"Wow, I never would have expected that reaction from Shane."
"Believe me, I didn't expect it either and neither did Chris," Stephanie explained to him. "I think Chris was actually about to have a heart attack right before that. It's not that he thought Shane could beat him up, but I think he just thought Shane would spill and then everything would fall apart."
"Was that something he was really worried about?"
"Yeah, it was. It still is," Stephanie said with a sigh. "It's hard to figure out what to do in a situation like this. I mean, there's only so much you really can do, right, before you screw it up? It's going to be hard breaking free from all of this and then going forward. There's so much to do, with the girls, with the divorces, but we're going to make it through."
"I have no doubt that you will," Adam said, glancing over at Chris, who had decided to take a moment for a cat nap. "Your boy is sleeping."
"Good, he needs it," Stephanie said. "That bus ride can't be fun and he should get his rest in while he can. With the baby coming, he's going to be in for some sleepless nights. I really think he's forgotten what those are like."
"Do you ever regret it?" Adam asked her.
"Not for a second," Stephanie answered immediately. "There's never been a moment where I thought to myself that this wasn't going to be right in the end. I have to believe that because my world is about to be changing. It's scary, but it's necessary."
"So Shane was just cool with it all?"
"Surprisingly…pretty much."
I was surprised by how he reacted. I knew he'd had problems with Paul in the past, but I didn't think he would be so…casual about the entire thing. I think that he really doesn't like Paul because Paul is halfway up my dad's ass. Paul has always been a suck up and I saw through him since day one, but when the man you want is with another woman, suddenly every prospect becomes a better prospect. It's like when you just try to do the right thing because you really don't want to be the person who does the wrong thing repeatedly. Paul was that kind of mistake.
My father loved him though. Paul is nothing if not all for the business, except the problem is, he's never worried about putting out a better product, but rather, he's worried about making himself look good. That's always been his problem, even before we started dating. I don't think Paul knows how to make other people look good. That's something Chris can do with anyone. He can make anyone look better than they are and he's all for the greater good.
"What do you think your father is going to say when it all comes out?"
"I'm not really sure. I like to think he'll be okay with it."
"But Chris isn't like Paul, not with wrestling at least, he has other stuff on his plate."
"I think what my dad will appreciate about Chris is he's willing to put other people in the spotlight. He's not going to push anyone out of it just so he can get in it. That's not in his nature and I don't think he would want to do that either. Chris understands the nature of the business better than anyone I think. He knows that he can't stay on top forever, and I think that's why he's so willing to put guys over."
"Don't you think Vince would love that? I mean, he would love a guy who would put over the young guys? You can't continue with the business if you don't have people willing to put other people over."
"I know that, but my father is just…he really likes Paul and I think it'll crush him a little bit to know I don't want to be with him any longer and that I haven't for a very long time. I think Chris will be good for the business, I have faith that everything will work out eventually. I know it's going to be scary at first, but Chris and I are strong."
"I'll say, I mean, you did say you would punch your brother in the face."
Stephanie laughed, "I did say that."
"So go on, what did your brother do or say after you he saw you?"
Like I said, I think Chris is going to be good for the business. He's not selfish. He's accomplished everything he feels he needs to accomplish and because of that, he doesn't have that intense need to put himself over like Paul always has. You don't know how Paul can act sometimes. Paul is constantly asking to be inserted into the title picture. He's calmed down a bit, but back then, it was pretty constant and whenever someone was starting to gain momentum, he immediately wanted to face him.
I stared at my brother and I just shook my head and asked him, "What did you just say?"
He just smirked at the both of us, like he should have known this was going to happen, but now that it was happening, he wanted to lord it over our heads forever, "I just said that at least you've redeemed your taste in men."
"What do you mean by that?" I asked because I think I was too much in shock to process that my brother was…okay with my affair.
"I mean, Paul? The guy is the worst," Shane didn't mince words and he never does. "He's always trying to play like he's the best at everything and everyone is lucky to know him. I'm surprised you haven't noticed that in your relationship. He always acts like you're the lucky one to be married to him when it should be the other way around."
"That's for sure," Chris muttered and I turned to look at the both of them.
"You think that's how he acts?" I wondered. It's not like I didn't see Paul's faults, I did, but I never realized how obvious it was to other people until my brother, of all people, said something like that. My brother has always been honest with me, so it was like, it wasn't true until then. I mean, other people could say it and I would dismiss it, but Shane would never lie to me about something like that.
