Her body simultaneously stretched across the bed as she turned her head to face the clock. She groaned at the time, and allowed her other eye to open. The morning light that filtered across the bedroom was enough conformation that she had probably stretched her Saturday morning sleep ins now that Will was home. She smiled, almost immediately as she remembered the soft kisses her husband provided her face no less than a couple of hours ago, she also couldn't help but bite her lip as she recalled the night before. Make up sex was always great when she got her way.
Two days since the night she heard him whisper the words she had feared the most, hearing him say it was her own personal conformation that he was seriously beginning to think she didn't care for him anymore, and it had crushed her heart to know that her coldness was beginning to send him mixed signals. But it was over now, at least for the time being, the last two days had been rough even under the acknowledgement that she had tangled herself around him that very same night and refused to let go until morning.
She always knew that times of failure would occur in one's marriage, she just didn't know that it could last for months and months just as it had with herself and her husband. In the back off her mind, she had a feeling that this honeymoon faze wouldn't last, she couldn't explain it, or define it, she just knew something else would interfere just as it always had back in the past.
The smell of bacon flooded her nostrils interrupting her thoughts, she stretched her arms above the bed, white satin sheets surrounded her as she laid alone and basked in the aftermath of a good nights sleep after a night spent in bliss underneath the sheets.
It may have been urgent and painful, but it was their first time in months, and she found herself reclining in the need to do it all over again. And just when she began to consider calling for him, she heard the door creak open followed by a weight on the bed. She allowed her eyes to stay shut as she felt his lips press against her calf muscle and make his way up to her shoulder, she couldn't contain the smile that told him she was awake.
"I hope you missed my bacon and eggs because it has your name on it." He whispered in her ear.
She moved her head to face his and smiled at him through her thick lashes, stroking his cheek, she pulled him down to kiss her. It was soft and lingering this time in comparison to the night before where the sense of urgency and rush had them in a state of limbo.
"Hhmm, I think I missed your cuddles more."
She felt him chuckle, his chest vibrated against her own which caused her to wrap her arms around his shoulders. His soft kisses against her neck made her sigh, she took a quick glance at the door that was closed and suddenly thought of the most outrageous thing that had entered her mind in months.
Without thinking of the limitations, she wrapped both legs around his waist and pulled him to her, he chuckled once more at her determination and lifted his head to face hers. "Energized huh?"
She bit her lip almost on purpose as she stared up at him, "Do you have an objection Mr Gardner?"
"Not at all Mrs Gardner." He murmured into her skin as he pressed more into her neck, her sigh was replaced by laughter as he tickled her abdomen.
Her breakfast may have turned cold when she found it.
/
She sighed for what felt like the hundredth time that evening, basking in the knowledge that the entire house was empty and void of noise wasn't as thrilling as she had expected. Zach and Grace were out with Will for the afternoon, and Lenora had stayed over Stacey's for the night. Alicia still found it shocking that her daughter, the one who she always assumed would marry some high school football player held so much sensitive feelings. The psychology behind it was somewhat understandable, Lenora grew up around woman her whole life, maybe that impacted on her feelings towards them?
Alicia couldn't internally analyse it even if she wanted to, all she knew was that it broke her heart to know that her daughter was so afraid of telling both herself and her father. Deep down, Alicia knew that Will would accept it, it was just Nora's plan of telling him that concerned her, the longer Alicia had to lie to him, the longer it put a rift inside their relationship that had already been torn more than a few times in the last six months.
She sighed again as she paced the room, the house was tidy as she could possibly make it, and examining her teenage daughters life proved that she really had no life. Moving towards her draw, she stared at herself through the mirror, Will often told her that she didn't need makeup, but she enjoyed putting it on anyway, her husband may see otherwise, but she always scrutinized her looks and it frustrated her. As she reached to grab her hair brush, Will's briefcase fell off the stand and onto the ground. Papers flew everywhere.
"Damn it" she cursed, bending down to retrieve them, she found that endless piles scattered along the floor. How was it possible that he could even carry all of these? She found herself having to separate his case papers over his office ones, she knew his files like the back of her hand, but it was another genre of papers that caught her attention.
They were photos.
She had to move her head back in order to take the first image with full vision and when she finally recognized who the person was that the camera focused on she suddenly felt puzzlement surface to her features.
The images were black and white, the first one had Luke's face in it, and the second had hers. She was laughing with him as they sat in a cafeteria. She remembered that day, it wasn't long after the soccer game that she had called him and he had joined her for lunch
Alicia scanned to the third one which had her smiling at him, the forth had him laughing again and the fifth had him waving at her as they parted ways and said their goodbyes. She moved on to the next set of photos, which had her wearing a different outfit. She was closing the door to an apartment, her jacket was undone and buttons on the top half of her blouse were neglected because the client she was visiting had cancer therefore her heating was always on high beam.
The second was the same but situated on a different day, her features looked secretive because she was trying to hide the courts evidence under her coat. The third was seemingly on another day as well, it was raining as she hailed a cab whilst simultaneously trying to button the rest of her blouse that had failed yet again at hiding her cleavage.
