AN: The note below doesn't really concern updates for Anchor, as the fic is already complete, but I'm posting it anyway.
For those who possibly have ALL of my fics on their alerts, you'll probably see this message a few times. I apologize. Any important updates related to the fic will be up top.
So, I've been silent for a little bit. There's a reason for this. I've been trying to get my novels published and finally, after a lot of hard work, networking, and what have you, I've accomplished my lifelong dream.
I am now an author with Silver Publishing. My novel, Destined was accepted. There are no words to express how I feel about this beyond "Excited as fucking hell." There will be more on my profile, for those interested, but the bottom line is that fanfiction will be taking a back seat for a bit while I go through editing. I have a lot of work ahead of me. I am not giving up on fanfiction. But it doesn't pay the bills, and it certainly isn't mine, unlike my own works. Just expect really, really, really slow updates.
I hope you guys who love my fanfiction will give my novel a try and thank you all so much for your patience so far. I appreciate it.
xxxxx
11
"Are you…sure you're alright with this?" Neji asked, frowning slightly at how tense his lover was.
Perhaps I…should have cancelled, the Hyuuga thought, concerned. Emotionally, the Uchiha had gone through a lot in the past almost six months; a good bit of it still hadn't been resolved. He was highly uncomfortable around others and while everyone at the picnic knew of his situation there was the fact that he did not know many of the people who were going to be there personally…but they definitely knew him. Neji was sure that no one would really approach Uchiha directly but…
"Oh! Over here you three!" Turning, his pale gaze settled on Kurenai who was at the tables, smiling warmly at them. Beside her was Akio, her ten year old son. The moment those big crimson eyes settled on Kira his face lit up and then he burst into a run, quickly covering ground. The young Uchiha blinked curiously and then smiled when she felt her friend's hands take hers in a tight grip.
"I'm so glad you're here Kira-chan." And indeed he looked quite happy. Neji had to raise an eyebrow at the boy. He was blushing horribly as he kept nervously looking down at their joined hands. Kira, of course, was absolutely oblivious to all of this although if she could have seen his face the Hyuuga was sure she'd be just as red. The two children had crushes on each other and he was only glad that Sasuke was too tense to really focus on it – he'd probably pull the boy to the side and that'd just be ugly.
"Akio-kun…" the young girl looked down, a little smile on her lips. "It's…good to see you."
She was adorably shy, and when he placed a hand lightly on her back, her smile widened just a bit. Kira wasn't his daughter but she was quickly becoming someone very important to him.
"Hey, hey!" The young boy tugged at her hands. "There's some really cool things I wanna show you…" Pausing, he looked up at Sasuke who was giving the boy a bland look. "Um…i-is it okay with you Uchiha-san…?"
Dark eyes drifted over to the small girl whose face had become carefully blank, not wanting her father to feel obligated to do anything for her. When the Hyuuga moved so that he was almost leaning on the Uchiha her father sighed before giving Akio a look.
"Don't let anything happen to my daughter," he said sternly and the boy nodded gravely, making him look slightly comical.
"I won't Uchiha-san, I promise. We won't go far so…"
His daughter tilted her head in his direction, her expression slightly worried. "Papa?" There was a small giggle when he placed his hand on top of her head.
"Go have fun," Sasuke told her and she flashed him a small but bright smile before being – surprisingly enough considering how eager he seemed – gently pulled by Akio off towards whatever it was he wanted to show her. He truly was very gentle with the blind girl and he held a solid grip on her hand. As Neji watched blandly as the children walked away he felt warmth at his back. Turning slightly, he took in his lover.
He was definitely stressed and unhappy but the Uchiha would do anything to see his little girl smile, even if it made him extremely uncomfortable. At least he was trying. That was a start.
"She needs friends," Kira's father said but he still looked uncomfortable. "I don't want to…"
"Hey you two," Kurenai approached them finally, gently taking Neji's small contribution of food. The Hyuuga noted the complete surprise on his lover's face when she smiled warmly at him. "Thank you for bringing Kira. She's all Akio's been talking about today. She's a wonderful girl and Akio doesn't have many friends, so thank you for allowing them to play together."
