Chapter 9


Darkness is only noticed in contrast to light. It starts slowly, creeping in, unnoticed until suddenly the world looks different and feels different and things are no longer as bright and beautiful as they used to be. Ava thought of this as she watched the shadows chase the sunlight away, her room slipping into darkness. She frowned briefly at a single thought. Since beginning that sudden plummet for the God of Mischief she felt more and more attuned to him, to more than who he was and what he did but rather to who he believed he was, how he saw himself in the light of his hopes and dreams; his soul. Was it like being the sunlight at sunset for Loki? To be the light that the shadows chase away? People thought of him as the darker brother, but if he saw himself as one in the shade then of course he would come across as one not born out of the sun as Thor was. No matter how happy he was that darkness would always be there. And maybe it would overwhelm his love for Thor. He would never love his brother less, but over time he would learn that he could hate him more.

Ava leant on her balcony and let the last light of the day wash over her skin. It had not been more than a day since that fateful evening with Loki and she felt no different. More in love but no different as a person. She thought there would be some sort of transformation, some magical coming of age…but there wasn't and she was okay with that. She did not want him to change her, just as she knew he did not want to alter her in any way.

The young woman closed her eyes quietly and smiled. Ava was happy. Sweetly happy. She felt the overflow that made people want to shout a love from the rooftops, but instead she kept it. Kept it for him.

She felt his hands running down her arms, his body pressed up behind her.

The young woman kept her eyes closed. "How did you do that?"

He breathed quietly against her ear. "Magic."

"Ah." She twisted to face him. "Magic." Ava knew he could slip in and out of places unnoticed, seem to disappear and create illusions of himself. She knew he was masterful in his craft and had fully earned his title 'Prankster'.

The girl wrapped her arms around him and pressed her face against his neck. His hands climbed up and down her back, steady and firm and as gentle as gossamer all at the same time. He smelled of old wood and fresh mint.

"If my father catches you in here…"

"He wont."

"Wouldn't count too much on your magic with him." Ava arched her neck back and smiled. "He's a father; it is his job to prevent his daughter from ever falling in love."

"He isn't doing a very good job." He replied with a sly smile.

Ava kissed him sweetly. "No, he is doing an absolutely awful job." She pushed one of his hair back off his face and took him in. Always the same face, always a different expression with so many varieties of happiness and sadness and love and anger; she felt as if she could watch that face forever and never, ever work its intricacies out. And those eyes...she was lost and could never get out of them.

"Something is bothering you." Ava spoke fluidly, her words as cool water on him. "Tell me what it is."

Loki glanced away for a moment. "It is nothing."

"It is not, but perhaps you feel as if I will think it is nothing. I wont. I will listen."

He smiled quietly. "I know." Loki pressed his forehead to hers briefly before turning away and taking a step inside.

Ava followed him until he turned abruptly, his face sinister for a fleeting half second before becoming concerned.

"The date for the coronation has been set. Invitations have been sent out." He said flatly.

The young woman put a hand on his arm. "You said you had a plan? " She searched him. "Was this to prevent the coronation or delay it?"

He quieted. "Both."

Ava felt a tinge of worry. "What is it?"

"I just want father to see that Thor is not ready to assume the throne. Not yet. I want him to…"

"To give you a chance." She finished softly for him. "You do not want the throne though."

"I don't. I just want to…want him to have to make a decision between us, not just elevate Thor so easily." Odin would put Thor on a pedestal right in front of Loki's sun, drowning his light and increasing the shadow.

"You are his brother, you are Odin's son. They love you. You are a prince of Asgard, valued and upheld and a god in your own right. And… you are worth many Thor's to me. I would not trade you for a thousand of him. A thousand thousands." She knew the sentiment was not what he was after but she saw that it eased his expression and relaxed his heart. "Do not let your envy cloud your judgement; don't do something you'll regret."

The man kissed her forehead and did not say another word.

0.0.0

The coronation was to be held in the spring. In the freshness that followed winter, the new light and warmth of an untouched season. It would be symbolic, it would be celebratory, and it would give Thor time to grow into his responsibilities.

