A/N: Hey! While our beloved Spaniard considers his feelings for a while here's some of Lovi's side of the story! I did my best with this guy but I don't know how you guys feel about this so if you do or don't like it tell me! If I get a good reception this might become more of a regular thing every few chapters so if you want to see more speak up, and if you wouldn't make sure I know that too. I want to make everyone happy!

Since this is experimental not so much plot goes down here and as a result ended up being shorter than usual... Sorry! But I have tried to make up for it with a little extra surprise chapter that I'll put out on a random day this week, so keep a look out ;D

As always, thank you for reading and don't forget to review, reviews keep me going!

Chapter Eleven

Not in That Way!

LOVINO'S P.O.V-

Something about this place usually sent me to sleep.

It was the noises I think, all the ticking and beeping and other hospital noises everywhere. It may sound like they're really fucking annoying, and at first they are, I'll tell you that for free, but they're constant. They're like a rhythm. They fall in time with my breathing so it becomes like counting sheep.

Tonight was different. Fuck, I couldn't even begin to get even sorta sleepy.

I stared at the ceiling, trying to settle but nothing was fucking working. It had been ages since I got stuck like this, what the hell did I do now? Jeeze, I had no idea.

With nothing else to do my thoughts turned to Antonio.

Was he asleep already?

Probably, stupid idiot, he was weak. I bet he was out and sleeping like a log the second he was through the door.

I had been noticing a lot lately how that jackass occupied my head too damn much. He was always just there, grinning like the fucker he was and going on and on like 'Lovi, Lovi, Lovi!' like a damn toddler who only knew one word.

But he had been making me less mad.

I sunk down under the covers. Ugh. It's not like I could hate him, right? Not after he stupidly did so much for me. It was so much that I probably should have hated him for making such a big deal of me.

That lousy fucking bent bookmark.

He did that whole visiting me, buying and bringing me coffee, visiting me some more, making sure other people got to visit me, making me feel less lonely...

You get the picture.

Sometimes I actually wondered if he forgot how little time we had. Why the hell would anyone do so much for a guy whose life still remaining could literally be counted in fucking weeks?

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly and felt pain shoot through my head.

Ow.

Not like I ever reminded him about how pointless all the shit he was doing was and no way did I want him to remember.

Because if he did suddenly remember then I was scared of what he might do.

Gross, I was scared.

It had been... A long time since I was last scared of something.

Aside from the whole dying thing of course.

Who the hell gave him the right to put the same kind of emotions that my own death did in me?

Antonio made me want to live. There, I said it.

He made me want to live longer. He fucking changed my life in so many ways- he didn't even just make me want to survive but actually live.

Too bad I didn't get to do either of those.

But I hadn't been so bothered about either surviving or living until him.

I guess I was just jealous.

Ew, jealous of that freak.

But that was it! Just jealously. I wanted to be like him, so happy and care free. Dammit, he was the embodiment of being alive, he lived a mundane and simple lifestyle but was just so pleased with it, pleased with every aspect of it. I wanted that!

I wanted to learn more about him like he wanted to learn about me. I thought a lot about the dumb stuff, like what his favourite colour was, his favourite subject at school, all the shit that he had never brought up in conversation.

It's not like I'm self centred, but anyone would notice that almost all of our conversations were about me. They just were.

Then there was the way he always made me feel more important to him than I ever had to everyone, even Feli and Grandpa. Fuck. He could make me feel more special in an hour than I had in the whole rest of my life put together.

He was just so fucking good to me.

I curled up then, letting the image of him come into my mind. He had that big smile on, the one that made his whole face just light up.

His skin was tanned like mine, but mine was just naturally this colour, I could have never stepped outside in my whole life and my skin would be freaking like this. Unlike me his pigment looked earned. I could tell that golden-bronze was from hard outdoor work. He did once ramble on to me about how much he really loved gardening. I bet he did the hard shit, like yanking out weeks and pushing around lawnmowers.

That's where he would have got his physique too. Jeeze his body was just so firm. Everything was toned, like, everything.

Wearing nothing but swim shorts that time should have been illegal. I mean, thank fuck he was too dense to realise I was frothing at the damn mouth when I saw him. His terrible choice in clothing gave me no warning as to what was underneath.

Fuck him! Fuck him and his terrible fashion sense!

Not like I liked him or any of that shit! Ew, no way! I wasn't like Feli and got all gooey whenever a guy so much as showed a little muscle!

I wasn't gay either.

I was actually surprised when Antiono told me he liked guys. I was even more surprised when after that confession I seriously felt myself want to get closer to him. As if I wasn't clingy enough already.

