WWE Friday Night Smackdown!

"I'm back! And badder than ever…"

Eric Bischoff's music hit as the show opened, and Smackdown's new GM sauntered to the ring with a huge smile on his face and the World Heavyweight Championship around his waist.

Bischoff – "Ah… it's good to be back, folks! What do you think - (he gestures to the title) – It's a DAMN good look, isn't it? And your NEW WCW… I mean World Heavyweight Champion… Eric Bischoff!!!!!"

Boos resounded around this arena at this announcement.

Michael Cole – "He can't be serious!"

JBL – "He can do whatever he wants Cole – he's Smackdown's General Manager!! I think it has a nice ring to it!"

Bischoff – "Calm down everyone – come on, I'm not serious! A person of my caliber simply watches the goings on of this particular brand… I'm not the Champion! But I am hear to make an announcement about this very belt."

Cole – "Well thank God for that! Can you imagine what it would be like with Bischoff as Champion… and GM?"

JBL – "Things would be great!"

Bischoff – "Anyways… down to business. The World Heavyweight Championship – currently vacant – will be on the line in a Triple Threat, No Disqualification match – in three weeks at Smackdown's next Pay Per View… No Mercy!"

A loud cheer was heard after this.

Cole – "Wow! What a match for the title!"

Bischoff – "Furthermore, the participants in this match will be decided over the next three weeks – including tonight – in three separate qualifying matches, which will all be our Main Events! And here are the six competitors I have personally deemed worthy of such an opportunity –

John Cena, Batista, Rob Van Dam, Umaga, Monty Brown, and CM Punk!

The last competitor was chosen as a result of his actions on RAW – where he applied the Anaconda Vice to John Cena in a shocking move! This man is the first representative of my policy for Smackdown – Controversy Creates Cash!"

Cole – "Not ANOTHER plug for his damn book… for crying out loud!"

Bischoff – "I have also decided on who shall face who in each qualifying match… starting with tonight, The Samoan Bulldozer, Umaga – shall face Vince McMahon's own personal signing – Monty Brown!!!

Cole – "Woah, John that's huge! The Undefeated Umaga versus Monty Brown?"

JBL – "I'm telling you now Cole, Eric is EXACTLY what Smackdown needed to compete with RAW - He's on fire!!!"

Bischoff – "Next week, we shall see two former Champions face off against each other – John Cena VS Batista!!"

The crowd erupted – Cena and Batista?

Bischoff – I guess you can figure out the last match for yourself… two weeks from now, our main event and FINAL qualification match shall feature Rob Van Dam, against CM Punk!!!"

Bischoff's music hit and he left the ring smiling and still wearing the World Heavyweight Championship around his waist.

Commercial Break

Tony Chimmel – "The following contest is scheduled for one fall… introducing first, weighing in at 160lbs, Rey Mysterio!"

Rey's music hit and he burst onto the stage as usual, to a loud ovation from the crowd.

Cole – "I'm sure this man is wondering, as indeed am I – why he was not included in the qualification matches for the World Heavyweight Championship match at No Mercy?"

JBL – "I'll tell you why, Cole… He's not a Heavyweight! Hell, Rey Mysterio is barely a damn Cruiserweight for crying out loud – he should be in the midget division!"

Rey didn't have time to make it to the ring though, as he was blindsided by a former ECW Superstar, Kevin Thorn! He clotheslined Rey to the floor and beat on him as Ariel screamed encouragement.

Thorn dragged Rey down to ringside and whipped him into the steel steps, which Mysterio went over knees first. Rey was down, clutching his knee and screaming in agony. Thorn continued his relentless assault on Rey, slamming his knee into the floor twice, before raising the protective cover and slamming the knee twice more on the concrete floor.

Cole – "Come on! Someone stop this lunatic!"

Thorn then proceeded to pick up the steel steps and slammed them down on Rey's knee. The crowd were booing from the rafters as this disgusting attack took place. Rey was screaming in agony and trying to keep his knee away from Thorn at the same time.

Thorn dragged Rey up by the mask and threw him into the ring – where the referee FINALLY called for the bell to start the match. Thorn rolled in himself, smiling now.

He dragged Rey up again, and hit the Crucifixion on Rey Mysterio… 1 – 2 – 3!! Kevin Thorn has defeated Rey Mysterio!

JBL – "What an upset! Kevin Thorn has beaten Rey Mysterio with just seconds on the clock!"

Cole – "Yeah, but what about what happened BEFORE the bell rang, John? This is a damn outrage!"

Kevin Thorn and Ariel celebrated as the medics came down to the ring to help Rey.

Commercial Break

We returned after the break to a picture of the smiling Bischoff, sitting in his office.

Bischoff – "Hello there, folks. Our next match will feature four superstars drafted to Smackdown in the revolutionary draft on RAW – the team of Chris Masters and Johnny Nitro VS opponents in two weeks time… Rob Van Dam and CM Punk!!"