With Sasuke rendered speechless, Neji took his lover's hand and looked at Hinata's old sensei. "Kira also likes spending time with Akio. She doesn't have any friends at the moment. He's grown up well."
After she chatted with them for a minute more Neji turned, his free hand brushing along his lover's jaw. Said lover was frowning and still looked uncomfortable but smiled thinly at him. "Sorry."
Uncaring of how they probably looked to the others he pulled Sasuke closer, their bodies pressing together lightly as he faced the younger male. White eyes looked at him with concern. "Don't be. I should have made sure you remembered before today." Neji's back was now turned towards the group off in the distance, tilting his head so that their conversation would have some semblance of privacy. "I know how much crowds bother you…" They bothered him a lot. Ever since that day where Uchiha had walked through the marketplace and had dealt with the open hatred and hostility of the villagers, crowds became a very huge problem for him. The fallen avenger would become highly nervous and paranoid, feeling as if he were being talked about or was the center of the wrong kind of attention. If it had made him claustrophobic Neji wouldn't be surprised. His grip on Sasuke's hand tightened and he felt frustrated. It was going to take a very long time for the amnesiac to actually adjust to life in the village now because of all of the crap he had been subjected to when he had barely lived two weeks of his new life. Had they not gotten together the Uchiha more than likely would not have ventured out of his comfort zone as soon as he had.
"I'll be alright." Secretly he was glad when the short haired male leaned against him slightly. He wanted Sasuke to feel as if he could lean on him for support. "It helps to have you here." His gaze shifted at that admission and Neji smiled slightly. He stiffened slightly when the older male tilted his head and kissed him but it was only for a moment.
What was it about this man that made Neji feel so intensely? Was it because it was so painfully obvious that Sasuke needed someone? Was it because for the first time in his life he felt not only needed but wanted? He wanted to not only be there but in a way he also felt himself wanting to protect his lover. A lot of idiocy had almost destroyed any positive traits that could have developed for Sasuke and that didn't sit well with him. Never had he thought that he would feel so strongly for someone like he did the amnesiac. At first it had been a little frightening but now, after living with him for two months it was...right. Perfect. Normal.
The Hyuuga felt a familiar presence but did not turn towards the figure walking over to them. "Neji?" The voice was female and sounded very confused. "Is that…um, is that you?"
A small smile emerged. He could only imagine how the situation must look to her considering the fact that only a handful of people actually knew about his relationship with Sasuke. Turning, his face was a blank mask but he did not move away nor did he let go of his lover's hand. "Tenten," he greeted, the smile widening when she was unable to hide her obvious shock at the couple. Neji tightened his grip on Sasuke's hand, knowing the other was probably feeling extremely comfortable. "I see you've returned from your mission. How did it go?"
"Uh…yeah. It went fine." Still confused she gave Sasuke a small but nervous smile before giving Neji a look that clearly showed she had no idea what the hell he was doing or thinking. The Hyuuga remained unrepentant. "Shikamaru is leaving in another day or so. It's been a little hectic."
"I am sorry to hear that," he said genuinely. The two hadn't been married long but a lot of the missions that had been popping up had needed individuals with their skills, so they were out often. He turned to Sasuke. "This is Nara Tenten; she is my old teammate. You have seen a picture of her with Lee and Gai, but she was much younger there."
Recognition flickered. "Oh." Uchiha looked confused and then thoughtful for a second. "You're right."
This made the woman laugh.
"If it's the picture I think it is – Neji I don't know why you keep that damn thing – then you probably didn't realize it was me because those two are very good at stealing the limelight with their eccentric tendencies."
A small smile emerged. "You're right," he agreed and after a few more words were exchanged the two were alone again.
"Come, Hinata-sama has saved a spot for us." Neji moved to walk over but saw the strange look on his boyfriend's face. "Something wrong? You look upset."
"Why do people keep looking at us like we're some sort of mystery?"
