, as was his habit, began to gesticulate with it.

"Just happened to be on my way to the armory. Thought I'd drop in for a moment, you know, to see if you managed to sneak in any hot nurses." At this, Mole took a sidelong look at Vash. "Looks like that didn't really pan out for ya. You really must be out of it."

Alec snorted, then winced in pain, left hand lightly covering the bandaged right side of his chest.

Vash slammed her clipboard down and rolled her eyes. "I don't need to be here for the testosterone fest. Alec, if you want to get your ass out of here anytime soon, you will do what I say when I say it, and you will not argue."

Seeing that Mole was about to open his mouth to comment, she poked a finger in his chest to cut him off.

"And you, you make one more comment and I will see to it that shotgun of yours will need to be surgically removed from your ass. Good luck on finding a doctor to do it." With that, Vash pushed past Mole and stormed out of the room.

Mole watched her leave, scratching his head as he contemplated her retreating form.

"Damn. If that woman had scales, I think I'd be in love."

This time Alec barked out a laugh, which turned into a fit of coughs, causing him to double over in pain.

"Dammit! Will you... fuckin'... quit that!" he wheezed.

Mole turned back to his friend, putting his cigar back in his mouth and fixing Alec with an assessing look. He definitely looked better than the last time he saw him, not that he'd tell Alec that. He then tossed a small object onto the bed.

"Brought you something. It's an mp3 player. Had one of the X-6's load it up with stuff, so don't blame me if it's full of shit. I know it's not your boob tube, but those things are fuckin' heavy, man."

Alec reached forward and slowly picked up the device, turning it over in his hands. He was touched, especially considering the gesture came from Mole. The two were silent for a moment, both a bit uncomfortable. It would have been different if it had come from Joshua or Dalton or anyone else. But Mole and Alec had this strange friendship where they knew they had each others' backs but pretended to hate each others' guts, and they liked it that way. Recent events had made it hard to hold to that, and it was definitely making them both uneasy.

Mole cleared his throat to break the tension. "Gotta get back to the armory. I got some new recruits I need to train. You'd better get back on your feet soon, 'cause I'm tired of doing your fuckin' job."

Mole gave Alec a small nod, then turned to leave. Watching his retreating back, Alec was suddenly torn. As Mole reached the threshold, he found himself calling out the transhuman's name.

"Mole."

The lizard man turned, a questioning look on his face as he continued to chew on his cigar.

Alec desperately wanted to ask about Max, needed to know where she was, why she hadn't come to see him since he'd woken up. But at the same time, he was terrified of the answer, of having someone else confirm his worst fear--that Max was with Logan. After all, she had the cure.

She didn't need him anymore. No more pretend boyfriend, no more possibilities of making it more than just pretend. And what he had said--had done--before he left... well, there was nothing to stop her from running into Logan's arms.

As he stared at Mole, he decided that he wasn't ready to hear it. Not yet.

"Nothin'. Never mind." He hung his head, suddenly fascinated with examining the plethora of bandages on his chest.

Mole squinted for a moment at his friend. He knew that Alec wanted to ask something, figured it was something about Max, but he didn't push. Asking anything more would cross the boundaries of the friendship that they had set over the past six months, and he had done enough of that for one day. He gave Alec a small nod, and then left Terminal City's Second in Command to his own thoughts.


Alec stared at the stained ceiling for a while after Mole had left, lost in his own thoughts--well, one thought really, because his mind was single-mindedly focused on the one person he wasn't sure he would be able to live without.

Max.

She must hate him. He had hoped that getting the cure would help Max forgive him for what he had said, for that kiss, but he guessed that wasn't the case. Apparently, she couldn't even bring herself to look at him.

What had happened after he'd been shot was very fuzzy, but he remembered trying to apologize to Max. He was sorry for what he had said, but he wasn't sorry for the kiss, could never be sorry. He thought she had forgiven him, but he'd definitely not been in a state to judge anything at the time. He could have imagined the whole thing, for all he knew.

Especially that last part, when I told her... God, I hope I imagined that part.

His mind replayed the kiss, and it was as if he was reliving it. He could almost taste her on his lips, feel the softness of her skin, smell the intoxicating scent of her. But his mind was cruel, and it stepped back and suddenly he was an observer, and it wasn't him that Max was kissing. It was Logan. He shook his head to clear the horrible vision, and grimaced as his muscles protested the sudden movement.

