Note: Correct spelling of 'manner' included as a thank you to igfbss (though you may like to know there were a couple of spelling errors in your message! What a good pair we make).
--
John slowly and gently swam out of his dreaming, the sounds and smells around him tickling his senses. He became aware of the small enclosed space around him, the light pressure against his skin and against his ears reminding him where he was. It was good to simply wake nowadays without the fear and terror of a nightmare chasing him back into consciousness. And to wake up to the familiar and long missed sensation of flying made it even more enjoyable, even if it was to the sounds of a commercial aeroplane not a fighter jet, chopper or the eerie silence of a Jumper.
He stayed sleepily still now and listened to the sound of the engines, and enjoyed the slight pressure on his body, that wondrous feeling he always got when he was flying. He missed this. He loved this, even if he wasn't the pilot.
Above the sound of the engines, he became aware of the hushed constant sound of people around him. Someone behind his seat was tapping away on a laptop, whilst another was talking quickly and succinctly into a phone about buying assets. A couple further away were talking with a flight attendant, obviously so excited about their trip they wanted to share it all with the woman as she poured out coffee for them both. And then beside him he heard the distinctive sound of magazine pages turning.
John opened his eyes gradually taking in the enclosed space around him and the small window to his left displaying the most wonderful scene of passing clouds passing beneath them. He watched the layers of clouds sleepily for awhile, the talking around him a faint background sound. Teyla turned another magazine page, cutting his attention away from drifting amongst the clouds, and he pulled his eyes from the window to her sitting on his other side.
He had insisted on paying for First Class tickets, wanting her to experience flying in the best possible light and it also gave her and her belly more space. John rested his head against the headrest and regarded her as she frowned down at the magazine she held in her hands.
She seemed to sense his attention and looked round at him smiling. "Did you sleep well?" She asked.
"Yep." He smiled in return.
They had been travelling for almost an entire day and somehow she still looked as fresh as when they had left the cabin. He had hated leaving the cabin which had been his hide away for six months, and the place where he and Teyla had finally resolved their issues. He was going to miss that large bed most of all.
"What?" She asked suspiciously.
He realised he had been smiling whilst thinking about the cabin bed. They had spent far too many hours between its sheets, not that he was complaining. Not only had they had lost time to make up, but Teyla's increased sexual appetite had kicked in this last month big time. Again, not that he was complaining in the least. On their last night in the cabin John had innocently asked her whether she would like beef or chicken for dinner and she had instead told him exactly what she wanted from him in electrifying detail. He had been only too happy to help.
Teyla blushed lightly and nudged him with her elbow, obviously aware in which direction his thoughts had turned. He tried to look innocent, but was obviously unsuccessful as she rolled her eyes and looked back down at the magazine. He chuckled.
The flight attendant appeared at the end of the row at which they sat her smile polite and cheerful.
"Can I bring you anything to drink?" She asked.
Teyla asked for some more water and John ordered a black coffee with sugar. He was going to need it once they landed; they still had a drive to the SGC to look forward to. He took the coffee from the attendant and watched her give Teyla a particularly happy smile. He had been amused and fascinated to witness how many women gave Teyla that smile, a female look of understanding and joy for her being pregnant. She also got the best seats and more space in which to stand in queues he had noticed, and she wasn't even all that big yet. John wondered if it was a human behavioural thing or if it was the glowing contented look on her face.
He had found himself feeling immensely proud walking along with his pregnant wife and had taken great delight not only in their renewed closeness but in the male stares she drew. Of course those would be suitors soon saw that she was not only pregnant, but holding John's hand and would look away, leaving John feeling extra satisfied. He guessed that was a male behavioural thing. The book said fathers could get very protective and he was certainly feeling that, but now with a major touch of pride. He felt like saying to people, 'look at my gorgeous pregnant wife and she actually loves me!' That last part was still a little too amazing and he felt slightly embarrassed to be thinking it, knowing Teyla would probably quite literally kick his ass for thinking so little of himself. He suspected she could still easily kick his ass even now, and he had no intention of finding out.
The caffeine was kicking in now, his head clearing and his body waking properly. He shifted more upright in his seat encouraging his limbs to wake, his muscles to move and circulation to improve. He stretched up, and yawned. He was feeling much better for that sleep and for the coffee. He looked at his watch and noted that they would be landing soon. Turning to Teyla he saw that she was frowning down at the chick magazine again.