But it's nothing like me wanting to get close because I thought we could be together in... That way!

So what if I almost asked him if I was his type?! I was just curious! I didn't even go through with it- I stopped myself.

So there.

I guess there were nights where I did start to wonder what it might be like to be with him romantically, but I only did that because he'd be an amazing boyfriend to whoever he wanted.

Except me.

I also maybe thought a little about if I liked guys in general but who doesn't, right?

Ugh.

It didn't exactly help my position as seemingly-close-to but-the-only-one-apparently-not-hot for my friend when said friend was fucking Adonis.

Jeeze, Lovino, what the hell? Why was I lying there just thinking how hot some jackass was? I had to quit it.

It was only because I saw him so much. That was the only explanation for thinking so much about him. I wasn't used to seeing someone as much as I saw him.

Also he just touched me the whole time; that must have contributed. Even if it didn't tell him to stop it was only because he would just get all sad and whiny.

He was so freaking immature!

But he was still my friend.

I couldn't deny that. My best friend.

Maybe I could have just put it down to me owing him enough to call him a friend in return for what he did, but I didn't want to do that.

He did make me smile sometimes, and not just by doing stuff and making sacrifices for me, but by just saying stuff. He was a bit of a dumbass, in fact, totally a dumbass, but we could talk about random shit for hours when we were texting each other and there was never a dull moment when he came to see me.

That was being friends, right?

Not that I had much experience to take from.

No one ever wanted to be my friend like Antiono did. No one was so damn understanding of how I felt. He knew I was weak, I saw it in him a lot, but as long as he didn't tiptoe around me like everyone else, making me choose what to talk about in case they mentioned buzzwords like 'death' or 'illness' or 'hospital' and I started to cry like a little girl, I could take that. Hell, I was weak. Couldn't hide it either.

I couldn't help but think that if we hadn't met here, if I was just a college student like I should have been and by some coincidence was met each other; we would still be friends like this. That's what made him different from all the other losers why tried to get buddy buddy with me.

I liked it too. Made me wonder how many friends I would have if I didn't have a brain tumour and was just an average guy.

I kinda suspected though that they wouldn't make me feel how 'Tonio did.

It was like we were...

Soulmates.

Friendship soulmates, not romantic ones, jeeze!

Ugh no, that whole idea is just weird, no, doesn't work. Scratch the whole soulmates thing; that was gross. That was just me getting tired and disgustingly emotional.

Now I fucking felt all funny, I should never have let myself go there!

Ha! Soulmates. It was just ridiculous.

.oO0Oo.

I couldn't remember falling asleep that night, but as I woke up slowly, I realised that at some point I must have.

Antonio was coming later; I blew a grumpy raspberry as my phone screen as I scanned the stupid apologetic text as I scanned it. He even made a typo; I bet that dumbass woke up late or something. He only sent the message seven minutes ago. Rolling over I checked the time on my bedside clock. Yeah. It was already 8:45.

I stretched. How the hell did I kill time? This was the same question I asked myself every fucking morning. It sounded wrong. I was killing time when I was supposed to want more.

Didn't stop me getting bored.

Fuck, I needed a hobby.

You try sitting in bed all day long everyday and not get bored.

I pressed a pillow to my face and groaned loudly. Antonio would probably laugh at me if he saw me like this, he always laughed at me.

But in a nice way.

"Fratello?" I stopped with my weird ass noise as I heard a soft voice.

"Feli?" I sat up quickly, chucking my pillow to the side, to see my little brother.

He shot a bright smile over to me, "Hey!" He even waved as he pranced over.

Feliciano looked more relaxed than I could ever remember seeing him. The kid was positively fucking glowing. It was Antonio did this; he was the one who let my brother look so alive again. I heard what was done with the extra cash too. Feliciano and Gramps split it so now they both could take more time off. Now each of them had one day a week totally free of work. Feliciano on Saturday and Grandpa on Sunday.

"Didn't think you'd come so early." This guy had no fucking reason to be up so early, wandering around all chirpy. He should have stayed in bed.

Feliciano shook his head, "I thought about sleeping to twelve or something, but I wanted to make the most of my day!"

I gave a short laugh as he took the chair next to my bed, "Not like this is the only one," I reminded him, "Do whatever you feel like, who cares, you can do it all again next week."

His whole face lit up, "That's right! It's amazing, Lovi! I get to do this every single week!"

I rolled my eyes but still laughed lightly, "Seriously, most people wouldn't get so excited about that."

