Sakura drew back from the kiss, her eyes on Kakashi's visible one.
It wasn't Sakura's first kiss, but it was undoubtedly her best. And now…Kakashi was looking at her with the most amazing look on his face….she had never seen him so tender.
"I'm sorry." said Kakashi. "I…"
"Don't be. How could you be…" she whispered, her lips moving ever so slightly.
"I shouldn't…I have to tell you…"
"Tell me what?"
Her eyes searched his and she couldn't help it then. She slipped the bandage off his eye and pressed her fingers to his scarred eyelid.
"Let me see…please."
He obliged, blinking his eye open. Instead of the milky white she'd expected she saw a blood-red iris and black pupil.
"That's not…it's not…"
Kakashi lip trembled and she realized he was holding back tears.
"I'm scared to tell you this…"
"What is it?" pressed Sakura.
Kakashi gripped a pillow with one hand. "I'm going to tell you this before we get serious…before it gets even harder."
"What?" she breathed.
"If we fell in love and got married when you were old enough, you would want what anyone wants. A house, a family….I can't provide that."
He said it in a whisper, a low murmur that was barely audible that told Sakura how hard this was for him to say.
"Why? Why can't you provide that? I know you're not rich, but-"
"I can't have children." whispered Kakashi. "I can't."
Tears suddenly overcame his resolve and started flowing freely.
"I'm sterile."
Sakura didn't know what to say. What could she say? She hugged him as his shoulders shook with quiet sobs.
"Everything a woman wants…I can't give it to you." He buried his face in the pillow. "It was the accident. I was twenty-two when any hope of being happy was taken from me."
"That's not true." said Sakura forcefully. "Why would you say that? It's so melodramatic and it's not true! That doesn't change anything."
His sobs suddenly ceased. "It does. Maybe not now, but when you're older you'll want kids. Everyone wants kids. I never really realized what having they meant until it was too late."
She laid on the bed next to him, trying to see past the arms covering his face. "And what is that?"
"It's the most simple function we humans are supposed to perform. Humans were made to reproduce. I…I can't even fulfill that."
"Can you still…" Sakura trailed off.
A bit of Kakashi's natural sarcasm shone through his anguish. "Are you asking me if I can still have an orgasm? Because I can."
"I still don't care." murmured Sakura. "I'm not going to say it's not a big deal, because it is, but…I don't know. If we ever get to the point where we wanted children, we could always adopt or do a sperm transplant or…"
"It always amazes me when I hear stuff like that come out of your mouth." muttered Kakashi through the pillow.
Sakura giggled. "I'm sorry."
"You sure don't sound sorry." grumbled Kakashi.
He wiped his eyes hurriedly, trying to cover the fact he'd been crying. She wrapped her arms around him and breathed in his scent.
"I am. About everything that's happened to you."
"None of any of that was your fault." replied Kakashi. "You have nothing to do with the reason I'm so screwed up."
"Why do you think you're screwed up?" whispered Sakura. "Just because you're injured doesn't mean you're screwed up."
Kakashi let out a snort. "You are so naïve." He shook his head, smiling. "You are so…so naïve." His eyes welled up with tears again and he let out a noise that was a mixture between laughing and crying. "Damn it, Sakura. I'm so screwed up inside. You have no idea…"
"I do, Kakashi." replied Sakura softly. "You've told me more than I think you've told anyone. And I've…I've never told anyone about what my mom says about my dad."
Kakashi let go of her, leaning back on the wall. "The only person who knows about…that is Shizune. She's my doctor, after all…And I think Genma knows, but he's never mentioned it."
Sakura glanced at her watch. It was almost eight o'clock. Her mom would be wondering where she was.
"It's getting late." said Kakashi. "You should get home."
"I can't just leave." protested Sakura. "You-"
"I," said Kakashi, heaving himself off the bed and wiping his eyes for once and all. "Will be fine. I am an adult. And I feel better, telling you…that."
Sakura smiled. "Does this mean we're dating now?"
Kakashi smirked. "Yeah, I guess it does."
She reached up on her tiptoes and pecked him on the nose. He laughed. "Very mature."
