Unable To Leave

Sin had completely destroyed Kilika. There were only a few survivors about, crying and devastated by the destruction Sin caused. It was harrowing and sailing towards the town made me feel uneasy, uncomfortable, and like I really shouldn't be there.

The sun was setting by the time we arrived. A bunch of people were standing at the port, waiting for us to get off. Yuna was the first and approached the civilians, bowing in prayer.

"I am the Summoner Yuna. I have come from the Isle of Besaid," The sounds of relief from the people were loud and grateful, some even bursting into tears when the word 'Summoner' was mentioned.

"M'lady Summoner!" A woman cried.

"If there is no other Summoner here, please allow me to perform the Sending," The Sending? I didn't know what that was but it seemed like a good thing from the sounds of gratitude the men and women were giving.

"Oh thank you, we feared our loved ones would be fiends!" The woman wept. The others were just as grateful to Yuna's offer. They ushered her away further into the town while everyone else was getting off.

"Okay boys let's see what we can do to help around town!" Wakka ordered the Aurochs, who nodded and went ahead, looking for people who may have survived and were needing help out of the wreckage. Wakka went with them as Tidus and I still stood on the boat, looking at one another.

"What's a Sending?" He asked.

"I have no idea," I replied. "All I can tell is that it's something they want. I don't want to ask in case... well, it's not really the best time to ask questions, even if we're saying we've been hit by the Toxin."

"Yeah, you're right," Tidus agreed. "We should go see what it is though." I nodded before realising that not everyone was off the boat.

"You go ahead. Lysander's still on board, I'd better get him," I headed down to the cabins and looked for Lysander. He might have been asleep, like he usually was. No, instead he was on the floor, sitting against the wall, looking freaked out until he realised I was there, then he tried to hide his uneasiness.

"Everyone off?" He asked very quickly. This wasn't like him, as far as I could tell in the time I'd known him.

"Yeah. Yuna's went to do a Sending," I said. "I think the boat's going to leave soon to go back to Besaid, we'd better get off."

"Onto a fucking town standing on water?" He said uncomfortably. There was definitely more than a hatred of water going on with him. I should have noticed it earlier. He didn't just hate water; he was terrified of it.

"It'll be fine. Nothing's going to happen," I tried to say, trying to console him. He looked at me with a glare.

"Don't try baby me, Chrisite," He snapped. I blinked a little at his anger, unsure what to say.

"Well fine, go back to Besaid," I snapped back, turning and leaving the ship. Part of me was hoping he'd follow me off and everything would be okay. He was pretty angry and I really didn't want to have a shouting fight, not at a time like this. I decided to go find the Aurochs and try help about town.

"Hey, you okay Christie?" Wakka asked me.

"Yeah, need a hand?"

"Yeah, can you pass over that wood there?" I nodded and started passing the Aurochs boards of wood to help them build bridges to the people who were stranded across town. "How come you're not going to the Sending?"

"I don't really want to," I admitted, trying to find the right words. "I mean, I can't remember what it is because of the Toxin, but part of me is telling me that Sendings made me uncomfortable." It wasn't a total lie. The word 'Sending' made me uneasy and I wanted to avoid them as much as possible. I had never been to a Sending before so why I felt that way confused me.

"It's a funeral for the dead," Wakka said to jog my memory. "Summoners perform a ritual that sends the souls of the departed to the Farplane. When people die, they get angry and refuse to believe their dead. They eventually become so angry at the people still living, they become fiends who attack us if they're not Sent," I nodded at the explanation. The idea of the dead attacking the living was uncomfortable though, like the rest of this situation. "It's okay if you're not comfortable, ya? Not exactly the happiest thing to go to."

I helped the Aurochs out for a couple more hours until everyone had come back, the people kindly offering the Inn that had managed to mostly stay in once piece, with a little rebuilding, for us to stay before we went to the Temple on the mainland. I hadn't seen Lysander since I got off the boat, which had sailed away a long time ago. I worried; I thought he was still on it, sailing back to Besaid. I hadn't known him for long but it was long enough for me to get attached to him. I mean he'd helped me and Tidus out a lot and he helped me fight, I didn't want him to just disappear.

I think this was the first time I really started to think about Zanarkand, about the small things I could remember before then. It always came back in small doses. Little memories coming back to me and making no sense. I couldn't piece them together because they were so scattered. It was too confusing and all I wanted was for things to make sense again. Something kept telling me that, until I knew what was going on and until I could make sense of everything I couldn't leave Spira. I couldn't go back to Zanarkand with Tidus or back to that strange place called Ireland that Grace mentioned. Until I could make sense of everything I was stuck here. I didn't like the idea of that happening. I didn't want to be stuck. I wanted answers and I wouldn't get any sitting about. I had to find them, no matter what.