Obviously my comment went right over his head, "Maybe I could cook more!" He went on excitedly, "Or I'll join a club... Lovi! I could finally join that free painting class I told you about! That's on Saturday afternoons! Oh, and Grandpa could take up mountain climbing again!"

I smiled softly to myself, "Don't tire yourself out."

He just laughed loudly and clapped his hands together, "And we get to visit you more!"

I reached out and punched his arm lightly, "Oi, quit that, there's no need to get worked up over me."

He frowned, "But 'Toni said..."

"I know what he said." If someone reminded me of how nice he was one more time I was gonna barf, "But it's not so urgent anymore! Sure, visit me more, I want that, but you don't need to make it the focus of the whole day. Just do your own thing! Come see me like, when you can, but yeah. Just don't revolve around me! It's not so bad anymore."

Feliciano didn't look any less bewildered, "Not so bad?" Suddenly his eyes widened, "Oh... You've been enjoying 'Toni's visits that much!? You really like him!"

"Huh?" Shit. I realised how stupid I had sounded, "No! Ew! He's okay to talk to that's all! It's nothing like that!"

He laughed. Fuck. He wasn't gonna let this go, "Lovino, he doesn't even visit for that long! You must really like them!"

I wrinkled my nose, "Calm the fuck down! I don't like them that much! All I do is sit there and watch him be an idiot!"

Okay, I might have been underplaying how much I appreciated Antonio.

I definitely was.

But can you blame me!? My excitable little brother was getting ideas! If I told him how I really felt he would think I was some love sick teenage like he was with his burly German man! It wasn't like that at all.

It was too damn late anyway. Feli had his stupid idea and decided to run with it, "You two are so cute!" He started to clap his hands and sway in his seat like a freaking flower and chant, "Lovi likes my boss! Lovi likes my boss! Lovino really likes my boss!"

I scowled at him. How old were we!? Ten!?

In my fit of rage I launched my pillow at him, "Don't talk shit!"

He passed my pillow back to me, "Aw, don't be silly, you can't hide it! You talk about him in your sleep!"

"What?"

Wait. He hadn't seen me sleep. My first reaction was confusion. We hadn't slept in the same place since Mr. Sunshine and I even met!

"Well..." Feli (finally) calmed down enough to explain, "By sleeping I guess I mean that time you fainted in the cafe... And it wasn't so much talking about, more asking for when you were sort of half woken up."

I blinked a few times. I needed a moment to process that. I didn't remember anything like that. Did I really do that? Fuck. I couldn't remember! I blanked out.

Sensing my confusion Feli carried on, "Yeah! Ludwig was carrying you to the back office and you were just coming to. You started saying his name."

Ew? That bulging muscle man carried me?

But the real problem was that other thing. That part about me asking for Antonio. I had fainted plenty times in my life and one thing that I knew by now was... When I started to come back from that shit, I had no idea where I was, who I was, who was there, what I was doing... I was always disorientated!

I wouldn't have even known he was near me.

Hell, it was a feat that I was even aware he existed.

So why him?

"I was probably dreaming! Ha! More like a nightmare!" I said quickly before my silence could be mistaken for something cutesy and gross, "Yeah! A really shitty dream!"

He looked disappointed. Good. That meant he was taking the excuse.

Shame it was only a made up fabricated excuse. When I passed out I literally saw white, I couldn't think, see, hear... I couldn't feel anything either... Could I?

No! I definitely felt nothing! I was blank!

But if that was true... Why would I...?

Dammit!

"By the way!" Thank fuck, Feli had changed the subject and distracted me before I could get too deep and open up a can of worms I didn't wanna touch.

'A can of worms'. What a horrible expression.

Feli carried on, "Did I ever show you this article!?" He scooted closer, "It's crazy! A cute six year old girl made a cake worth lots of money!"

I sighed. Feliciano was obsessed with these dumb clickbait articles, "You probably showed me already, but whatever, you'll just show me again."

We stayed like that for well over an hour. We didn't mention Antonio again (thank god) and kept the conversation light. I told him to go just as one hour was near becoming two. Obviously he resisted, but not for long. How was he supposed to keep himself in a stuffy hospital room with me when it was turning into such a nice day outside? I told him it was fine to go and he was on his way.

Sure he moaned about how he didn't want to leave me but I got him going before he could really start to whine about crap like that.

Once he had waved and I watched him swing out through the doorway and away I lay back, grabbed my shoes and decided to pay a visit to the hospital courtyard. Only five hours to kill until the next visit after all.

And what a long fucking five hours they would be.