A/N: this is currently unbetaed, so apologies for any mistakes. The chapter will be replaced once my poor beta has had a chance to edit it.


The Chief of Defence's office was deep within the hardened warren that made up the Defence Department Headquarters on the Alliance's capital. It was a place the red light of the star Arcturus never touched. The room was without windows or anything like personal holos to soften the hard planes of the metal walls and the harder data displayed in maps and graphs of blue light.

No wonder Fleet Admiral Hackett spent as much of his time as possible aboard Old Iron or amongst the Fleets. Shepard would be clawing at the doors to escape after twenty-four hours.

Hackett had no family beyond the Alliance, but wondering if he felt lonely sometimes felt oddly disrespectful. Sometimes she thought he was the Alliance, embodied in one steel-boned man.

"So, what about the man who attacked me and Lieutenant Williams?" Shepard tapped her fingers against her thigh.

Hackett leant back in his chair. "His name was David Keogh, recently honourably discharged from the Army. He was a N7. Almost spotless record, except for a few bar fights with turian soldiers."

She'd been half-expected that, but her fists clenched hard enough her nails dug into her palm. "Motherfucker."

Half the Alliance had gotten into brawls at some point. Hell, she'd punched a few turians on leave in her time.

"The political establishment is taking this very seriously. We expect the Attorney-General to list Cerberus as a terrorist organisation shortly and there will be a fact-finding commission. Evidence about Akuze will be submitted and I believe both Doctor Wayne and Corporal Toombs will be testifying."

"That's good to hear, sir." Of course the 'political establishment' was taking it seriously now. The fact that someone as powerful as Leigh Godfrey could be a terrorist sympathiser? It made them look bad. The scandal might have even brought down the Shastri government, sent the Alliance's citizens right back to the polls, if not for the fact that no less than seven of the Conservative Party's members had been found to be Cerberus supporters.

It was embarrassing the Alliance on a galactic stage - of course they had to be diligent in cutting out the cancer that had grown beneath their skin, hidden away and disregarded. Otherwise their allies might start whispering that the Alliance had supported the Cerberus attacks on turians and asari. Their sacrifices at the Battle of the Citadel had mitigated the damage in the public opinion polls - somewhat.

Shepard supposed she should've cared more. Mostly she just wanted her own scalpel to start cutting.

"The AIS will continue their investigations, and I'll set aside some SASOC troops to hit the harder targets."

"Sir, I can-"

He held up a hand and she stopped. "I know what you want to do, and while I can't order you to drop it, I do want you to listen to me. You've made a lot of very powerful people afraid of you, both here on Arcturus and on the Citadel." He shook his head. "Sometimes I think we were not ready for having a human Spectre and everything that means. Or at least JOC and Parliament weren't ready."

"You want me to step aside when it comes to Cerberus," she surmised.

"For now," he replied, "I meant it when I said I need you in play when the Reapers come."

"Which SASOC officer are you putting in charge?"

"Major Lee Riley."

Shepard nodded reluctantly. Reilly had been one of her fellow N7 troop commanders in the Traverse. "She's a good officer - and she doesn't have my public or personal baggage when it comes to Cerberus."

"She's close to incorruptible and she likes aliens even more than you do."

Who knew Lee's tendency to end shore leave 'going blue' would one day help her to a new taskforce command?

"I trust you and Major Riley, sir. I can find something else to apply myself to." There were plenty of bastards across the galaxy who needed a bullet in the head. "But if I come across Cerberus cells while I'm out there, I'm not promising that I won't take a hammer to them."

His cold blue eyes examined her face for a long moment that felt like a silent cross examination, and then he nodded. An acceptable compromise. "On that, I received this report from the Office of Special Tactics. I was asked to add any similar incidents from our own analysis and then pass it onto you." He handed over a datapad.

Shepard scanned it and then frowned. "Disappearances of ships in the Terminus? No offence, sir, but that's no mystery one FTL jump from Omega."

