A/N: Thanks as always to my wonderful beta Mamdi.
This chapter is for MacGyverTape because she makes me giggle with her reviews and tweets.
Sunday drags. I sleep late and hang around at home for the day. Dad has to go into work in the afternoon and Mom heads out to a yoga class. I watch TV with Alice for a while and we fight over the remote as usual.
A little while after Mom's gone Alice turns to me and asks. "So, I know it's none of my business, but when are you going to tell Mom and Dad?"
I don't need to ask her what she's talking about. I keep my eyes fixed on the television and bite my lip before replying. "I really don't know... I mean I kind of want to, I'm not sure what's stopping me."
"Even though you know they'll be cool, I suppose it's still a big deal," she says thoughtfully. "There's no going back from it, is there?"
"I think that's it." She's right as usual. "And it doesn't just affect me. As soon as I tell them, that puts pressure on Jasper to come out too – and I'm not sure if he wants to tell his folks yet. Plus once we start telling people, we have to decide how public we want to be. I don't think either of us wants to have to deal with being openly gay in school, you know?"
"You should talk to him about it," she advises. "You're not very good at hiding your emotions, Edward. Sometimes when you look at him they're written on your face for all the world to see. It's only a matter of time before someone else notices." Her voice is light but I know that she's serious.
"Yeah, I guess you're right. Thanks, Alice."
"You're welcome." Then she grins wickedly. "You do realize that when you tell them you're gay, Dad's going to give you a safe anal-sex talk don't you?"
"Oh, God!" I groan, remembering the embarrassment of the sex talk he gave me when I started dating Bella. "You're right. He won't be able to help himself will he? I think that's a very good reason to stay in the closet 'til I'm forty."
She giggles with delight and I can't help but laugh along with her.
Jasper and I text back and forth at regular intervals during the day, making plans for the following week. We decide to meet up a couple of times after school, using the cover of studying for exams.
We're not going to get together until Tuesday, when we've arranged to go over to his house after school. I resign myself to lots of wanking at home and lots of pretending-to-be-normal around him at school. If Alice is right, I apparently suck at that. I resolve to try harder. Maybe he's like the sun. If I don't look directly at him then I'll be okay.
XOXOXOXOX
Monday consists of me and Jasper trying to avoid attracting any attention while sending each other covert texts at regular intervals. I survive History class without getting a boner and give myself a mental high five for that achievement. I only manage it because I don't allow myself to look at Jasper directly or think about him naked. Whenever my mind tries to go down a route that will end in a hard on, I drag my thoughts back to the lesson and force myself to focus.
Lunch also passes uneventfully. The conversation around the table turns to holiday plans. We only have a couple more weeks of school left until we finish for the holidays. Tyler's having a party at his place on the Friday after we finish school and there's going to be a big party at Lauren's on New Year's Eve. Everyone's excited at the prospect and I manage to sound suitably enthusiastic. Actually, after the last party I'm dreading them both. I don't want to have to fend off the advances of girls that I'm not interested in and watch Jasper do the same. I don't meet his eyes, but I wonder what he feels about it.
Neither of us lingers in the locker rooms after gym this week. It feels too dangerous and we'd agreed not to risk it, tempting though it is. We deliberately shower far apart and avoid looking at one another. I congratulate myself on another challenge successfully navigated.
He catches up with me on my way out of school and we walk to the parking lot together.
"So are you gonna go to Tyler and Lauren's parties?" he asks me.
"Yeah... I guess," I say unenthusiastically.
"It'll be okay," I glance at him and he shrugs. "What's the worst that can happen? We might even be able to find a spare room to make out in."
I look around us in alarm but there's no one close enough to overhear. "I suppose," I smirk at him. "But if you let Lauren Mallory maul you, I won't be responsible for my actions." I grimace at the thought.
He chuckles, "I'll spray myself with cat-repellent before I go out." We reach his car and I wait as he unlocks it.
"I hate this part," I say. He looks at me questioningly. "It just sucks that I can't just kiss you goodbye, like I could if you were a girl."
"I know," his voice is regretful. "I hate that too."
"See you tomorrow," I say as he gets into his car.
"I'll call you later," his beautiful lips part in a dazzling smile.
XOXOXOXOX
My phone buzzes with a text as I'm helping to dry the dishes after dinner. It's Jasper, asking if I can talk.
I reply: I'll call you in ten.
I make my standard excuse of homework and head up to my room as soon as I'm finished in the kitchen. I stretch out on my bed and select Jasper's number and press the call button. It only rings twice before he answers.
"Hey, you," I can hear music in the background.
"Hey," I reply. Just the sound of his voice is enough to make me smile.
"So I was just thinking about you while I was in the shower..." his voice trails off.
I chuckle. "Yeah? How did that work out for you?"
"It made me hard," his voice is low and husky.
"I should hope so," I reply, feeling my own dick responding to the sexy edge in his voice.