Blinking, pale silver looked around and indeed Sasuke was correct. They were being discreet about it but a few individuals – some of them naturally nosey – were looking at the two of them with obvious surprise and confusion. He thought this was amusing but the Uchiha looked tense and uncomfortable.
"Are they looking at us like that because I'm with you?"
The smile faded for a moment. It was so easy to forget that this person had a rather dark past; the two personalities were so different. The smile reemerged, however, and he tugged on the other man, walking over to where his cousin sat. "That might be a part of it but mostly it's the other way around. We would be getting these looks even if it wasn't you by my side."
This of course confused his lover. "What do you mean?"
"I mean," Neji stopped and looked at him again. "I am almost twenty-seven years old and you are the first person I have been in a relationship with. They are surprised that I am with someone because I have never shown an interest in relationships before."
Sasuke just stared at him. Putting it out like that, in retrospect, made Neji pause inwardly. He had been fine with casual flings every once in a while because of his position and because he hadn't wanted to be tied down. A real relationship hadn't been of any interest to him because he had held no intentions of even entertaining the thought of leaving ANBU for someone.
But wasn't that what he was doing now? He was in a relationship; one he had known would be very serious if pursued. Although Sasuke did not yet know of it, Neji had gone to Hinata, conflicted as to whether or not he wanted to remain in ANBU. He had, for the first time, seriously considered leaving. He still was. He wanted to become a solid part of his lover's life, including being around for Kira.
Have I been deluding myself about the severity of my relationship and feelings? Not even a few hours ago he had told himself that he didn't want to claim to be in love because the relationship was so new and people tended to jump head first into things. But Neji wasn't twenty, he was twenty-six and had held no prior relationships and hadn't been interested in starting one. Everything involving Sasuke brought so much emotion and feelings that he had never entertained or felt for anyone else. Considering the type of person he was, Neji could not dismiss the significance of his actions. Even now, at this picnic, all he wanted to do was get his lover alone and away from the others, to give him support and…
Am I…truly in love with him?
Eventually the Uchiha looked away, embarrassed and unsure of how to respond to Neji's confession. Slightly confused and conflicted himself the Hyuuga continued on and Sasuke fell into step beside him, both men quiet.
What do I want from this relationship? How far do I truly wish for it to go?
When the first thing that popped into his mind was 'as far as it can go,' he knew he could no longer dismiss what was obviously there.
"Neji-niisan." Hinata stood and smiled at them as they approached, taking her cousin's free hand. She looked at Sasuke. "Thank you for coming, Uchiha-san," she said politely. "Niisan said that you're not very comfortable around crowds so we're separated from the group a bit. I hope that's alright with you."
She was right. Looking around, Neji noticed that they were in a position where not only were they a bit off from the rest but they could see everyone in the vicinity. Trust his cousin to do everything in her power to make the people around her more comfortable.
Since Sasuke did know and like Hinata his smile was a bit more genuine as the couple sat down with her. It was still cool although it was spring, and the field where they were having this get-together was beautiful. Most of the rookie nine was there and the Hokage had just arrived with an absurdly large stereo system that was being pulled along by a few unfortunate chunnin. Most of the crowd was also watching as Naruto set everything up and Neji found himself sighing, a hand moving over his face.
"He's going to try and destroy our eardrums, I just know he is." He shook his head. "Hinata-sama, tell me that blonde idiot does not have a microphone on him. I will quite possibly kill him if he does."
His lover chuckled, leaning against him and Hinata was also giggling. "No, I don't think he does, Neji-niisan. I don't think Sakura-san would let him go that far."
"Was he always this eccentric?" the Uchiha asked. "I mean, the guy is loud in every way imaginable, clothes, voice…"
"Yes, yes he most certainly was." He smiled at Sasuke. "Hinata-sama here had the largest crush imaginable on him for years. I am still trying to determine whether or not it was temporary insanity or…"
"Niisan!" Her cheeks were bright red and she looked slightly pouty. "Please don't say that. Naruto-kun really is a wonderful person."
