Chapter 10
Beauty surrounds me. Jade grass carpets the earth, as soft as the first downy feathers of a baby bird, and the sky overhead is the purest blue imaginable. Before me, the earth stretches on endlessly, past the horizon, until it blends with the unblemished sky. The beauty of this place is ethereal, almost holy; the promised land of yore. Wildflowers dot the jade grass, adding an array of jewels to the necklace of the land. I study the landscape with wide eyes, amazed by the beauty though I do not question how I've come to be standing in this meadow of dreams. Nor do I ask why I am the only one who stands in the vast beauty of the untouched land, because my memories are fuzzy, lost amidst the beauty of the land.
I lay back on the bed of grass and close my eyes, letting my other senses expand into this awing landscape. My nose picks up the sweet, moist scent of fresh water on the air; my ears catch the faintest whisper of a bird's wing against the sky and underneath me, the earth feels cool and stabilizing to my touch.
Beauty surrounds me, fills me, and makes me feel as if I could run to the top of the moon and beyond. This strange and powerful feeling sends a song through my veins, a tremor down my spine, and suddenly I'm filled with the need to run, to feel my body as it moves against the very forces of nature itself.
I snap my eyes open and jump to my feet, and in an instant, I'm off and running. I don't have a destination, and I don't care. My feet pound out a rhythm on the soft earth, my legs stretching as far as they're able. The ground moves quickly underneath me, as if I'm pulling it out from under me by running as swiftly as the wind. I'm running so fast, that the sights begin to blur before my eyes, yet my gaze is set ahead of me; I never look back to see what I'm leaving behind, if it's worth the trouble of turning back for. Why should I turn back when I have so much ahead? It would just waste my time.
My breath is surprisingly steady, and my arms pump in a primitive beat. My nose fills with the musk of a thousand ripe summer storms that have never been unleashed on this promised earth; it's a heady and overwhelming scent that makes me dizzy from the unused power it contains, the awesome promise of ferocity that has never been unleashed. The primal, forceful scent makes me want to sing in the glory of nature, to give praise to all things of the woods and earth and sky.
Before me, a sudden shadow looms, and I slow my pace. I edge closer, throwing caution to the wind, feeling invincible. Jutting from the ground like a dagger through the land's heart is a shaft of brilliant white stone, about six feet high and two feet wide. Curiosity overcomes me, and I walk fearlessly forward. As I draw closer to the pillar, I can see that it's not pure white, but instead it's marbled with various shades of blue, red and a deep black that smears the beauty of the pillar. Figures have been carved into every side, and the characters depicted send a distant, dull thrill through me. Unsurprisingly, wolves make up the scenes on the pillar; wolves of every hue, of every size. In the middle of the pillar, a carved moon shines, full and bright and watchful like an all seeing eye. In the middle of the moon, a flower of great beauty blooms. Its blossoms are of pale marble, pale as moonlight, and its leaves are thrown upward. The moon is flanked by four wolves; a scrawny looking pup at the bottom, a bulky wolf to the right, and rather chubby wolf to the left and atop the moon sits a regal wolf with knowing eyes. The four wolves watch, their gazes protective and baleful. Though they make up the center of the pillar, another image draws my eye. I circle it slowly, the images striking a part of my soul I thought had been forgotten. To the right of the guardian wolves, four other wolves stand. Two young wolves are seated, their heads thrown back in song. The two other wolves are marbled with gray and white, though the one who seems so cold has a large streak of black in him. Another wolf sits apart from the two; his carved eyes alight with mischief and some other emotion that evades me. He is eyeing a human-like figure with distinctly feminine features; slender hands, curvy hips and a voluptuous chest. Tears cascade down her cheeks, a river of pain and regret and yearning. My gaze follows the tears, and I find that I'm staring at a beautiful carved she wolf, with streaks of white and black in her fur. Beside her, the girl from before stands, her hand on the wolf's neck. Both of their heads are thrown back, howling at the untamed sky, where a moon the color of blood shines.
I turn my head away from the dagger made of stone and scenes, bile rising in my throat. There was something about the last image that makes me want to cringe, to rub the scenes out from existence. I turn to leave, and I find myself face to face with the wolf from my earlier dreams. Her eyes seem duller, and her coat is mangy.
