A/N Hey guys. OMG. I love this chapter so much. My heart raced while writing it. Warning. Bechloe confrontation here. I really hope I worded how I was imagining Beca feeling good enough. I really enjoyed writing it. It pulled my heart strings. I really hope it does yours too, but, you're not in my head so... Maybe not. But it doesn't matter cuz it was awesome to write. It's shorter but it was so fun! Well. Not really fun to get myself in that mindset but.. You know what I mean.

Anyways. I really hope you enjoy.

Reviews are awesome and they tend to spark ideas ;) Mistakes are mine. Sorry. :/

Until we go down

Ever since Beca talked to Stacie a couple nights ago, it's like the flood gates opened. She plastered on the best smile she could during the day. Stacie continued to follow her to work so she couldn't drink, and Beca was too scared to ask Stacie for more pot. She didn't want any questions that she didn't know how to answer. Sure, she could've gotten it herself or had someone else do it, but then- her luck -Stacie would smell it and start asking said questions.

She sat in her pitch black room, eyes open toward the ceiling. Her stomach was turning and all she wanted was to dull the pain. Her heart would pound really hard then all of a sudden would stop and drop to her stomach. She couldn't understand why everyone that was supposed to love her, left her. In one way or another, they left. She thought Chloe would be different. Beca wasn't stupid. She knew Chloe had liked her since she auditioned for the Bellas. But Beca wasn't having it. She couldn't let her get that close. She chose Jesse, the safe option. She knew she wouldn't get too attached to him. By the end of her junior year though, she was ready to give in. Chloe weasled her way in. Built up her trust. Beginning of summer came and, boom, they were together.

It was great. So fucking great. They made it through everything. The disaster with the president. Beating DSM at worlds. A few fights here and there, but nothing major. Then they graduated, and it was still great. Chloe went to vet school, and it was still great. Yeah, Beca had to work a lot to make sure the bills were paid, but it was still great. That last year was a little more rough. Beca was just trying to make sure she would make a name for herself so that she could provide a good life for Chloe. She didn't want Chloe to have to be the breadwinner. She didn't want Chloe to have to stress if Beca didn't make enough. They lived in Atlanta for Christ's sake. It may not have been as expensive as LA or New York but it was still expensive. She didn't want Chloe to have to live in an apartment forever. She wanted a home for them. She knew Chloe wanted kids, so she needed to be able to provide.

Then their anniversary came around and Beca's world stopped spinning. Three years later and it finally started rotating again, only now, she wished it would stop. She wasn't sure how long she had been laying there. She could feel her tears soaking her hair.

Why did I trust her? No. I know why I trusted her, she was trustworthy. What the hell happened? Maybe it was my fault. Is there a conversation I don't remember? One where Chloe told me she wasn't happy? I mean. It's not like we didn't have sex. And since she wasn't in a relationship with that guy, then obviously she didn't just miss the affection. Because then she wouldn't have just had sex with someone. That didn't make any sense. Holy shit. Maybe I suck in bed. Was that it? I mean. She sure as hell seemed like she got off each time. But. A lot of women fake it right? I mean, I've faked it before. Never with Chloe though. Chloe was so good with her hands. And her mouth. Shit! Stop, Beca! Stop thinking about it. You're torturing yourself. You're never gonna know!

Beca flopped over and screamed into her pillow. Then she froze. An idea sprung to life in her head. Maybe I can know. I mean. That's why I'm going crazy right? Not knowing? That drives most people crazy. I wonder if Chloe's number is the same. I mean. She never tried to call me or anything, so why would she change it? Is it weird that I have it memorized? That's weird right? I could just say I got it from one of the Bellas. She'd believe that. Oh God. No! You're not going to do this, Beca! You're not going to call her! Don't give her the satisfaction! You can get over this. Best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. What about that Natasha chick. Would that be ethical? I mean producers sleep with artists all the time. It's not like I'd hold it over her head or anything. If she doesn't want to then I wouldn't force it obviously. I mean. She's hot, right? She seems nice enough.

