A/N: Sorry about the wait. Unfortunately, BotB has been canceled (insufficient funds) and the winner is The Pyre Goes On (by 1 vote!!) and Third Elf Blonde came in second. No one really like Arwen (except for you, southerngirl!). So sorry if you were actually hoping for BotB to come back. Maybe later. Anyway, we've got a whole new thing to do, so enjoy! AND SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT!
Chapter Eleven: Would you look at that? A Tour of Rohan with Eomer!! (So you think..)
Faramir is walking around with head phones in his ears, listening to "Anarchy in the UK" by the Sex Pistols.
"Hey, bro, what happens when Aragorn hears you listening to that?"
Faramir just gives Boromir a confused look. Probably because he's listening to the headphones at full volume.
"Anyway, now that I can say whatever I want about Faramir, I'd like to express that he's a no-good crazed lunatic who'd be better off dead. That, and I heard from his own mouth, Eowyn, that he'd rather dump you and move on. Honest." Boromir says gleefully.
"YOU LIAR!!!!!!!!!"
"YOU HEARD??"
"Well, yeah, it's not like I kept listening after I saw your mouth moving! Man, you must think I'm naive or something!"
"No..."
"And I'm telling Eowyn! I LOVE HER MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER KNOW!!!"
"Ok, calm down, spaz!"
"Hey, Faramir! Can Eomer talk to you??" Eowyn yells down the stairs. "And stop with that racket! I'm trying to take a beauty nap!"
"Not working, is it?" Boromir chuckles.
"I HEARD THAT!"
Eomer comes down the stairs.
"Hey, brother in law."
"Hello, brother in law and...other brother in law." Eomer says.
"Having a nice time as King of Rohan?"
"You bet. Anyway, I got your call about a tour of Rohan. I'd be happy to help. I even got the tickets. All you have to do is pack your bags and go to the Trolley Station to get the trolley to Meduseld." Eomer explains.
"Coolio! Ah, Eowyn won't be coming, will she?" Boromir asks.
"No, I don't think so."
"Good. We can be rid of Crackpot Sally, too."
"Do you call everyone 'Crackpot Joe' or 'Crackpot Sally'?"
"Maybe..."
"Anyway, here's the tickets, and I will see you cats on the flip-flop." Eomer says, running back up the stairs.
"Now, where have I heard that line before..."
"Er..."
"All right, home viewers! I know you're all excited about this field trip! So, yeah!"
"Hey, Faramir, you do know it's the Fall Fund drive..."
"Yeah, yeah, we can do that tomorrow...or whenever we get back." Faramir has no idea of how appropriate the phrase 'whenever we get back' is...
The next day at the Trolley Station...
"Where is that trolley??? Curses!"
Boromir and Faramir are standing around in a mob of people waiting for the trolley, wearing black trench coats and sunglasses, in case anyone recognises their TV selves.
"Man, it's hot in these things! How'd I let you talk me into wearing this??" Faramir moans.
"Oh, look! The Trolley!!"
The trolley, labeled ROHAN pulls up.
"There it is!!"
Boromir, Faramir, and 2 other peopel actually get on the trolley.
"And what were you other jamokes doing around here, then??" Boromir screams.
"THERE HE IS!!" Breck screams, standing up. "GET HIM!!!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHH! DRIVE, TROLLEY DRIVER!!! GET GOING!!!"
The Trolley zooms off, leaving the station in the dust.
About 15 minutes later, on the road to Edoras...
"Oh, we're going to Edoras...I just can't wait to get to Edoras...Good time feelings waiting in Edoras..." Boromir sings.
"Boromir, you've been singing those words over and over and it's MAKING ME MAD!"
"Dude, Faramir, chill. Please." Boromir says. "And now, our travelling buddies!"
"Yeah! Our esteemed driver, Erkenbrand!"
"Hello, people!" Erkenbrand says. Poor man got left out of the movie.
"And our travelling buddy, Prince Imrahil!" Faramir says.
"Hey." Imrahil says, looking like a rocker. Another poor soul left out.
"And Tina T. Tuppens, from South Harad..."
"Hey."
"Ok...and we'd like to stress that Erkenbrand is the best Rohannic man alive. I mean, he just gave me and Faramir here a packet of Juicy Fruit! For when you gotta have sweet!"
"Yep! Erkenbrand also gave us some Gondorade! Is this in you??"