"Come. Walk with me." She says serenely, as if she'd been expecting me all this time. I don't question her, and follow without thought.
We walk silently, our footsteps muffled by the soft earth. I notice the she-wolf favoring her left side. Her breathing is ragged and she struggles to walk. However, her wild integrity remains, and she throws her proud eyes up to mine.
"Where are we?" I ask before she can get a word in. The she wolf smiles softly.
"This is a dream to you, Leara, though it could be so much more if you allow it." She says cryptically. I look at my surroundings; at the rippling fields of grass, of the unblemished sky. I feel the wind caress my cheek, and I shiver.
"Is this Paradise?"
"No. This is my world." She replies sadly. "Or, depending on how you look at it, my prison. You cannot enter it, not yet. You've only come here with my aid, so we could talk."
"What was that pillar?" My question leaves my lips without a thought. The she wolf's ears fall flat against her skull.
"That was the Story." She says simply, as if that explained everything. "You needn't concern yourself with it. Not yet."
"You are doing well in gathering the scattered pack," She continues. "But you are not trying hard enough to unlock your true potential."
"What do you mean?" My reply lingers on the sweet-scented air, unsure of where to settle. The she-wolf pauses, favoring her right foreleg. Her piercing eyes bore into mine, their intensity frightening.
"Leara, you are a liability in your current state," The wolf says it with a hint of agitation in her voice. "You cannot fight, you cannot hunt, and you can barely keep pace with them as it is. Your journey draws ever more perilous, and you will cause the death of them if you continue the way you are."
Pain wretches in my gut and all the unwanted memories come flooding back. My father's murder, the escape from the city, Broma and Chanson and Zari, and finally, Tsume. My side stings and the phantom of pain returns in solid form once again, making me clutch my side. My ribs ache and I picture Jaxt watching me with his pitiless eyes, and for the first time since entering this place, fear rushes through me.
"I can't help being what I am." I reply, my side aching. "And I'm human. There's nothing special about me."
The she wolf suddenly snarls, her eyes alight with a fierce fire. Quicker than I can follow, she launches herself at me and knocks me down. Her front paws pin my shoulders, and her back legs form a cage around my hips. Her lips pull back, revealing pearly white fangs. Her breath smells of hot meat and sweet milk. A sharp smell of iron tinges her coat.
"You think that you are just a mere human after everything that has happened to you?" She growls thunderously. "That you just happened upon the wolves by mistake? You are foolish to believe so."
"It's just coincidence that I can see the wolves." I snap back, my earlier mood of joy forgotten. "It's a gift that I don't want."
The she-wolf's snarling booms and her teeth graze my throat threateningly, though I know she will not harm me. "If you believe such, you are more foolish than I thought!" She pulls her jaws away from my vulnerable skin. "Leara, you are the key to saving the wolves. You have great power, power that can change the world and open the gates, if you only allow yourself to unleash it."
"What do you mean?" I ask, my curiosity getting the best of me. "What gates are you talking about? What power do I possibly have?"
The she wolf growls uneasily and gracefully hops off of me. She lowers her gaze. "I've said too much. You have to find out on your own."
Anger flickers within me, an emotion that doesn't fit this ethereal place and makes the beauty seem less substantial somehow.
"I think you've said too little," I snap. "Why do you have to say everything in cryptic messages? Why is it that I have this gift-curse, this ability to see the wolves? What power do I have that makes me the one to fit all these puzzle pieces together?"
The she wolf looks out to the endless horizon. The gentle wind ruffles her midnight and moonlight marbled fur, and her bushy tail lowers slightly. I stand defiantly, not ready to yield until my part in this tangled path to Paradise is revealed.
"So many questions that you should know the answers to," The she-wolf says quietly. Her ferocity from moments before has dissipated, replaced by a note of weary resignation. "I had expected you to realize…to remember…but I suppose, after all this time, it is too much to hope for."
The hopelessness in her voice melts my anger, though the frustration remains. "What do you mean? What am I supposed to remember?"
"I cannot say. I am bound."
