I'm still overwhelmed at every review you guys leave, and although not everyone was happy with the direction I chose to go with this I hope that you'll bear with me and stick this story out. I'm excited about where it's going and I can't wait to get deep into the angst - which, if you follow my other stories, will know is my true passion.

And to everyone enjoying this story, thank you so much for your kind words! (I hope they stay kind after this chapter!)

I hope you enjoy!


The following morning, Erin awoke to two voicemails. One from the daycare, explaining they were unexpectedly closed for the day. The other from Hank, asking if she was willing to work again. She called Voight back and said she would, feeling pleasantly optimistic for the day.

The Jay she had the day before - cooking dinner, bathing Lucy - was the most reminiscent she'd seen him of who he was before the accident. The bruises on him were starting to fade and he had a growing confidence when it came to fatherhood. It made her hopeful. Well, at least when she covered up the marks on her neck.

Erin clipped her badge to her side while Jay hovered awkwardly around her.

"Is she allergic to anything?" He asked, the worry evident on his face. When Erin told him she needed him to watch Lucy alone for a few hours, she thought that bold confidence would shine through. Instead he seemed a nervous wreck.

"Cats." Erin said, finishing her coffee. "So if she asks you for one, and she definitely will, the answer is still no."

"Erin." He said, the nerves evident on his face.

"Peanuts and shellfish."

"Right. Okay. Good. Uhm…" He wracked his brain for any and all questions. "What does she like for lunch?"

"It changes daily so she'll tell you. Listen, Jay. You've done this a thousand times. This is the job of a sixteen year old girl. I trust you."

Jay softened a little and Erin turned to leave, pausing momentarily in her tracks to press a kiss to his cheek. It looked like he wanted to offer something more back to her, but the thought was lost in his eyes in a passing second.

"I'll call you in a bit. Don't let her sleep in too late and make sure she brushes her teeth."

And with that, Erin left her husband on babysitting duty.


"Daddy?" Lucy asked with a mouthful of cereal. She sat at one end of the table, Jay at the other. "Where do babies come from?"

Jay spluttered his coffee. It was maybe the last thing he expected from her. "Uh… Uhm, well…"

"Bellies? Jack's mom has a big belly."

"Yeah." Jay agreed quickly. "From the belly."

"But how does the baby get there?" She asked further, stirring around the cereal.

Jay squinted a little. He thought tracking down the right cereal in Erin's kitchen was hard, but this was a whole new ballgame.

"Uh, well… It's kinda like a seed. You know how a seed grows into a plant? It's like that."

"How does the seed get there?"

Jay exhaled. He thought this was a question only asked in movies. "When the mommy and daddy… Kiss, the seed kind of… It appears in the mommy's belly."

"Always?"

"Uh, well…"

"'Cus you and mama kiss. Is there gonna be a baby?" Lucy's face lit up as she said it, her arms waving around in excitement.

"No, no, no, no… Me and Mom, we… Uh… We do a different kiss. A no-baby kiss."

Lucy opened her mouth again to ask, Jay guessed, another painfully awkward question. So, before she could, he suggested something he knew she couldn't refuse.

"Hey, do you wanna go to the park?"


It felt surreal, walking down the street holding his daughter's hand. Her pink boots slapped against the pavement as she occasionally skipped, and every now and then he'd have to adjust her hat when it got close to falling off. He never saw himself in this light: domestic and fatherly. Maybe it came from the fact he'd never seen his own father in that light. But he had to admit, he more than liked it.

Every so often, Lucy would attach both hands to Jay's one and he'd lift her up and swing her forward. She laughed every time, and he could tell by her enthusiasm that it was something he'd never done before. That warmed him more than he could express - to know that he wasn't entirely living in the shadow over his former self.

They spent over an hour at the park, walking round, looking at the dogs being walked, playing on the swings. They finally called it a day when Lucy's nose turned pink from the cold and Jay was tired of hauling Lucy to the top of the slide and repeating when she slid to the bottom.

They headed back home and had lunch - cheese sandwiches with cut up bananas on the side. After watching more than enough episodes of Peppa Pig and playing with Lucy's dollhouse for a while, the youngster looked thoroughly tired.

"Hey, Luce, you want a fort?"

Lucy nodded. "Like before?"

He tried not to show his disappointment. It was ridiculous, but he felt in competition with his former self. "Yeah, like before."

He thought - hoped - that when building the fort, some memories of the last time he'd build her one would come flooding back to him. At times, when he positioned a cushion or hung a blanket above, he felt a twinge of something. But nothing concrete.