Ava watched him throughout the remainder of summer. He smiled a lot. Roared in happiness a lot. He carried his hammer like a warlord and his shoulders seemed to grow in anticipation not of new burdens, but of the strength he felt he would need to display as a king.

Frigga said little on the matter, only that she was proud of both her sons. Eira did not hide that she was unhappy. Not because Thor was chosen, but because Ava had not chosen him.

"Mother." Ava had been sitting with her over lunch. "It does not matter who I chose. They would have to choose me back anyway. Thor would not make that choice and I never gave it to him. I know you wanted me to meet him because he is all you saw in Niklaus, but you don't know him like I do."

"Do not speak ill of your king."

"He is not king and I am not speaking ill. If you knew him like I do you would understand that he is not the sort of man I could love."

"And what sort of man is that?"

The young woman clenched her jaw briefly. "He is simply not for me. I have no reason you would be happy with."

Eira let out a low breath. "You know that the women are talking, don't you? They all think you have made a bad choice. Loki is the God of Mischief, the Prankster. He is not wholesome."

"Mother…" Ava flattened her hands on the tablecloth. Her eyes closed as she stilled herself. "Loki is good. He follows his instincts, how he feels."

"And he has always been envious of his brother. Everyone knows that."

"Could you just not be happy for me?"

There was a sad pause. "Ava, I will love you no matter what choice you make in life. But I do not have to like those choices."

"Like the choice I made not to run immediately for you or a doctor when Niklaus collapsed?" The words came out without warning and surprised the young woman. But she went with it. She could not stop. "He would have died anyway and then you would have blamed me for leaving him alone in his last minutes. You have trapped in mourning since that day and you have never come out to be a mother too me. You are my mother and I love you, but I have not seen the woman who raised me since the son she bore left us. Niklaus left us, mother. And you left everyone else."

There was a silence. It might have only been for a few moments but it stretched into eternity.

"Neither of us could have done anything. If I could understand that at that age why couldn't you at yours?"

"You have never born a child." Was the biting remark. "You do not know what it is like to raise a son and care for them."

"You still had me. I have always been here for you, never angry, never jealous that you loved Niklaus so much. But it does hurt, mother. And it hurts that you do not seem to be able to open your eyes to the things I love anymore."

"And you love Loki? You genuinely love him?"

"I do. More and more with each passing day."

"And if he is the dark shadow people suspect he is?"

"He isn't."

"Can you promise that?"

"I promise. If he ever becomes that person it is not for lack of light, but for overwhelming darkness. And he will survive it."

Eira looked at her hands and rose. "We shall see."

Ava sat, alone, at the table and watched the roses on the table drift in the cooling air. Mothers and daughters were supposed to fight, but not like this. She should have told her not to see Loki, or to be eternally happy with him. She should have reminded her that Niklaus' death was not her fault, or blamed her. But Eira didn't say much even when she spoke for a long time.

And the girl loved her. Loved her properly as a daughter should, with all she was and never in halves. It took a lot of energy to love someone like that. To love someone so lost in their own grief. But she would come back. Ava knew she would come back. And when she did she would be sure to yell at her for taking so long and then give her a very, very long hug.

The young woman ran her fingers through her hair before wrapping them around her neck. She sighed. It was so exhausting loving someone. Anyone. The love you get back makes the process easier, refuels you. But with Eira it was like the tank light was always on. She kept going though. Always onwards. It was inspiring in a way, that she had not been devoured completely.

Ava rose and headed to the main entry to the palace. It was a huge walkway, big enough for numerous chariots to ride side by side. At the end was a massive hall crafted of gold where the throne of Asgard sat, perched up on stairs and winged out for a god.