The frustration I've felt since Toboe saved me from Katsuye's gang—the helplessness I feel around my pack everyday-- bubbles over. My face contorts, and I feel a snarl curling my lip.
"If you can't tell me anything, then how am I supposed to find out about myself?" My voice sounds strange to me, a wild and untamed thing that sends ripples of primitive emotion through me. I step forward, closer to the she wolf. She looks at me with surprise in her eyes.
"If you want me to start being an asset to my pack, then point me in the right direction instead of just mumbling some crap about being 'chosen' and how I'm a 'liability'! Don't you think I know that already? Don't you think it hurts me that I can't protect them the way they've protected me?"
Something flickers in the she-wolf's eyes, and she rounds to meet me, her stance casually aggressive. "You don't care because you haven't tried. You haven't tried to unlock the dreams or your power, like I told you last time. Until you try to help yourself, you are right. You are just a human."
At that, something within me snaps, and I launch myself at the she-wolf. She nimbly dodges my attempt, though the pain in her side is evident as she grimaces. I land in a crouching position, my hands spread on the cool earth to catch myself, and I spin back around towards the she wolf and I snarl like an animal. The pretty midnight-moonlight colored wolf has a strange smile on her face, and her eyes are gentle.
"That's it, Leara. Unlock your potential." She says, a new hope rekindled in her tone. She raises her eyes and holds my gaze. "Use your anger, your frustration, as a springboard, but do not always rely on it. Remember to love, Leara, but remember to use your less human side as well."
Her words evaporate my sudden frustration, and I slowly rise to my feet. 'What just happened?' I wonder. The she wolf, catching my thoughts, answers without needing a prompt.
"It is the first step to your power," She says quietly, reverently. "Remember the feeling, Leara. Don't let yourself forget, for if you do, it will mean the end of the wolves."
"But how—?"
The she-wolf throws her head up suddenly, her eyes narrowing. Her nose twitches, and a new snarl forms on her muzzle.
"We've run out of time. He's found me." She growls. The she-wolf turns to me, her hackles rising, and she limps to my side.
"I will come for you again, when it is safe." She says. Her eyes flicker to the sky, which has begun to darken without warning. Thunder booms ominously in the distance, and the birdsong has vanished. The she wolf stands on her back legs, resting her front legs on my shoulders. I hadn't realized she was so big until her eyes were level with mine.
"Do not be afraid to unlock your power, Leara!" She hisses. "Unlock your potential and become what you are meant to be!"
She licks the center of my forehead gently. The spot tingles from her touch, and I find myself growing groggy. My knees buckle and I fall to the soft earth, my eyes already closing.
The she wolf's voice whispers to me one last time. "Unleash your instincts."
The darkness closes around me like waves, and I find I'm powerless to stop it.
-0000
I bolt awake with a start, my heart pounding furiously in my chest. The dream is vivid in my mind, the she-wolf's words echoing in my ears.
Unleash your instincts she'd said. What had she meant by that? What instincts could she possibly be talking about?
I stretch haphazardly, wincing at the pain in my side. After our escape from Tsume's former gang two days ago, we had traveled almost nonstop to get away from Jaxt. Normally, I would have been able to keep pace with the rest of the pack, but due to Tsume's little 'love bite', I was lagging behind. My strength was at a minimal, and my patience wasn't much better, having been worn thin by Tsume's casually snide remarks and Zari's persistent taunting.
"Are you okay, Leara?" Chanson pads softly to my side, her eyes wide with concern. She'd been keeping watch over me since I'd been injured and hadn't left my side. It was very sweet, but I left awkward with the pup taking care of me. After all, I'm a nearly full grown woman, and she was…well, a pup. The roles should have been reversed.
Before I can reply, Broma's standing at Chanson's side; his eyes narrowed and gaze intense. "Leara, I need to speak with you." He glances at Chanson. "Alone."
I frown. Broma has never tried to seek me out, or to be the sole receiver of my attention. I study the blood-colored wolf; his eyes, though intense, are filled with shadows. His ears droop and his muzzle is set in a slight snarl.