Pirates, warlords, mercenaries, slavers - they were a dime a dozen on that station.

"Even a couple of T'Loak's warships have disappeared," he pointed out, "and we've heard nothing about who it might be. None of her rivals have taken responsibility for it."

"And reputation is king in the Terminus," Shepard mused, flicking down the link to the pirate ships that he was talking about, "If you're a new warlord trying to supplant T'Loak and you have the resources to take out her warships, you'd be bragging about it."

"Exactly. It might be geth or it might be something else, but the Council and I both agree it's worth checking out. And the Normandy is the only ship that can get in and out of the Terminus without being blown up or causing a galactic incident."

"And it gets me away from Arcturus Station," she said dryly.

He didn't deny it. "Be careful, Shepard. You'll be on your own out there and far from help."

"I will be, sir, but I've got the best ship in the Navy and the best crew to boot."

"Dismissed, Commander."

She left Hackett's office eagerly, more than ready to be free of the dimmed, tunnel-like corridors. Sometimes Shepard really questioned the Alliance's apparent aversion to proper goddamned lighting.

As soon as she was free, she made for the nearest burger place sandwiched in between bureaucratic nests - just a little pop-up stall run by a homeworlder who had a knack for making vat meat taste almost like the real thing. Her stomach was already grumbling again after breakfast.

She bought a burger and two serves of chips, slathered in tomato sauce, and found a perch on the stairs leading towards the National Library, set back from the main square. She was surrounded by clumps of fellow government employees on break, tourists and miners on leave from the nearby asteroids. No matter the day this square was seething with activity and these stairs were being used as benches.

Shepard attracted some glances, but she was glad that no one approached to her. She'd done enough interviews and handshakes in the last few months to last her a lifetime.

She bit into her burger. Yep. This was home, what she was fighting for. A burger cooked for her by a man who'd been born 37 lightyears away. A city-station representing everything her species could accomplish. A square full of people who had no idea about what was lurking in the dark spaces. The ship in the dock not too far from here, waiting for the next mission.

Her omnitool chimed and she glanced down, crunching a chip in half.

AW: Meet me at your place?

And yeah, Shepard was fighting for that too. That she and Ashley might have a future together, somehow and sometime.

ES: Give me twenty.


The door of Shepard's apartment hummed close behind them, Ash tossing her bag down beside the couch. The last time she'd been here, alone with Shepard, she'd spent as much time as possible wrapped up win her and the euphoria of being alive.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

Shepard pulled off her uniform jacket, folding it over the back of the couch. Ash let her eyes linger on how the white shirt underneath clung to muscles and curves both. She looked better, thanks to a shower and some attention from Doctor Chakwas, but her face was bruised and her movements were slow and careful.

"Face is a bit sore, but I'll live."

"As glad as I am that your face isn't too broken, I was more asking about the whole..." She waved a hand, "Cerberus thing. It's gotta bring some stuff up. And with Keogh..."

Shepard shrugged, "I'm fine. Don't worry about it."

Fucking really.

Shepard reached for her, eyes intent on her face. Ash stepped away from her hands, and towards the window.

In the square below, a couple of kids were kicking a ball between the small planters of green foliage while an Alliance serviceman hurried towards the nearest tram stop, engrossed in his omnitool. Beyond this room the machinery of life on Arcturus continued to churn, no matter what the Normandy crew had seen and done.

"Ash..." the hurt in Shepard's voice cut at her, but she crossed her arms defensively over her chest.

"Now you want to touch me?"

Frustration flashed brightly across Shepard's face. "You knew going into this that we'd need to keep it behind closed doors, that I have to be in command on the Normandy -"

"You're right, I signed up for that. I didn't sign up for you lying to me," she shot back. Seriously? Hadn't she proved that she could be trusted to be professional on duty? She'd gone straight from Shepard's bed to leading the Normandy MARDET and calling her ma'am again.

Shepard's scowl deepened, her shoulders rigid, "I didn't lie to you."

