Your Name Forever The Last On My Lips
A/N: hello guys! Happy Saturday! I'm back with another chapter! Just reviews and support make me so happy and I'm so glad you're enjoying this so much!
So I'm going back to school on Monday so updates won't come as often but I'll try my best! Thanks so much for reading!
I don't own Glee. Just my desire to share thoughts.
Dedicated forever to the beautiful soul that is Cory Monteith!
Chapter 11: Drowning slowly
He's back at home. It feels so weird now being on the chair. Kurt and the others throw some kind of celebration since they have been in the hospital for over two weeks. Most of their friends go back home today or the next day and Finn is a bit nervous about being with Rachel alone again. It's kind of pathetic but they haven't really talked since she told him about their parents buying the apartment. Finn isn't really mad at them, they did a nice thing, really went to far for them but Finn is mad at the world. Mad at his stupid chair and mad at himself for feeling so sorry for the situation he is in right now. He had a visit from his boss, he told him they couldn't have him back in his class because he'd already missed too much, he would miss more because he still had to recover for two more weeks and it was now march. He had not told Rachel or anything about it because he didn't want to upset her. She and Kurt would sue their asses if he did and he loved his kids too much to be banned from the school forever if it came to that. He'd have to tell her eventually though and he was terrified.
"Finn?" Kurt is smiling at him. He's got a glass in his hand. His brother also kind of wanted to have this for Carole since she had spent her birthday waiting for him to wake up. Kurt shoots him a look. "Anyways, to Carole and Finn and Rachel who are finally home!"
"And for the little one" Burt adds in. Finn glances over at Rachel. She's next to Carole. His kids with Mercedes and Sam. "Who was a big surprise, but amazing"
"Seriously Rachel I don't know how you manage to make such cute babies" Santana winks "it must be only you"
They all laugh. Blaine can sense Finn's tension rising. He moves away from everyone and over to him.
"Hey man, you okay?"
"I just need some air" true. He's really desperate to get out of there. The place is too crowded.
"Okay, I'll take you, just give me a minute" Blaine tells Kurt, he gives Rachel a knowing look and they walk out of there.
They are at the park a few blocks from the apartment. Blaine and Finn have become really close over the years. While Rachel and Kurt giggle over manicures and fashion, he can actually talk to Blaine about football and more mainly stuff, plus he's been amazing trough this whole thing.
"Are you okay?" Blaine is sitting on a park bench. His phone buzzes. It's Kurt. He ignores it.
"I'm fine" Lie. He's not fine. He's scared and anxious and quite frankly tired of everyone asking if he's okay. "No actually I'm not"
"Figured as much, you and Rachel are still not talking?" Nope.
"I feel like, so weird you know because when we are around the kids I have to pretend like everything is okay and she's supposed to be the first person to talk to, and.."
"You feel disconnected?" Blaine is right. He knows his kids feel it too. Tonight is the first night back to some normal and he's terrified about doing this without Rachel.
"I don't know what to do man. We are having a baby again and I have barely touched her, what if my kid hates me because it feels like I resent him or something?"
"Finn.."
"I can't do this without her. Without my kids." Just as in cue, Rachel comes behind him.
"Hey, we're about to cut the cake for your mom" Blaine stands up to leave. "Finn.."
"I'll tell them to wait" Blaine is out of there.
"I'm sorry" he's crying. There, in a public place but he doesn't care.
"Babe, what..."
"How can you be okay with this? With me not talking to you unless we have to and... Being an ass, and not touch you, I need to be close to you Rach, I'm not myself." He's burying his face in his hands. Rachel kneels to his face's level.
"Listen to me" she's firm but kind. This reminds her of their first time. Finn was so devastated about the recruiter and all she wanted was to love him and tell him everything was going to be okay. "I'm giving you your space, because I know, that you need it, to process all this, the baby, the surgery."
"Us?" Yes them.
"I love you. And I want you to defeat this with you. As a family, but I also don't want to pressure you. This is not something that's just going to go away."
"I want you to make it go away" he's begging. She's leaning her forehead against his. "I don't want to be like this Rachel, I don't want to feel like I can't take care of you" Rachel is crying now. She runs her fingers trough his hair, the secret is out. He's terrified of disappointing her.
"Finn, you remember when we found out about Hannah and you told me we were going to that together?" She cleans the tears from his cheeks as she kisses him and places a hand on her belly, pulling his too. "And we are doing this as a team too, okay? We are endgame, remember?"
No one asks anything when they get back. A big cake is laid out on the table for Carole. Hannah comes over to her parents to beg Finn to blow the candles with her even if its not her birthday. He lifts her up and puts her on his lap. Hannah is unsure about hurting him, but he seems okay, it doesn't hurt as much.
"You ready?" Finn glances over at his mom and the three of them blow the candles together. Finn reaches for his phone. He's about to take a picture when Hannah places a bit of frosting on his cheek. Everyone cheers.