"Chanson, sweetheart, will you please go find out what Toboe and the others are doing?" I assign her the first meaningless, trivial task that comes to mind. She grumbles under her breath, but complies and sulkily walks away.
As soon as she's out of earshot, I turn to the blood-wolf before me. "What is it, Broma? Is there something wrong?"
The dark red wolf slips into his human illusion soundlessly. His blue-white human eyes look out onto the horizon, and the wind tousles his coppery hair.
"I don't trust this Tsume." He says bluntly. "There's something about him that makes me very…uneasy."
I sigh. "Broma, I know that Tsume's a bit..." I pause, trying to find the correct word to describe the gray wolf. "…Difficult to deal with, but he's the one that Toboe's been searching for. Whether we like it or not, he's apart of the pack."
Broma purses his lips into a thin line and he gives me a dubious look. "Leara, you know that he's not good for us. I know you've noticed the way Toboe's been acting since he joined up with us."
I frown and I open my mouth to reassure the male, to say something along the lines of how Toboe's perfectly okay and that he's just tired, but the words won't come because he's right. The dusty adolescent had been acting strange ever since we left the city. More specifically, since Tsume joined my pack and I on our way to Paradise (even if he didn't believe in it or remember anything about his true self). Toboe had become like a pup again; eager to please his long-lost pack mate, and quick to back up whatever Tsume said. He went out of his way to do little things that he thought would earn Tsume's praise; the dusty wolf hunted more often and brought Tsume the choice cuts from the kill, and his attention was always on Tsume's needs.
Broma presses further. "Tsume's making Toboe weak and thoughtless. Because of that gray wolf, Toboe's been setting too hard of a pace for you, with your wound."
I'm taken aback by the concern in Broma's usually cool eyes, and I feel myself tense. I didn't want to be looked after by the pack, and yet all the emotions I could coax out of them were those of duty, pity and disgust. Duty to protect me; pity at my fragile human state; and disgust that I couldn't ever possibly keep up with my pack mates.
Broma's gaze makes my skin crawl but I raise my eyes to his. His cool human eyes fade away, and I see the flash of his gold eyes, his wolf's eyes.
"I can keep up perfectly," I reply coolly. "And I wouldn't worry about Toboe. I'm sure it's just his excitement at seeing Tsume again."
Broma snorts. "Sure. If that's what you call excitement." His human project gestures behinds me. I turn to see Chanson leading Tsume, Toboe and Zari towards us. I watch soundlessly as Toboe—his human projection gone-- playfully nips Tsume's leg, before giving a quick nip to his hand. Toboe's tail is wagging furiously, and a whimper of puppyish eagerness escapes him. Tsume looks at the dusty-colored wolf with contempt and irritation.
"Quit it, kid." He growls. I can tell by his exasperated tone that this has been going on quite a while. Under Tsume's intense glare, Toboe tucks his tail between his legs. As soon as the gray wolf looks away, he's back to playfully biting the material of Tsume's pants. Anger and annoyance at the young wolf fill my veins; why is he acting like such a puppy?
"Mark me, Leara; Tsume's going to bring nothing but trouble to the pack." Broma's words cause my gaze to return to him, and I find myself staring into his hauntingly human blue-white eyes. "With Tsume around, Toboe's not going to act like a wolf; he'll just be a puppy." Broma pauses and a warm emotion replaces his concern. "You need a real wolf, Leara, not some dust-colored pup. Remember that I'm here, when you're ready to accept that fact."
Without another word, Broma pads over to Zari's side, leaving me gaping. What was that about?
I watch the blood-wolf silently, my thoughts racing. I hadn't really gotten to know Broma as well as the other wolves--excluding the hostile Zari and the newly arrived Tsume--but apparently, he'd
gotten to know me over the past few weeks of traveling together. I see through the red wolf's bipedal disguise, and study his true form: the sleek blood colored fur whipping in the breeze; the long, graceful limbs, the cunning muzzle. He glances my way, as if he knows I'm watching him, and his golden-gaze sends a shock through me.