"I thought about taking care of it there and then," he pauses and I wait, listening to the soft whisper of his breathing. "But then I thought it might be more fun if I called you and asked you to help me out."
"Fuck," I mutter. "Yeah, that does sound fun... hang on a minute."
"Please tell me you're not sitting on the sofa next to your mom or something?" his voice is amused.
"Nope, I'm definitely alone, but I'm just gonna lock my door." I hurry over and slip the lock, then put some music on, just to be safe. I put the phone down and strip to my underwear. "Okay, I'm good."
"Are you lying on your bed?"
"Yeah," I say, putting my hand on my dick. It's already hard under my palm.
"What are you wearing?" he asks.
"Just boxers, how about you?"
"Nothing at all." I can imagine the smirk on Jasper's face as he replies and my dick twitches as he continues. "Are you touching yourself already?"
"Yeah," I reply, curving my fingers around the outline of my cock through the fabric of my shorts and stroking slowly. "And you? Tell me what you're doing." My voice is a little breathless.
"I've got my hand wrapped around my dick and I'm pulling on it slowly," he says. "I've been hard ever since I got out of the shower and I'm sticky and aching to cum, but I wanted to hear your voice first."
I close my eyes and imagine Jasper, naked, jacking off with long slow strokes, thinking about me. "Fuck..." I gasp tightening my grip on my own dick, "I wish I could see you."
"I'm stroking harder now," his breath huffs down the phone, "I need to cum soon. I want your mouth on me... I fucking love your mouth." I awkwardly push my boxers below my cock and balls, needing skin on skin right-the-fuck-now and I moan as I grip my cock hard and start to slide my hand rhythmically up and down. "What are you doing? Tell me how you're touching yourself, Edward." His voice is rough with desire.
"I've got my cock out now and I'm stroking hard," I reply. I'm already close. Somehow it feels so much dirtier doing this over the phone than face to face.
"Does it feel good?" he demands.
"Fuck, yes," I reply with a growl.
"Lick your thumb and make it really wet," he tells me. I bring my hand up and suck my thumb into my mouth; I can taste my pre-cum on my tongue.
"Okay," I whisper, my thumb is shiny wet.
"Now take it back down and circle it around the head of your cock while you touch yourself. Imagine that it's my tongue." His voice is mesmerizing and I comply immediately, imagining his blond head lowered over my groin, my cock in his mouth. "I wish it was my tongue, I fucking love how you taste."
"Fuck, Jas... I'm close now," I mutter through gritted teeth.
"Good, because I am too," he pants and I think I can just hear the slick sound of his hand working his dick. "Harder now, faster… That's just how I want to feel you moving in my ass when you fuck me one day soon."
"God... Jasper, fuck!" Those words tip me over the edge as I imagine my cock sliding into his ass. I tighten my fist and buck my hips up, cumming into the fierce grip of my hand with a drawn out groan of pleasure.
Over the phone I hear him moaning my name along with various expletives between shuddery breaths as he obviously cums too. I relax my hand and use my fingers to gently milk out the last of my release as my breathing slows and my dick softens.
I reach for my discarded t-shirt and awkwardly wipe my hand and abdomen as best I can with my phone still in one hand. I hear rustling noises down the phone and guess that Jasper's doing the same.
"So, was it good for you?" I chuckle, unable to resist the cliché.
He laughs out loud and I can imagine his expression. "Awesome. It's always amazing when I make myself wait like that... and knowing you were doing it at the same time was just fuckhot."
We're both quiet for a moment; neither of us seems eager to end the contact. I decide to broach the subject that's been on my mind since the weekend and I take a deep breath before speaking.
"So... I've been thinking about telling my parents."
There's a pause before he replies. "Okay," he says. "How do you think they'll react?"
"I think they'll be surprised, just because of Bella really… but I think they'll be supportive. So, is that cool with you, if I do?"
"They're your parents Ed, it's your decision. I guess maybe I should think about telling mine too."
"You don't have to just because I am." I don't want him to feel pressured into anything. "I mean, my parents would be totally discreet, they wouldn't tell anyone if I didn't want them to."
"I know," he replies. "I just keep putting off having that conversation with mine, but I've never had a reason to tell them before. It was easy to hide it when I was just jacking off to gay porn in my room."
I chuckle at this. "But what about Garrett?"
"That was totally different; it was never a serious thing."
The implication that this is a serious thing makes my chest fill and a smile spread across my face. "So… I'm a reason to tell them?" I can't resist pushing a little.
"Yeah, I guess you are," his voice is warm and amused. "I don't like sneaking around my family, and I think my folks will be okay with it… with you. Like I said… I think they have their suspicions anyway. I've never once brought a girl home. And I'm pretty sure that Rose has an idea about what's going on with us – I might talk to her about it first actually."
"Okay," I'm relieved that we seem to be on the same page. "Well I'm not rushing into anything, so I'll pick my time carefully – maybe, after the holidays are over… but that's cool that you're thinking about it too. Let me know if you talk to Rose."
