Title: Chapter 10 – Broken Boy
A/N: Ian and Jo talk. Ian reveals something about himself to Anthony. Split-screen POV. Another very long one. Wasn't actually my intetion. O.o Get comfy, I guess? Enjoy!
"NO! Don't you dare, dude!"
Anthony smirks.
"You will not stop me!"
Anthony's evil laugh echoes throughout the living room.
"ANTHONY USED BLUE SHELL!"
Shayne watches as a blue thingy flies over Bowser and crashes down on him.
"NO! YOU BITCH!"
"IT'S SUPER EFFECTIVE!"
And that's the moment Yoshi passes Bowser and takes the first place. Game over.
Shayne drops his controller, throws his hands up in the air and lets himself fall backwards on the floor.
"You have defeated me... I thought... you were my friend...", he croaks, right in the middle of a fake-death.
"Bitch, you know I won't go easy on you, just because you're older than me!"
"You should, though.", Shayne replies and sits up again. "You know... I have a few more swimming tricks left in storage, and I was about to teach them to you... but since you don't have the decency to at least let me win in a – what I can just call – unfair and deceitful game of Mario Kart-"
"No! Please!" Anthony kneels in front of Shayne and makes a few bows. "I AM NOT WORTHY! PLEASE TEACH ME SENPAI!"
"You are so lucky that the weather in California is as it is. And that you got a pool."
Shayne stands up in a flash and runs outside.
"What are you waiting for, doofus!", Anthony can hear him yell and only seconds later a loud splashing noise follows.
Anthony bursts out laughing and looks over at Ian, who has been sitting on the couch, playing Pokemon on Anthony's old Gameboy Advance SP. Not laughing. He has been pretty quiet and didn't want to play with him and Shayne, explaining that he doesn't really know how to play and that he didn't want to spoil their fun.
"You coming, too?", he asks and Ian glances at him, shaking his head slowly.
"Later maybe. Gotta get out of Rock Tunnel first."
"Okay. We'll be in the pool."
He gets up and kisses the top of his head gently, rubbing a hand over his back.
"Okay.", is Ian's one-word answer. Anthony has been getting a lot of those all day long. He's about to ask Ian what's going on but then he hears Shayne calling his name.
"Anthony! Come on!"
"I'll be right there, just a sec!" He turns his attention back to the boy in front him. "If you need swimming trunks, I got some in the top drawer in my room. It's the one right next to my closet."
"Got it."
Two words. Okay then. Anthony leaves Ian alone for now and decides to have fun with Shayne. It wouldn't be fair since Shayne has had a long drive and went through a lot of trouble to pay him a visit. He dashes outside and jumps head first into the pool, swim-diving almost all the way through the other end of the pool.
"So, what about those tricks?", Anthony asks, coming to the surface, gasping for air.
"First – a race. Then – training.", Shayne answers and swims over to him.
Anthony pulls himself out of the pool and takes his position at the edge of the pool, soon joined by Shayne who is standing next to him now.
"Ready!", Shayne shouts and both of them bend down. "Set! Go!"
It's quite a close race with Anthony and Shayne hitting the pool wall at the end at almost the same time. Anthony has not put all of his energy into that swim, knowing just too well that Shayne's shoulder wouldn't have handled it well.
The two friends spend the next two hours jumping in and out of the pool. Shayne shows Anthony a few new techniques and tricks, one being how to hold your breath properly and take longer and more precise strokes. Then they start a water blaster game, with Shayne winning this one by far. The moment he throws Anthony into the pool, is also the moment Ian joins them. Anthony's face immediately lights up when he sees the boy approaching them. He's wearing Anthony's blue swimming trunks and a light blue tee.
"Ian! Come on in! The water is great!"
The other boy comes closer and plops down on the stone ground at the edge of the pool, letting his legs slide into the cool water. Anthony swims over to him, positions himself in front of him, kicks off the ground and gives him a quick peck on the lips before gravity pulls him back into the pool again.
"Is everything alright?", he asks worriedly, noticing that the cheerful shimmer in Ian's eyes that has been there for the past few days, somehow has faded away.
"It's nothing. I...I don't feel so good. Maybe I'm coming down with something." Ian leans down and places a loving kiss on Anthony's cheek. "You have fun, okay? Don't worry about me."
"Are you sure? You wanna lie down? Do you need some pain killers?" Still worried. Even more so.
"No, Anthony, it's really fine."
"Hey! What's up lovebirds? Doofus! Don't you want revenge?", Shayne shouts over to them. "I can even fight against both of you. I'm gonna win either way." He lets out a fake-evil laugh.
Anthony looks over to his friend and joins his laugh.
"No, it's just me and you. Let's do this!"