"You still reading that same magazine?" He asked amused.
"It has been very insightful." She said with a teasing smile on her face. "I now know all about the latest fashions, where to take your holiday this year and how to ask your employer for a pay rise."
He chuckled at her. "All very important I'm sure." He said sarcastically.
She went back to turning pages. "You might be interested to know we scored top marks in the 'How good is your sex life quiz?'"
"Really?" He asked suddenly interested. "I could have told you that."
"We are 'Hot Hot Hot' apparently, but there were some tips on how to improve things further." She was trying to contain the smile threatening to take over her lips.
"What kind of tips?" He asked lowering his tone so no one could over hear them.
"And suddenly you are more interested in the magazine." She said smiling, as she turned quickly through the last pages of adverts for phone lines, personals and all the promises of cosmetic surgery.
"I'm interested in that part of the magazine. Let me see." He said, reaching for the magazine as she closed it.
She let him take it. "Page thirty." She told him.
He lifted an eyebrow at her, amused and a little excited that she had memorised the page number.
After five minutes of reading during which the cabin crew announced they would be landing in a further five minutes John sat back and closed the magazine.
"Damn it." He muttered.
Teyla looked round as she secured her safety belt as instructed by the blinking lights above their heads. "What?"
"We're gonna be staying at the SGC tonight."
"Yes?" She asked.
"We can't try these out there, besides we would need some supplies." She laughed with him as he looked thoughtful. "I should make a list, take you shopping again soon."
She took the magazine from him and returned it to her bag as he set about securing his own belt.
"Are we going to rent a car when we land or did…Home Base say they would send a car in the end?" She asked.
"They were going to, but I said we'd rent a car. Then we won't be limited by their drivers."
There was a pause in conversation, during which John watched with a professional eye as the plane dropped steadily down through the clouds. It didn't matter how many years he had spent flying, he still loved the experience like he was a young kid again.
Teyla stroked her hand down his arm that was resting between them to take his hand. "You miss this." She stated.
He looked back to see if she meant holding his hand, but she nodded towards the window.
"A little." He said casually. She lifted an eyebrow at him that said she could see right through his act. "Okay yes, I love it." He smiled and looked back out at the approaching landscape beneath them.
"Are you sure you want to give up flying in… the old base's planes?" She meant the Jumpers.
He sighed. "I loved them, the best experience you could ask for as a pilot, but I missed feeling the G's though." He rubbed his thumb over her hand as he turned to her. He studied her face once again worrying about what was to come once they reached the SGC. "Are you sure about your decision?" He asked her again.
She smiled. "Yes, John. For the hundredth time, yes."
He stroked his thumb over the softness of the back of her hand again and tried not to withdraw into himself. "I just want you to be sure." He said quietly to her. "You may not see your people for a long time."
"Home Base will let me visit them. What is important to me is that we stay together and that we can bring up our child without the constant threat of the… vampires." She whispered the last word, John's personal code for the Wraith.
He let the amusement from the term die away and regarded her seriously again. "I just don't want you to regret the decision. Not being completely honest with each other was the problem last time and I don't want to repeat that mistake."
"I am being honest with you, John." She told him patiently. "I do miss my people, but our future is what is important."
The plane began to shake slightly as it descended further through the clouds. She looked past him to watch the landing through the window, but John kept watching her. The plane touched down with a shudder and John waited for the front wheels to touch down before he spoke to her again.
"I feel like a coward for not wanting to go back to the city." He said plainly, just loud enough for her to hear over the rushing sound of the brakes.
The fascinated expression on her face from watching the landing disappeared as she turned to him. "You are not a coward, John." She stated, her tone slightly angry. "You are choosing your family over returning to the base." She stated.
He liked the new term of 'his family' and its wealth of meaning for him. "If we did go back I…I would worry that what happened before between us could happen again." He confessed. Around them the plane trembled as it slowed across the runway.
She squeezed his hand. "We have learnt from what we did wrong and will not allow that to happen again. We are stronger now. And the circumstances have changed anyway."
John reached over with his free hand and rubbed his palm over the top of her bump. "Yes they have." He replied with a soft smile, but it dropped from his face again as his worries still circled his mind.