Yeah. But wait. No. She reminds me a bit too much of me. That's weird, right? Ugh. Maybe I should just let Stacie hook me up. Lord knows I can't do it without some liquid courage. Stacie would kill me. Stacie. God, that girl is gorgeous. I can't believe I almost asked her out before Chloe asked me. Ha. Fat chance. Ah fuck. Chloe. Why the fuck did she have to just rip my whole life apart? I mean, we were friends once right? Surely that in and of itself deserved a heads up. I mean, anything. Something like 'Hey, Beca. So I know we're dating and everything, but as my best friend I think I should tell you that I'm not happy with our sex life and I think I want to sleep with other people.' I mean. I could respect that. No, obviously we wouldn't have stayed together, but we might still be friends. Maybe then she could tell me how to improve on whatever flaws she found. I mean. We told each other shit, right? She was my best fucking friend. She knows about my dad. My mom. Every life changing event I've had. She knows all of my embarrassing stories thanks to a few too many tequila shots and some cuddle sessions prior to dating. I know all about her family. The shit she went through with previous Bellas. Her lifetime friendship with Aubrey. How she got that damn beautiful scar. I mean. We told each other shit.

Maybe it wasn't that big of a deal to her, to tell me things. I mean. She wasn't exactly an introvert or anything. She liked people, and she liked talking. Maybe I wasn't that special. Maybe I only felt special because she was special to me? I mean. I told her things that I never told anyone. I told her about my deepest shit. Maybe I just projected how I felt about her back to myself. Maybe I was just another friend to her. Beca's heart squeezed tight and dropped again at the thought. Tears started flowing again and she sobbed. God, did I really tell someone who didn't really care about me, all of my most sacred stories. She didn't care. She never cared. I can't live like this. I have to know. I just have to.

Beca ripped her phone off the charger and dialed then called the memorized number before she could talk herself out of it. She turned on her bedside lamp. She knew it was late. She hoped she would wake Chloe's ass up. She hoped that she had an early day tomorrow. Serves her right. She sat there holding her breath. She probably won't answer. I'll just leave a voicemail. People still do that shit right? I have shit to say and I'm gonna say it god dammit!

"Hello?"

"Uh" Beca froze. Her heart pounding ninety miles per hour. Shit she answered. Holy fuck.

"Hello? Who is this?"

God, she sounds good. She was definitely sleeping. That's definitely Chloe sleepy time voice. Shit. No! Good! I woke her ass up!

"Look weirdo, I can hear you breathing. Who the hell is this?"

Beca chuckled then sobered herself up a second later. "Um. Hey. Chloe. Hey, Chloe."

The line was silent.

"Chloe?"

"Beca? Oh my god! OH MY GOD! Beca?!"

"Yeah. Yeah. That's me."

"Oh my god. Oh my god."

"Actually, no. Not quite, I don't think. I mean. I'd have powers if I was a god right? That's one of the perks?" Smooth, Mitchell. Crack jokes. Break the ice. Get her guard down.

Chloe laughed and it made Beca's heart squeeze tighter. Another Chloe vise on her heart. Shit. Keep it together.

"So. Um. Do you have a minute. To like, um, talk. About. You know. Stuff. Like. What happened. Like uh." That was english right? That sounded ok, yeah? Fuck. Don't cry. STOP CRYING!

"Yeah. Yeah, of course. Sure. I mean. Yeah, we could do that."

Beca could hear the panic in Chloe's voice. She loved it. "So. I just have a few questions. And I don't expect long, drawn out, sentimental, bull shit answers. But. I do need some answers. Just quick. Short version ones. I don't need details. Got it?"

"Yeah. Ok. Yeah, I think I can do that."

"Good. So. Let's start with the easiest question, How many times did you cheat on me? Cuz I only knew about the one time but I've heard some things recently, so I'd like to know."

"Bec, I-"

"Nope! I know that voice, Chloe. No excuses. No back story. Just an answer, Please. That's all I'm asking. Please respect that."