"Of course he is, Hinata-sama. I would not be in ANBU if I did not believe in his ability to protect and care for our village." There was a small pause. "But he's still an idiot."
Giving him a small look Hinata decided that she would converse with Sasuke instead since her cousin was being mean. "Have you and Kira-chan been able to settle into the new house, Sasuke-san?"
There was a small nod. "Yes, thank you for the furniture. Even though Kira can get around pretty well, it's good to know she won't have to worry about bumping against pointed objects."
She shook her head. "You don't need to thank me Sasuke-san. I'm happy I was able to help just a little. Kira is such a sweet girl."
A dark eye trailed over to where his daughter was. Akio was talking a mile a minute and he had yet to let go of her hand. She didn't seem to mind that he was doing all the talking. "Yes, she is."
It was then that Neji's attention was caught at the sight of a tall man with shades walking towards their little group. He was wearing a baggy jacket with the hood down, hands in pockets. Once more Hinata stood, walking over to her friend.
"Shino-kun," she greeted warmly, taking his hands. If he smiled no one saw it, almost his entire face was covered by the flared out neck of his coat. "I'm so glad you were able to make it. I know you had just finished your mission last night."
Adjusting his shades he inclined his head towards the two males before briefly before regarding Hinata. "This event only happens once a year," he explained. "And I missed it last time."
The Hyuuga head giggled, and while the two males behind her had no idea what she thought was so funny, Hinata knew her friend a little better. Shino never liked being left out of things, especially if it involved something interesting. Last year had definitely been…interesting. "Kiba-kun is still out on his mission so it'll be just us, I'm afraid."
"One less loudmouth," was the curt reply and Hinata giggled again. The Aburame once more turned his focus to the two males. "Hyuuga. Uchiha," he greeted. "I have heard of your situation, Uchiha. I wish you luck on starting your new life. In case you were wondering, my name is Aburame Shino, Hinata's old teammate."
"Yeah…" Sasuke gave the man a look. "I'd introduce myself but everyone in the entire village knows me already."
The bug master shrugged. "I did not know Uchiha Sasuke prior to his departure, so any introduction would be a true one." That was all he said on the matter, sitting down beside Hinata and listening quietly as she started a conversation with him.
Neji could tell his lover was confused about the other male but only shook his head when a dark eye looked to him for a silent answer. Shino was Shino, it was better not to try and understand him too deeply.
When the music was finally turned on it was exceedingly loud initially, which hadn't bothered Naruto at all until his wife all but caved his skull in and told him – screamed really – to be considerate of others and turn it down. He did, looking like a kicked puppy the entire time. Of course, Naruto was a huge bright blond-orange source of energy and soon perked himself up. He started trying to drag others out to dance and many of them were rather reluctant until he got them to eventually agree – it was less annoying to just go with whatever the Hokage wanted. As the day went on, food was served and people started becoming slightly intoxicated. Folks were a lot less reluctant and needed little persuasion about dancing. The four off towards the back were perfectly content in just watching thankyouverymuch and had no desire to join in the insanity.
Kira and Akio were off playing, or he was showing her some sort of jutsu, it wasn't quite clear which from the distance they were at. A few people had walked up to the little group to say hello and confirm up close what they were seeing from a distance. Neji was leaning back against Sasuke who had an arm around him and both had stared up at their visitors, their gazes reflecting bored detachment at genuine surprise. The Hyuuga was aware of the fact that Uchiha Sasuke was the last person on earth anyone would have imagined him with – and a few months ago he would have agreed whole heartedly. He wanted Sasuke to feel more comfortable around others and that wasn't going to happen if they tried to hide their feelings – he was paranoid enough as it was. Even if the Uchiha was unable to eventually shake off his fear of crowds, Neji at least wanted him confident enough to not be nervous being seen with his lover romantically.
