Beta'd by AdVENTitiious who I'm running out of ways to thank, so I've borrowed some words from the Rhyme-noceros: There ain't no party like her nana's tea party! (We miss you FotC!)


~** Part Four **~


Muggles Penetrate Diagon Alley- Official Response at last.

Last weeks' scenes of devastation in Diagon Alley are still fresh in the magical community's mind today. Reconstruction has begun, repairing the damage done during the violent riot that broke out in the street last Thursday afternoon. Twenty-five innocent lives were lost when unsuspecting shoppers were attacked with brutal muggle fighting tactics and non-magic weapons. The shops were looted and set ablaze, and the terrified cries of the injured and set-upon wizards and witches will haunt all those present for a long time to come. Minister Bagnold's request for calm cooperation from the public to aid the Ministry investigation has been met with public demand for action and retaliation against the muggle criminals.

"The magical community has always feared discovery," said Johnathan Wilkes, a spokesman for the Department for Law Enforcement, at the press conference this afternoon, "and we need no further evidence than this. Muggles are not accepting of difference, and they fight amongst themselves for the same reason. Three hundred years ago we went into hiding, we've managed to live peacefully side-by-side with them, but this event illustrates that hiding may not be the wisest course for the safe and prosperous continuation of Wizardkind."

Alastor Moody was also in attendance at the Ministry's press address. The Head Auror was characteristically gruff and vague with his facts. ''The criminals responsible for the events in Diagon Alley are yet to be identified. While it seems clear that the perpetrators were muggle, many eyewitness reports state that they lacked any type of emotional reaction to the blatant magical defence from their victims, and that they seemed impervious to any pain caused by this defence. There is clearly more going on here than an old fashioned witch hunt."

Wilkes's statements were expounded on by Willard Travers, Director of the Board at St Mungo's Hospital and founder of the charity Wizarding Homes for Wizarding Orphans. He spoke to press outside his London townhouse early this morning. "I am pleased that not all in our government are willing to deal with such a disturbing hate crime in the usual way, personally I think the time of the Obliviator has passed. Modifying muggle memories and removing the terrible things they have done does not help Wizardkind. It just delays the inevitable. In my opinion the actions of the muggles themselves are not the most worrying part of the Diagon Massacre. After all, you cannot blame a bull for charging, or dog for its bite, ill education and animal instinct are the muggles greatest weakness. The true concern is how they got in in the first place, there are traitors among us. Those that walk the line between both worlds must be questioned. Surely disenchanted muggleborns, the people who fit neither muggle nor magic society are behind this atrocity."

This accusatory statement has caused furious debate both within the Ministry and without.

Albus Dumbledore has also weighed in on the subject, although he looked reluctant to speak when this Daily Prophet reporter caught up with him as he left the Ministry after Wizengamot Chambers let out this afternoon. "I would not read the situation as it has been presented," Dumbledore said, "the lives lost and affected by this tragedy are too great to be brushed aside. I have faith that the Ministry and their Aurors will uncover the true culprit, and that it will prove to be yet another attempt by Voldemort to spread discord and distrust within the magical community. Voldemort and his Death Eaters are our enemy, we must not let them confuse us."

The wizarding community can do little but wait for the facts while we mourn the loss of the 25 people killed by muggles in the massacre. Caution and common sense are recommended when in contact with muggles, as well as keeping your wand close at hand.

"Christ," Remus said under his breath, sounding quite defeated as Sirius folded the paper in his hand and tossed it at the coffee table. They'd only started reading the Prophet to have an excuse to sit so close together in the middle of the crowded Order Headquarters, but with such depressing content Sirius was wondering if it was even worth it.

He sat back against the faded sofa and rested his arm along the top of the cushion behind Remus's shoulders, feeling as he did so the slightest movement in Remus's leg where it was pressed full length against Sirius's, hip to thigh, knee to ankle. Yes, he thought, it was worth it. Because the warmth and solid presence of his just-returned friend seemed to seep through Sirius's jeans, skin, and muscle and settle into his very bones. Remus had finally returned to London that afternoon, after two weeks with his parents.

