The Noose

(A Perfect Circle)

[So glad to see you well. Overcome and completely silent now. With heaven's help you cast your demons out. And not to pull your halo down, around your neck and tug you off your cloud. But I'm more than just a littlle curious how you're planning to go about making your amends to the dead. To the dead.]

Roppi walked into his small apartment. The day had been hectic and awful as always. He had been going to school for a few weeks now, and every day was just as ridiculous as the day before.

He had been gone for a long time. After school, he had gone to Izaya's. The older Orihara had forced him to listen to him rant about Shizuo Heiwajima all afternoon. It was dark before he had a chance to go home.

His mother was on the couch. She still had the needle sticking out of her arm from shooting up. Sighing, Roppi removed it gently and covered her up with the blanket draped across the back of the couch. She stirred.

"Hachimenroppi...?"

"Yeah, mom. It's me." he muttered as her large brown orbs peered at him.

"Where...I thought you left me..." she whimpered.

"No. I was with Izaya. Sorry I'm late."

"You can't leave me. You're all I have..."

"No. You have your drugs."

"I know. I'm sorry. Go back to sleep." he told her gently.

And she did.


Roppi opened his eyes to see a new ceiling above him. He looked across the room at Tsuki, who was in his own bed. The raven had been infuriated and refused to sleep in the same bed. Tsuki had whined, but relented and retreated in the end.

Crimson eyes softened at the sleeping form of the blonde. Maybe his guilt had brought on his nightmare. He never truly dreamed when he slept...But every now and then his mother would creep into his subconscious and haunt him in his sleep.

He had always felt guilt when it came to his mother. She had lived for him and him for her. He was tired of having a reason to stay in this forsaken existence. That's why...He couldn't stand having another tether in the ground named Tsukishima.

Sighing, he removed himself from his tangled sheets, and made his bed. He got dressed and loomed over the blonde, debating on whether or not to wake him up. In the end, he decided they both needed space.

Walking out of the room, he headed toward the television room. While he never really wanted to watch it much, he couldn't help but hope for the numbing feeling he would get when he was forced to watch it. He wanted numbness. He welcomed it. Feeling was just too much.

He hadn't received his medication yet. Last night at dinner, the spectacled man had run up to him and assured him it would be delivered in the morning. Honestly, he didn't really care about taking it. If he was forced to though, he would. What reason did he have not to?

Anri was in the television room. She wasn't reading, nor was she watching the screen. Her glasses had a glare on them, which blocked her expression. Roppi sat on the couch across from her again.

"Good morning..." she greeted pleasantly. The glare from the lenses disappeared and he saw the hurt in her brown eyes.

Like his mother's.

"What's wrong?" he couldn't help but ask. It was an immediate reflex whenever his mom would wear the same gaze.

"Nothing! I'm just tired." she lied.

He looked at her skeptically.

"Alright...Well, I gained another pound..."

Usually, one pound wouldn't seem like a lot. But he knew about her disorder enough to know it wasn't that simple.

His mother had the same problems.

"You are aware that you're still skin and bones? It'll be alright." he informed her.

"I can't control it in here. If I don't eat, they'll make me...How is it anyone else's business if it's my body?" she asked, her voice full of bitterness.

"Because someone else decided it was, and they're going to force their ideology on you." he replied.

She nodded, folding her hands in her lap.

"You're the first person I've met who ever understood that...I guess you had to deal with it too...People interfering with you I mean..."

"Yes. Always. I understand that you just want to starve yourself, just as I want to kill myself. But we're being forced to live for other people. Life sucks." he grinned.

"Haha, yes it does! I just...can't get better...Everyone wants me to...There's so many expectations...but I can't live up to them..."

"Your parents stick you in here?" he asked her.

"No. My mother killed my father, then herself when I was very little. She had her own demons...My aunt and uncle put me in here." she told him.

"I guess everyone has a fucked up family."

"I understand. They want you to try when you've already given up."

"Yeah...That's about right..." she agreed.

He leaned forward on the couch and looked at her with pained eyes.

"If you find a way out, let me know."

Her eyes widened in surprise but then the caught herself.

"I will...I promise..." she said.

They were interrupted by Mika when she strolled in, taking a seat next to Anri. She didn't even look at Roppi.

"Good."

"Anri-chan, I heard you gained another pound! I'm so excited!" she squealed. Anri's face was passive as she smiled.

Roppi removed himself from the situation. Somewhere, in the damn foresaken place, there had to be a place he could be alone. He strolled to the nurse's station.

"Excuse me, is there any way we can go outside? Like on a trail or something?"

She looked at him with disbelief before shaking her head.

"All outdoor activities must be approved by the doctor's. There will be trips for you all to go on together. Being by yourself out there is impossible."

"Of course..."

Roppi needed to vent. He needed it. Needed it. There was no razor. There wasn't anything sharp at all in his grasp.

There was only one thing left to do to get the feeling out.

He picked up one of the phones on the wall and dialed the all too familiar number.

Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeep. Beeeeeeeep...

"C'mon...Pick up..."

Finally, there was a response.

"Roppi-chan? What's wrong?" Izaya asked groggily. Of course he had probably just woken up. He stayed out all damn night.