She could be in Logan's arms, right now.

Suddenly, Alec's face felt as it were a blazing fire as he remembered with crystalline clarity the last thing he had said to Max. He hadn't imagined it. He'd told her that he loved her, had exposed his soul to her with what he thought was his final breath. He hadn't thought he'd be around to deal with the consequences of that confession.

She probably felt sorry for him. Poor, pathetic Alec, hung up on a woman he could never have. He'd been such a fucking idiot, not to realize how he felt about her sooner. He wanted her so badly, but now it was too late, she was out of reach forever. She could finally be with the man she loved. And he had handed her the means to do it. Talk about a fucking idiot.

Figures. What have I ever done in my life to deserve someone like her?

His life had been on the downward spiral, and apparently, he was still circling the drain. He was just what Max used to always accuse him of being--a screw up that couldn't do anything right. He had no right to want someone like her, and he felt like a complete ass for even daring to hope that things might have gone his way for once. He should have known.

He slowly reached for the mp3 and put the ear buds in, hoping to drown out his own thoughts. He hit the play button, then leaned back against his pillow to stare at the ceiling again. He let out a slow breath, and the song began to play...

It seems that nothing ever goes my way

Since you broke my heart when you left that day

There's nowhere to go so just stay with me

Cuz since you've been gone, I've been beggin' you please…

Alec closed eyes in pain, but it wasn't physical this time. The song hit a little too close to home.

...To tell me you're not alright

And you needed to come home

Since you've been gone

To tell me you're not okay

And you needed me all along

Since you've been gone

"Since You've Been Gone" Theory of a Deadman

Alec hit the stop button, then pulled the cord, yanking the ear buds from his ears. If he ever found out which X-6 loaded this thing, once he was back on his feet he was definitely gonna kick the kid's ass.


It was early morning of the fourth day since Alec had come out of his coma. Max was in the basement of one of housing barracks for the X-7's and X-8's, covered in grime and soaked to the bone. There had been a major water leak from where they had illegally patched the building into Seattle's water system, and she was currently supervising what could loosely be called repairs. Since they seemed to be doing nothing but making the problem worse, "repairs" was definitely a loose term. Water was now spraying profusely from the jammed water valve.

She really didn't need to be there personally to oversee the problem, but ever since Alec had woken up, she had buried herself in the most demanding or out of the way jobs she could find. Anything to keep her from Alec, to keep her from thinking of him, to keep people from asking her about him. She had buried herself in work, but try as she might, she couldn't get the image out of her mind of Alec telling her he loved her as he choked on his own blood.

She was about to tell the head of the repair crew to let her have a go with the wrench when she felt herself being suddenly drug backwards. She spun in fury to find Joshua's soulful eyes looking down at her. He anger was instantly replaced with apprehension. She was pretty sure why Joshua was here, and her friend didn't waste time in getting to the point.

"Why you not go see Alec?"

Max was surprised a bit at the mild anger she saw in Joshua's eyes. Sometimes she forgot that Joshua was as attached to Alec as he was to her.

"I got big problems here, Josh, can't you see..." Max began, but Joshua grabbed her arms and gave her a little shake, cutting her off and causing her to widen her eyes in shock.

"No." He wasn't going to allow Max to blow him off. He began to drag her by arm away from the group. Max had other ideas.

"Hey!" Max said angrily, trying to dig her heels in and failing miserably.

Joshua turned to the repair crew, who were all openly staring at them now. They needed a bit more privacy for what he had to say to Max. He wouldn't want to undermine her authority. He shouted at them to handle it on their own before dragging Max off to another room in the basement. He backed her against a wall, then stepped back and stood between her and the exit, crossing his arms to let her know he meant business.

"Little Fella not put Joshua off any longer. Why not go see Alec? Tell Joshua now."

Max quickly lowered her gaze, unable to look Joshua in the eye. She didn't answer.

"Why?" Joshua asked, insistent. He was not going to let this go. When Max finally looked into his eyes, and his heart ached at the anguish in her gaze.

"I can't," she pleaded, begging him to understand, her whole frame sagging from the weight of her confession.

At Joshua's confused look, Max began pacing back and forth, bringing a hand up to chew nervously on her thumbnail. How could she possibly explain this to him in any way that would make sense?