Pinfold Lane was busy that night due to what was most definitely a Death Eater attack on Diagon Alley. The witnesses to that horrible afternoon all said the muggles were unstoppable, there had even be rumours that they had been Inferi. It was not. However, it did seem pretty clear that the muggles were under the Imperius Curse. But without the caster's wand, or the muggles in question, it was impossible to prove it. Sirius had a horrible feeling that the muggles couldn't be found because Voldemort had disposed of them after they'd served their purpose. But whatever had happened, it had had the one small positive of reinvigorating the Order of the Phoenix's enthusiasm.

There had been a full attendance meeting earlier in the evening, before night watches and surveillance tasks began, and most of the Order had hung around afterward, resulting in the currently packed room. Arabella was popping up all over the place, her camera in hand, snapping photos of the members. They'd all been forced to pose for a group shot directly after the meeting, all stood proper side-by-side like some Quidditch team. It had been taken in the large meeting room that adjoined the parlour. Now it seemed like everywhere Sirius looked people were throwing their arms around each other and pulling silly faces as her flashbulb went off again and again. You'd never know there was a war on he thought. Even Sirius himself didn't feel his usual amount of resentment, having Remus squashed in next to him on the sofa, driving any negative feelings away.

James and Pete were both there too, milling through the crowd in the parlour. There was a noisy game of Death Eater Face Darts going on, and both Pete and James were trying to get people to bet on it. It was good to see Peter, whose mum had demanded he spend Christmas with the family, which had meant a trip to Manchester and being surrounded by midget cousins, poor bugger. James, on the other hand, was always at Headquarters these days, hoping to get a bit of the action, since he was still banned from duty for fear of kidnap and endangering other members' lives. Sirius had been there an awful lot too, though he had been using the place as a distraction from the nervy, yet somehow listless, feeling that occupied his mind and heart while he waited, yet again, for Remus to come back.

If Sirius'd had his way they wouldn't have even been there tonight, he'd planned to drag Remus out of there the minute the meeting had finished, but Dumbledore wanted a word with Remus. So they had to wait around. Dumbledore hadn't had a chance to have a proper conversation with Remus since his return from the field on New Year's Eve, since Remus had to assuage his parents' concern by staying at home for the duration of the Uni holidays. So tonight they were finally able to have their proper post-mission debriefing.

James and Pete returned from their wager rousing in excellent spirits while they were waiting, both with a handful of coins. The Wanted posters on the walls now resembled vertical pincushions, it had obviously been a successful game. Sirius hitched a smile on his face, trying not to look impatient and therefore raise suspicion, as he greeted them.

James perched himself on the sofa arm next to Sirius, and reached out to wave his handful of coins under Sirius's nose as he said, "Look, not a bad haul."

"Your shout then," Sirius said happily, but then regretted it as James's face fell; James wasn't allowed anywhere except Headquarters and home on Dumbledore's strict orders, so the pub was definitely out. Sirius felt guilty for reminding him. "Sorry mate," he said, grimacing.

Lily's ban had been lifted enough that she was allowed out on low risk watch duties or reconnaissance, just not assignments with a high chance of Death Eater contact. She was out that very evening with Marlene, doing something that required specialised charm work. Sirius had been doing his watches with Caradoc since James was benched, Caradoc and Benjy Fenwick hadn't been getting along recently so it was a good change up. Fenwick was partnered with Marlene whenever the mission was too high risk for Lily to go. The Order didn't have the luxury of so many members they could just sideline two competent people for long periods of time. Dumbledore had even said that once they knew a bit more about the 'Potter-problem' James could resume duties under polyjuice. But it wasn't worth the risk just yet.

"It's alright," James said, "I'm getting used to it now. Still shit, but better than death preceded by Crucio."

"That's what I thought," Sirius said, taken aback that James had even made a reference to the cause of their argument on New Year's Day. They still hadn't talked about it, just sort of carried on as normal, if a bit stilted now and then. Sirius was surprised by how much he wanted James to apologise for not understanding he'd acted out of concern for James's life, rather than passing on Regulus's information to Dumbledore to purposely get James locked up.

James looked past Sirius to Remus for a moment, contemplating him pensively. Remus was leaning forward to talk to Pete, who'd balanced his tubby bum on the coffee table in front of the sofa. Remus had commended him on his winnings and was now being filled in on the more skilful dart throwers, Hestia Jones had a wicked aim apparently.

James frowned down at the gold in his hand. "Moony reckons you did the right thing," he said quietly, as not to be overheard, "telling Dumbles what Regulus said I mean, I get that you don't want to be a target for them."

