A/N: That was the worst case of writers block I've ever had in my life! I swear I literally did this over about ten times. So sorry about the delay. I hope you guys like it.

**************CHAPTER ELEVEN**************

JONDY

"Hey guys, I'm home!" I called down the hallway as I opened the front door.

"MOMMA!" I heard Corey yell from somewhere within the house. A tiny pitter-pattering of feet made its way towards me and seconds later, an almost two year old Corey emerged beside me, proudly holding up a picture he had drawn. "Look!" he cried, waving the picture at me.

I knelt down to look at it. Hmm. Strange looking, colourful blobs of crayon.

Corey stared at me expectantly, eagerly awaiting my verdict. He looked so anxious for my approval that I couldn't help but grin. "It's beautiful." I whispered, pulling the little boy into my arms. And I meant it. It didn't matter that Corey's drawing was an unidentifiable scribble. Too me, it was better than Monet could ever do.

Corey beamed. He knew that my hug meant that I loved his picture. The word 'beautiful' wasn't on his vocabulary list. After all, he was still a baby.

"Where's daddy?" I asked finally.

"Sleep." Corey replied, using his usual one-word sentences.  

"He's sleeping?" I frowned slightly. That was strange. Zane never went to sleep during the day. And more importantly, he never left Corey on his own. I picked Corey up and went to the bedroom to investigate.

"Daddy!" Corey exclaimed, pointing to where Zane was lying on the bed covered with blankets, as if he were introducing me to him for the first time.

I was on the verge of a reply when I took a closer look at Zane's unmoving form. My whole body froze.

He was covered with blood.

It was everywhere. Soaked into the sheets, trickling onto the floor.

My first reaction was to get Corey away from here. He didn't need to see this.

"Corey, sweetheart?" I said slowly, struggling to keep the fear and panic out of my voice. "How about you go and draw another picture? One of you and me and daddy in the park. We can put it on the fridge." I put him on the floor, where he motioned for me to go with him. "Mommy play?" Corey asked hopefully, oblivious to the fact that his daddy was hurt.

I shook my head. "Maybe later. Be a good boy, ok?" I made sure that he was safely in the living room before I rushed over to Zane to see if he was alright.

"Zane! Zane, oh, please be ok." I sat on the bed next to him, my hands shaking as a rolled him over. It took all of my willpower to keep myself from screaming.

He was dead. One look at his blank, staring eyes and the gunshot wound to his head, and I knew. Coldness washed over me as I clamped my hand over my mouth to muffle a sob, and slid to the floor, crying.

"Where's Corey, Jondy?" I heard a voice say behind me.

Zane! I thought, my heart soaring. He's not dead!

But I got up and was sorely disappointed. Ames White stood at the other side of the bed. So he was the one that spoke.

"What are you doing in my house?" I demanded, my voice trembling slightly with grief.

White brought out a gun from his jacket. My gaze focused on the gun, then on my dead husband, then back at the gun. And I put two and two together.

"YOU KILLED HIM!" I screamed, forgetting that I didn't want Corey to know about this. "YOU KILLED ZANE, YOU BASTARD!"

"No, Jondy. Don't blame me for your actions," he replied calmly.

I was taken aback. Did I just hear him correctly? "What the hell are you talking about? I didn't kill him!" I denied angrily.

White ignored me. "The day you slept with me was the day you signed his death sentence. If you hadn't been such a whore, then I wouldn't have had to kill him. Therefore, his death is your fault. You killed him. Got it?" He had the nerve to smile mockingly at me before clicking off the safety on his gun and pointing it at my head.

"Now it's time for me to kill you, and take the kid," he finished off. I just stood there, too shocked and terrified to have the sense to move and get Corey out of the house.

"NO! COREY!" I shrieked just as he pulled the trigger, but the sound of the gun going off drowned out my voice.

I jerked awake suddenly with a loud gasp, shocked by the vividness of the dream. Tears streaked my cheeks. He couldn't really be dead, could he?

"Zane....." I called, my voice trembling slightly. I'd find him. I'd find him, and then I'd know that he was safe and that my dream was just that – merely a dream.

"Zane?!" Louder and more desperate this time. I glanced at the spot on the bed beside me, expecting to find him there, sleeping soundly.

Only it was a single bed.