No one congratulated them on their relationship. They were too stunned by the fact that it had actually happened. Ino, her blunt and open personality making her also somewhat tactless, had predictably freaked out. She had ended up pissing Sasuke off, not because she had said anything about him but the other way around. Apparently, he did not agree with her assessment that Neji appeared to be cold and unfeeling. He had also not been appreciative of the fact that she thought Neji was too much of a stick in the mud to have ever hooked up with anyone. It wasn't as if she was wrong; he did appear to be cold and unfeeling around most individuals. It had also been no secret that he had been very uninterested in any romantic relationship of any sort. Regardless, Uchiha had become so irritated that he had excused himself, standing up and saying that he was going to grab something to drink.
xxxxx
"Whoa!" Yamanaka Ino blinked at the sight before her. Was that really Hyuuga Neji leaning against Uchiha Sasuke? Was that Sasuke with his arm around Neji? "And here I thought I'd seen everything. Ice cold Neji finally hooked up with someone? And Sasuke-kun no less!"
He had wanted to tell the woman to screw off when she had walked over and started talking to them. Sasuke was very upset. Who the hell did she think she was anyway to judge Neji? It was very obvious that she knew little to nothing about him and really he had found her annoying from the very beginning. Of course, the long haired male said nothing. In fact, he had looked amused at the accusations.
Walking towards the tables he tried to force himself to calm down a bit. He hadn't wanted to come to this place at all. Being around people made him very uncomfortable. Every time he was around a group of people it was like before all those months ago when he had heard the whispers. Traitor, murderer. At the time he had been extremely lost and confused about everything but that day he had been sure of one thing; he had no real friends in the village. Oh, the Sasuke before him did, that was obvious, but this Sasuke, the person he was, not so much. Neji always told him that this wasn't the case but it was just too difficult to believe. The trust that could have been there had been destroyed early on. He trusted Neji not to hurt him emotionally. That was it.
That wasn't really the only reason, although it was a large one. Sasuke's dreams weren't getting any better and many of them were beginning to involve Kira. Around two weeks ago the dreams that he had felt had been memories changed. Instead of viewing bits and pieces of his past it was as if he was viewing his future. Dreams of Kira being taken away from him again, of her being killed. Dreams of being captured and tortured. There had even been a dream with Neji and that had…he didn't even want to think about it. The dreams were so real and he had yet to confide in his lover about them, too afraid that they could become real if he even so much as uttered the words. With no knowledge as to whether or not Kabuto was truly dead the threat of Kira being taken away was very real. It left him in a constant state of panic and fear. He tried hard not to show it because even if he was screwed up his daughter was actually beginning to have a normal life, and he didn't want to take that away from her. So he allowed her to go with Neji to play with Akio at Kurenai's, although that was the extent of his comfort concerning it. Akio had asked a few times for Kira to stay the night and he had flat out refused, not wanting to be away from her should something happen.
He'd die before he'd let Kabuto touch his daughter again. He didn't care what he had to do.
At least she was happy at the moment. Akio seemed to really like her which made him a little more trustworthy in Sasuke's eyes. As for the adults…he really wanted to just go home. The entire day they had gotten strange looks and comments just for being together and it had made him very upset and a little stressed. He didn't like being the center of attention and it was irritating that people seemed to think so lowly of Neji and who he was as a person. It shouldn't really bother him, it didn't seem to bother Neji, but it was just…
"I am almost twenty-seven years old and you are the first person I have been in a relationship with."
Stunned was a slight understatement for what he had been feeling at that confession. It made him realize that while he did love Neji he still kept the man at an emotional distance. When the Hyuuga had said that Sasuke had been happy but he had also felt very wary. There was always the irrational fear that if he allowed himself to get too deep that he'd come out damaged, that eventually the two of them would part ways. He wasn't entirely sure why he felt this way because they had been together for months now, and if anything, Neji seemed more attached than distant. Insecurity perhaps?
"Hey! Sasuke!" He had just grabbed a soda when he saw the young Hokage rush over to him, a huge grin on his face. "Hey, it's cool that you came! This picnic thing, we do it once a year y'know? It's good to see ya here."
Smiling thinly the Uchiha gave a small nod. "Yeah. I've been sitting with Neji, his cousin, and Aburame."