"What? That's not why I told him," Sirius disagreed, glad Remus had stuck up for him, but confused as to why James would think it was for personal safety concerns. "James, my little brother risked a lot to come and warn me that you were in danger. Big fucking danger." He emphasised. "I don't want you to get captured or tortured or killed, that's why I told Dumbledore."

"Are you sure?" James pressed suspiciously, "You didn't just want an excuse to have a different partner then either?"

"No," Sirius replied firmly, baffled and a bit annoyed by James's bizarre theories. "What does that have to do with it?"

"You and Dearborn," James said shortly, and Sirius sensed the same sound of misplaced betrayal in his voice as the morning they'd argued the first time. He clearly wasn't over it.

"So?" Sirius countered, doing his best not to lose his temper, he was so sick of telling James Caradoc wasn't his boyfriend. It just never seemed to register with him. "I had no idea Dumbledore would stick me with him in your place," Sirius said, trying to explain calmly, "I thought I'd be with MacKinnon to be honest, but since she's all chummy with Fenwick they got to go together. Fenwick and Caradoc have been disagreeing a lot lately, I think it was time for a change for them. That's all."

James didn't accept this sound reasoning, he gave Sirius a doubtful look and said, "Padfoot, do you really think I don't know what it's like when you're first with someone?" He'd adopted a tone of condescension that set Sirius's teeth on edge. "In seventh year I could barely handle going to breakfast without Lily," he paused thoughtfully and then added, "or is that different for queers?"

Queers, Merlin, was James just trying to piss him off? "Bloody hell," Sirius snapped, forgetting where they were as his voice rose in anger, "For the last fucking time, I'm not shagging Caradoc!"

The room fell quiet for a second, and people turned to look in their direction. Sirius half-heartedly tried to restrain himself from flipping the lot of them the bird, and failed. Then Caradoc, the cheeky and unhelpful tosser, decided to put in loudly from across the room, "Your loss Black!" which gained him twitters and eye-rolls all round as everyone went back to their conversations.

Sirius could feel Remus's eyes on him, and he wondered what his actual boyfriend would think about James's comments on Caradoc. Sirius realised then that he hadn't even told Remus that James knew he wasn't straight, or about James's stupid ongoing insistence that Caradoc was his boyfriend. At least Remus would know that wasn't true.

"Why would Sirius be shagging a bloke?" Peter asked, looking confusedly between Sirius and James.

"Haven't you heard Pete?" Sirius sighed, completely exasperated. "I'm a giant cock-loving fag." He slumped forward and cradled his head in his hands, not wanting to look at Remus and wishing fervently that the stupid subject had never come up. Then, quite unexpectedly, Remus burst out laughing beside him, making the sofa reverberate as he snickered. After a moment James gave a chuckle on his other side and patted his shoulder sympathetically.

After a few minutes where Sirius glared wearily at his knees while his friends all laughed, Remus found his voice. "It's unlike you to be so specific Pads, you were always rather indiscriminate when you were shagging girls." Sirius peered out slant-ways from between his fingers, not quite understanding what Remus was getting at, or why he was smirking in a very un-Remus-y way. "To limit your options to only well-endowed men," Remus explained, having to bite his lip to keep his own amusement under control.

James and Peter both lost it at this, hooting and slapping their knees in hilarity. "Giant-cock lover," James wheezed eventually, pink in the face and gasping for breath. This renewed ruckus drew the foursome more stares from the rest of the room's occupants, and Sirius just groaned and hid his face again.

"Terribly sorry to interrupt gentlemen, I'd like a word with you Mr Lupin, if you can spare a moment." Dumbledore had finally arrived, with fucking stellar timing Sirius couldn't help but notice.

"Of course," Remus said as he got to his feet, his warm hand squeezed Sirius's shoulder for a few seconds before he stepped away. James and Peter were still laughing quietly, distracted enough for Sirius to lean slightly into the touch. "You'll hang around?" Remus asked under his breath, and Sirius nodded at once. He wasn't leaving this place without Remus. He'd had quite enough of his own company.

"And Mr Black?" Dumbledore said, almost as an aside, pausing just before he led Remus from the room. Sirius looked up once again. "I'd advise against keeping roosters in your flat, regardless of their size. It seems cruel, no matter how much you love them."