"I-I had the dream again...With my mother..." he said quietly. There was a pause.

"Was it very bad?"

"Not the whole dream...It ended before she died this time...I just...I don't have a way to..."

"I know. Isn't that what the therapists are for? You need to talk to them."

"It's not...that simple, Izaya. I can't talk to just anyone about this..." Roppi muttered.

"Roppi-chan...You did all you could for your mother. You can't keep torturing yourself like this. She died 5 years ago. You need to stop pulling back with her and move forward."

"I know that...I know...But I can't move forward when everyone in here reminds me of her..."

"I'm sorry. But it was the only place I could think to put you. I really think they can help you. I need you to get better."

It was weird, having such a simple conversation with his cousin. Izaya and him had often had incidents that they could talk to each other like this...Like they loved each other. Of course, they did truly care for one another. For his whole life, Izaya had been Roppi's whole world.

"Even when I get out I won't be able to have a normal life anymore. I'm not allowed to live alone."

"You can stay with me."

"You'll get bored with me and toss me out like you do with all your toys." Roppi laughed.

"Never! Roppi-chan is one of my favorites~!" Izaya sang.

Suddenly...he was glad that Izaya could visit for Christmas.

"So...I'll see you soon?"

"Of course. Stay safe, Roppi."

When he hung up...he felt slightly better about things. He had to go to group like always. Everything was becoming routine.

He walked into the circular group of chairs. He was early today. No one else was in here.

He sat in one of the chairs and leaned against the cold plastic.

"Roppi-chan is one of my favorites~" Izaya had said.

The damned older raven always had a way of cheering him up. Izaya was truly the only family he had, as well as Mairu and Kururi. He hadn't seen the twins in ages though, since they started high school.

The door opened, and Tsuki walked in. Masaomi and Mikado weren't with him. He paused in the doorway and fiddled with his scarf, looking at his feet.

"R-Roppi-san..." he began.

"Save it. Just come over here." Roppi sighed. He craved the calming presence of the blonde.

Beaming, Tsuki ran over to him and sat beside him, scooting the chair even closer to invade in his personal space.

"I'm sorry I acted so unreasonably." Roppi sighed, allowing himself to be squished in a choke hold.

"No, I'm sorry. I was too pushy last night..." Tsuki admitted, snuggling close.

"I guess you meant what you said though...about dying with me..."

"I did."

"Well...I guess I'll be living for a while yet..."

They exchanged a glance before the space closed. Tsuki nipped at his bottom lip and rolled his tongue against the seam. Roppi opened his mouth and captured the taller man's tongue with his own. This wasn't about dominance; it was about being as close as possible to the raven.

Roppi released a small moan into the kiss, and opened his eyes in surprise when he felt himself being lifted out of his chair. He was moved into the blonde's lap, his own legs straddling Tsuki's.

"Getting bold, are we?" he joked as the larger man ran his hands over his sides, pulling him closer.

"I wouldn't do it if you didn't want me to."

"I never said I didn't want you to." Roppi smirked as he invaded the blonde's mouth with his own.

"Mmmnn...Roppi-san..." Tsuki groaned, pushing his fingers through dark locks and pulling the raven's head further down.

There was a smacking noise as their lips parted, a small strand of saliva connecting them. Roppi grinned and wiped off their mouths with his hand.

"Uhm...I guess you two made out- I mean up!" Masaomi giggled as he walked in, Mikado in tow.

Tsuki made no motions of letting Roppi go. In fact, he pulled him even closer.

"Both." he smiled.

Mikado sent them a gentle smile as well before he started the process of sitting down. He had to walk around the chairs a few times and then move his chosen chair over a few inches to place it perfectly. Masaomi just stood idly by and waited to sit beside Mikado whenever he decided on a place to sit.

Roppi leaned against Tsuki's shoulder and discreetly ran his tongue against the skin of his neck as he pulled the scarf down. The blonde shuddered and placed his hands on the raven's thighs.

"You two aren't very good at hiding things are you?" Masaomi laughed.

"Nnnn...he's being mean..." Tsuki hissed as Roppi repeated the action.

"Nope. I'm teasing~." The raven purred into his ear.

The blonde turned his head and captured his lips in another fierce kiss just as Erika and Walker walked in.

"Ahhh~! Yaoi! Hot boy on boy action right in front of me! Where's a camera?" she squealed, flailing around to try and get closer. Walker pulled her back.

"S-Sorry! He made me!" Tsuki pointed to the raven.

"No! Do it again!" Erika demanded, pointing to the duo.

"Erika...they're not going to have at it in group..." Walker informed her.

"I can go into your room at night! Will that be better? You won't even know I'm there! Oh the fun we'll have!'

Roppi found himself laughing in spite of himself.

"I'm glad someone thinks we're sexy." he said as he straightened the blonde's glasses and removed himself from his lap.

"Y-Yeah..." Tsuki agreed, his face still red.

"She used to hide under our beds. She's serious." Mikado informed them as the manga-crazed duo took their seats.