…Broma…
"Nice to see you're awake, Sleeping Beauty." Tsume's smart remark rouses me from my thoughts, and I bite back my equally smart reply. Though I know that Tsume doesn't mean any harm to my pack, there's something about him that gnaws at me. Mainly, it's the fact that his true form is still foggy behind his human façade. Why couldn't he see what he really was? I had thought by now that he would have remembered, but every time I tried to nudge his memory, he acted as if I was pulling his tooth. I'd stopped my efforts at restoring his lineage…for now, anyway.
"Good morning to you too, Tsume." I say, trying to restrain my smart-mouth. "Where were you guys? Did you go hunting?"
I try a gentle prod, though Tsume balks instantly. "What am I, an animal? I let the pipsqueak do the dog's job."
Toboe ignores the jib and settles beside Tsume, looking every inch like the dog Tsume called him.
Broma's expression darkens. "He's not the one who won't even try to remember his proper body." He snaps.
The gray wolf coolly eyes the red male, cocking an eyebrow. "I don't know what you're talking about, Rover, but you'd better watch your mouth or I could very well take that as a challenge."
"Why should I? It's not like you can do anything about it. You're just a human, after all."
Chanson steps between the two males, trying to relieve the tension that's quickly filling the air. "Stop it, please! Can't you be nice to each other?"
Broma's ears flatten against his skull as he turns his back to the beta male and quietly walks away. Tsume watches the blood-red wolf and a smirk flits across his lips.
"Well now that Mr. Pissy's gone." Tsume turns to me, hands on his hips. "Can you please tell the kid to heel? I swear he won't give me a moment's peace. And tell him to lose the fur coat already. It's making me sneeze."
Toboe looks hurt at the accusation though his human projection pops up before I can say anything.
Tsume ignores the puppyish wolf and meets my gaze. "So, girl, are we ready to head out? I think we still need to cover more distant before we're really safe from…Jaxt."
The name sends a shiver down my spine, and the wound on my side throbs. Jaxt. His name whispers in my mind and settles like honeyed poison. The Hunter's image flashes in my mind's eye, and a sense of familiarity washes over me. There's something about his eyes… they used to be different… but how...?
A soft nose nudges my arm and the sweet scent of a warm den and milk wash over me. I blink, and find that Chanson has made herself comfortable in my lap, looking up at me with her innocent gaze. How did I end up on the ground?
"Are you okay Leara?" Her eyes relay her concern, though that same concern suddenly repulses me. I firmly push her out my lap and stand shakily to my feet. Confusion and hurt enter Chanson's eyes at my rough touch, and though I know I should feel regret, I can't summon the feeling. All I feel is a simmering anger, an anger that I've kept hidden for far too long.
"Let's go." I bark.
0-0-0-0-0-0
"I spy with my little eye, something--ZARI, LET GO OF MY TAIL!"
I grind my teeth together and count to ten before I turn to confront the scene behind me. We've been walking for three hours now, and my patience had run out about four hours ago. I turn and see Zari with his sister's bushy tail in his jaws, the little she-wolf howling in pain.
"Zari, let go." I snap.
The young male--as always--ignores me, and gives his sister another vicious yank. Chanson turns and swipes at her brother, a little snarl on her muzzle.
I'm going to scream.
Broma comes to my rescue by giving Zari a nip of his own. "Quit it, Zari." He says in a low growl. Zari yelps and instantly releases his sister's tail, and immediately starts sulking. Broma pads to my side, leaving a sore Zari and a pouting Chanson behind us.
"We should probably stop soon," He says, running a hand through his copper hair. "The pups are getting tired and hungry. You look like you could use some rest, too."
My jaw tightens involuntarily. I'm surprised my teeth haven't fallen out yet.
"I'm fine, Broma." I manage to ground out. "Just look after the pups, okay? I can't handle them today."
Broma and I walk together in awkward silence, though that doesn't faze me. My thoughts are tuned to the couple a few yards ahead of me-- Tsume and Toboe. As much as I didn't want to admit it, Broma was right; Toboe had changed since the gray wolf had shown back up. He hadn't even tried talking to me; his attention was solely on Tsume. A deep sense of injustice pierces me at the sight of those two together. If it wasn't for me, Toboe would have never found Tsume. If it wasn't for me, Toboe wouldn't have even remembered what he was.
