Spike sat outside Giles'. His head rested against a tree as the rising sun began to ascend the clowdless sky. It shown bright and brilliant as he kept a steady gaze upon it while hiding in the shade. He didn't miss being human. It wasn't something he had ever been very good at. William the Bloody was his true form. A name he associated with being a vampire far more than a pathetic mama's boy who's poetry was terrible.

But he was lying to himself. After years of convincing his illusive self that he needed nothing a human body could strive to give him, there were things he craved. Like the sun for instance. He missed its warmth that it offered without being a dangerous lighter with its taunting and cruel power.

Spike flinched as it continued the swell upward. He was beginning to feel the effect but held rooted to his spot. The sight was majestic. A purplish-pink hue tinted the light blue back drop. It was better than any painting could hope to capture.

But there was still more he longed for. The sun was a distant second to what he coveted. He always wanted a family. Some would say he had found that with Drusilla. Maybe even with Angelus and Darla. But that was a sired family. A fake kinship that was full of hatred and murder.

It was a wife and children that he had dreamed of with Cecily all thoughs decades ago. Decades that turned into a century...and still counting. It had always been so easy to turn off the emotions before Buffy. He wanted things with her that tore at him like he never felt before. He could give her nothing of import and quality.

Till death do us part...he was already dead. He was a corpse that she couldn't marry; couldn't have his children. But she didn't want children. She had openly spoken about it, not wanting to leave a child behind without its' mother. And it would grow up without her sooner rather than later. It still didn't cease the feeling like he wasn't man enough for her.

She told him to leave. He shouldn't be wallowing outside, threatening to die when he should move on and never look back at Sunnydale again.

Spike searched for Drusilla. He looked all through the town and couldn't find her. Maybe because his search had been half assed. As much as he loathed the thought of her being gone, a relief swept into him that was just as strong as the desire to keep her. He was tired. Tired of taking care of her and listening about the endless voices in her head that threatened to drive him insane as well.

But Drusilla was forever. Buffy was simply a fleeting moment in time. He feared walking the earth alone for all eternity. He would never have an eternity with the Slayer. She may be gone in ten years...she may be gone tomorrow. Despite her strength, human's were so fragile it was terrifying.

He wouldn't even be able to keep her until she died of a ripe old age, either. He wasn't going to be given the expected 70 or so years to last him ten...tweny...or more lifetimes he was cursed to live. If he had to fall, why did he have to fall for someone he could have no time with. A regular human girl wouldn't hurt this much.

And that's why he was reluctant to leave her side. Missing one moment was like missing an eternity. He needed every second to build memories that would have to last him forever.

The sun was shining on the tree tops now. He watched as it hit the pavement and slowly inched towards his spot. If he waited any longer, a pile of ash would be all that was left. He couldn't out run it. Spike contemplated staying rooted and letting it put him out of his misery. He had already lived longer than he should have. It was time to go.

But she needed him, even if she claimed that she didn't. And he needed her. Spike was affraid that even a true death wouldn't get her out of his mind.

Spike rose from the bench, his skin beginning to sizzle. He reached out and walked threw the door, hoping that Buffy didn't throw him out. Not because of the sun, but because he couldn't bare the rejection. Everyone was strewn out on the floor, surprisingly sleeping well.

Had Cordelia defeated the beast? It would be a great amazement if she had. A dim glow lit the room from the rising sun as he walked around the bodies and bent down to look at the dark haired girl. She appeared to be asleep, but if that were the case, Xander wouldn't have her wrapped in his arms the way he did now. The girl would have broken his bones if he tried that while she was in a conscious state.

She had lost. There were still 4 more Shadow Dreamers to take down.

Buffy was nowhere in sight as he continued scanning the small living room before taking a look into Giles' bedroom. Still she was missing. She wouldn't just leave her friends when a threat was so strong against them.

The sound of sloshing water reached his ears. The only bathroom in the small condominium was located inside the sleeping area. He went to the door and rested his forehead against it, waiting for any sound he could catch. Reluctantly, he knocked. He had to know where they stood with one another; that she wasn't going to stay mad at him forever.