Cole – "What a match JBL!"

JBL – "I'm telling ya Cole, this guy is reviving the Smackdown brand with every word he speaks!"

We returned to the ring where Johnny Nitro, Melina and Chris Masters had just entered the ring. Suddenly, the Titantron cut to the parking lot where the Hardyz stepped out of the shadows!!

Cole – "What the hell? The Hardy Boyz are on ECW – why are they here?"

Matt – "Nitro, Masters – I don't think you quite understand who we are. We are The Hardy Boyz, Team Xtreme – You think you can beat us down like you, Nitro – were claiming all week on Well we've got our answer to that – right now!"

The camera turned onto Jeff, who was getting into a stretch Hummer.

JBL – "Cole… that's Master's Hummer! What the hell is that freak doing?"

Nitro and Melina looked on in horror as Jeff started the Hummer and drove straight into, and over Nitro's limo!!! Jeff then proceeded to ram the Hummer into a wall, jumping out at the last minute. Both cars were destroyed!

Matt – "This is how we do things – ECW style! I suggest, if you've got any sort of pride – you guys get out here and we settle things right here, right now!!!"

Nitro and Masters, enraged from the destruction, left the ring immediately and ran to the back to find the Hardyz.

Meanwhile, in the ring, Van Dam and CM Punk had made their entrances and were left standing alone in the ring, watching the Titantron with huge smiles on their faces as Masters and Nitro made their way to the parking lot – to be met by Eric Bischoff and his security team ordering Jeff and Matt out of the arena! The security held back the two Smackdown superstars as Matt and Jeff got into their car, flipped off the Smackdown General Manager, and drove out of sight!

In the ring, the referee – frustrated with the delay to the match – rang the bell for the match to start and began counting Masters and Nitro out!!

Bischoff informed the two men of this, and they began running like hell back to the ring, where the referee had reached a six count!

Seven – Nitro tripped over a bucket pushed in front of him by the Tag Team Champions, Paul London and Brian Kendrick, and went sprawling into a wall, knocking himself out cold. Eight – Masters reached the stage and ran towards the ring. Nine – Van Dam and Punk double dropkicked a desperate Masters who tried to enter the ring – he went rolling up the ramp from the force of it. Ten…. The referee rang the bell!!! Van Dam and CM Punk had won by count-out!!

Cole – "I don't believe it, JBL! Is a proper match actually going to take place here tonight??"

JBL – "I don't know Cole… all I know is the Hardyz had better watch their backs! Nitro and Masters won't take this lying down!!"

Van Dam exited the ring and went to the back, while CM Punk celebrated with the crowd… only for John Cena to appear from nowhere – F-U to Punk!! Cena kicked him out of the ring and called for a mic as we went to another commercial break.

Commercial Break

Cena – "Now let's get one thing straight here folks. CM Punk wants to step into the ring and make an impact? Fine – hell, in usual circumstances, I'd even help the son of a bitch. But when he decides to go after John Cena? Hell man, you must be trippin!! If you think for one second that I was just gonna say – hey, the kid's tryin to find his feet with his new brand, I'll let him off just this once – you are messin with the wrong person! I am John Cena, I am a three-time WWE Champion and when you mess with me, you are staring down the barrel of a loaded gun. Punk, Umaga, Rob Van Dam – I don't care who the damn hell you are, but there is one thing I will guarantee… at No Mercy, I WILL be the next World Heavyweight Champion."

Cena was about to leave the ring when The Animal, Batista's music hit. He came out to his usual pyros, and stormed to the ring, mic in hand.

Batista – "So Cena, let me get this straight… YOU are gonna be the next World Heavyweight Champion?? You seem to have forgotten one tiny detail in your little rant… next week – in this very ring – you will be facing ME, before you can even think about No Mercy."

Cena – "Well if it isn't The Animal, Dave Batista – Well skipedee doo da, you're the big bad dog on this show now, aren't ya? Booker T… sorry, King… I can't call him that – sorry folks! Undertaker, Benoit, hell even Mr damn Kennedy have all been drafted elsewhere… so I guess that just leaves you. Well let me point this out, DAVE – Remember the fact that you as a champion got drafted away from the big leagues, to this two bit show that hasn't ratings worth talking about since I last appeared here!"

Batista – "Remember this, John – you are here to stay on this 'two bit show', as you like to call it…"

Cena – "Shut your damn mouth, Batista! I don't give a damn about that! We could stand here talking a bunch of crap about how Smackdown rules and you can rip on me for sayin it doesn't… yadda, yadda, yadda – But the truth is that I can't wait for next week. All last year we had almost identical title reigns till January – when you got injured and I got screwed by Edge, and all the time in the back I was wonderin… who is the better champion? Well, next week – We'll find out for good!"

Cena dropped the mic and squared up to Batista. Batista, still holding his mic, stared straight into the eyes of his opponent next week.