It occurred to me that I wasn't in the double bed that I usually shared with Zane at all – nor was I in our room. A wave of panic hit me. Where the hell was I?

Just as I was on the brink of hysteria, a warm hand rested against my back. I jumped slightly. I hadn't known that there was someone else in the room with me. Turning my head, I came face to face with a pair of very familiar green eyes.

"Zane!" I cried with a mixture of joy, relief and bewilderment. Staring at him, I reached out to touch his cheek, trying to convince myself that he was really there.

Then I burst into tears, the realization that I may have lost him forever having finally sunken in.

Zane was quick to pull me close and wrap his arms around me protectively. I crawled into his lap and sobbed into his shoulder, letting the tears run freely.

"Shhh, it's alright. You're safe now. It's ok." His words of comfort filled my senses and slowly but surely, the terror and guilt slowly dissipated. When my sobs finally reduced to the odd sniffle every now and then, Zane placed two fingers under my chin and tilted my head up to look at him.

I closed my eyes as he brushed my tears away with his fingertips, savoring his touch. An overwhelming urge to lay in his arms and go to sleep crept over me.

"Are you alright?" he asked softly, after dropping a kiss on my forehead.

I opened my eyes and smiled up at him. "Yeah. I am now."

"You wanna tell me what that was about?" It wasn't a harsh question. He said it gently, letting me know that it was perfectly ok if I declined his offer.

"I had a bad dream, that's all." I laughed lightly, shaking my head. "It sounds so stupid now.

Zane didn't seem to agree with me. "It must have been pretty bad. You were so scared, and upset." He paused and the look on his face told me that he had been truly worried about me. "Was it about Corey?"

The question took me by surprise. I leant back slightly so that I could get a better look at him, but remained close enough so that his arms were still wrapped around me.

"Yes, sort of. How did you know?" I said curiously.

He gave me a strange look. "Well, with everything that's happened in the last few days, I'm not surprised that you're having nightmares about Corey. So how could I not know?"

It was my turn to look at him weirdly. "What are you talking about? What happened in the last few days?" It suddenly struck me that I had no recollection of it whatsoever. "And where are we?" I hadn't had the chance to ask before – it had been the last thing on my mind.

"We're in hospital." Zane said slowly and incredulously. "You mean, you don't remember at all?" Not waiting for an answer, he murmured mostly to himself, "That must have been some head injury."

Meanwhile, my head was spinning. Hospital? Head injury? Ok, so that accounted for the ugly white gown. And the bandage that I suddenly realised was wrapped around my head. I lifted my hand and touched it, a little harder than I intended perhaps, as the sharp pain that pierced through my skull informed me.

I winced slightly and tried to ignore it as I turned to my husband. "Zane, please tell me what's going on."

"I don't think I can......" Zane said uncertainly.

"Please, Zane."

Zane looked at me as if he were about to trek through a river of lava. Then he began to recall the events of the last few days.

That's when I began to regret asking him to talk. One doesn't like to be reminded of what a horrible person they are – especially when you've caused everyone you love to suffer. Memories that I wished would remain forgotten flashed before me.

Zane was getting to the part when Corey got kidnapped, it all became too much.

"STOP!" I yelled suddenly, startling Zane. "I remember now, so just stop it, ok?"

I untangled myself from him and sat at the opposite end of the bed, curling myself up into a ball. I was disgusted at myself. I didn't deserve to be comforted and held by him. If anything, he should've been running as far away from me as humanly possible.

"You should have just left me at the bottom of the Space Needle." I said flatly.

"And why do you say that?" His voice was equally as blunt and unfeeling. He had silently moved to a chair beside the bed, distancing himself from me.

So there it was again. The familiar tension. It seeped into the room, succeeding to push as further apart. Our closeness only a few moments ago was now truly a thing of the past.

"It would have been better for you – and Corey – if you I'd have just died." I replied, meaning every word.

"What kind of person do you think I am, Jondy?" Zane snapped. "Did you think that I was heartless enough to just leave you to die? You obviously don't know me at all."

"Maybe I don't, but you were certainly heartless enough to give our son away to some psycho-path to save your own ass." I shot back.

I felt like scum as soon as the words left my mouth. The statement wasn't entirely true – it hadn't been to save his own ass – but it shut him up. I'd known that he blamed himself one hundred percent for Corey's kidnapping, and it cut him so deeply. I had used that to my advantage, and it made me sick.