Slowly, the room was filled with the patients. Mika and Seiji were last to enter. Glaring heatedly at the duo, Tsuki leaned down and captured Roppi's lips again for a short kiss. Seiji snarled at them like an animal.

Today, Roppi was quiet. He didn't care about this group shit. He leaned against Tsuki and stayed silent. There was an argument brewing between Mika and Anri, who the raven learned were roommates.

"I'm not saying that you're not saved, Mika-chan! I'm only saying that if Seiji is the most important person in your life then that makes you a hypocrite!" Anri said.

"How? How does that make me a hypocrite?" Mika hissed at the spectacled girl.

"Because you always say Jesus is the most important! Yet you just said Seiji was! It can't be both!"

"I never said he was more important than Jesus! Just because you're jealous of my being saved-"

"I'm not jealous of you at all!" Anri shouted.

The rest of the group watched in silence. Anri had never behaved like this before. Only Roppi knew of her troubles, and he wasn't about to tell on her.

"Please, you reek of jealousy. Because you're uglier." Seiji laughed harshly.

"Yeah! And fatter! Did you guys know that she's gained like 10 pounds since she came here? What a fatty!" Mika jeered.

Anri's eyes widened and she fell silent. She looked at her hands and tried to steady them as the tremors shook them. She stood and slowly made her way out of the room.

Roppi looked after her, and then stood up. Tsuki looked up at him questionably and rose with him. They followed her.

"Anri! Anri, wait!' Roppi called after her. She stopped and turned, her face streaked with tears.

"W-What?" she whined.

"Those two are idiots. You look fine. Better than fine. Just calm down..." The raven tried. She shook her head.

"I'm tired of this place. I'm getting out."

"H-How? You're locked in..." Tsuki whimpered, sinking into his scarf.

"Somehow...I'll talk to someone...Maybe I can get transferred..." she said, turning around again. "Thank you both..."

They watched her leave.

"D-Do you think we should go back to group?" Tsuki asked him then.

"No. Let's go to our room. I want to read a little before dinner." Roppi replied, taking the blonde's hand.

In their room, Tsuki pushed their beds together again. He lay dutifully beside Roppi, nuzzling against him as he read.

"D-Do you want me to read too?" The blonde asked.

"You don't have to. Just be quiet and you can stay here with me."

"Um...Can you...read to me?" Tsuki asked hopefully. Roppi looked at him incredulously.

"I-I just like your voice..."

Sighing, Roppi began to read out loud. It was a strange story about Death and the souls he took. Tsuki wasn't really listening to the words, just the voice. He drifted to sleep as the calming tone swept over him.

The raven glanced at the sleeping man and smirked, closing the book. He wasn't really tired himself, but he could enjoy the silence. At least he enjoyed it until a scream shattered the serene peacefulness they had enveloped themselves in.

Tsuki jumped awake, almost falling off the bed in panic as Roppi sat up. They looked at each other before they ran to the door and opened it, revealing a group surrounding the entrance to the bathroom. Mika was on the floor, in hysterics.

"What happened?" Tsuki asked as they made their way into the crowd. The door was opened wide, and inside...

Anri had made a noose with what looked to be bed sheets. She had hung them from the ceiling, attaching them to what seemed to be a hole in the paneling, looping them through to the other side. She was hanging just a little off the ground, lifeless.

Tsuki emitted a small squeak, his red eyes growing immensely large. He toppled over a little, supported by Roppi, whose expression was smooth as always.

He gazed at her large, brown, lifeless eyes. The same as his mothers.


"Yeah, I know, I know. I'll see you tomorrow." he said into his cell phone to his cousin. Izaya was babbling about what they would do for lunch the next day.

Roppi walked into his apartment, looking for his mother. She wasn't on the couch for once. He made his way to the small washroom, opening it and...

She was hanging from the ceiling, her wrists slashed.

She had done it because he hadn't been there to save her.

Somehow, he managed to call the ambulance and Izaya. He didn't remember the conversations. The paramedics worked on her even though it was too late.

Izaya sat beside him and held him gently. Whether or not he truly cared was a mystery, just like the older raven himself. But he still stayed there. To Roppi, it had meant a lot.

She hadn't left a note or anything. The doctor told them later that her body was full of various drugs that can often cause delusions. Meth was the top of the list. She had probably thought Roppi left her again.

She died because of him.

Now, faced with Anri's lifeless stare, he felt everything come rushing back. She had confided in him. She had trusted him with her problems…

There was a little note on the floor under her body. As the doctor's rushed over to push the patients out of the way, Roppi caught a small glimpse of what it said.

"Found a way out."

She had died because of him…Just like his mother…

[With your halo slipping down, your halo slipping down, your halo slipping down, to choke you now.]


Sachi: Ah, I get to the drama in this story right at the climax of my other story, so I'm going through sadness overload! I guess it's a good way to vent…Maybe I should have warned about character death?

Roppi: Can Seiji die?

Sachi: Dear Roppi-Toppy, I'm not telling~!

Tsuki: This is too sad…Can I be in a story full of happiness for once?

Sachi: I gave you happiness in my one-shot. You'll be strong! Anyway, review for they make me happier than a cat in an abandoned sushi shop.

Roppi: *hits self*