Batista – "Why wait till then?"

Batista nailed Cena with a right hand, dropping him to the mat. Cena retaliated by taking Batista's legs from under him, and both men rolled around the ring raining blows down on each other. Security from the back, and some of the Cruiserweight division ran to the ring to separate the enraged men.

Cole – "Oh my God, JBL – What an explosive situation Eric Bischoff has created in just one night as the new General Manger!!"

JBL – "And the best thing is, Cole – it's not finished yet!!"

Security were having a terrible time separating the two Superstars – when CM Punk rolled into the ring clutching a chair! He ran at Cena and nailed him straight in the head with the chair knocking him to the mat. Batista then broke free of security and charged CM Punk – only to be smashed across the top of his skull with the very same chair! Punk then threw down the chair, gestured he was the next champion, and applied the Anaconda Vice to Batista!!

Cole – "For the second straight show, CM Punk has taken out a former champion – what an impact he has made!"

Commercial Break

Tony Chimmel – "The following contest is a qualification match for the Triple Threat, World Heavyweight Championship match at No Mercy…"

Estrada – "Exscuche, Exscuche, Everybody listen – Ha Ha – to me. My name Es Armando – Alejandro – EstRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRada!!!!!!! And tonight, I bring to you, The Samoan Bulldozer…"

Estrada's usual antics were interrupted by Monty Brown's theme music blaring from the speakers. Brown appeared on the stage beside Estrada, stared at him and went straight to the ring.

Cole – "Wow, look at the intensity on the face of Brown, JBL! He's really pumped for this match!"

JBL – "He would want to be, Cole – he's facing the undefeated Monster Umaga!"

Estrada – "Jus who in the hell do you think you are meester? Interrupting me like that – Ladies and Gentleman let me introduce you to the Undefeated Umaga's next victim – Monty Brown!"

With that, Umaga's music came on and he came screaming from the back, slapping his own chest and going absolutely insane as usual. Estrada gestured towards the ring, where Monty Brown stood staring at the Samoan's antics.

Umaga tore to the ring and climbed in – the referee called for the bell and this match was on!! Umaga went straight for a shoulder tackle on Brown, but couldn't move the big man. Umaga screamed and tried again, for Brown to sidestep the psychopath and kick him in the back! Umaga went flying through the second rope and crashed into the announce table on the outside. He got up and roared in anger before getting back into the ring, and charging Brown again. This time Brown countered with a back elbow, followed by a double axe-handle to the back of a stunned Umaga's head. Brown then bounced off the ropes and went to clothesline Umaga… to no effect. Umaga stood there and screamed at Brown, slapping his own chest repeatedly. Brown shrugged his shoulders and nailed Umaga with four or five rights, dazing the big man. This time Brown again bounced off the ropes – for Umaga to quickly catch him and floor him with a vicious Samoan Drop!

Brown lay on the mat, winded and confused while Umaga dived from the second rope with a headbutt to Brown's chest. Estrada was up on the ring apron now, applauding Umaga's onslaught on Brown.

Umaga dragged the dazed Brown into the corner, and set him against the bottom turnbuckle. He then backed up to the opposite corner.

Cole – "Oh my God… not this – No Please No!!"

JBL – "I think we can safely say Umaga has wrapped this match up – as usual."

Umaga roared and charged down the fallen Brown in the corner… only fo Brown to roll out of the ring at the last second! Brown then grabbed both of Umaga's legs and dragged him straight into the ring-post! He then slammed both of the Samoan's knees into the post twice, before raising his hand – to a huge ovation from the crowd.

Brown rolled back into the ring and stomped on Umaga in the corner until the referee forced him back – at which time Umaga charged Brown, through the ref, knocking him out cold and sending the two men crashing through the ropes to the floor outside!

Brown was quicker to his feet and he booted Umaga in the face before rolling back into the ring and gesturing for Umaga to 'Bring It'. Umaga, enraged, charged into the ring and was caught in the Circle Of Life by Monty Brown! Brown readied himself…. And hit The Pounce on Umaga!! But the referee was out cold!

Cole – "Wait a minute, JBL!! That's Randy Orton… what the hell is he doing here?"

Orton stalked Brown, who was unaware of his presence… RKO on Monty Brown!!!! The second in a week!

Estrada climbed into the ring and went over to Umaga, shook him and ordered him to get up, after which he took out a cigar and snapped it in half.

Estrada – "For Samoa!!"

Umaga roared in response and went to the top rope, dived off, and hit Monty Brown with the Samoan Spike!!! The referee was revived by Orton… 1- 2 – 3!!! Umaga goes to No Mercy thanks to Orton!

Cole – "I don't believe it, JBL… Orton screwed Monty Brown!"

JBL – "This is only the beginning of trouble between these guys Cole… Orton would want to watch his back on RAW!!!"

Orton, now on the stage, posed to a chorus of boos as Smackdown came to a close.