"I don't have to be mature all the time, do I?" retorted Sakura. She grabbed her coat and waved goodbye, the feeling in her stomach almost making her float. She'd process what Kakashi had told her later, but for now she'd just skip.
Back in his apartment Kakashi shook his head. Sometimes he wondered what he'd gotten himself into.
xXx
"What is wrong with you?" said Shikamaru wearily. "You're weird today."
Sakura snapped to attention. She'd been zoning out all day, thinking about Kakashi and everything he'd told her the day before. His past, his intelligence, his sterility…all things she knew he didn't tell anyone. But he'd told her, and that made her feel more special than anything ever had.
"Hello?" said Shikamaru. "Seriously, are you there? It's time for lunch."
Sakura stood up gratefully. "Thank god."
"School is so boring." grumbled Shikamaru. "I can't wait 'till winter break."
"When's break?" asked Sakura.
"Two weeks from tomorrow." sighed Shikamaru. "Troublesome. That's my three month anniversary."
"Anniversary?" questioned Sakura.
"I've got a girlfriend, you know."
Sakura's jaw almost dropped. Almost. She managed to constrain her shock.
"Who? Does she go here?"
"You might know her. She's older than us." shrugged Shikamaru. "Temari Sabaku."
"Temari? Kankuro's sister?"
"Yeah." replied Shikamaru.
"But….she's hot!" said Sakura, disbelievingly. "And kind of bossy."
"Yeah, she's both. Don't you think I can get a hot girlfriend?"
"Sorry, sorry." They walked down the stairs and reached the lunchroom. Naruto and Sasuke weren't there, probably making out under the staircase again.
"So, how's your love life going?" asked Shikamaru.
"Oh, um, it's…um…"
Shikamaru grinned lazily. "Did you get a boyfriend when I wasn't looking?"
"Wow, Shikamaru, you sound like you actually care."
"I care about my friends, believe it or not." He pulled out a chair and plopped his bottom in it. "So, do I know him? Should I go to his house and beat him up, just in case?"
Sakura snorted. "I think you've have a bit of trouble beating him up."
"Muscular, huh? Tough guy, probably." used Shikamaru. He cupped his fingers, thinking. "It's not Choji, is it?"
"For a smart guy, you can be pretty dumb." replied Sakura. "Choji's not muscular, Shikamaru, Choji's fat."
"Don't let him hear you say that."
Shikamaru sighed. "Not Choji…Kiba, then. He's muscular."
"Not my type."
"I do know him, right? All my intelligence won't help me figure this out if I don't know him."
"You know him." reassured Sakura. "I shouldn't even be telling you I'm seeing him, but I can't keep it to myself…"
"Forbidden love?" muttered Shikamaru. "Troublesome. If you can't tell me I'll just have to guess. What's he like?"
"Gruff on the outside. You have to get to know him before you actually can talk to him person to person. Tall and handsome. Really smart. Genius, even."
"Are you sure you're not dating me?"
Sakura raised her eyebrows. "Handsome?"
"Temari thinks so." muttered Shikamaru.
"Whatever." replied Sakura graciously.
"It's Hatake, isn't it?" asked Shikamaru.
Sakura blushed and dropped her sandwich. "Yeah."
"Thought so from the beginning."
"Is it that easy to tell?"
"No, not really," shrugged Shikamaru. "The genius thing."
"You don't think it's…wrong?" asked Sakura nervously.
Shikamaru shook his head. "It's up to you to decide who to love, not me. Is he really that smart?"
"Well, I don't think he likes to tell people, but his I.Q. is probably higher than yours."
Shikamaru whistled. "That's pretty damn high."
"Conceited much?"
"Just being realistic."
Naruto and Sasuke appeared out of nowhere, a sly smile on Sasuke's face.
"What's up?" asked Naruto, sliding into his seat.
"We're discussing Sakura's boyfriend." said Shikamaru.
"You've got a boyfriend?" asked Naruto, surprised.
"Can we go beat him up?" asked Sasuke.
"Is he hot?" asked Ino as she sat down.
"Yes, no and yes." said Sakura quickly. "I can't tell you who he is. You're all gossips."
"And he doesn't want people to know you're his girlfriend?" said Ino, eyebrows raised. "Sounds like a jerk."