"It would have been different," she began nervously, "if I was there, you know? When he woke up. But I wasn't, just like I wasn't there that night. I should have been there to save him, Joshua."

"Little Fella didn't know..."

"That's never stopped me before! I should have known! I should have. I knew something was up with him, and I just let him blow me off, I let my own hurt feelings get in the way, my own fucking pride. And he almost died because of it. Because of me! It's my fault he almost died! I'm a danger to him, Joshua!"

Max threw her back against the wall and sagged down it, until she was sitting with her knees under her chin. Joshua crouched down beside her, and the look she gave him was so full of hurt that he wanted to just somehow be able to fix it, to make everything all right again.

"How can I face him? He should hate me, and I know he won't, he will forgive me like he always has. But I'm not worthy of it, Joshua. I'm not worthy."

At this, she let her head sink down until her forehead rested on her knees. She looked, for all the world, defeated. This was something that Joshua couldn't allow.

"So, Little Fella avoid Alec forever, now? Go with Logan?"

As he expected, his comment had Max's head shooting up, anger flashing in her dark eyes.

"No!" she said forcefully. She took a breath, then continued on in a softer tone. "No. God, I don't know what I'm gonna do. I've messed this whole thing up so badly, I don't know how to fix it. I need to fix it, have to fix it. But, I mean, how can I even explain why I didn't come see him, when every passing moment just makes it worse? Everything has gotten so outta control. I'm so afraid I'm gonna just hurt him again."

Joshua was silent a moment, letting Max digest her own words. It was time for her to face the truth. He reached out a placed a comforting hand on her shoulder.

"Max want Alec?"

He did not say "love." Knowing Max, he knew not to say it. She wasn't ready to hear it, to speak the word... not yet.

At first, Joshua thought she wasn't going to answer. When she finally spoke, her next word came out in a breathy rush, as she ducked her head and buried her hands in soggy and tangled hair.

"Yes."

Smiling softly, Joshua gave her shoulder a little squeeze. "Then tell Alec. Work rest out later."

He stood, confident that Max had gotten the message. He only hoped she would listen. He turned and silently left the room.

Max stared unseeing through the empty door, thoughts focused within. Her final comment was whispered quietly to an audience of no one.

"If only it were that easy."


Alec was getting antsy. It was late afternoon on the fourth day he'd been stuck in bed--ninth if you counted the time he'd been out of it. His mind was raring to go, even if his body was not. With nothing else to occupy him, his thoughts were in overdrive, and the only topic they kept steering towards was a certain dark-haired X-5.

He thought about her constantly. He wondered what she was doing, why she hadn't come to see him, if she hadn't forgiven him, if she was with Logan… The uncertainty was driving him nuts. He couldn't take not knowing how she felt--about him, about everything. He desperately wanted to do something about it, but what could he do while he was laid up and could barely get out a sentence without loosing his breath? His frustration was starting to annoy Vash's medical staff, as well as himself.

For the past half hour he had been angrily ripping small pieces of paper from some report that Dalton had left for him and rolling them into little balls. He lined the tiny projectiles on his tray table and proceeded to flick them forcefully across the room, aiming for a water stain on the wall that he decided looked kinda like White's face, with the broken nose courtesy of their last meeting. He hadn't missed yet.

He was still in the process of pelting water-stain White with his little paper missiles when a large form that could only have been Joshua entered his peripheral vision. He sighed and continued his target practice, not looking at the transhuman. Joshua had a way of seeing through his mask to the true feelings underneath, and he didn't really feel like talking about those feelings right now. He was too busy wallowing in self-pity. It was not something he had a lot of experience with, but he thought he'd give it a shot for a while.

"Hey, big guy," he said flatly, eyes still focused on his target. "Back again, huh?" Joshua had been to visit him several times since he'd woken up. It made Max's absence that much more painful.

All it took was one look at Alec for Joshua to know that Max had not come to see him. He had hoped that she would have taken his advice earlier, but he'd underestimated how stubborn she could be. Maybe he should have been more blunt. Max was so tied up in knots, she really had no idea what her absence was doing to Alec. He hid it well, but Joshua could see the deep hurt and self-doubt that was consuming his friend. He needed to do some damage control. Maybe he could buy Max a bit more time to come to her senses.