When had I become so manipulative? At what point in time had I become so despicable that I'd purposely hurt someone that I loved so much?

I searched Zane's face for some flicker of emotion, but he stared steadfastly out the window.

I honestly couldn't say why I was picking a fight with him. He had done absolutely nothing wrong – and now because of my hateful mouth, I could feel him closing himself off from me. Putting up the walls. Possibly forever.

Perhaps we were too good at concealing our emotions. It was truly a time in our lives when we desperately, desperately, needed each other. For comfort, for strength, or simply for the sole purpose of knowing we weren't in this alone. But instead of growing closer, I found that we were growing apart. Neither of us knew what to say to the other, nor did we know what the other wanted to hear. And we both too damn stubborn to admit it.

What made it all the more worse was that, because of our lack of communication, Corey would be put in even more danger. How could we help him if we couldn't even get along?

"What's happening to us?" I thought out loud. "We never used to fight like this."

"You tell me!" Zane piped up from his seat, exasperated. "You started this!"

"I know." I sighed, rubbing my eyes tiredly. My previous anger had drained away completely, and I suddenly found that I wanted to explain myself. If I didn't make things right with Zane, I'd lose him.

"I'm sorry about what I said before." I began in a small voice. "I don't know what came over me. And I wasn't trying say that you're heartless and that leave me to die. That's not what I meant at all. Things just got a little out of hand, and I shouldn't have let it."

Zane seemed somewhat relieved by my apology and by the fact that I hadn't implied what he thought I did. "What did you mean then?" His tone had lost all harshness.     

"You know that I love you and Corey and that I want you both to be safe. What I meant was, well......" I paused, debating whether I should say what I was about to say next. Then I decided it was for the best. "Maybe it would be better if I weren't around."

"What – what are you saying, Jondy?" Zane asked, puzzled. A look of apprehension clouded his features.

There was no turning back now. "Ever since that thing with Ames White a few years ago, I've constantly been putting you and Corey in danger," I explained. "First when those guys came after us and we had to go on the run, then you got caught by Manticore and now Corey's gone......none of that would have happened if it weren't for me. It's my fault that Corey's been kidnapped. Every bit of pain and suffering you had to endure at Manticore and since you escaped, is entirely my doing." I took in a deep breath and blew it out again, relieved that I'd finally gotten that out in the open. Not that Zane didn't know any of that already – he was just too polite to say anything.

"But I don't blame you for that Jondy......" He still looked adorably confused. I didn't think that he knew what I was getting at.

"You don't have to blame me, Zane. Every time I see you hurting because of me is more than enough blame. It's ten times worse. That's why I want you to promise to take Corey and get as far away from me as you possibly can when we get him back."

No! Stop! Take that back right now! My heart screamed. You'll never find someone like him again!

Don't be stupid, my head snapped back. Tyra was right; you don't deserve someone like him. You owe him this.

Although this would be the most heartbreaking decision I'd ever had to make, I knew which part of me I had to listen to – my head.

"WHAT!? NO!" Zane shot up in his chair, looking well and truly aghast.

"Zane, this is only going to get worse!" I hastily defended my decision before he completely disagreed with me. "Maybe it will be safer for both of you if we went separate ways. I'm the only one who should be dealing with the consequences of my actions, not you."

"But – but – you can't go!" he stammered, trying to find something to say. "What are you going to do? Where are you going to go?"

"Canada? Mexico? SPAIN? I don't know! Just away from you guys, and hopefully White will follow me." Hopefully. I didn't know what else to do if this didn't work.

"What about Corey? You can't leave Corey. You're his mom, he needs you," Zane tried, panic settling into his eyes.

"No, he doesn't. All Corey needs is you." It was true. Zane was such a good father.

"Then what about me? Don't you want to be with me?" he said softly, the same sadness that I was feeling creeping into his eyes.

"Of course I do," I insisted, shocked that he would think otherwise. "Leaving you is the last thing I want to do."

"THEN DON'T!" he burst out, suddenly angry and upset. "I can't believe you're making such a rash decision without even telling me!"

"What do you think I'm doing now?" I exclaimed.

"No, no, no, no. I mean, have you even thought about this? Really, really thought about it?"