"If certain people found out, he'd be in a lot of trouble." said Shikamaru. Sakura smiled, grateful.
"What, an older guy?" said Ino.
"Maybe." grumbled Sakura.
"Why would an older guy date you, forehead?"
"Why would a guy date you at all, pig?"
"Is he hot?" asked Naruto, repeating Ino's question.
"You're not open for business and neither is he." growled Sasuke. Naruto was dragged away from the raven-haired boy, presumably for another make-out session.
Ino furrowed her brow. "That was weird."
"You obviously don't know Naruto and Sasuke as well as you think." replied Shikamaru.
"…Oh."
xXx
Sixth period came and Sakura walked into Kakashi's classroom to see Kakashi working at a laptop. She'd never even seen it before.
"Where'd you get that?" she asked.
"I've had it." he replied, squinting at the screen. "It hurts my eye if I look at it too long, so I don't use it often."
He was typing extremely fast, and her eyes tried to keep up with the pace of his fingers but failed.
"What're you typing?"
"Lesson plan."
"You mean you plan the stuff we do? You don't just go along with whatever comes up?"
He shot her a scathing look in-between typed words. "I am a teacher, Sakura."
Sorry."
He grinned sheepishly. "I wasn't trying to snap, it's just that typing this fast takes a lot of concentration."
"Dude." said Kankuro, coming in the classroom.. "That's insane."
Kakashi had returned to typing and ignoring whoever happened to see him.
"Don't you misspell words?" asked Haku.
"No." grunted Kakashi. "Get to your seat."
Unfortunately for him, he was concentrating hard enough on his typing that he'd let his guard down- or more accurately, his accent.
"Huh?" said Hayate. "Hatake, was that you?"
Kakashi groaned. "Damn it."
He stopped typing and glared at them. "Didn't I tell you to sit down?"
"I don't know, did you?" asked Shikamaru. "I can't tell when you talk like that."
Kakashi sighed. "Just sit down."
"What's with the accent?" asked Yugao.
"I said sit down." snapped Kakashi.
They obeyed him at last and sat in their seats. Sakura saw him pinch the bridge of his nose and sigh. She could remember how much he hated people knowing where he was from.
Everything he had told her washed over her then as she watched him close his laptop and grimace at them all. She knew now that he'd gotten more than his fair share of hardships. What kind of god would do this to a person who'd done nothing wrong? It just didn't seem right.
"I have a proverb for you." he said.
They all groaned. Proverbs were usually boring and has some hidden meaning none of them cared enough about to find.
"God is a comedian with an audience to afraid to laugh."
"That's a proverb?" asked Samui.
"It's French."
'What a coincidence.' thought Sakura. What an irony it was that he brought that up right when she was thinking about him and the way God treated him.
"Does anyone have any thoughts on its meaning?"
"I think it means that there are many cruel ironies in the world that are funny but people are afraid to laugh." said Shikamaru.
"That is one way to interpret it." replied Kakashi. "Any others?"
"People are too afraid to enjoy God's endeavours because they're afraid God will smite them." said Hayate.
They spent the next hour and forty minutes discussing that and similar proverbs before Haku had the guts to raise his hand.
"Yes?" asked Kakashi.
"Why did you have an accent at the beginning of class?"
Sakura covered her mouth with her hand, trying not to laugh.
"Oh, did I?" asked Kakashi, trying to sound like he didn't know what Haku was talking about.
"Yeah, seriously." added Kankuro. "Where did that come from?"
"It didn't come from anywhere." replied Kakashi. "I'm from Texas."
There was silence in the classroom and you could almost hear the crickets sounding.
"W-What?" stuttered Yugao. "Texas?"
"Yes, Texas." grumbled Kakashi.
"It makes sense." said Shikamaru, easing the tension. "He is friends with Genma."
"That hick teacher?" asked Haku.
Haku and Kankuro, who said next to Haku, flinched as a marker came barrelling down their row and narrowly missed Haku's face.
"I will not stand for anyone making fun of Genma or anyone else in my classroom." said Kakashi. "If you do that again, Haku, I'll give you a detention."
"Sorry, Mr. Hatake."
"You can all talk the last five or so minutes of class."
Sakura walked up to Kakashi's desk. "Seems you do care about Genma after all."
