Chapter 11 – Space

'Now? Now we need to talk more about the man who visited you. The man you thought was your brother.'

Jane questioned her about the man posing as Danny Ruskin but she couldn't add much more than she had already. He had visited her a couple of days a week and supplied her with groceries and her insulin. He learned that he didn't interact with the baby much but focussed his attention on her. At the end of the conversation Jane had a better understanding of the man but was more convinced than ever that he was a cog in a larger wheel, his job merely to keep Lisbon satisfied (and drugged) that the world she was living in was real.

At the end of the conversation she said, 'I'm guessing from your expression that I haven't helped any in tracking him down.'

'Hey, you're here. That's help enough. Besides, you might remember more still in the coming days.'

She suddenly touched the wedding band on her finger. In one quick stroke she removed it and placed it in his hand, looking away, before sitting back on the bed, her legs swinging an inch from the floor. 'Can you get rid of it please?'

Jane placed the ring in his pocket and took a seat beside her. 'I was speaking to the doctor earlier. He said the drugs are almost out of your system.'

She nodded, her hand going to her neck and rubbing her fingers where her cross would have sat. Jane had already asked Cho if it had been found at the house but there was no sign of it. More than likely it was taken to help prevent her remembering who she was. Anyone who had observed her for any length of time would know she rarely didn't wear it and would assume it held sentimental value to her and so was likely to cause some memories to surface.

She puffed out a breath. 'So then why don't I know who I am? And if you start talking about hypnosis and triggers I'm going to scream.'

'Better if I stay quiet then' he smiled, staring ahead.

She turned to him, trying to find some memory in the contour of his profile. When she found none she got off the bed and began to pace the room. 'When can I get out of here? I'm obviously not going to remember anything here. Maybe once I'm back home and amongst my own things-'

'I think that's an excellent idea. I'll try to get you released tomorrow. But...well you'll need a chaperone for a while. Until we can track down who's responsible for doing this to you then I don't want you to go anywhere alone.'

'And I'm guessing you want that chaperone to be you.'

He shrugged. 'I know you better than anyone so yes.'

She exhaled loudly. 'But I don't know you. I mean...I'm sorry but you're a stranger. A kind one but a stranger nonetheless.'

He nodded, looking down to his lap. Tears pricked her eyes as she saw how her harsh words had affected him. She spoke softly, taking a few steps back towards him. 'Look, I am sorry for the way that sounded-'

'No. You're right.' He looked up at her, swallowing a lump in his throat. 'I...I just...I'm afraid of leaving you alone again. Afraid of something happening to you again. But you don't know me. I guess I'm hoping the more time we spend together the more chance there'll be that you will remember.'

'I can understand how difficult this must be for you. You show up and tell me we're in a relationship. And I can see in your eyes how much my disappearance has affected you. But I've been drugged and hypnotised into believing I'm you're dead wife. I meant what I said earlier. That's not your fault. And logically I know that I'm not her. But...sometimes when I look at you...sometimes it makes me feel like her again. Like a wife. Like a mother. I know it's the hypnosis but sometimes...sometimes I can still feel myself slipping into that role with you, even just in my mind.'

She took a deep breath. 'And I'm worried about you. You really do look like hell. You need to sleep and have a shower. Just a night off, okay? Just some time so I can begin thinking of you as who you are and not who my imagination has told me you are.' She smiled softly. 'Even if your name is the same. I just need some time by myself to process all of this.'

He nodded again, better understanding the distance she needed from him and hoping it was going to be temporary. 'Okay. I'll...I won't bother you until the morning.'

'You promise to get some sleep?'

He smiled and nodded. 'And a shower. If you need anything during the night Agent Cho is going to be outside. He's a good friend of yours. And decidedly less chatty than me.'


The next morning Jane woke, groggy from the sleeping pill he had taken the night before. He had promised her he would sleep and had done so but it certainly wasn't the best night's sleep he'd ever had. He hoped she had fared better. He looked at himself in the mirror and rolled his eyes, an old man appearing before him. He remembered once being so careful with his appearance and now he wore a suit he'd pretty much slept in for three days. After checking with Cho who said Lisbon was still asleep and complained about how tired he was and when was Jane going to get there with coffee for him Jane hung up and made another couple of calls. Cho and he shared the same anxiety, only trusting Lisbon to be safe if one or the other was with her. He drove to the guest house his clothes were still at and had a long shower, shaved and changed his clothes. After getting some tea, coffee and pastries he arrived back at the hospital as Cho flipped over a page in his book.

'About time' Cho said, grabbing a coffee off him and a croissant from the box. He looked Jane up and down. 'You look better.'

Jane shrugged. 'Well, we all know appearances can be deceptive. How'd she sleep?'

'How would I know? She didn't come out so I guess she slept fine.'

Jane rolled his eyes but nodded, acknowledging that it would be a little creepy to watch her while she slept (but the very thing he had done the night before).

'Jane. We can't keep this up. The two of us watching her around the clock. It's taking us away from the case. And what happens when she's released? The doctors say there's nothing physically wrong with her and that she can be discharged later today.'

'I know. You're right. We'll have reinforcements here soon.'

'Who?'

'People we both trust.' Before Cho could ask anymore Jane added, 'Go get some sleep' before opening the door to her room.

He saw she was awake as he entered. He hovered at the door, unsure of whether to come any closer.

'You clean up well' she smiled, allowing him to take a few steps forward.

'Did what you told me to do. Slept and showered.'

'Are you always so obedient?'

He grinned back.

'I'm guessing not then, huh?'

He was relieved she seemed much more at ease this morning with him and he placed a cup of coffee and a bear claw in front of her and took a sip of his tea.

Her eyes lit up immediately at the smell of the coffee and she closed them, breathing in its aroma. 'God, that smells wonderful.' She tasted it, savouring the dark notes as they ran down her throat. 'Mmm.'

He watched her avidly. He never approved of her drinking coffee but always enjoyed the spectacle of her inhaling the first cup of the day. 'How are you feeling this morning?'

She shrugged. 'Better. Much better actually. I'm sorry about last night. Long day.'

'It's fine. Look, I don't want to outstay my welcome so if you want me to sit outside-'

'No. Stay. I believe I'm being discharged later. Is that true?'

'So I believe.'

'So, I'll go back to Austin?'

'Um...if that's what you want. But...I've been thinking about what you said about trying to remember things. And the fact is you've spent a greater portion of your life...well of your recent life in California and not Texas.'

'I have?'

'Yes. You...well we...worked in Sacramento for ten years. I thought it might help if we visited where we used to work.' He quickly added, 'Or you go with Cho. He worked with you there too. You don't have to go with me.'

'Okay. Sounds good I guess. But...you were right too. If we're as close as you say then it should be you.'

'It won't stop you from regressing? You're sure?'

'If I feel like...well like her...I'll let you know. Okay?' After he nodded she tore off a chunk of bear claw and shoved it into her mouth. 'God, that's heavenly.'

'It certainly is' he smiled as she munched on it.

He always felt better once he had a plan. Now he just hoped the visit to the old CBI Headquarters would stir up some good memories and not bad ones for her. Or himself.