"How you feeling today?" Joshua asked. Best to start off with a safe topic.

Alec finally quit pelting the wall and looked at Joshua. His mask was now completely in place and rock solid. Even Joshua could no longer catch a glimpse of the emotions that lay behind it. Alec put on his trademark I'm-always-all-right smirk and leaned back against his propped up bed.

"I feel pretty good. Well… as long as I don't move. Or breathe."

Joshua nodded, then brought out the large piece of paper that he had holding behind his back and held it out to Alec. It was homemade get well card, full of colorful paint and glued bit of paper. Written on it were a bunch of names in various hands.

"X-8's in Joshua's art class. Wanted to make Alec a feel better card."

Alec's smirk was replaced by a small smile, as he traced his hand lightly over the surface of the card. So many people had been by to wish him well, or sent him notes when Vash started limiting his visitors. Everyone but the one person he truly wanted to see. His smile faded, and he closed his eyes, not wanting Joshua to see the pain he knew he couldn't hide.

"Why won't she come see me, Josh?" he said quietly, barely loud enough for the transhuman to hear.

Joshua raised his eyebrows. He hadn't expected this. He had expected Alec to put on his strong soldier façade and pretend everything was okay. He hadn't realized Alec was so close to the breaking point that his façade was beginning to crack. He had been prepared to deal with an emotional Max, but he was completely unprepared for an openly emotional Alec. How could he keep the rift between Max and Alec from widening without betraying Max's confidence?

"Little Fella pretty busy," he said cautiously. It wasn't really a lie. Max had been busy. But the reason she had been keeping herself busy was another matter altogether.

Alec fixed him with an emotionless stare. Joshua could see 494 in that cold gaze.

"I thought we were friends, Joshua. Don't bullshit me."

Alec braced himself. He knew Joshua wouldn't lie to him. If Max was with Logan, then Josh would tell him. He may not like the answer, but the pain would be better than not knowing. When Joshua hung his head, Alec was certain that the tranhuman was trying to break the news to him gently, and the pain that seized his chest and closed up his throat made him think that maybe it would have been better not knowing. He almost didn't hear what Joshua said next.

"Alec… Max need time. Please, just give Max time." The dog-man gave Alec a little reassuring pat on the leg, then turned and walked from the room. He had done what he could, but Max and Alec needed to work out this out on their own.

Alec stared after Joshua, completely confused by his cryptic comment. Max needed more time. What the hell did that mean? Time for what? And was that a good thing, or a bad thing?


Alec had worked himself into a complete state by the time Dalton arrived to visit later that evening. His nerves were completely shot, and he took it out on the poor, unsuspecting X-6.

"Where the fuck have you been?" Alec ranted when the kid came into the room.

Dalton drew up short as he was completely taken aback by the question. He raised his eyebrows in shock. Alec had never talked to him that way, at least not when he was serious anyway.

"I, uh, tried to smuggle you some real food past the Doc." He hiked a thumb over his shoulder to indicate Vash's general direction. "She must have some bloodhound DNA in her or somethin', 'cause she sniffed it out right away and nabbed me. Was gonna ban me from stopping by, but I talked her out of it. Took a while, though."

Realizing that he had snapped at the kid for no reason, Alec sighed and ran his left hand through his hair. He was still having some trouble moving the right arm, what with his shoulder blade still healing, not to mention the gunshot wounds on that side.

"Sorry, kid. Bad day."

Dalton cautiously continued forward, examining Alec closely through narrowed eyes.

"Yeah, I guess so. Do you want me to go?"

Alec shook his head, feeling like a complete ass for taking his frustrations out on the nearest target.

"No, no. Don't go. I'm going out of my fuckin' mind here, man. I've never been so sick of my own company in my entire life."

Dalton laughed and plopped down in the chair next to Alec, propping his feet up on the beside table and pushing the chair back so it balanced on its rear legs. You think he would have learned from the last time, but even transgenic teenagers had a hard time learning their lessons.

Alec looked at the boy's young, smiling face, and he had a sudden flash of memory. That face was bruised and bloody, eyes scared and pleading as they begged him to hold on just a little bit longer. He blinked, and present day Dalton was back, smiling and making some wiseass comment about slacking off while everyone else was hard at work. As he looked at his young friend, he realized just how much Dalton had done to save him. He would have surely died without him, this kid that in some ways knew him better than anyone else.