"Don't tell him that, he'll never let me live it down."
Sakura smiled. "I guess I won't then."
"That reminds me." he said. "Genma's coming over again. Do you want to come save me?"
"From Genma?" said Sakura skeptically.
"Him and his waves of homo, yes."
"You're such a hypocrite. No one but you can make fun of him, right?"
"That's right." he chuckled. "So, what about it? You coming?"
"Duh, anything to get me away from my mother." replied Sakura cheerily.
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Are you just using me as an excuse to avoid her?"
"No," said Sakura hurriedly. "Of course not!"
"That was convincing." he muttered, looking down at some paperwork.
The music started playing and the class started to leave. Sakura took no notice.
"I'm not using you as an excuse." she hissed. "How could you think that?"
"Why else would you want to spend time with someone like me?" he whispered, his open eye still on his paper.
"Why?" she replied. "Because you're sweet and nice and…" Sakura struggled to put her thoughts into words. "You're amazing. I wish you knew that."
"I'm older than you, I'm crippled, I'm useless…"
Sakura slammed her hands down on the desk. "You are not useless! I'm the one who should feel like you're to good for me, and I do!"
Kakashi opened his mouth to protest, but she continued. "We won't get anywhere if we spend the entire time thinking that we don't deserve each other! Let's just forget that dumb idea."
Kakashi looked dumbfounded for a moment and then laughed. "I couldn't have put it better myself."
He got up, gripping the table for support. "Let's get out of here. I like school just about as much as you do."
Sakura smiled. "You must not like school much."
"Repeating what I said would just be redundant."
He drove them to his apartment and they waited for about half an hour before Genma showed up.
"You never offer to drive me home." he grumbled, entering Kakashi's apartment cold and windswept.
"You have a car, do it yourself." replied Kakashi.
"We work at the same place. It would be nice once and a while." muttered Genma.
Kakashi rolled his eyes. "Get over it, you big baby."
Genma winked at Sakura. "I heard about your date. So, is it official?"
"Is what official?" asked Sakura.
"You two, together. Dating."
"What are you, twelve?" groaned Kakashi. "And if you must know…yes."
Genma let out a whoop. "Thank god! If you weren't I was going to give you a man-to-man talk, Kakashi."
"How? You're not a man."
"Who's immature now?" said Genma, sticking out his tongue.
"You."
Genma sat down. "Hey, Sakura?"
"Yeah?"
"What happened to you?"
Sakura gave him a look. "What the hell are you talking about?"
"You must of suffered from some sort of brain trauma. Were you dropped on the head as a baby?"
"No." huffed Sakura. "I'm not crazy just because I'm going out with Kakashi. That'd be like saying Raido was crazy."
"That's entirely different." retorted Genma.
"Yeah." said Kakashi. "Raido is crazy."
"Stop making me want to punch you."
Genma, Sakura and Kakashi spent the next couple hours talking before Genma declared that he had to get home so he could "have some funny with his honey".
Direct quote.
"He's so…" Sakura struggled to put it into words. "…funny?"
"There's a good way to put it." Kakashi smiled a little and put his arm around Sakura's shoulder. "Have you…" He hesitated. "Thought about what I told you last night?"
Sakura smiled back. "Yeah. I say what I said last night. I don't care."
He shook his head, bemused. "You are so…"
"Funny?"
"Hell no. Different. I've never told anyone that, anyone. And you just jump into my life and take away all my privacy."
"No I don't." protested Sakura. "I haven't surprised you while you were taking a shower or anything like that."
"I didn't mean it like that."
He was close to her again and she could smell his aftershave. She didn't think any smell had ever been so good.
She leaned in, longing for a kiss. He caught her message and pressed his lips to hers. After a moment she pressed her tongue against his lips, hoping that he would let her take that step, however small. He obliged and let her brush her tongue against his teeth.
She put her hands around his neck as he put his hand on her hair, caressing her head. She didn't know if he was an experienced kisser but she knew he was good at it.
She slipped her fingers around his strip of cloth, pulling it down again. She just wanted to see both of his eyes when she looked at him.
They kissed for as long as they could before Kakashi drew away.
"You're so beautiful." he murmured. "I don't think you know it, but you are."