"What is it, John?" Teyla asked. Around them people began to gather their things, preparing to depart as the plane taxied towards the airport. The increased sound around them helped John in speaking about this, making the small space around them feel more private as they wouldn't be so easily over heard. It was a strange place to be having this discussion, but he wasn't sure that he would be able to start the conversation again if they waited till they were alone.
"I don't want you to have to give up being with your people to be with me. Maybe I should live on New Athos with you." He told her.
"I am choosing to look after my family and in doing so I honour my people and continue their bloodline." She tightened her hold on his hand turning towards him as best as she could in the seat. "I grew up always afraid John. I watched my entire family be taken from me one by one. I will not allow my child to grow up like that, not if I can bring them up in a place free of that constant fear."
John hated the thought of what Teyla had gone through in her life. So often it was easy to forget the difficult and dangerous life she had lived before he knew her, but it was no less true for him forgetting it.
"I want you to be sure about living here." He stressed.
"I fell in love with a man from…America. And I choose to stay with him and bring up our child together. I want to be able to visit my people as often as I am allowed, to stay close to them and for our child to know their heritage."
Relief and affection welled up in John as the plane finally came to a stop, people standing up from their seats around them. "I want that too." He replied.
She smiled brightly and leant in to kiss him. He kept it going as long as was publically acceptable and they parted with a smile.
They had talked about this enough and John was happy that she was certain on her choice to remain on Earth with him if he wanted to stay. In truth he wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to do, but he felt ready to confront his future now.
"Okay. Let's go get ourselves a car and go sort out our future." John announced with a flourish.
"After we collect our luggage." She added as they undid their belts and stood.
"Yes, that's very important too, good thinking." John added with an amused smile.
--
It had been less than two months since Teyla had last been at the SGC, but as John pulled the rented car into their allocated parking space, she reflected that it felt like she had not been here for much longer than that. The wide open spaces around them were filled with barbed wire, patrolling soldiers and lines of cars. She missed the cabin once again. But, it was time to move on with their lives, to plan ahead and decide where they were to live.
As she climbed out of the vehicle she watched as John stood straighter, his military persona falling back into place. It was a persona of his that she had known longer than any other, and for a moment she wished that they could remain in their close intimate space, just the two of them with nothing more to worry about than what to eat and what name to call their child when it was born.
Yet, as he had to step up to his decision, so did she. She would not want to live out her life hidden away in the mountains. Life was calling them back and she would meet it head on, standing alongside John. So she walked alongside John towards the personnel entrance and felt herself also falling into her 'work mode' as John referred to it.
Once inside and past the check points, they joined a group of wide eyed young soldiers in the elevator and descended down into the depths of the mountain. The men around them stood stiffly, aware they were in the presence of a Colonel. She felt the enclosed, almost claustrophobic, sensation she always felt upon entering this base return and she shifted uncomfortably into the corner of the small space. John looked round at her, sensing her unease in some way. She smiled to reassure him. His eyes wandered over her face for a moment, checking her colour maybe, then he too smiled briefly and looked away.
They had dropped hands upon entering the base and stood slightly further apart, as affectionate husband was not the image a Colonel should be displaying on base. She agreed, but it did not stop the desire to reach out to him and try and add her support to him now. He looked in control and in command again, but she knew that did not solve his internal worries. He was so very good at hiding his emotions, but she could see through it all. She always had been able to, and that had been part of their problem before. He had admitted as much to her lately; that her ability to 'get under his skin' and to 'see into him', had made him feel more vulnerable and closed off from her. He had retreated from her even more during their difficulties last year, as he felt transparent to her and she had appeared so strong and in control. She had told him she had not felt that way herself and that perhaps that was the reason why she had rejected him physically back then. For in those moments of the deepest intimacy she was unable to hide from him, she let go and revealed her innermost loves and emotions. He would have seen how much she was hurt and had felt betrayed and angry at him.
All this they had discussed in detail over this past month and a half. They had talked about how they had felt, why they had done what they did and ultimately both forgave each other and themselves for almost ruining their marriage.
Teyla looked at him now in the tight space of the elevator and saw the strong, quietly intelligent man that was her husband. The thin scar down the side of his face, the only visible sign of his long months of capture, made her remember that much had changed though. He was a different man, a stronger more open man now. In his eyes she could see what the experiences with the Genii had done to him and though he said he felt like a coward she could see nothing but strength. He had survived all that suffering and was once again standing tall and proud.