Chloe sighed. "Ok. Twice." Chloe's voice broke "But I-"

"Nope! Please! Just. No." Beca gave a pause to make sure Chloe would listen. "Next question. Little bit harder. For me anyways. And please don't lie to cushion the blow. We know how that turns out. Did you ever care about me? Like as a friend. Like, before we were together. Was I anything more that just another friend?"

"Beca, how can you ask me that? Of course you were! You were my best friend. I-"

"Ok! Next question! Since you say that you cared. And since we shared so much. Why wasn't that enough to tell me you weren't happy with me? Like. You told Aubrey. I know you did. She told me. So if we were so close before, didn't that warrant me at least a little heads up?"

"Beca. I wanted to. I just didn't know how. You seemed so happy with how things were, I didn't want to break that. I wanted to keep you happy."

"By cheating on me?"

"Beca, that's not-"

"What? That's not what? Fair? That's not fair, Chloe? You no what. No. I didn't call to fight. I just need some answers. Did. Um. I mean. Was I not good? Like. In bed? Were you not. Um. Satisfied?" Beca winced at her own word, but she had to know.

"Beca, oh my god. Really?"

"Yes! Yes, really, Chloe. I need to know! I'd kinda like to know. Maybe I can get pointers from the next person. I mean shit. It's kind of hard to get better if no one tells you that you're bad. Shit. You know what. No. Maybe I should just ask Stacie for some pointers. She'll be honest."

"Stacie? You're sleeping with Stacie?!"

"What?! No! You don't have to be sleeping with someone to ask for advice, Chloe!"

"Oh. Ok. No, Bec. Jesus, you were great in bed. I mean like toe curling fucking mind blowing orgasms kind of great. It wasn't that. You were very, uh, attentive."

Beca didn't know if that made her feel better or worse. "So. It was love then." Beca sighed as her heart slowed to an agonizing rate and her shoulders froze. "You didn't love me. Right? You were looking for that spark with someone, and it wasn't me."

"Beca. No. I loved you. So fucking much. I made a-"

"Yeah. You know. I think we have different definitions of the word. Because I loved you. I loved you so much that it hurt sometimes. I would sit and think about you when we were apart and it was like my heart wasn't i my chest, because it was with you. You held it, and I let you keep it. I willingly gave you my heart, because I trusted you with it. I trusted you to carry it and protect it like you would your own. But instead, the minute things got hard for you, you threw it in the dirt. You didn't even trust me enough to tell me you were having doubts. You trusted Aubrey, but you didn't trust me."

Beca could hear her own voice breaking and wavering. But she couldn't stop. Not now. Pandora's box was opened. "You were my fucking everything, Chloe. You were the only fucking steady and certain thing in my life. At least I thought you were. I would've given you everything. Fuck. I did give you everything. I gave you all of me. I never once held anything back. I gave you the breath in my lungs. I gave you the blood in my veins. I gave you my heart and fucking soul. I was ready to give you my name. And you just. You just left. Like everyone else. Like all those other people who said they loved me. You told me you were different. You said it. I didn't imagine those words, Chloe. You said it and I trusted you because you were my best friend." Beca was sobbing at this point. Her breath was getting harder and harder to pull in.

"Beca." Chloe sobbed. "Becs, I didn't ever mean to hurt you! I swear it, Beca, please! I fucked up! I fucked up so fucking bad! And then the guilt just ate at me. And then our anniversary came and the guilt just went haywire, and you weren't there! I wanted to tell you but you weren't there when I woke up! I fucked up again! I got slobbering drunk and fucked up again! Please, Beca. I love you so fucking much!"

Beca sobbed and screamed and hung up the phone. Why did you do that, Beca?! You're so fucking stupid! So fucking stupid! You're a fucking idiot! Beca felt like she was trying to breath through a coffee straw. Her heart was beating like a jackhammer. She couldn't see due to the tears in her eyes. The room started to spin faster and faster until everything finally went black.