"Bullshit," Ash snapped, "You lied to me just then. You're not fine. These people killed your friends, just tried to kill both of us. You're not a goddamn robot."

Shepard threw up her hands, "What do you want from me? To treat you like my fucking shrink?"

"I want you to trust me!" she burst out.

Shepard rocked back on her heel. "I do trust you, Ash."

"With the way you've been acting, it doesn't feel like it." Her shoulders slumped, "What are we doing here, Shepard?"

Something like fear flashed across Emilia Shepard's face. She tentatively stepped closer, and when Ash didn't pull away again, she slid her hand to her hip. "Look...I'm sorry. It's always been easier for me to just...pack everything away and just focus on what I need to do next."

"Just talk to me. I think I deserve that much."

Shepard looked away, down at the children playing. "You deserve a whole lot more than that. More than I can give you right now."

"Yeah, well," she shrugged, "what I deserve is up to me - and I want you."

"My head's all over the place," Shepard said softly, "and I guess I've just...gotten used to keeping it to myself. After Akuze everyone was just waiting for me to break. So I...didn't. Everyone I've worked with...either they see me as 'the lion' or the 'sole survivor'. Either way they don't usually want to see I'm not, you know, an stoic juggernaut of death or whatever."

"You're the strongest person I know," Ash told her and meant it, "but you don't need to be strong all the time. Not with me. I'm here, okay?"

"I'm sorry for being an arsehole," Shepard murmured again, kissing the skin just above her collar and then her jaw, drawing her closer. Ash leant into her, tilting her head to the side to give her more room. "Fuck, Ash, I nearly lost you yesterday."

Ash twisted in her grip so they were facing each other, pressing their foreheads together, "But you didn't."

Shepard kissed her thoroughly, with her hands clutching her hips hard enough Ash wondered idly if she would have bruises in the morning. Not that she was complaining. The marks they left on each other were proof they'd lived to fight another day.

When they pulled apart, just a little breathless, Ash laughed as she pulled out Shepard's tucked in shirt, seeking the warm skin of the small of her back.

"What?" Shepard murmured.

"We just had our first proper fight."

Shepard smiled. "Guess so."

"You know what this means?" Ash asked, mock serious.

The older woman raised one eyebrow. "What?"

"Now we have to have make up sex," she hummed, running her nails up and down Shepard's back. They were close enough Ash could feel the way she inhaled sharply.

"We have to, huh?" Shepard's dark eyes glittered.

"It's the rules, you know."

"Well, in that case..."


Shepard woke to the holo clock blinking 0334 at her. Time for a spacer was always ruled by numbers, devoid of the markers of planet-bound life. In the dark she could hear her own breathing and Ash shifting in her sleep, bare skin rustling against her sheets.

It does bother me, she realised, staring up at the ceiling. Cerberus had killed her friends on Akuze, killed a good man for the crime of asking questions. They'd tried to kill the woman asleep beside her. They'd infested the nation she'd given her life to.

And, after spitting on everything Shepard valued, they'd tried to take her alive. She ran a hand through her hair as she sat up and swung her legs over the side of the bed, sheets falling away from her. The floor was cool under her bare feet.

What did Cerberus want with her? To flip her? They had to know she'd never willingly work with them, not after Akuze. A control chip maybe? Stuff it into her skull and then send her back out into the galaxy as a puppet?

There was something darkly ironic about an organisation that radicalized slave raid survivors using control chips.

"Hey," Ash's voice was thick with sleep, her calloused palm pressing to Shepard's hip as she rolled over, "what're you doing?"

"Thinking about who I can trust," Shepard replied.

"You can trust me."

Shepard twisted enough to cup Ash's jaw and kiss her, pulling back only reluctantly. "I know."

Ash pressed her lips to Shepard's scarred shoulders. "I can't imagine how this feels for you. Another N7 trying to kill you...I feel pretty betrayed and I'm not even a N7."

"He wasn't trying to kill me." That was the most disturbing part. Beyond just the treason. "Cerberus was trying to take me alive."