And the fight goes on with both of them chasing each other with their water blasters and Ian watching them, from time to time letting out a quiet squeak whenever Shayne is about to win and almost manages to push Anthony into the pool.
"DIE!", he shouts, shoving a bit harder now, yet Anthony is putting all of his strength into a counter attack and actually is able to throw Shayne to the ground.
"VICTORY!", he exclaims triumphantly, placing a foot on Shayne's chest and throwing his arms up in the air.
"Okay, okay! You win, I lo-" Shayne's voice breaks as he suddenly screams out in pain. "Fuck!"
Anthony immediately is on his knees, his smile replaced by a worried expression.
"Shayne!"
Shayne sits up while grabbing his left shoulder tightly.
"Fucking shoulder...", he curses under his breath. "It's okay. I must have landed on a small rock or something."
He begins to rub his shoulder, trying to massage the pain away.
"It's burning hot!", Anthony notices after having placed a hand on Shayne's pain region. "Come on, you gotta cool it.", he suggests and helps him get up carefully.
"Stay here.", he can hear Ian's voice say, suddenly very close now. Anthony turns around and sees him standing not a foot away. "I'll get the ice bag. You sit down."
And off he is, running inside the house.
"You won't find the good ice cream in there."
Ian smiles at hearing Jo's voice and looks behind him to find her standing there, arms crossed, grinning.
"Welcome back.", he says, taking out the ice bag and scanning the kitchen for a dishtowel. "When did you get back?"
"About half an hour ago." Jo seems to know what he's looking for and walks over to a drawer. "Here." She hands him the towel. "Who's hurt?"
"Shayne. It's his shoulder."
"Oh, Shayne is here?", Jo's face lightens up more, if that's even possible. "Gotta say hi!"
Ian wraps the ice bag in the towel.
"Hey. Why the gloomy face?", she suddenly asks, making Ian jump slightly.
"I'm not gloomy."
"Sure.", Jo answers sarcastically, coming closer now and hugging him. "Hello, by the way."
"Hi.", Ian says and breaks the embrace. "Would you mind bringing Shayne the ice bag?"
Jo narrows her eyes, looking him up and down.
"Something is up, and you're gonna tell me." She takes the ice bag from Ian's hand. "You. Go. My room. I'll be right there."
Normally, Ian would resist or talk back. Or maybe not. Who knows. He has never been confronted with a self-confident teenager version of Anthony's younger sister. Anyway, right now, he can really need a friend to talk to. So, he just nods and starts walking to her room. He opens the door and plops down in front of her bed, leaning against the frame, and waits for her to come back.
While he is sitting there by himself his mind drifts off to that kiss Anthony gave him in the pool. It was quick, and wet, for obvious reasons, and it almost felt like they did it every day. It felt familiar, and good. Something, Ian has always wanted. But now, that it is finally happening, now that Anthony apparently is slowly beginning to show his true feelings for him, Ian is doubting everything.
A few more minutes pass before the door finally opens and Jo appears.
"How's Shayne's shoulder?", Ian asks at once, concerned.
She plops down next to him.
"He's gonna be fine. He just strained it too much."
"That's a relief."
Jo nudges his shoulder.
"So, spill! What's up?"
Ian sighs, not knowing where to begin.
"You like Anthony, right?", she asks when Ian doesn't say anything.
Nodding.
"Did something happen? Did you have a fight?"
Shaking his head.
"Did he say something to offend you?"
Shaking his head.
"IAN!"
Ian jumps.
"I'm not sure what it is. Shayne is a really nice guy. And he is friendly to me. And you can see that he and Anthony are really close friends."
"Got it. So, that's what bothers you."
Looking confused at Jo.
"Dude, you are jealous."
"That can't be it. Anthony is not interested in Shayne. And Shayne isn't even gay!"
Jo chuckles.
"No, that's not the point. You're jealous because Anthony has been spending all day long with Shayne and not with you. Isn't that so? Isn't that what happened today? I know my brother. When Shayne's involved, nothing else seems to count. Shayne is Anthony's top priority."
"Yes, maybe. Could be. I mean... they were playing Mario Kart and Smashing Brothers-"
"Super Smash Bros."
"Whatever. I didn't want to spoil their fun, so I just watched them having fun on their own. I didn't want to ruin Anthony's day with his best friend."
"And that's why you didn't say anything?"
"Yes."
"And didn't play with them in the pool?"
"How do you know?"
"You are not wet at all."
"Oh."
"Ian, I'm not sure that's what Anthony wants."
What Anthony wants. Did he read the signs wrong? What does Anthony want? Did he let him down? What was he supposed to do? He saw two friends, reunited, fooling around, having insider jokes Ian couldn't understand, playing games Ian couldn't participate in, swimming in the pool...