I hadn't, actually. I was so bent on trying to ensure that Zane and Corey would be alright that the harsh reality of what I was proposing had not fully sunken in. I was going to leave them. It seemed quite stupid really, getting them both back only to give them away again. Was I capable of doing that? I didn't want to be alone, but Zane and Corey's happiness would be well worth it. Yes, I could do it; even it meant that they'd get on with their live without me – and possibly with someone else.

Tears suddenly stung my eyes at the thought of Corey calling someone else "Mommy", at the thought of Zane looking at another woman the way he used to look at me – and I wondered if, one day, years from now, I'd be a distant and unimportant memory and the very back of their minds.

I quickly blinked away the tears. Ok. Indifference. Detachment. That was the only way I could do this without falling apart.

"There's just got to be another way, Jon." Zane pondered, breaking into my thoughts. "We can lose Ames White, I know we can, we just have to stay on the run that's all –"

"And what kind of life would that be for Corey? The only time that he should be on the run is when he's playing 'Cops and Robbers' in the park with his friends." Why are you fighting me with this Zane? I said to him silently. Don't you know how badly I wish for there to be another way?

"Remember in the hospital when I was about to have Corey?" I reminded him.

He nodded, wondering what I was getting at.

"Remember we promised each other that no matter what, we'd make sure that Corey would have a normal childhood?" I continued.

Silence. Then, "Yes," he whispered.

"No matter what, Zane." I repeated softly, emphasizing my point. Even if it meant being apart.

He nodded again, his eyes so sad that I wanted to pull him into my arms. But I couldn't. I was afraid that once I did, I wouldn't be able to let go. I could feel him giving in; I could feel the fight draining out of him. What I couldn't figure out was why he was fighting at all. After all I'd put him through you'd think that he couldn't wait to get rid of me.

There was a long pause where Zane seemed to be having an internal struggle.

"Would you miss me?" he asked finally. There was no denying the innocent hope in his voice.

Lie to him, I told myself. Say that you won't miss him and maybe he'll let you go. I opened my mouth, but I couldn't say no. I just couldn't. The pain I knew would flash across his face was more than I could bear.

"Yes," I answered truthfully. "But it's going to be ok sweetheart, I promise." Sweetheart. Huh. It was strange how easily that term of endearment came to my lips when I was talking to him.

All of a sudden, Zane said in a small voice, "No it's not." His voice was thick with tears as he stared at his hands, not letting me look at him. "How can it be ok if we're both miserable? Only yesterday I thought you were dead and I was so scared that I'd never see you again and now you're back and I can't lose you. Not again. I don't think I can cope." He finally looked up and I was shocked to find that his eyes were filled with tears. "I know I'm supposed to stay strong but I can't do this alone. I need you. I love you so much and I don't want you to go. Please......I don't know what else to say to make you stay......."

My heart broke. This had to stop. I had to stop hurting him like this. I knew from that moment that if there was anything I could do for Zane to make up for what I'd done, it would be to stay right by his side.

"Oh, Zane." I whispered sympathetically. I'd never seen him so lost and vulnerable. Fuck it, I thought. I couldn't pretend that I didn't care, when I did. How could I possibly leave him after he'd told me that he needed me? How could I deny him the love he deserved?

I reached for him. "Come here."  

Right at that moment Zane's brave composure began to crumble right before my eyes. He stood from his chair and practically collapsed into my arms, burying his head into my chest. I held him as tightly as I could, pouring all my love into him, afraid that if I didn't, the loneliness he had been feeling would destroy him.

Warm tears seeped through the fabric of my hospital gown onto my skin. He's crying, I realised. I'd made him cry, and until now I had never seen him cry before.

"I'm sorry." I breathed, rocking him gently. "I'm so sorry baby." Unable to stop a tear from sliding down my cheek, I found myself crying too. I cried with him and for him, for everything we'd both been through.

Zane climbed onto the bed with me, slipping his arms around my waist and pulling me closer to him. I leant back onto the pillow, bringing him down with me, our arms still wrapped around each other. All he wanted was for me to hold him – I knew that now – and that was the best form of comfort I had to offer him.

Time passed and exhaustion eventually sent Zane to sleep. I ran my fingers through his hair lightly while he slept, just to let him know I was still there. Not long after, I drifted off to sleep as well.   