"Thank you." replied Sakura, leaning her head against his chest. "You're very handsome."
"Am I a good kisser?"
Sakura smiled as she hugged his neck. "You have no idea."
"Good, I'm out of practice."
"When wasthe last time you kissed someone?"
"Three, maybe four years ago. I haven't been in very many relationships."
"That's still a long time." said Sakura. "You avoid people, don't you?"
"There's an understatement if I've ever heard one. You must not be very observant if you haven't figured that out yet."
"Don't worry, I knew."
Sakura's phone rang, ruining the moment. Her head sapped up, hitting his chin. "Ow!" she said loudly, rubbing her head as she answered the phone.
"Sakura, where are you!" yelled Tsunade's voice.
"I'm at a friends." said Sakura. "You told me you wouldn't be home today."
"I'm home now! Did you have dinner?"
"Yes! I'm upstairs, in Mr. Hatake's apartment."
"What are you doing up there?"
Sakura sighed. "I'm just visiting. I get lonely, Mom."
"Oh, whatever." snapped Tsunade. "Grace me with your presence whenever you're ready."
Sakura hung up on her and rolled her eyes. "Sometimes I think she's the teenager."
Kakashi shrugged. "She's probably drunk, you know that."
"One more kiss?" begged Sakura.
Kakashi smiled. "Maybe I am a good kisser."
He indulged her for another minute or two before Kakashi pulled them apart.
"You shouldn't make your mother wait any longer than necessary."
"I guess you're right."
He stood us. "Should I come down with you? Your mother may be dangerous."
"Sure." Sakura handed him his cloth bandage and he tied it around his head.
He limped down the stairs, Sakura close behind him.
Tsunade was waiting at the foot of the stairs, not wearing a coat despite the cold December air.
"Hello." snapped Tsunade. She had the definite air of booze around her.
"Hello." said Kakashi calmly, leaning against the railing at the foot of the stairs.
"Sakura, come here."
"Bye." said Sakura, walking over to stand with her mother.
Tsunade grabbed Sakura's neck. "Let's go."
"Don't." said Kakashi sharply. "Let go of her."
"Why do you care?" hissed Tsunade.
"I am her teacher and her friend. Do you think I could stand around and watch her get hurt? It's my duty to make sure she stays safe."
"Fine," snarled Tsunade. "She'll stay safe." She let go of Sakura, who shot Kakashi a thankful glance.
"See you at school." she said casually. The look on her face told him that she was grateful he hadn't told Tsunade any more about their relationship.
"If you need me, just call." said Kakashi. He limped back up the stairs, thinking that the two of them would be very lucky indeed if they made it unscathed by Tsunade's wrath.
1. xAsmodeus's commission is finished and is called Picnic Perfect if you want to read it. Go read it! No, wait, don't! Reverse psychology….ooohhhhh…..
2. Oh, yeah, the actual story. The beginning of the chapter was quite a shock, wasn't it? At least you know that I'm not going to go the way most AU Kakasakus do, ending with Sakura pregnant. XD Yeah, individuality! :)
3. I haven't decided on what rating to bestow upon this yet. I've got a lot of people telling me to go all the way, some telling me not to and some telling me they didn't care. I had one person to tell me to do a side story, but I don't think I will. I think I just go along with the story and decide when it comes to it. In fact, I probably won't write the sexin' itself, just get close enough that I'll have to change the rating. Or maybe I will. If I do it won't be very descriptive. And it won't happen for several chapters anyway. Not until they're ready.
4. What kind of person reads ten chapters of a fanfiction and then tells me it sucks and I should take it down so I didn't insult more serious writers?For your information, I am a serious writer who doesn't like writing angst all the time. I write it sometimes, not all the time. This is a romance for a reason. *shrugs* At least it was anonymous so I delete it.
5 Genma didn't need to be in this chapter. I know that it was a totally unnecessary addition. I don't really care.
6. Don't you guys just love my heartless addition of ShikaTema? ;) Sorry, but I love that pairing. Hey, at least it wasn't yaoi.
7. I love you guys. You're amazing. I got tons of reviews! I think I got more this chapter than any other chapter. I LOVE YOU ALL! Except in a non-creepy way. Thank you so much and please keep it up.