His nightmares had almost gone as well. Once they had begun sleeping together again she had come up immediately against the frightening night time experiences he had been enduring alone. He would wake terrified, his eyes scanning the darkness of the bedroom for an enemy that was not there, and would never be there except in his mind, in his memories and in his dreams. He had tried to leave the bed in those moments, embarrassed and worried about talking with her. But, she had insisted he stay in the bed with her. At first she had just held him as he slowly relaxed and recovered from his nightmare. He had used that time to turn his fear into something good by seducing her in the darkness. She had enjoyed that for many nights, giving him the connection and love he so needed, but then she had begun to stop him, instead cradling his head against her chest and asked him to talk to her about his nightmares, about his cruel memories from his capture.
At first he had resisted, not wanting to frighten or worry her, but with gentle persistence she had opened him up. He had rested his strong form against hers in bed, his hands tight on her and he had told her what she wanted to know. He had told her of how he had been treated, how he had felt, what he had had to do to survive. During those late night confession sessions she had shed many tears for him as she held him silently, her hands in his hair or soothing over his shoulders and back.
Then gradually the nightmares began to stop. When he did have a nightmare now it was a paler version of what he had been suffering through these long months. He had shared what he feared and it had helped him to address those fears and move on with his life. That she was there, and pregnant with their child, helped him she was sure. He enjoyed stroking his palm over her growing belly at night as they cuddled up. The darkness and past mistakes were not forgotten, but they had been left behind. It was time for new beginnings and to celebrate life.
The elevator door opened and they exited with the soldiers, who let them out first. A younger man in a suit was waiting for them and told them General Landry would see John in an hour's time and suggested they might like to get something to eat while they wait.
They had almost reached the doors to the cafeteria when a familiar voice rang out behind them.
"Sheppard? Teyla?" The voice sparkled through Teyla and she turned to see Rodney walking quickly towards them.
"Rodney?!" She called out in return and moved to meet him. He looked well. His face was bright with undisguised pleasure at seeing them and he wrapped his arms around her in return. She had missed him, especially missing their continued friendship after John had been taken. He pulled back, his eyes dropping to her grown belly and he smiled again. Then John was there next to them, clapping Rodney on the back.
"Rodney? What you doing here?" The two men performed a half hug that Teyla worked not to laugh at. They were obviously both so happy to see each other, but embarrassed at showing it.
"You didn't hear already?" Rodney replied. "We've been chucked out."
"Chucked out of what?" John demanded.
"We discovered a ship of Ancients and they kicked us out of Atlantis." Rodney replied, sounding understandably put out.
"What? Why?" John demanded again.
"They wanted their city back, but they're allowing us to send science teams back when we want. They appear open to dialogue and such. We only just returned yesterday. I was on my way to meet the guys for lunch." Rodney waved towards the cafeteria doors. "Come on, they're all here."
Teyla and John followed him into the small concrete room to see the familiar faces turn and look up. Doctor Weir, Carson, Zelenka and Major Lorne all stood with smiles abound to greet them. Teyla embraced Elizabeth and then Carson. Both stared down her belly in delight, before moving on to embrace John as well. The hugs and hellos complete they all sat down around the table together.
"You heard from Ronon?" Was John's first question as they settled down. The question had been on Teyla's lips.
"Yes, he and his army of Wraith fighters have made quite a mark back in Pegasus. He said to say 'Hey' to you if we saw you again." Elizabeth replied.
"It is so good to see you all." Teyla said brightly, her heart happy.
"It's great to see you too, Teyla." Elizabeth replied, and Carson nodded beside her. Both their expressions changed slightly then, their eyes sliding from her to John and back again. Teyla realised they had no idea how things stood between her and John and they were openly curious. "More of you than before." Elizabeth added, her smiling eyes dropping to Teyla's belly again.
John reached over and slid his hand over her stomach and smiled. "Yep, you should see how much she eats now."
The others laughed and Carson made some comment about pregnant appetites. Teyla felt the shift in the group. They had all been curious and were happy to see that she and John were at least getting along again and looking forward to their child being born. She was sure Elizabeth would ask more later, but for now the issue had been addressed.
John's hand slid from her. "On that note, do you want something to eat?" He asked leaning in closer to her and with a sparkle in his eyes he said "Rodney tells me there's beef stew or chicken stir-fry."
After a beat in which she was sure she must have blushed she asked for the chicken. He smiled and headed off with Rodney to get some food.