It all looked immoral, wrong and out of context, but she still couldn't understand why these were in here, until she found a note at the bottom of it.
-"Turns out, your wife is as loyal as you said, I was wrong, she was only visiting a regular client. I apologize for the misunderstanding. she isn't having an affair. Let me know when you get these, I know it takes several days to get to DC. And if you need to hire me again, you have my number.
J.R."
The papers immediately fell to the ground as recognition formed in her chest.
"Leesh… tell me what's going on.." Liz's voice echoed her ears. She had her head rested on the pillow that sat on Liz's lap as she cried herself to the point where there weren't anymore tears left.
She shook her head as she remained in an onslaught of whimpers.
"Is it Will? Did you two have another argument?" she asked softly. Alicia opened her eyes, and found the sight of Chris placing a cup of tea on the coffee table. Liz shushed him away, glaring at him in the process for interrupting, once he was out of the room, she gripped onto Liz for support and cried once again.
Liz was defeated. "Alicia.." she sighed. "Talk to me god.. what is going on?"
Silence.
She suddenly felt Liz's fist tighten and her body tense. "Did he cheat on you? I am going to kill him." She was already off the couch when Alicia pulled her back down
"Stop, don't…. he didn't..."
"He didn't what?"
"Liz.. would you just sit down, please."
She wiped away the tears before facing her best friends clearly upset features.
"He had me investigated."
"What?"
"He hired a private investigator on me, he thought I was having an affair."
"I.. what?... I don't understand?"
She pulled out the photos from the envelope and placed them on the table, covering her face once again, she heard the distinct sound of her former friend shuffling through the photos before a silence surfaced.
"Alicia... I.."
"I thought we were actually getting somewhere.."
"Maybe your wrong? Maybe this is just all a misunderstanding."
"Liz.. the evidence is right there! Don't be blind.."
"Okay, calm down. What did he say, before you came here?"
"He doesn't know I found them, I didn't know where to go…. I was so crushed and.." her voice quivered as she tried to continue.
She felt her hand on her shoulder as Liz moved forward and tried to calm her. She smelt of antiseptic and patients, Alicia knew then that she had just come back from the hospital; rushed home after she had called her in a flood of tears.
"Okay.. Just calm down, it's going to be okay. You need to call him.. and talk to him, the both of you need to talk this out."
"You know what the worst thing is?" she ignored Liz's line of guidance as she stared into space. "It isn't the fact that he actually had me followed, but that he thought so little of our relationship.. Trust, that's supposed to be vital to a marriage isn't it? He said it himself in his wedding vows years ago."
Liz couldn't internally analyse how Alicia remembered her vows that were over a decade ago but tried to gather her thoughts as she moved forward. Suggestions was never easy when it came to Alicia, her best friend was stubborn, but Liz went for it anyway.
"Have you two considered couples counselling?" it took a while for Alicia to register the meaning behind her words as she wiped the remainder of her tears away from her cheeks.
"What?"
"I know this therapist, she's great, Chris and I worked with her a few years ago.."
"Liz.. I don't wanna go to couples counselling.." she pronounced slowly, so that Liz could fully understand.. "I am NOT doing that."
"Okay. I understand. I just don't wanna see you hurt."
"I can't leave him.." she murmured. Taking Liz off guard, how was it that they had reached this stage already?
"Sorry?"
"He wont survive."
"Alicia.. you don't have to leave him. You need to talk to him."
"I don't even want look at him." She whispered
"And I didn't want to look at Chris when I had to tell him about my affair three years ago but I did. Remember what you told me? Your marriage is more important than your own happiness."
"Depends if you love the person.."
"You love Will right?"
"I do, but Owen thinks we should separate, you know? Some time away from each other. Maybe he's right"
"As if a month wasn't enough?" she gaped
She sighed in response.. "Liz.."
"Leesh." She prodded gently. "You need to wake up and get your head out of the gutter, you are beginning to think like a lunatic and you're acting like one. I don't mean to sound blunt, I love you. but this is Will we are talking about.. the guy you couldn't shut up about in high school? And you cannot tell me that you are seriously beginning to take in Owens advice which is most likely based off the assumption of influence from marijuana."
Alicia didn't think that humour could possibly influence her actions at this point in time, but she found herself laughing, Liz smiled dryly at her reaction, and tried to catch her attention by placing a hand on hers.
"I'm glad you find it funny.. Go, talk to him."
There were times, where she often questioned her integrity; her integrity to her husband, her kids, her mother and brother, Liz, their friends. The endless members in which held special relationships in her heart. As she sat in the dark of their living room and stared at the wall, she now wondered if Will ever did the same, if he ever questioned her loyalty and honesty, if he ever wondered if she ever thought of other men, if he ever allowed lack of trust to be an issue between them.
And now she knew.