"I'll bear that in mind," Sirius mumbled, hideously embarrassed at the idea of Dumbledore, along with most of the Order, knowing far more about his personal life than he'd ever willingly share.

James and Peter were so overcome with mirth at Dumbledore's jibe that they had progressed to silent rocking, fat tears rolling down their cheeks, and their red faces contorted into almost pained expressions. James was leaning against Sirius still, shaking and gasping for air. "Roosters!" he choked, and Sirius really wanted to punch him. A possible overreaction he realised, but he just wasn't used to being laughed at by James, or teased by Dumbledore, or feeling like everyone was making a huge fucking joke out of something he was still quite sensitive about.

Sirius shuffled down the couch a bit, and James suddenly without his leaning post slid sideways, losing his balance and falling front first onto the couch. Sirius hadn't moved that far though, and James's nose collided solidly with Sirius's knee.

"Fucking ow," James grunted, sobered by the impact. He pushed himself up, and Sirius was pleased, er sorry, to see blood trickling from his right nostril.

"Clumsy twat," he said, finally finding something to smile about. "I'm going for a smoke."


Sirius stood on the back porch wrapped up in a scarf and wishing that it wasn't impossible to smoke with gloves on. The January night was cold enough already, but there was a strong arctic wind whistling around the wall of the old house adding to his discomfort. He huddled himself back against the side of the house, and was contemplating just chucking his cigarette and going back inside.

Bloody James, Sirius thought grumpily, resolutely staying put rather than face more snickering. He had never felt this cut off from his oldest friend. The constant, seemingly jokey slurs that James kept slapping him with were pushing them further apart, and Sirius didn't know how to stop it. James truly seemed oblivious to the way Sirius couldn't handle the jibes, but then Sirius supposed, why should he? They'd teased each other for years about girls and school marks, for fumbling the quaffle in an important match or wanking without a silencing charm, nothing had ever been off limits. But this was different, perhaps because half the things he said weren't meant to be a joke.

Is that different for queers? James's offhanded remark repeated itself in Sirius's mind. No, he'd wanted to reply, no it isn't fucking different. He wanted to see Remus every bloody minute. But so far in their eight-month relationship they'd spent a total of thirty hours together.

The back door opened then, and Sirius looked over to see Caradoc with a cigarette between his lips, regarding the weather contemptuously. He lit his smoke and said in a raised voice to carry over the wind, "So did you actually punch Potter in the face for calling you a fag, or is that just Chinese-Whispers?"

"I sort of wish I had," Sirius replied as Caradoc came to stand by him, "I don't know how to deal with him sometimes."

"Isn't he your best friend?"

Sirius nodded, thinking as he did that no one had ever had to ask him that before, his and James's devoted friendship had always been blatantly obvious, and Caradoc definitely knew that. Sirius wondered if he was trying to remind him of this fact.

"You and Remus should tell him the truth, and tell him to get the fuck over it."

"Probably," Sirius agreed. "He accused me of telling Dumbledore about the Voldemort wanting him thing so that he'd have to stay home, and I'd get you as my new watch partner. I just don't even know where to start with how mental a theory that is."

"Oh, he's jealous then?"

"Of what?" Sirius said indignantly, "He has Lily, why shouldn't I shag you?" Caradoc laughed and Sirius cursed ruefully when he realised what he'd said. "Fucking hell, now he's even got me saying it."

"It's okay mate." Caradoc grinned acceptingly. "It might not even be to do with the boyfriend thing, it seems like he just doesn't like that there's a part of your life he doesn't quite get."

"Yeah, an imaginary part." Sirius huffed, flicking his cigarette angrily.

Caradoc shrugged. "I'd guess jealousy, but then I barely know him. Maybe he just hates me."

"Ha, maybe," Sirius said, still grouchy but pleased to have an outside opinion. Caradoc was becoming a constant in Sirius's life just the way his three school friends had, except that he was just Sirius's. He didn't have to share him with anything except Order duties, no Lily, or a needy Mum, or books, it was awfully nice to have his own friend. Caradoc raised his eyebrows queryingly and Sirius realised he'd just been staring vacantly at the guy as he thought all this through. "Sorry," he said distractedly, "I think James just hates his lot at the moment, not you."