But I wasn't jealous.
Not over two old pack mates reuniting.
I couldn't be jealous about Toboe's affections for the gray wolf…
Could I?
I growl in frustration, and an overpowering choking sensation blocks my throat. I need to get away from them, to be human for a mere moment instead of pretending in the presence of the wolves. Without thinking, I run away from my pack, ignoring Chanson's yelp of protest, the feel of Broma's haunting eyes on the back of my neck as I go.
Why am I so upset over Toboe and Tsume? I ask myself. They're just reconnecting. There's nothing more there.
But I knew I was lying to myself. I had seen the way Toboe looked at Tsume; eyes full of love and loyalty and complete devotion. My instinct was telling me it wasn't a brotherly love that Toboe had for Tsume.
It was a love that was taboo in wolf culture.
It was a love that may forever go unrequited.
It was a love that would cause Toboe pain beyond words.
It was a condemned love.
But still, it was love.
The realization of it all makes me want to yell in frustration. Where did that leave Toboe and I? What was I to him? A human he had to protect or a pack mate that he loved? Or was I just a way to Paradise?
I pause, my lungs gasping for air. I look up and study the unfamiliar landscape; a dry canyon opens before me like a great maw of a beast. The sky above it is marbled blue and gray, with quickly gathering storm clouds. The winds gusts fiercely, and I realize I've been running into the jaws of a summer thunderstorm.
BAM!
Something knocks into me, and sends me sprawling onto the dry floor. I barely have time to whip around before claws rake the tender flesh surrounding my knife-wound. I suppress my scream and look up to see my attacker. A great cat crouches over me, with great furry ears and sharp dilated eyes. Canines the size of small steak-knifes glisten in the lightening, and its hiss roars like thunder.
Anger floods my veins. I'm not going to let myself be made into cat-nip. Not after everything I've been through.
Unleash your instincts, Leara. The she-wolf of my dreams whispers to me. Her words fuel my anger, the all encompassing fire that's racing in my body. Everything slows down, so that I feel like I can see the big cat's movements before they happen. I watch as the cat swings its paws—giant claws unsheathed—down towards my head in slow motion. I quickly dodge out of the way, under the beast's belly and free myself. The cat whirls, surprised by my agility.
You are just a human. The she-wolf's mocking voice enters my mind, and my fury grows. I want to bite, to claw, to snarl; to prove that her words are wrong, that I'm strong and fierce. My hands itch and my teeth ache, though I ignore the discomfort. My nose picks up the scent of the cat; dusty and gamy. For a moment, I imagine that my ears twitch and that I can hear the big cat breathing.
I snarl, tired of being just a human, tired of being the prey when I could be the predator.
"I'm not just a human!" My voice rises to a howl, just as the cat leaps, claws welcoming me and teeth flashing. But I don't back down. I lunge towards the cat's throat.
Blood fills my mouth as my teeth connect with flesh, and I give in to the instinct to rip, to tear. Distantly, I hear the cat's screams; feel its desperate attempts to swipe me off of its body. None of it matters, not with the delicious tang of blood in my mouth, not with the fierce song that's thrumming through my veins.
Unleash your true potential.
I snarl and rip some more, tasting the cat's lifeblood as it pools to the gaping, welcoming desert floor.
Dimly, I realize that the cat has stopped thrashing. I release my hold on the cat--the corpse--and pace around my kill-- only to realize I'm walking on four feet instead of two, and that the itching in my hands and feet has become unbearable.
I gaze at my kill without remorse, the fury in my veins still very much in control.
Who's the weakling now? I want to yell. Instead I growl before the world turns black around me.
A/N: GAH, I am SO SO sorry it took me 2 months to get this chapter up. But these past two months have been crazy. School's out, and just as I thought I'd be able to work on my story full time, what happens?
My computer crashed. And all my files got screwed up.
xx
I nearly died.
All I can say is, thank what ever diety you like for floppy discs
But anyway, I hope yall like this new chapter. Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far; yall are what keeps me going that and the fact I'm curious to see where my imagination will take me on this story
Reviews are welcome!
Until next time!
-Madison