"Seems like I'm doing everything wrong since I've arrived.", he mentions, staring at the ground.
"Mom and Dad told me that you're living here now. In the guest room?"
"No, actually, I sleep in Anthony's room. I don't have a lot of stuff. It's all in my backpack."
"You don't have more stuff?"
"No. I didn't need that much, you know, traveling around the country, you don't need-" Ian bites his tongue. Fuck. "I mean... I didn't need that much when I came here... I left my things at my uncle's...I was gonna sleep at my Mom's... but..."
"Ian. Stop.", Jo interrupts him.
Ian wants to break out into tears when he sees Jo's knowing look. He already can feel a strange shivery feeling running up and down his spine. Hot and cold. His stomach churns. Tears start to form, blurry vision. She knows. He doesn't know how, goddammit, his big mouth. Maybe she has figured it out just now. He buries his face in the space between his knees and chest, sobbing now.
"It's okay.", he hears Jo say and feels her hand on his back, rubbing it gently. "We all know. We won't tell. Promise."
She takes him into a hug, and he falls against her shoulder. They stay like this for a while, and since Ian doesn't seem to calm down any time soon, Jo switches on the TV to distract him. There's a THE OC marathon on one of the channels, so they sit, cuddled up against each other, a light blanket around them, and watch in silence, some giggles tearing through the depressed atmosphere from time to time. Nothing is said for the next hours.
It's close to midnight when suddenly the door creaks open and Anthony's head pops inside.
"Hey.", he greets them quietly. "Have you seen-" He stops mid-sentence when he notices Ian.
"Hey.", Jo and Ian reply almost simultaneously.
"Uhm... I'm going to bed. Are you coming?", apparently directing his question at his friend.
Ian nods slowly, frees himself from Jo's embrace, bids her goodnight, and leaves the room to follow Anthony into his.
"I need to take a shower to wash off the chlorine.", Anthony says, picks up some clothes and opens the door to his bathroom. "Don't leave. Wait here, okay?"
"Okay."
While Ian can hear the shower running, he strolls around Anthony's room, taking a closer look at certain things he hasn't noticed yet. Anthony has a picture wall. There are mainly pictures of him alone, and it seems like he has taken the pictures himself. Alone in front of his school. Alone in his dorm room. Alone at an indoor swimming pool. Alone in a forest. Alone in a city. There is a picture here and there of Anthony with his family on Christmas, but these seem to be older ones. Anthony is way younger in those pictures. Every other picture is just Anthony and some random background. He must have really been alone. Ian is about to walk on when something catches his eye. There is a picture he hasn't seen before, since it's hiding under another one. He grabs the corner and pulls.
He smiles sadly and turns the picture around to check if Anthony has written something on the back.
Ian and I. Last summer together. August 2001. :(
It was indeed an amazing summer. They tried to pack everything they wanted to do in that one month. They went hiking, spent a lot of time at the beach, even went to Disneyland for a day, had even more sleepovers, went camping. Ian still loves thinking about that summer.
"What are you doing?"
Ian whirls around, the picture still in his hand.
"I was just... looking at some pictures."
Anthony's wet bangs cover half of his face. He's dressed in a black shirt and some black Calvin Klein briefs. Ian has difficulty forming his next words.
"I... you... nice pictures."
"They're shit.", Anthony scoffs and walks over to Ian, taking him in a hug. "So often I just wanted to tear this picture wall down. It reminds me of the bad stuff. But I never seem to find the time to do it."
He releases Ian from the embrace, takes him by the hand and leads him to the bed.
"Which picture were you looking at?", Anthony asks, sitting down and taking the little piece of paper out of Ian's hand. He takes a quick look at it and puts it away. No comment? No reaction?
"Is Shayne gone?" It has been bothering Ian all the time. He needs to know if they are alone again.
"No, he's sleeping in the guestroom. He's too tired to drive and also he had two beers."
"Oh, okay."
"Ian, is everything alright? You are acting really strange today."
Ian goes around the bed and slumps down on it, putting some distance between him and Anthony.
"The last few days have been really nice.", he begins, looking down, his back to the other boy. "It's been nice, spending all that time with you. It was like we were back in junior high. I don't think that I've laughed so much in the last three years than I have in the last two days."
"Ian..."
"I want to thank you for that." Ian halts and risks a quick glance in Anthony's direction. He is being watched closely. "But I don't think I can live here with you."
"Why not?"
This is not going to be easy. Ian knows how badly Anthony wants to help him, that he has talked to his parents so he could stay until Anthony leaves for Florida again.
"I don't think...I'm not sure if we..."