"Come in!" she chimed quickly, a spark of fear evident in her voice. Spike knew she figured it was one of the Scoobies coming to tell her another demon had taken hold of one of them. He opened the door slowly and kept his gaze rooted to the tiled floor.

"It's just me," he said.

She got silent for a moment and the water once again rippled as she moved. "Hey."

That one small word gave him the hope that he needed. Her 'hey' wasn't holding any anger, it gave away no sense of hopelessness, and it didn't sound heavyhearted. Cautious maybe, but not mad.

Spike entered the bathroom and clicked the door behind him. His gaze still focused on the ground, his peripheral vision noticed that the curtain was pulled back so her naked form was exposed. He sat on the bath rug, his back against the tub.

What was he going to say?

"I'm sorry," he began. "I didn't go about it the way I should have."

"No," she said quickly. "I'm the one who should feel sorry. I know that she means a lot to you and I had no right getting mad because you did something you felt you had to."

He snickered. "She's dangerous, Buffy. She's more weak than she's ever been but she's still a vampire with a strong urge to kill. I know I shouldn't ask this of you, but if you find her before I do, and chances are you might, please..."

He had trailed off, hating to finish the sentence. He was already in hot water with the little Slayer and he wouldn't be surprised if she ripped his head off while his back was turned. "I won't." Buffy answered his unfinished plea.

"Thank you."

They stayed silent for a long while. Buffy had to know.

"I'm not going to look for her again, Buffy. But I need that feeling that she's still alive. I can't bare her not being in the same world as me."

"I understand." Her voice held no emotion. It was odd when he was the one doing all of the talking while she gave curt little responses.

"I'm not leaving you, pet," Spike whispered and then paused for it to sink in what he was saying. "I'm choosing."

"Choosing?"

"Between you and her. It's a choice that Drusilla wanted me to make every time I left her behind to come to you. And now I'm choosing."

For the first time since he entered, her voice stiffened and a defensive attack could be heard. "You're choosing me because I'm not the one that left. I'm just the one you can find."

Spike maneuvered his head quickly to the side and looked at her for the first time since entering. Her hair was wet and water droplets cascaded down her soft bare shoulders. She was ducked low and her hands rested on the side of the tub as she glared at him.

"How can you not know how I feel about you?"

She was the one to lower her gaze this time and he lifted her head by the tip of his finger underneath her chin. "If I didn't care, I would have left long ago. I'll be honest. I wanted to be selfish. I wanted to keep you both, but I know that that's not possible now and I'm sorry it took Drusilla leaving for me to realize that I all needed was right here." Her green eyes stopped wandering around the small room and finally landed on his face. "If I had a stake pointed at my heart, and I had to choose between you and her...it's no contest. You have accomplished something in less than a year that no other person has ever done."

"But you love her."

Spike smiled at her statement. It was obvious she was searching for his true emotion because he just told her that she was the one he wanted above Drusilla. But Buffy wanted more. She needed to hear it. Letting her know he would rather be with her wasn't enough. "I love you, more."

He had never seen her smile so wide. That was what she had been waiting for. Her fists clutched his tshirt and pulled him forward by force, her lips crashing down on his. Her mouth opened slightly, sighing into him as she allowed his tongue to softly enter her mouth in a searing kiss. Spike smiled to himself at her uncertainty. He held the back of her head steady as he continued his ministrations, knowing that this was a new exerience for her.

She stumbled slightly. "S...sorry," she muttered from embarrassment.

Spike smiled, but said nothing as he leaned in for more. She was holding him so tight that it began to hurt. He pulled away.

"You're trying to hard." Her face fell and she leaned away from him but he instantly pulled her back. "Just relax." And then he brought his lips once again upon hers. This time it was easy. Her grip was loose while resting on his shoulders, his arms rubbing her bare back in an affectionate way. A tear escaped her eye, ending up on his own cheek. He pulled back in alarm.

"What's wrong, luv?" He wipped away the wet streak from her face.

"Nothing...I...I've just thought about you saying that to me for awhile. It was better than I imagined. I...I love you,too," She said her declared statement quickly.

"So they're happy tears?"

Buffy nodded her head and then let out a small laugh before leaning in for more of the same.

And despite his soaked attire and the heat that penetrated from the desire, somehow they still managed to keep her unclothed body modestly hidden from his gaze.