By the time it was built, Jay was tired, too. He sat back on his heels and glazed over his work with admiration. Aside from where the pink blankets would've been blue and the cushions would've been frayed, it uncannily resembled the forts he and Will would hide away in when they were younger.

"This looks cool, Luce." He remarked.

Lucy popped her head out with the biggest grin he'd seen all day. "Come in!"

Jay smiled at her, watching the gratitude shine from her face and her smile so big it consumed her face. The dimples that popped from her cheeks were just like Erin's, it captivated him for a minute.

"Daddy! Come in!" Lucy squealed, reaching out her hand to him.

Jay held her hand as she tried with all her strength to pull him in. She giggled as he stumbled inside, the enclosed space echoing the joyous sound around the both of them. They rested their heads on the pillows and lay side by side, light seeping in sparsely through the blankets.

Jay closed his eyes for a second, took in the silence. He could hear his daughter breathing beside him, but aside from that, there was nothing. Something finally stilled inside him.

Moments later, he heard Lucy rustling, and when he opened his eyes he saw her looking down at him with concern in her eyes.

"Daddy, you have scratches." She said, poking gently at the small marks on his neck.

Jay swallowed. Nail scratches. From where Erin was trying to wake up - to get him off her. His breathing came quick as the guilt flooded back to him. It was insane that he'd managed to escape it for a moment.

"Is it… From before?" Lucy asked quizzically. Jay didn't know what kind of conversation Erin had with her about the accident, and he didn't want to go informing his daughter that he got pummelled by metal in an intense crash. Then again, 'I strangled Mommy and scratching me was her way of surviving' wasn't the right alternative either.

Jaw creased his brow, trying to hold his even expression. "Yeah. From before."

Lucy remained silent, and Jay became enthralled with the amount of empathy on her face. She was four year olds, and he could see in her small eyes that she wanted to take his pain away. He watched with adoration as she kissed her palm gently before pressing it to his neck.

"Better?" She asked, eyes lighting up with hope.

A smile escaped his lips. "Much better."

He didn't stay in fort much longer - after around ten minutes Lucy fell asleep, the activities at the park clearly having an effect on her. As Jay wriggled out and stretched his limbs, he decided to take the time to join Lucy's endeavours. He sank onto the couch and closed his eyes, falling into a gentle sleep that proved to be the calm before the storm.


Erin left the precinct at 3.30pm, the case being quickly wrapped up. It was a good day, she was beginning to feel like herself again. Although Antonio was a good partner, he was no Jay, and she realised on the job how much she missed him by her side.

Five minutes before she left, Voight pulled her aside and asked how it was going. In fact, she'd gotten looks of that caliber all day. But she shook it off, told everyone she was fine and kept her head high. Her attention and focus was on getting home that day. Home to her family.

She decided not to call Jay to tell him she was coming. Her plan was to surprise them at her early departure from work and suggest they go out for dinner. Her plan was skewed, however, upon opening the front door.

The sight before her unfolded in slow motion, a deep panic filling her lungs. Her heart stopped as she watched Lucy only centimetres from Jay's face - motionless, as he slept on the couch - preparing to place a light kiss on his cheek. Their tradition. And all Erin could envision were his hands around her tiny, fragile throat.

"Lucy, get back!" Erin screamed, so much so the youngster was startled and fell backwards. The side of her head bumped against the corner of the table and she let out a deep howl immediately. Jay awoke instantly at the sound of Erin's voice, jumping upright and eyes wide with panic.

"What… What happened?" He croaked as Erin ran straight for Lucy. She could see blood and Lucy's screams were only getting louder.

"Shh, shh, sweetie, it's okay." Erin cooed, lifting her up and practically running to the kitchen. She planted her on the counter and reached above for the medicine box. Thankfully, the deep was purely superficial and barely deep. It was the shock more than anything. But still, Erin applied a plaster and picked up her daughter again, holding her close to her body.

Jay followed her to the kitchen, panic still present in his voice. "Erin, I… I don't know what happened. We both fell asleep. I…" His eyes narrowed as he seemed to understand what had happened. "I wouldn't have hurt her."

Erin looked away, unable to look him in the eye. She breathed 'shh's into Lucy's ear and proceeded to hold her close, stroking her hair.

When she finally willed herself to look up at him, he looked broken. His jaw tensed as he spoke the words that proceeded to break her, too.

"You don't trust me?"

She felt tears in her eyes as she watched him. "I'm sorry."

He looked as though he wanted to say more. But like always, words failed him. And instead he opted for walking out of the apartment with nothing but Erin's shouting and Lucy's screaming playing back in his head.


I'll have the next chapter up ASAP! (It's full of angst, so was incredibly fun to write) Thank you for reading!