Laughter echoed the porch as Will and the kids arrived back from wherever they had disappeared to. Her gaze rested into the hall, and fell on Zach and Grace as they walked into the room, Grace switched the light on, and immediately jumped up in a fright as Alicia's form popped up in the now dimly lit living room.
"Mom.. you scared me.. want some burgers? Dad got the best treats for movie night."
"We sure did.. but honey, please, we are not watching the titanic tonight.." Will announced his presence. Grace began to bicker which gave Alicia leeway to direct them upstairs.
"Why don't you two head upstairs.. Zach, your washing is in your room, I want you to put them away, and Grace, your room is a mess.."
"But mom.. it's Saturday night.."
"Grace.. I don't care. Upstairs."
As soon as they were out of sight with the distinct sound of their bedroom doors slamming, she finally made eye contact with her husband and stood up.
"You didn't have to be so harsh.."
She ignored him and pulled the envelope out from her back, she threw it on the coffee table, and the photos scattered giving him the chance to view them from where he stood.
"What are they Will?"
His gaze rested on the papers for several, long moments, trying to gather his awareness, before he finally made eye contact with her. She knew by the look in his eyes that her suspicions were true.
"Alicia…"
"Please.." she whispered. "Just tell me they aren't what I think they are."
"You went through my stuff."
"And you had be followed!" she shrieked
"Alicia.. please, calm down.."
"Don't… you dear tell me to calm down! I knew there was something more behind the exterior, I knew that someone was watching me. I felt it for days, why didn't you just plant a camera in my head huh? It would have been much easier."
"Can we talk about this outside? Please." He begged, he was more calm and collected than she could ever be
Once they reached the side porch, she made her way in the direction of the lake and stood on the grass as she waited for him to follow her, she folded her arms and stared at him under her vast glare once he reached her.
He placed his hands up "Alicia, It was never meant to be like this okay? I know what you're thinking…"
"Just tell what you did, I want answers, NOW."
"Okay." He sighed, rubbing his head with defeat. "Yes.. I got an investigator, I'm not proud of it Leesh.." at his revelation, she moved away from him and faced the lake, shaking her head in frustration as she covered her face with her hand.
"We weren't talking." He tried to justify. "You were ignoring my calls, you had been distance for days prior, you didn't even look at me at the airport. I thought there was something behind other than you being mad; Alicia, i know you, you were never one to hold grudges. I was away for two weeks and we had only talked over the phone twice for less than a minute. What was I supposed to think? I was scared, afraid of loosing you and when you stopped talking I assumed you had finally chosen to move on.. I don't know what I was thinking Alicia, I just.." he paused. Trying to navigate his way through it all.
"You just what?" she snapped. "You assumed I was having an affair?"
"I only hired him so that it could settle my conscience, I didn't do it because my mind was set on the notion that you were screwing somebody else."
"What the hell is the difference!" she snapped
He gaped at her reaction, and stretched a hand out to touch her, she pushed him away immediately. "Don't touch me! I want you to tell me what happened!"
He looked as though he were fighting an internal war now that she had distanced herself from him. He paced away from her, running a hand through his hair trying to gather himself before he came close to her again.
"I haven't spoken to him since. His name is Joseph, he's an investigator that I've known for years. I knew he wasn't working anymore but I called and asked for a favour, it was honestly supposed to be a day job Alicia, but when he sent me the first set of photos, they looked suspicious and that's when I really began to consider it… I'm telling you the truth, it was all a misunderstanding.. Please."
He reached out to her, she pushed his hand away from her, she had already decided on where to take this the moment she found out. "Do you know what hurts the most Will? It isn't the fact that you had some stranger follow me for three days, but it's the sudden certainty that we are now one of those couples."
"Those couples?"
"That couple whose lack of trust has gotten themselves trapped in timelessness; where we hardly talk, argue over everything, and use our past against us. You.. I can't believe you did this.. I never once thought that you would want other woman, so why would you think that I could ever want somebody else? And if this is what I think we have become, then you really have changed, and you're not the man I thought you were."
He stared at her in disbelief, hurt returning back to his eyes before a set of fear abruptly shot through him. "Alicia.. come on, don't do this, don't say stuff like that, you know who I am."
"I think you should sleep in the guest bedroom tonight." She avoided his gaze, swallowed the lump of remorse behind her throat, shook her head in defeat and began to descend back to the house.
She stood at the kitchen counter, glass of wine in hand as she swallowed the length of any sort of relief system that could turn her mood over at this point in time. Her gaze rested on the wine bottle, ready to pour another glass when she heard his voice from behind. "If you aren't going to listen to me Alicia, if you aren't going to fight with me like we used to, then I guess I'm not the only one who's changed between us."
She rolled her eyes and shook her head, "Goodnight Will." she made her way up the staircase, slamming the bedroom door, she sunk against the duvet of their large bed and sighed. There were no more tears left, just a sense of anguish filled with the firm resolution that nothing could get any worse from here on.
A/N: soo yup, please forgive me:/ comments are appreciated; good or bad