The blonde gave him a funny look before chuckling lightly, shaking his head. "Man, can't believe you and Neji…Neji of all people! I'd thought for sure it'd be like, Ino or…"
He was drunk. It had taken Sasuke a moment to realize it but the other male had definitely hit the sake bottle a few times too many. Because of that he tried not to become too irritated. Naruto wasn't a bad guy, just sometimes clueless and eccentric as hell. "I like being with him," was what he eventually said. "He's not what everyone keeps saying he is."
Laughing, he patted Sasuke on the shoulder. "Of course not! Neji's a great guy. Really serious, but awesome. Honestly, I'm kinda glad he finally opened up to someone. He's always been closed off. Not rude, just hard to get close to."
Neji's words replayed in his mind. So was he really the first person the Hyuuga had allowed to become close to him? "He really hasn't been with anyone?"
"Nope! Guy refused to date, said he didn't want it to affect his position in ANBU. Trust me, his old team tried for years. So it's cool that you two like each other. Oh, hey!" A huge sly grin emerged and he latched onto the Uchiha's wrist. "You should dance with us! Maybe Neji'll jump in. Lee says the guy can dance but I totally don't believe him."
Paling, Sasuke tried to pull back, to no avail. The Hokage had a tight grip. "N-Naruto…" He tried to pull back again, his gaze looking over at the group full of people dancing to the music. Some of them saw him and gave him a smile and a wave, as if encouraging him. Instead of encouragement it felt as if he were being mocked and laughed at and his throat began to close up. He couldn't go in there. "I can't dance and I should get back…"
"You just move man, it ain't hard!" He was shouting now as they were close to the speakers. He was practically dragging the brunette at this point. "C'mon Sasuke! You don't have to be shy, no one's gonna care if you can't dance."
As he drew closer to the crowd he felt his heart rate jump and he began to look around frantically. From here he couldn't see the others or Kira, the latter bothering him the most. He didn't want her out of his sight and he could not go in there. "Naruto I can't." If he was heard the blonde didn't take notice. "Naruto!"
He was laughing as they moved into the center, still keeping a hold of Sasuke's wrist. Logically he knew that Naruto was trying to get him to open up and that he thought by being there Sasuke would feel comfortable enough to loosen up. He didn't know about the dreams, about his insecurities, his fears; Sasuke hadn't opened up to him at all emotionally. Naruto stayed close, of course, looking like a right idiot in his pitiful attempt at dancing but at that point Uchiha had stopped paying attention.
Voices, noises, people, everywhere. There was laughter, people smiling at him. All of it seemed fake to him. Everything was closing in and he could hear the whispers, could see the underlying fear in their eyes as they tried to pretend they weren't around a traitor and a murderer. They were laughing at him, laughing at the fact that he was nothing more than a confused amnesiac, pitiable, pathetic…
Darkness began to drift along the edges of his vision. His throat closed completely and he was having a hard time breathing. They kept drifting closer, touching him, mocking him, hating him. Where was Kira? He couldn't see her, was she safe? Were these people trying to separate them? Panic began to consume him and he felt dizzy and ill.
"Sasuke?" Vaguely he heard what sounded to be Naruto's voice but he wasn't sure. They were everywhere, pointing, laughing, cursing him…
Something gripped his wrist and he found himself being pulled hard out of the crowd. He was shaking and on the cusp of hyperventilating. It was as if his lungs couldn't get enough air and his throat was closed shut. His vision was blurry and he could still hear the laughter, could still feel them all trying to close in on him. He could still feel their steely, unforgiving gazes on him, judging him. Everything was blurring in together but whatever was gripping his wrist didn't feel bad and it didn't hurt.
"Kurenai, watch Kira." The command was sharp and the voice was familiar. It was Neji. "I'll be right back."
More murmurs but he couldn't discern them. It seemed that Neji's voice was the only one that stood out in his mind. He wanted him. They were all around, a sea of chaos, and he needed the Hyuuga. He needed his anchor. It didn't matter anymore the how and why or if any of it was even real, he just needed him.
After that command Sasuke's mind slipped away from reality.