We chat for a bit longer, about nothing in particular. I just like hearing his voice at the other end of the line, but it's not nearly as good as being in the same room as him. I'm looking forward to tomorrow.
XOXOXOXOX
On Tuesday afternoon we spend a fun couple of hours fooling around in Jasper's room. A minimal amount of studying gets done but we find out more about each other's bodies. Jasper fingers me again, slowly and relentlessly until the edgy burning ache of wanting to be filled nearly consumes me. When he finally fills me up with three fingers and swallows my dick to the root I nearly black out when I cum. He jacks himself off as I spill down his throat and I lick his fingers clean when he's done.
We flop together, sweaty and satisfied. I take his hand and trace the lines and calluses on his palm with my fingertips.
"Jas…I want you to fuck me," I say the words quickly, before I can chicken out. "Not right now," I clarify awkwardly, "I mean – Rose is probably downstairs and your parents will be home any minute, but… y'know, soon."
"You're sure?" he turns his head, his lips brushing my temple, breath soft. "I thought you'd want to top the first time."
"Nope, I'm sure. I'd be worried about doing it wrong and not making it good, or hurting you… and anyway, I really want to feel you inside me," I can't help blushing at the admission.
"Well I think I can live with that," he teases and tightens his arms around me, rubbing his nose along my cheekbone.
"So anyway… my parents are going away this weekend and I can probably talk Alice into going for a sleepover somewhere, so I'd have the house to myself…" I trail off suggestively.
"And you want me to come and have a sleepover with you?" he chuckles and his voice is low and dirty.
"Yeah," I roll over and lean in towards him, stopping just before our lips touch. "And make sure you pack lube and condoms," I whisper as I lower my mouth to his.
I slide my tongue into his parted mouth and we kiss until we're flushed and our breathing is sketchy. Our cocks rub together and I grind into him as I think about how much I want him, how much I want him to fuck me. The weekend had better come quickly.
As the week passes I start to relax into this new life of secrecy. It gets easier, and whenever I feel my façade start to slip I remind myself of Alice's warning and keep my emotions locked up tight. At school I gradually learn to be around Jasper and treat him as a friend and nothing more. We laugh together and hang out with the rest of our group as usual and I start to realize that we can do this. We can keep this to ourselves if we want to. Of course I still obsess about Jasper and get horny around him on a regular basis, but I'm getting better at accepting that and keeping it hidden. It's no longer the impossible task that it was a week or so ago.
We meet up at Jasper's again on Thursday afternoon and Emmett and Rose are in the kitchen when we arrive.
"Hey dudes," Emmett greets us, his mouth half full. He has an enormous triple-decker sandwich in front of him.
"Eating all our food again, Em?" Jasper complains jokingly. "Mom should start charging you housekeeping!"
"Yeah, whatever. She loves me, doesn't she Rosie?"
Rose just sniffs and quirks a perfect eyebrow. "Only because you charm the pants off her, you shameless flirt."
"I can't help it if women of all ages find me irresistible," he shrugs and winks as he catches my eye.
"You wish!" Rose rolls her eyes at him.
"Anyway, so are you guys like BFFs now or what?" Emmett gestures between me and Jasper. "You're joined at the hip since that Bio project; it's like a total bromance."
Adrenaline courses through me at the unintended accuracy of his words, but as usual Jasper smoothly deflects the question with a lighthearted chuckle.
"You're just jealous, dude. You're so pussy-whipped by my sister that you never get to hang out with the guys anymore."
This earns him a death-ray glare from Rose but seems to do the trick. Emmett just laughs and carries on eating.
The conversation turns to inconsequential stuff as Jasper and I fix some snacks and hang out with them for a while. But I'm painfully conscious of Rose's eyes on me, assessing and wondering. I don't think she's as easily fooled as Emmett.
When we get up to Jasper's room I turn to him.
"I think you need to talk to Rose, man. I'm sure she knows something's going on and it's freaking me out."
He nods. "Yeah, okay. I think you're right. I'll do it soon."
The knowledge that Rose and Emmett are in the house cramps our style a bit, so we don't risk getting naked today. We make out for a bit and then suck each other off quickly and efficiently. This leaves us with more time to work than usual, which is probably a good thing with exams coming up after the holidays.
"So is everything fixed for Saturday?" he asks when it's nearly time for me to leave.
"Yeah," I nod. "Alice is spending the day with Leah and sleeping over at her house on Saturday night. Mom and Dad are going to Seattle to do Christmas shopping and staying overnight in a hotel - we all know it's a dirty weekend but no one talks about it."
"Well they're not the only ones who'll be having a dirty weekend," he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively and I grab him by the hips and pull him into me.
"I'm hoping so," I grin and lick along his jaw, teasingly, then whisper in his ear. "Now remember – lube, condoms and don't bother with pajamas."
Jasper dips his head and murmurs into my neck. "Wasn't planning on it," and I hum as he swipes his hot tongue over my adam's apple. The weekend is going to be awesome.