"It's absolutely how he acts," Shane said, "and Dad actually likes him, which makes it even worse because Paul thinks he's got the absolute edge over everyone…clearly, he doesn't."
"So you're not going to like…tell Mom and Dad or Paul?" I was so sure he was just messing with me and he was going to go running to Paul as soon as the conversation was over. I was still in that paranoid stage of an affair, where it's this house of cards and even just the slightest breath will take it all down. I was wary of what he was really going to do and I just couldn't and didn't trust him at the time.
"No, why would I? It's not my stuff to tell and I wouldn't betray your trust like that," Shane told us. Chris was just sitting there, not saying anything and I really don't blame him. He didn't really know what Shane was like. Well, he knew because they're friends, but this was a unique situation. "So when did this start?"
"It's a long story," I told him, not wanting to get into it. "I'm just…not happy, you know, with Paul and Chris has been a great…um, comfort to me."
"Yeah, comfort," Shane smirked as he looked at us. "But what's the deal? Are you two like in love or something? Is this just a fling?"
"We don't really know right now," Chris said, running his hand through his hair. "It's just really complicated right now."
"I never should have married Paul," I blurted out and then sighed and looked down at my feet. I hadn't meant to say that, but it just came out and it was the truth. When I looked back up at Shane, he looked sympathetic.
"I knew you shouldn't have. I didn't want to say anything because it's your life and I would never try to ruin whatever you had with whomever you want to be with, but I can't say I didn't have my apprehensions when you married him. I just…didn't get it, you know."
"I was in love with Chris," I remember looking at Chris, knowing that he'd heard this, but that he could never hear this enough. I didn't want him to feel guilty, I still don't, that's the last thing I'd ever want to do to him, but I know sometimes he does feel guilty, like if he had just done one thing differently, but I can't look at life that way, I can't afford to anymore, not with everything on the horizon. Did we make bad choices? Yes, continually, but we're really trying to make the right ones now.
"When?"
"Before, way before I ever married or became engaged to Paul. I became engaged to him because I was jealous," I'm so ashamed of myself to this day for letting myself fall into that trap. I wanted to retaliate and I did it in a completely destructive way. "I was jealous because Jessica was pregnant with Ash and I felt left in the dust. I know I shouldn't have felt that way, but I did. I couldn't help it. Chris was…the best thing in my life and I was so jealous."
I'd said the words, but Chris and I wouldn't discuss that point for a very long time. It was out there now, but we just couldn't talk about it because it would be admitting so much about how screwed up our relationship really was. There's no fairy tales or good stories that involve how Chris and I started seeing each other and the fact we were wrestling with other people at the same time has always been a very short discussion with the two of us because it's just…it's not how you want things to start.
"There's nothing wrong with that," Shane told me, "but yeah, you kind of went about things in a bad way."
"I just wanted something of my very own…I wanted to make him jealous and I'm stupid for it, but…I don't know what else to say," I sat down heavily as Chris pulled me into a hug.
"You two look good together," Shane sat down too, right across from me on the coffee table. He grabbed my hand and I looked over at him. "I want you to be happy, Steph, if it's with Chris, fine, I'm not going to say anything. You can trust me, you have always been able to trust me. I'm your big brother and I would never want anything to hurt you."
"I know," I told him, and it's true, he would never try to hurt me and then I knew he wouldn't tell my husband what was going on. "Paul doesn't get me."
"I don't think Paul relates to any human on any kind of emotional level," Shane joked as he squeezed my hand. "Chris, man, now I'm going to tell you this, but if you don't make my sister happy…"
"I know, man," Chris chuckled. "I want to do right by her, you know I want to do right by her and I'm trying my best to do that. It's a really complicated situation right now, especially with Jessica and Ash and Paul, but we want to figure it out. I want to make an honest woman out of your sister someday."
"It's only taken you, what, like seven years?"
Stephanie laughed as she thought about it. "Yes. Just about that. I think the inability to really talk about what happened between us set us back. I mean, there were other things that held us back, but a lot of the time, we were afraid to talk about the big stuff because it was scary. I think we just both became complacent with each other and didn't think we needed to have the big talks because we were afraid it would end up badly."
"But you kind of have to now?"
"We eventually faced everything that happened, head-on, to the point where we're at a really good place now, but it wasn't easy getting to this place. In fact, Shane was really a big help to us and so was Marissa because Shane did tell her."
"So they actually helped you guys?"
"More than you'll ever know."