"I love you daddy" Finn hugs her as if his life depended on it and its Rachel who takes a picture " l love you too baby girl" . Soon enough it's her on Finn's lap, Perry and Hannah, all covered in frosting and Finn is kissing Rachel on the lips.
The rest of the party goes okay and Finn feels so much better. It's kind of late already, the kids are left watching a movie. Shelby and others begin to leave since most of them have a plaine to catch in the morning.
"You take care of yourself Finn" Shelby is hugging him. "And don't hesitate to call me if you need anything."
"Bye Finn!" Beth chips in. "Feel better okay?"
"I will" he chuckles. "Thank you so much for everything."
His friends also begin to leave. "We'll come visit soon." Tina and Mike promise. Chicago isn't that far. "Call us okay?"
"I'll be sure to be here for that baby shower"
"Take care Finn." Artie fists him." I'm only a call away if you need a lesson or something."
"Thank you so much for all your help Artie."
"Of course man," they do their best not to crash the chairs together."and remember that If you feel like it gets to hard? One day at a time."
"One day at a time."
"I feel so bad leaving" Mercedes and Sam are next. Rachel kind of feels bad that Sam only got here but his dad needs him. "I can't wait to see how your therapy goes though, and be sure not to be making babies for a while okay?" He blushes and Rachel's heart is melting.
"Take care of yourself dude" Sam says. "And just as you and Rachel believed in me all those years ago, I believe in you too." Finn is getting too emotional.
Those are all the goodbyes for now. The rest of them will be leaving within the week.
"Are you sure you don't want me to stay the night?" Carole and Kurt ask Rachel the same question. Her dads too, although they offered to take them all to the hotel to keep a better eye on them.
"No, really. You all have done enough but we just.. Need to be alone for a while you know?"
"I'll be fine mom." Finn smirks. "I'm a big boy."
"Yes, but you'll always be my baby, no matter what" she caresses his cheek." Call okay?"
"If you need anything." Burt adds in. They have decided to stay across the hall with Blane and Kurt.
"We are just a few doors away" Kurt hugs them both.
Finally alone. Rachel puts the kids to bed while Finn stays in their room. He starts to get ready for bed. His own bed. He's slowly getting used to using his arms for almost everything. Good thing he has stayed in shape. As he opens the nightstand drawer, a photo album catches his attention.
"Babe?" The fist picture he sees is the two of Hannah's first pictures ever. One, right after she was born. Rachel used to make fun of him and his obsession with the flipcam but he loved taking pictures, it was like capturing your life and the beauty of it forever. The second one was just, Hannah, him and Rachel a few minutes after his daughter had been born. He had been freaking out about it for as long as he found out, but the moment he held her, his life changed forever.
"I Hate you right now!" Rachel snapped at him as he held her hand. Who knew Rachel could be so strong? "I'm never ever going to have sex with you again Finn Hudson!"
"It's ok Rach, I'm here" he tried soothing her back with his free hand.
"Yes because this is all your fault!"
"Okay, Rachel" the Doctor told her. "She's almost here. I just need a couple more and it will all be over" Finn kept kissing her forehead.
"I can't! This is too hard!" She was gasping for air. "I can't.."
"Yes you can Rachel. You're the strongest person I know." Their eyes locked as she pushed. One. Two.
"And she's here" Finn could listen to a pair of very strong lungs as tears invaded his eyes. "Do you want to cut the cord daddy?" He was a daddy now.
He was staring at his daughter for the first time. This little person he and Rachel had made and he thought of how he couldn't love anything more.
"Is she okay?" Rachel's voice was full of exhaustion.
"She's perfect babe" he moved over to his wife as they cleaned the baby. "You did it, I love you so much" he kissed her lips and pushed the strands of hair away from her face.
"I don't hate you Finn, I love you"
"I know Rach" he kissed her again.
"Okay so this little lady wants to meet her mommy" the doctor moves over to place the baby in Rachel's arms. "Congratulations, she's beautiful."
And she was beautiful. All they ever dreamed of and more. She looked more like Finn, the most amazing thing about her for Rachel was that she had Finn's eyes. God, she loved those eyes.
"I remember I was so scared because I didn't know if I would be a good dad." Rachel is now next to him on the bed as he holds the picture "and then she looked at me, grabbed my finger and I knew everything was going to be okay because I had you"
Rachel kisses his shoulder. "And now she's your biggest fan."
"I'm hers too." Finn admits. "I love her so much, and Perry, and our little peanut." He places a hand in her belly.
"And I love you Finn Hudson, and no matter what... We'll do this together, okay?"
Okay so... What did you think? A lot of things will happen in the next chapter as well. The others leave and Finn gets a special visit, plus a flashback with Finn singing to Hannah when she's a baby... Who's excited? Plus Finchel finds out the sex of the baby! Thank you so so much for all the support! You don't know how much it means to me!
And well remember, reviews make a writer smile ;)