The next hour was spent in wonderful conversation, laughter, recounting of all adventures and merciless teasing of Rodney on John's part. Eventually John was called off to see General Landry. Teyla watched him leave, his eyes on her as he exited the room, but his expression was more hopeful than before. She only prayed that all would work out for the best. And that if the expedition to Atlantis had indeed been recalled entirely then at least John would no longer have to choose to stay or to go.
--
The massive highly polished surface of the SGC conference room glistened before John as he waited for the General. He tried not to fidget, but he was nervous. Last night he had had a dream in which Landry and General O'Neill had fired him and had torn his wings from his uniform before kicking him out into the snow covered landscape. That was unlikely to happen, but he was still dreading this meeting.
The far door opened and John stood bolt upright as General Landry strode in. "Sorry, to keep you Colonel Sheppard." He began, his face bright. A good sign. "Take a seat."
John relaxed and waited till the General had taken his seat opposite him before he sat down.
"You are looking well, Colonel." Landry began, his interlinked hands coming to a rest over a folder on the table before him.
"Yes, Sir." John drilled out.
"I have a report from a Doctor Greesham here." John's eyes fell to the folder. "He's very pleased with your recovery and has recommended that you are able to return to full time duty at your discretion."
Greesham had told John as much, but it was still good to hear that the same message had been received here as was told to him.
"Yes, Sir."
Landry sat back, his manner relaxing. "How is your wife?"
The slight turn in conversation threw John for a moment. "She's very well. Thank you."
"Congratulations by the way on your impending fatherhood." Landry said with a smile.
"Thank you."
"I guess the news may have changed your plans for the future?"
"Yes, it has." John admitted.
"As you no doubt already know, the Atlantis expedition has been withdrawn. In response to that we have opened up some more positions here at the SGC for off world teams. There will also be several new research and scientific programmes starting soon in response to the Ancients in Pegasus' apparent willingness to discuss technology with them."
"Really?" John was a little surprised to hear that.
Landry nodded in agreement. "I was doubtful as well, Colonel. But, it appears that though they will not actually tell us anything, they will answer questions and be available for culture exchange programmes."
John wasn't entirely sure what that meant, but at least it sounded like the expedition wouldn't be a total loss now if they could gain knowledge and technology from the surviving Ancients.
"All that means that we will have several different opportunities available on Earth for a man of your experience and rank, Colonel. That is if you are going to be staying on Earth?" He asked directly.
John took a breath. "If Teyla and I stayed here on Earth, would she be able to visit her people on New Athos?"
"I don't see why not. The Ancients appear willing to let us visit regularly and I am sure if we time your visits to when a science team visits there should be no problem." John felt something relax inside.
"Then, Teyla and I would like to stay on Earth."
Landry appeared pleased with that answer. "Excellent. Right, then the matter stands as to which position you would like to take. A position on an off world team operating from the SGC stands open for you anytime, however there is another position you may find more tempting, especially given your new family situation."
That caught John's attention. Landry sat forward again. "As you know we have a training programme established to supply Earth Defence and SGC with correctly trained personnel. There is a position available as an instructor for you if you so wish. It will include all aspects of training including flight training." John felt a smile creeping across his lips. "However, there will be another aspect of the role you may enjoy. Area 51 will be beginning a project to develop Earth ships equivalent to the Ancient Jumpers. Doctor McKay will be leading the project out of Area 51. The Ancients have allowed us to keep several Jumpers, and the project will require pilots, especially those with Jumper flight experience. I don't think there is anyone else more experienced than you in that regard?"
Excitement flared through John. "Thank you, Sir." Ideas and possibilities began to stir in his mind. Also he could privately admit he would enjoy working alongside old teammates from Atlantis.
"Also, once she is able, there are many people who would welcome the knowledge and experience your wife has to offer. There would be a position available for her at the training base and many of our scientists have already expressed interest in talking with her about her people, her Wraith genetics and her knowledge of the Pegasus Galaxy."
John tried not to smile too much.
"Of course take some time to discuss it with Teyla. I am sure you will both need to find somewhere to live and time to catch up with those from Atlantis." Landry stood up from the table. John stood up in response, still slightly stunned at the turn of events. "It's good to have you back, Colonel." The General said with a smile and turned to leave. "Let me know what you decide."
"I will. Thank you, General." John called out after him.
--
TBC
