He hadn't wanted to do this, he thought as he felt Johnny release his wrists and slip his arms around his neck. He opens his mouth and allows Johnny's tongue to explore, gently flicking his tongue. He reaches up to caress the strong shoulders, leaning his head back, yielding, yielding. He hadn't wanted to. He wanted to keep the image of Ali in front of his eyes, her pretty sun streaked blond hair and blue/green eyes, freckled nose, pink lips, the softness of her skin. Johnny's cheek is rough, he can feel it against his own.

He hadn't wanted to make those gasps and little moans as Johnny touches him, and he knows he is free to go, but he doesn't go. He doesn't like that he likes this, and he trails his fingers down Johnny's shoulders and back and he can smell the sharp cologne, so different from the soft lilac apple flower smell of Ali.

They are alone. The darkness envelopes them, protects them. With Ali he needs no such protection. He can walk anywhere and hold her hand, lean down and kiss her cheek. With Johnny it's different.

His gentle kisses are becoming more insistent, hungry. Daniel catches his breath. Breathes his name, "Johnny…" He doesn't know if he wants to ask a question, if he wants to know what's going on. Doesn't he know?

"Why are you doing this?" Daniel says between kisses, his voice soft, all anger drained away.

Johnny's eyes are closed, half closed, just a crescent of blue visible beneath the dark blond lashes. Daniel waits, feels his body press against him, feels the rough plaster wall at his back, feels the humidity in the air. The air feels soft and warm and smells like flowers and plants he's never heard of. The air isn't like this in New Jersey. It is filled with smog there, and smells like the highway, car exhaust, turn pikes.

"I like you," Johnny says, his voice just a ghost of a whisper. Daniel's eyes widen and he allows himself to be kissed roughly, allows Johnny's hands to trail down his chest and stomach and waist, to tug on the button of his jeans and to undo it with one practiced twist of his wrist. He exhales between kisses and thinks of when Johnny has hit him, the hard and quick punches to his stomach and his ribs, the kicks to his back and legs, the aching bruises that faded like photographs overexposed. He thought of the times he's kissed him, forced him to kiss him, pinning him roughly to the ground, knees on his chest, hands around his wrists. He thought of that light headed feeling when he thought he couldn't get away, when he knew he couldn't get away and Johnny would do whatever he pleased. Was it like that now? Could he stop him if he wanted to?

So he tests, he stops kissing, pushes him gently away. Johnny opens his eyes and smiles, takes his wrists and traps him against the wall, leans in slow for a kiss, and Daniel tries to get away for real but Johnny is strong, much stronger than he is, and the pressure on his wrists tightens, and Johnny moves closer, his mouth next to Daniel's ear, "you do like this…"

He tightens up on his wrists so much that Daniel can feel the little bones there grinding against each other and he grits his teeth against the pain, and Johnny sees the pain in his eyes and smiles again and whispers to him, "say you like it…" as the pressure on his wrists becomes unbearable and Daniel thinks he might break them so he says it like a good boy, "I like it…" and the pressure eases, his wrists held loosely and lightly, and he's kissed so gently, and he opens his mouth and allows it. Leans his head back again, his stomach twisting with indignation and shame and something else, some form of pleasure he's never experienced until he met Johnny.

"Lay down," Johnny commands, and Daniel watches him with his wide eyes, knowing he can obey or not, but it won't change the fact that he'll end up bending to Johnny's will. His wrists are aching and he knows they'll be red and bruised and swollen tomorrow. He bites his lower lip and takes a few shallow breaths, thinking of running but he'll be caught, maybe hit. Does he care? He takes a step away, as though he were just going to go up to his apartment and forget all this, and he's grabbed around his waist and forced to the ground, forced to lay flat on his back, all of Johnny's weight on his stomach, making it hard to breathe.

Johnny gazes down at him, reaches out to stroke his hair, and Daniel stays perfectly still.

"Why do you make this so difficult?" Johnny says, being careful of Daniel's sore wrists, kissing him on the temple and the lips, sliding his weight off of Daniel's stomach, lower, lower, and Daniel closes his eyes.