Loki was sitting on the stairs to the side of the throne, his elbows on his knees and his face very far off. His eyes caught her. Not the way her hair was tied, not the colour of her dress or how flattering it was, not anything like that; he saw her. That is what love is, it is seeing beyond the obvious and right through it. Seeing the inside of a person and letting that light make everything more beautiful. He thought she was beautiful anyway but when he saw her, the real her without any of the makeup or accessories or fancy plaits – it was something else. So long as you still see a person as more than their outer shell, you can love them.

"It seems it is my turn to ask what the matter is." The prince stood and without faltering put an arm around her.

Ava sighed and planted her forehead against his shoulder for a long winded moment. "My mother is…its hard to see people mourn so continuously. I may have brought Niklaus up and I think it made things worse. I don't know."

"You had a fight then?"

"I wish. It wasn't really anything. You are lucky you can fight with your parents and brother. That at least has a definition." She sighed. "With my mother…its like she doesn't want to hurt your feelings but will if it makes you a better person and then does neither."

Loki ran a hand over the back of her head and admired her face even as her nose crinkled in frustration. "She loves you."

"She does." Ava smiled gently. "I know it is different between you and your parents. There is a throne and a feeling of inequality but…you are always family. Always wanting what is best for each other no matter how difficult it is or how much it hurts to get that point across. I can do that with my father but…"

"She will come around."

He seemed so sure of it. As sure as she was and it made her smile more genuine. The pair went for their ride together, this time through the meandering trails of the woods. No racing, just calm and gentle. They ended up in his bath looking out over the great expanse that was the city, the air of the coming winter breaking through the open window and raising goose bumps in contrast to the warm water.

"I know why, but I want to hear it from you. Why have you not given up on your mother? And don't say because she is your mother and you have some blood duty to her." Loki flattened his hand against her belly as she shifted her shoulder blades against his chest.

"You can have a blood duty to someone even when you aren't related. If you and Thor weren't related you would still be blood brothers. You and I aren't related and we are bound by something deeper. It has never been because she is my mother but I do love her and I don't feel like there should be reason for that. You should have a reason to hate someone, but to love…no."

"So what is it then?"

Ava thought for a moment, enjoying his closeness and the way they she felt safe with him, even with that taste of danger. "Because I remember her. I know that woman who sang me to sleep and fixed my scrapes and told me to stop climbing trees is still in there. Once you have seen that part of someone you can never lose it again, only if it disappears entirely are they lost."

The young woman twisted her neck to look at him. "That is why I can say that if you are ever lost I will be able to find you. I promise." She frowned briefly. "Just…don't get lost. Its exhausting."

He laughed. "And what if I do something unforgivable?"

"When you are able to truly say 'I love you' you can truly say 'I forgive you'. I believe that. So long as I love you, I will forgive you."

"And what would it take to break your love?"

"It is immortal. All love is."

Ava stayed with him that night. Loki quickly discovered that she was like a cat in bed. No sexually or anything but in the way she rearranged pillows and stretched and constantly made little shifts in her position. She would still and quiet when she slept but when she was coming out of a dream or going into one she would move. Not enough to wake you if you were sleeping but enough to notice.

Loki told her as he held her, asked humouredly if she wanted a more comfortable pillow.

"Was I doing it again?" She smiled in the moonlight. "I don't mean to."

"I don't mind." He ran his fingers down her spine and felt her inhale happily at the sensation.

Ava traced a faint scar that ran down between his ribs, small and thin and etched between his bones. "What is this from?"

Loki glanced down to see what she was indicating and relaxed his head back. "Thor and I got into a few fights when we were younger." He was smiling mischievously at the memories of the battles he had won, those that had honed him into the man he was. "Some more sinister than others but that particular one…we were just playing with swords."

"Oh. Just playing with swords?" She laughed lowly. "And he sliced you open?"

"You should have seen him." The man was still smiling. "I just about froze his feet to the ground and he got sick with a cold for a week."

The smile faded. The memory maybe turning bad. Odin had not been impressed with either of them for being so boisterous and Loki had taken it to heart more than Thor had. It was all the little blows that brought him down below his brother, all the little things. They have the power to make giant palaces or tear them to the ground.