"Dalton," Alec interrupted, his tone deep and serious. "I never thanked you for what you did. I would have been a dead man without you."

Dalton took his legs from the table and let the legs of the chair slam back on the floor. He shifted, a bit uncomfortable at such praise. He didn't think he deserved it. After all, Alec had taken that first bullet to save him.

"I didn't do much."

Alec kept the X-6 pinned with his gaze. "Yes, you did. And I won't forget it."

Dalton swallowed hard, and was embarrassed to feel a blush rise to his cheeks. He ducked his head to hide his face.

"Well, you know, anything for a brother."

When the words came out of his mouth, Dalton realized just how much he meant them. Not in the all-hail-the-transgenic-brotherhood sort of way, but in the way of family, of flesh and blood. They may not have been flesh and blood, but he figured they were close enough in all the ways that counted. He would never admit that to Alec, though. He would probably think he was being ridiculously sentimental. He glanced up at the older man from under his brows to see if the X-5 was laughing at him.

Alec wasn't laughing. His smile was wide and genuine, a rare sight on Alec's face.

"Thanks for saving my ass, little brother."

They sat for a moment in silence, and Alec thoughts returned to a time when he remembered saying similar words to Max, after the Berrisford thing. God, they had been through so much together since then. As he thought back on all of the times they had been there for each other, he became well and truly pissed. After everything they had gone through to get to this point, how could she just hide from him like that? He figured she was probably blaming herself to some degree for what happened, in typical Max fashion.

Maybe she's trying to spare me from seeing how happy she is with Logan. Maybe she feels sorry for me. Well, I don't want her pity, and I am fucking tired of feeling sorry for myself.

Alec made a decision. He grabbed the covers with his good left hand and threw them off his legs. He began to slide his legs toward the floor, causing Dalton to abruptly stand, a panicked look on his face.

"What are you doing?" he asked, voice a bit higher than his usual tone.

Alec continued to ease himself off the bed, teeth grinding and sweat popping on his forehead from the effort.

"Well," he said, his breathing already heavy from the exertion, "since you're my little brother now, as older brother, I get the right to boss you around. Take me to Max."

Dalton's eyebrows shot up at this, and he quickly moved to the other side of the bed, arms raised in expectation of having to catch Alec's collapsing form.

"Are you fucking crazy?! That is so not a good idea!"

Alec's feet finally touched the ground, and he was completely upright for the first time in nine days. He found himself leaning heavily back against the bed as a wave of dizziness and nausea swept through him. Dalton continued to hover, nervously bouncing on the balls of his feet.

"See, this is not good! Not good! You need to be back in bed!"

Alec reached out his left hand and grabbed Dalton by the upper arm to help steady himself. He closed his eyes and tried to take a deep cleansing breath, but caught himself as he realized his damaged lung would not allow it. He took a couple of slow, small breaths, then opened his eyes to stare down the X-6.

"I am sick of her dodging me, Dalton. Take me to Max now, or so help me, I'll drag my ass there on my own. I'll crawl if I have to."

Dalton returned Alec's stare. The look in his friend's eyes assured him that he was deadly serious. He bit his lower lip and nodded.

"All right."

Alec sagged against the bed in relief. Finally, he was going to do something. He was going to quit driving himself crazy and take some action, which was good, because if he waited on Max, he just might die of old age. He was itching for a fight. Adrenalin coursed through him, and he figured he could hold himself together long enough to confront Max.

"Good, then help me get some clothes. Max and I are gonna finish this thing one way or another, 'cause I'm tired of fucking waiting. She's gonna talk to me whether she likes it or not."


A/N: All right. I imagine everyone would like to give Max a smack upside the head right now to knock some sense into her. If this is what you are feeling, then I succeeded in my task. But don't be too hard on her. Her heart is in the right place. She's just one very emotionally challenged individual going through an extreme situation.

For those of you who were hoping for some dramatic grand finale where Alec wakes up in Max's arms and they declare their undying love or whatever, I'm sorry, but that is waaaay too warm and fuzzy for this story, and it would have been a complete 180 in tone. I would have despised myself forever had I done that.

Next up is Endings and Beginnings...honest!