"Thank heavens for that." Caradoc smirked, then he shivered and rocked back and forward briskly, tucking his cigarette-free hand inside his jacket and up underneath his arm. "Merlin's tits it's cold out here."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "I'm just waiting for Moony to finish with Dumbledore, then we're getting out of here. What are you doing with your night off?"

"Got a hot date," Caradoc said brightly.

"Really?" Sirius supposed he shouldn't be surprised by this, but in the six months that Sirius had known him he'd never really mentioned his romantic engagements. He supposed he must have been seeing people, Sirius just hadn't thought about it.

"More like a sure thing," Caradoc replied, "a muggle I see now and again." He looked slightly guilty as he tapped the ash from his cigarette, and continued quietly, "It's nice just to pretend all this shit doesn't exist for a night sometimes."

Dating a muggle, how bizarre, Sirius thought. He himself wouldn't know where to start, buying muggle records and going to gigs filled with them was one thing, it was anonymous and simple. If you acted a bit strange they soon forgot you. But seeing one, repeatedly? That was how you got yourself caught out. But then Caradoc was clever, and not a pureblood, he probably had a bit more blending-in experience than Sirius did. But still, Sirius couldn't help asking, "What does he think you do for a living?"

Caradoc grimaced sheepishly, "You'll laugh," he said, "I told him I'm a mechanic, it's already totally backfired on me."

"That is a hideous pun." Sirius snickered despite the awful joke.

"No it really did!" Caradoc insisted, looking both mortified and amused, "One morning after he asked me to look at his car, making a weird noise he reckoned, well by the time I was done it was definitely making a weird noise, and smoking … a lot." His sheepish smile was back. "Magic and cars don't mix."

"You're so right." Sirius empathised. "My motorbike has exploded more times than I can count. Luckily never while in the air, but it was a bloody huge project to get it going right. I could probably show you how to do a few bits to a car engine." He lifted an eyebrow teasingly. "If you need to prove to this guy you're not total rubbish at your job."

"What, the muggle way?" Caradoc asked, ignoring the mocking and looking completely taken aback.

"Yeah." Sirius shrugged. "You've seen my bike, it was just a standard Triumph to start with."

"You are full of surprises," Caradoc said faintly.

"I really wish you'd stop thinking I'm the same as every other muggle-ignorant pureblood," Sirius grumbled, disliking the genuine surprise on Caradoc's face.

"Touchy," Caradoc said, "most muggles don't even know how to fix a car engine, I think I'm well within my rights to find it surprising that a chap raised completely magic would have that knowledge. Don't be mean to me 'cause Potter's giving you grief."

"Are we really back at that?" Sirius muttered grumpily.

"Christ, cheer up!" Caradoc instructed, then clapped Sirius on the shoulder and added, "You'll give that pretty face wrinkles if you don't stop frowning."

Sirius forced a smile that felt quite deranged, a feeling confirmed when Caradoc grimaced and backed away, half laughing and holding up his hands in surrender. "Forget I said anything, the mysterious brooding look works better than maniacal axe murderer at least."

"Bugger off," Sirius said, a real smile breaking through, "don't want to be late and have to tell your date your car broke down."

"Imagine it!" Caradoc laughed. "He'll forgive me, best arse he's ever had he reckons."

Sirius just grinned bemusedly. He really didn't know how to take half the things Caradoc said to him. "Good for you?" he commended, but it sounded more like a question.

"And him!" Caradoc chortled back in farewell, as he jumped jauntily off the porch steps and headed out into the darkness.

Sirius was left alone on the cold porch, chuckling to himself as he searched for his nearly empty cigarette box in his jacket pockets. He found it and put the second to last one to his bottom lip, still thinking about Caradoc and his blasé gayness. He was unable to prevent the image of Caradoc being thoroughly fucked by some faceless man from appearing in his head as he lit his smoke.

Sirius had often wondered how the …. arrangement was decided on when blokes had sex. He'd put his cock in enough girls to know it felt pretty amazing, and surely an arse wouldn't be that different, but he was curious. Because if half of every couple had to be the … Keeper, then that couldn't be all bad either, right?

Would Remus have a preference? Sirius speculated on this briefly, causing Caradoc and his muggle to vanish from his mind. He smirked sinfully to himself, leaning back against the wall of the house again as his bedroom, and his Remus occupied his thoughts instead.


A/N: Thanks to everyone who took the time to review last update, it really does mean a lot to know people are enjoying this once little, now quite long, fic!

George xx