"And salad with Rohan Valley Ranch! The way ranch tastes like!"
"You know, you guys can land me in a whole lot of trouble."
"Sorry, Erky. Can I call you Erky?"
"No, but you can call me Erik." Erkenbrand says.
"Erik. What up, dawg?" Imrahil asks.
"I thought you were a rock god?"
"That's right. I'm a bloody ROCK GOD!" Imrahil says.
"Yeah, aren't you hosting the 'I love the Third Age!' on METV?"
"Oh, yeah." Imrahil says.
"So, how's Dol Amroth?"
"Pretty lovely."
"And you, Tina, how are you?"
"Well, haha, I'd much rather be, haha, killing innocent, er...Gondorians right about now. And I think you men will have to die!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The manly-men scream, jumping next to each other and holding the person next to them in fear.
"Die now..."
Suddenly!
"Is...is this thing on? Oh, so it is! Hello, Pathetic Mortals! This Trolley is being hijacked by Legolas, Prince of Mirkwood. We are sorry for the inconvieniance. Tell them, Milo!" Legolas says.
"NOOOOOO! NOT MILO!!!"
Milo growls into the megaphone thing.
"We're sorry, but...we must kill you know."
Tina T. Tuppens from South Harad is pierced by Elvish Arrows and dies swiftly.
"Rar. Haradrim. Die!" Legolas says.
"Er..."
"Oh, right. You there, Erkenbrand, turn this thing around! We're heading for Mirkwood!"
"Did you know that since we're in Gondor and heading North, it's not necessary to turn this thing around?" Erkenbrand asks.
"I DON'T CARE! JUST GET US TO MIRKWOOD, DAMN IT!!"
En route to Mirkwood...
"Good job, Milo! Keep the Gondorian men in line."
"Er, I'm from Rohan.." Erkenbrand interjects.
"SILENCE! I don't care.You're all from the same...place....And anyway, we're off to Mirkwood! Where you're from don't matter. We will subject you to the painful torture of...MY SINGING!"
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"
"Ahem...TO THE SEA! TO THE SEA! THE WHITE GULLS ARE------------" Legolas screeches.
Milo growls and looks at Legolas. Pretty scary, seeing as he has no eyes.
"Oh, right, Milo. Can't tourture them just yet...muahahahahaha!"
In the Dungeons of Mirkwood...
"Nobody knows the trouble I've seen, nobody knows my sorrow..." Imrahil sings, adding one more mark to the Tally Marks on the wall, counting up to 15.
"It's a new day, but it all feels old, it's a good life, that's what I'm told!!" Boromir sings.
"STOP IT!!" Faramir yells.
"Huh?"
"It's bad enough we have to hear Legolas singing, but you two?" Erkenbrand says. "Imrahil, even though you kick ass on your show, please."
"Very well. Now, anyone seen the deranged Elf and his posessed demonic duffel bag?"
"AHA! Avast! I'm here now. Rather than have you all suffer at once, I'm going to take you to the torture room one at a time. First up...Imrahil. Milo, watch the mortals." Legolas says evilly.
Milo growls and looks at the others. No eyes...ain't that freaky???
"Good...duffel bag..." Boromir says.
"Rgggghararawrggghtewar.." Milo replies, duffeling over to the water bowl.
"It DRINKS?? IT DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A GOD-FORSAKEN MOUTH!!!"
"Wow..."
In the Torture Chamber...
"Now, Imrahil.... What is your favorite kind of music?"
"Er...rock?"
"This makes your least favorite...?"
"Rap..."
"All right then. Please, put these on. I assure you it's only the finest rock. And as such, please turn the volume to full blast." Legolas says.
"Ok..." Imrahil says.
Suddenly...
Guess who's back
Back again
Shady's back
Tell a friend
Now everyone report to the dance floor
To the dance floor, to the dance floor
Now everyone report to the dance floor
"NOOO!!" Imrahil screams.
Legolas laughs evilly.
A/N: Ooh, and evil cliffie! Damn those pledge drives. Oh, well, at least we'll get newer merchandise and other goodies! Stay tuned to see what happens to Erkenbrand (alias Erik), Faramir and Boromir! What will happen to Imrahil?? Will he still be a bloody rock god? Or will he be reduced to a snivelling lump due to overexposure?? Stay tuned!!