*******************************************

When I awoke I found my body spooned against his, with Zane keeping one protective arm around me. I took his hand and smiled to myself, realising how much I missed waking up next to him. I was so happy that we had sorted out our issues – I felt as if I had been relieved of an enormous load, and somehow the future seemed so much brighter now that I knew Zane would be here. We'd get Corey back, I knew we would. And we'd do it together. There was no way Ames White was going to take our son away from us.

Carefully I rolled over to face Zane, who was still asleep. With his shoulders tensed and his eyebrows knitted together, he seemed to be in the middle of a bad dream.

I frowned with worry. "Hey, it's just a dream." I soothed him, reaching over to touch his cheek. "It's ok."

Zane sighed in his sleep, his features relaxing at my touch. I sat up and watched him, hoping that he'd sleep peacefully. He needed it more than I did.

"Hey, Jondy," someone said softly from behind me.

I turned around. Max was standing at the doorway. "Hey," I smiled.

"Wow. I can't believe you actually got him to sleep." Max motioned toward Zane. "It's a miracle."

"It wasn't so hard." I grabbed a blanket and draped it over him to keep him warm. It was cold in Seattle. "He's exhausted."

"Well, we tried to get him to sleep, but all he wanted to do was sit with you and wait till you woke up." Max informed me.

That's so sweet of him, I thought. "Stubborn, isn't he." I grinned knowingly.

"Hell yes," she agreed, sitting on the edge of the bed. "So, are you guys ok? I mean......relationship wise?"

She sounded so much like a shrink that I wanted to laugh, but I also wanted to hug her for caring so much. "Yes. We talked about it and it took a while, but everything's ok now."

Max's dark eyes lit up. "Good. Coz I haven't had the chance to see you two act like a real couple, you know?" she shrugged. "Like Krit and Syl. I still can't believe they're together. If they're not ready to kill each other, they can't keep their hands off one another. It's crazy. And that's what I want you guys to do – act all lovey-dovey. I want you to make me sick, ok?"

I giggled. "Yes Mom."

Zane suddenly stirred beside me. I bit my lip and Max clamped her hand over her mouth as we exchanged guilty glances. Sometimes we got a little carried away, not realising how loud we were when we talked. But what else could be expected? After all, we were sisters.

"I better go before I wake Zane up." Max said, a little softer this time. She got up and was about to leave when, to my surprise, she hugged me tightly. "I'm so glad you're ok. You gave us a real scare. I was really upset that we didn't get to spend that much time together.......and Zane – he took it so badly. I'm just so happy that you're back."

"Thanks Maxie." I whispered, hugging her back.

Then she pulled away, her eyes shining with unshed tears – something I didn't see very often – and left. As soon as I lost sight of her, I turned back to Zane to find him gazing up at me sleepily.

My eyes widened. "Oh, I'm so sorry! We woke you up......"

"What a horrible crime you've committed, waking me up like that." Zane murmured, only half awake. "You must be punished."

I laid my head next to his on the pillow and the way he placed his hand on the small of my back and pulled me towards him told me that he wasn't really mad at all.

"Have a bit of mercy on an injured woman," I pleaded playfully.

"Hmmm, well I might consider it. It really depends......." he began, looking down at my mouth.

A grin spread across my face, suspecting what might come next. "Depends on what?"

"On whether or not I get a kiss from you."

"Sounds like a fair deal." I concurred. I loved the way he made me feel so beautiful, even when I was wearing a hideous hospital gown and looked like a walking, talking bruise. Leaning forward, I caressed one side of his face and kissed him long and hard.

I finally pulled back, marveling at how good it felt to kiss him again. He stole another kiss before allowing me to speak.

"Did you like that?" I know I did, I thought to myself.

"Oh yeah," he nodded, now fully awake. "Would love to do that again sometime soon." He paused. "Ok, how about now?"

I laughed. Teasingly I brushed my lips against his, pulling away just as he leaned forward to deepen the kiss. Zane gave me a mock glare. Then realization seemed to strike him.

"Hey....you're still here. Does that mean you're not going?"

"I'm not going anywhere unless you ask me to."

Zane's face broke out into a shy but happy smile, and I was glad to finally make him smile again instead of making him cry. "I'm glad."