"Well," she said low and fierce, "they can't have you."

Ashley pulled her into another kiss, hard and biting. Heat ran through her and she turned around, pressing Ash back into the sheets in between kisses and straddling her hips. She was suddenly desperate to feel something that wasn't cold anger or cold fear.

Ash didn't seem to be complaining, her hands sliding to Shepard's thighs and scraping with just enough nail to make her shiver, and she was warm and real beneath her.

"Might as well take advantage of the privacy, huh?" she murmured as she kissed achingly slow down her neck, across her collarbone, hands either side of Ash's shoulders.. Feeling the way Ash breathed in deep, her hips shifting.

"No one likes a tease," she hissed out, a little breathless as Shepard's lips slipped down, one hand rising to tangle in her tight black curls, tugging just a little.

Shepard huffed out a soft laugh, enjoying the way Ash's hips jumped at the puff of air. "You are a much bigger tease than I ever could be."

Fuck everything else. Right now there was just this - the woman she loved twisting a hand in the sheets, heat in her gaze, rigid lines of tension through the curve of her back. They were both alive and real and alone. For a moment Shepard didn't have to care about the Reapers or Cerberus or even the dulled pain of her own injuries.

There was just Ashley.


"Be safe," Shepard said, arms crossed. Her face was stoic, but Ashley could see the downturn of her mouth, the tension in her jaw. She was going to worry about Tali and miss her as much as Ash was.

"Don't worry," Tali said, shifting awkwardly as if she wasn't sure whether she should hug Shepard or shake her hand or something. The civilian spaceport on Arcturus Station seethed with activity, the crowd shifting with commuters, visitors from Earth, colonists and a few handfuls of asari and salarians - even the odd turian.

A passenger ship was sitting in a nearby dock, ready to carry Tali'Zorah Nar Rayya back into the near-Terminus, where she'd promised a quarian ship would be waiting for her to take her back to the Flotilla.

Ash wondered if they'd ever see each other again.

Shepard solved Tali's dilemma by stepping forward and pulling her into a tight hug. "We'll miss you."

When the Commander stepped back, Tali hugged Liara and then Ash. "I'll miss you all as well."

Ash squeezed her hand before letting go. "Good luck."

"I'm going to tell the admirals about - everything. My people will prepare. I'll make sure of it." There was a steeliness in Tali's voice that Ash approved of. She was going to do amazing things.

"I know you will."

"Flight ER1298 to Caleston is now boarding. Please proceed to Gate 12."

"That's me." Tali took a few steps back, clutching at her luggage. It contained the datapads holding all the intel she'd gathered on the geth, a few holos she'd taken with the engineers and the ground team and the medal she'd earnt for helping stop Saren. "Let the engineers know that I'll miss them too. Keelah Se'lai."

Adams and his team had thrown Tali their own little party the night before, but they were all involved in getting the ship equipped for a long range patrol now. Ash was pretty sure most of them were very hungover.

"Goodbye, Tali."

Together the three of them - doctor, Marine and Naval Officer - watched as the quarian walked away, eventually swallowed up by the crowd.

"It feels like everyone is going their separate ways," Liara said softly.

"Nothing lasts forever." Ash crossed her arms. She'd given Tali her email address - she hoped that they would keep up like they'd promised.

"C'mon," Shepard dropped one hand on Ash's shoulder and the other on Liara's, calloused fingers brushing skin, "Let's get back to our ship."

Liara flushed, looking away as Shepard dropped her hands to lead them back to the tram station. Even in this busy crowd of civilians, Shepard had a presence that was unmistakable. There was something about the confidence in the square set of her shoulders, the way her eyes were always locked forward, that made people move out of her way without thinking.

She seemed oblivious to it. Just as she seemed oblivious to the way Liara looked at her.

Ash wasn't sure if that amused her or frustrated her. Maybe a little of both. She shook her head fondly and followed her friend and her lover onto the tram.