The young woman shifted, sensing his mood "I have a scar under my foot. I slipped while climbing on a rock pool. Blood everywhere. It is the only time I ever fainted."

"You fainted?"

"At blood." She nodded. The girl knew she would have to slip home before her father caught her and her mind briefly went to that place.

"You should tell him." Loki knew that expression.

"He knows."

"He knows that you love me and I you but you are still his little girl and he isn't able to conceive the idea that you love someone so much words cant express it anymore."

"Your father doesn't know."

"My father has sons. It is not so important."

Ava knew this was true. Daughters are an entirely different entity to fathers. They are something they don't know; they are not girls they fell for or sisters they argued with, they are their own breakable beauties and every father wanted theirs in a glass box.

"He will understand."

"How do you know?" Ava looked up at him.

Loki smiled mischievously. "We had a chat."

The young woman's eyes widened. "You had a chat. With my father. About…" She put a hand on her face and tried to see if he was serious. "You are serious. Oh gods your serious."

The man laughed and spread his fingers over the small of her back. "He was a little mad at first but he saw that I love you. He should hear it from you too."

Ava planted her face against his sternum and groaned. "I can't believe you did that."

He paused. "Are you mad?"

"I'm embarrassed." She spoke into his skin.

Loki's laugh rumbled through his chest and he lifted her chin so he could see her face. "I am sorry if I stepped out of place but I had to tell him."

"Why?"

"Because I love you." He stretched down to kiss her. "And this is a good thing."

It was more than a good thing. It was good and pure and well intentioned. It was warm and soft and fresh. It was honest and beautiful and it hadn't just happened, it felt as if it would have come to be even if they had fought it. It had happened because it was meant to happen. Because, for some reason, they needed each other.

"Do you not want me to leave?" Ava shuffled herself again, placing her body beside his and her face directly opposite his own. "Do you want me to stay?"

"Of course."

The girl smiled softly. "How long do you want me to stay?"

He knew she meant more than that evening. More than the morning after. "Always."

"Then I shall stay."

"How long?" He searched her face, wanting to know she was sincere.

"Always."

Loki saw she was sincere and his heart filled and broke at the same time. He did not know what she would have to stand by to keep that promise, if it would destroy her. He did not know if she could hold her footing if he truly gave in to his envy, if he could not hold off that madness.

Ava watched his eyebrows come together and his eyes turn sad. She pulled herself right against him. Her skin moulding into his own skin, her breath mingling with his own breath, her soul entwined with his soul.

She put her eyes on his and watched his soul. "Loki Odinson, I shall stay by your side always. Until the sun rises in the west and sets in the east, until the seas go dry and the mountains blow in the wind like leaves I will be with you."

Ava knew she had just made a promise as great and as full of sanctity as marriage and she meant to keep it. So long as Loki existed she would keep it. The way he kissed her filled her with his promise in return, the promise of dark, exhausting days, the promise of promises broken, the promise of hurt; but most of all the promise that he would love her and do what he thought right.

If you cannot love in the face of heartbreak then you cannot truly love. Ava knew this in her soul. Knew this as he consumed her. Knew this and still made her promise.


Heck yes that was a Daenerys Targaryen quote. All rights to George Martin and HBO and all that. I also put a piece of Paulo Coelho in there because his writing is so inspiring and relevant to this story. Dany and Paulo really brought Ava to life for me so I just had to honour them.

Also Sigyn. Sigyn was the goddess of fidelity and though she was tricked into marrying Loki she stayed with him. Since Ava chose Loki I wanted that devotion to permeate more than simple loyalty. In her story, love binds all things. All love. Even heartbreak.

So…if you're reading please be reviewing. Thank you to all who have reviewed so far. I watch the numbers for this story and, because I'm a foreveralone I thought I had done something wrong. Haha. I really do want to know what you thought and I really do appreciate your reviews. I reply to all of the ones that allow me to.
Let me know if you like it or if you don't and tell me what you want to see. Writers make stories, readers make them come to life.

Hope you're all well.

P.