It's difficult to say these words out loud. It makes the whole twinkly and peaceful illusion of his reality vanish in the blink of an eye.
"I was watching you today. How you treated Shayne and vice versa. You have changed, Anthony. A lot. Not in a bad way!", Ian adds quickly, guessing that his words might have hurt Anthony just now. "You are more confident, you know what you want. You are not scared to state your opinion. You can be serious but you can also have fun and laugh. You live a brand new life in a different, shiny and bright world. You can be whoever you want to be. In this world you are accepted and you have friends like Shayne who support you no matter what. There is simply no room for me." He pauses and swallows the lump in his throat. "You deserve better. You should make up with your boyfriend, and forget me. Who would want to play with a broken toy, anyway."
The mattress under him is suddenly moving, signalizing that Anthony is coming closer. He is ready to dodge Anthony's touch, but something inside him wants to feel his arms around his body one more time. He wants to feel him entirely, wants to stroke his hair, brush his head against Anthony's, feel the weight of the other boy's body against his own. He wants to kiss him one last time.
"Ian."
Anthony's voice is right behind him, and then he feels his hand on his shoulders, rubbing him, massaging him through the thin fabric of his shirt. He pulls him closer, muscular arms slinging around his chest, holding him. Not letting go.
"What?"
"Can you please stop talking such bullshit?"
Ian frowns at that comment. Obviously, he is not being taken seriously.
"Anthony, I mean it! You don't know half of what I've been through."
"Then enlighten me. Tell me."
"You don't wanna know, believe me."
Anthony lets go of him only to whirl him around, so that they look at each other now.
"I want to know.", he says seriously.
Ian scoffs. Actually, why not. Maybe then Anthony will understand that they simply don't belong together. He scoots a bit away from Anthony and then takes off his shirt.
There is a longer pause where neither one of them speaks. Anthony stares, lips slightly parted, brows furrowed, at Ian's chest and stomach. Then Ian turns around to show the rest of his scars, bruises and wounds.
"I got some on my back, too."
No comment. No reaction. Anthony stays silent. Ian knew it all along. With a body like this, it wasn't easy to lure in customers. Thankfully, Josh has never cared about that fact. He was just different from everyone else.
"This one-" Ian points to a scar on his shoulder blade. "-I got from a fight with an older man. He didn't want to pay me after I blew him and so he rammed a knife in there. And that one-" He turns around again and runs a finger over a longer scar on his chest. "-was from a mugging a year ago. They stole all the money I got from Josh two days earlier. I told him that the next time we met and he scolded me for not calling him. He made me stay for one week and paid double."
Still no comment. No reaction.
"The small wounds are cigarette burns. Those happened in the beginning, before I met Josh. I met that guy with a weird kink. He said he'd pay me more than usual if I let him inflict some pain on me. I told him to only do that on my chest, so I could hide my scars."
Another round of Anthony not saying anything.
"I can go on and on. I have a story for every scar and bruise, also the ones that have already healed and are not visible anymore. Look at my body, Anthony, and then take a look at yours. We are not the same. I've seen it today, and hopefully, you see it now, too."
Silence.
"Yeah. I thought so." Ian puts his shirt back on, avoiding Anthony's eyes. "I really thought we had a chance, I would have loved that. But I am too broken and fucked up for you, Anthony. I am a prisoner in my own body. I will never be really free from all the bad memories, they will always haunt me. And I don't want them to haunt you, too. I want you to stay free from all of that."
Ian meets Anthony's eyes. One more time. One more look into those dark brown sparkling eyes.
"I just want you to know that I love you, Anthony. I honestly do, with all my heart. I always have. I want you to be happy, and if that means that I need to leave you, then I wi-"
Anthony's lips are warm, and soft, and slightly trembling, as they press against Ian's. He invades Ian's mouth, devouring him, caressing his tongue, together dancing a passionate dance. Ian leans into the kiss. This is what he wanted. One last kiss.
They break the kiss a few seconds later, both panting, both in need of air. Their foreheads rest against each other, Anthony's hands cupping Ian's face.
"Didn't you hear me the first time?", Anthony breathes out. "I said, stop talking such bullshit."
He pulls Ian into a tight and loving embrace, digging his fingers into his shirt.
"I am not letting you go. No more bad memories, you hear me? No more scars. No more bruises. You have me now. I won't let anyone touch you. Ian? You hear me?", Anthony exclaims, sounding frustrated and angry.
"You still want me?", Ian asks in pure disbelief, tears running down his face. "But... I'm broken... A broken boy... Nobody would want a broken toy..."
"I want you, Ian.", Anthony interrupts Ian's whimpered and sad words. "And I'm gonna fix you."