"Me too." I replied – and I really was. There was so much I had to say to him; really important things that I never would have had the chance to say if I'd left – including this. "Zane?"

"Yes?"

"I never got to thank you."

Zane propped his head up with his elbow. "Thank me? For what?"

"For what?" I echoed incredulously. "For thousands of things. For saving my life. For still wanting to be with me despite everything I've put you through, and for........for staying with me when I needed you." I finished, remembering how Zane calmed my fears at the bottom of the Space Needle when I had been so frightened of dying alone. "That was more than I was going to do for you." I lowered my gaze.

"Hey," he said softly, stroking my hair. "Jondy. Hey, look at me."

I slowly lifted my eyes to his.

"You're here now. That's all that matters. And I know you'd do all of those things for me in a second," he assured me gently.

I nodded, comforted by his words. But there was something else I needed to say.

"Can you ever forgive me Zane?" I whispered, not sure if I was ready for the answer. "I mean, I know you can't forgive me now, or even next year, but could you? Eventually? I'm not saying that you have to." I added hastily. "I guess I just wanted to say that I'm so, so sorry, I really am -"

Zane silenced me with a kiss. What we were talking about was momentarily forgotten and I was disappointed when it ended so fast.

"I know you're sorry. And of course I forgive you. But I don't blame you for any of this. Honestly. I mean, firstly, you were in heat. Secondly, how were you supposed to know that the one random guy you picked was going to be a freaky breeding cult.........person........thing," he said, struggling with a word to describe Ames White.

I gaped at him. He'd forgiven me? He didn't blame me for any of this? That was so much more than I deserved.

"Zane......." I shook my head, speechless. "You're too good to me, you know that, right?"

He grinned at me.

Suddenly, the shrill sound of a phone ringing cut through the air.

"Where's that coming from?" I sat up and looked around. It sounded very close – right next to me, in fact - but I couldn't see a phone anywhere.

Zane seemed to be frozen in place, a look of dread on his face.

I touched him arm. "Zane? What's wrong?"

Slowly, he put his hand in his jacket and drew out a cell phone, which so happened to be ringing.

"Where'd you get that?" I demanded.

"Ames White. He gave this to me before me and Tyra went to Syl and Krit's house. He said he'd ring me when he found out whether or not I'm........Corey's dad," he replied, oblivious to the ringing.

"Well, pick it up!" I yelped. Ames White? If he didn't tell us were Corey was.......

"Hello?" Zane said into the phone, trying to keep the anxiety out of his voice. I took his hand and squeezed it gently.

"205!" I heard White exclaim as if he were greeting an old friend. "How are we?"

"What do you want?" Zane snapped.

"I have some good news and bad news for you, Zane. The kid's yours, believe it or not -"

Zane's eyes widened. "Did you hear that?" he mouthed at me, visibly overjoyed.

I nodded, my heart almost bursting with excitement. That was fantastic!

But what was the bad news?

"- but unfortunately, you can't have him back."

"WHAT!?" Zane yelled, voicing exactly what I was thinking. The good feelings were now gone.

"You didn't keep your end of the bargain. I specifically told you that I'd give Corey back only if you gave him to me yourself. And from what I recall, you tried to escape with him, didn't you? I had to knock all of you out and send some Familiars to go and get him."

Zane shut his eyes, realising his mistake. "Look, you don't even need Corey. What are you going to do with him? Just give him back to us. Please," he said, trying to negotiate.

"That's right, I don't need Corey. But I do need something else. I'll be willing to give Corey back unharmed, if you get it to me."

Zane and I straightened simultaneously, eager to do anything to get Corey back.

"Well, tell me what it is. I'll do anything."

"I want to swap Corey for Jondy. You give me Jondy, I'll give you Corey."

I was slightly taken aback. Me? What for? But I didn't question it for long. Of course we'd do it. When we said anything, we meant anything.

"No, absolutely not." Zane said immediately. "That's out of the question."

"What are you doing?" I hissed at him. "Tell him yes!"

"No!" Zane cried. "Are you insane?"

"I have to go! This is the only way we're gonna get Corey back-"

"No it's not-"

"So do we have a deal?" White cut in.

It was obvious that Zane wasn't going to give in. So I took things into my own hands.

I snatched the phone away from Zane. "Yes, we have a deal."