CHAPTER 11
" Neruda….Neruda…." Arnold mumbled to himself as he scanned through the rows of books that filled the shelves in the library. His study session with Helga has been going on for at least 5 days. Arnold was close to breaking down, with the school's finals coming just before the game, and the longer harder training the coach was giving them.
The library wasn't Arnold's favorite place but for the mean time Arnold was doing what Helga asked him to do study the famous poet, Pablo Neruda. He was getting impatient. He had squeezed his library visit between his dismissal and basketball practice. He glanced at his watch and saw that he had to find the book in 15 minutes. His face lightened up when he saw the book that Helga asked him to read. He went out of the rows of shelves that towered over him and went over a table nearby, to fill up the card at the back of the book. He only had ten minutes left before basketball practice, just as he was about to leave the library. He saw someone that caught his attention.
It was Lila. She was about to leave the library, too. She looked straight into Arnold's eyes when there paths crossed. It was such a brief moment that after that, Lila left the library.
" Lila, wait!" Arnold called out, following Lila. Lila didn't bother to quicken her pace, slow down, or even look back to the yearning voice that was calling after her. After awhile, Arnold caught up to her.
" Umm…hi, Lila." Arnold managed to say.
" Hi, Arnold." Lila said politely.
" What were you doing in the library? Do you always go there?" Arnold asked. At that moment, he had this certain longing to talk to Lila. He had missed talking to her so much, her voice, her playful actions, and her bright eyes. He knew Lila had hurt her so much but he didn't care.
Lila stopped walking and looked into Arnold's eyes. " Arnold, look, I don't think we should be talking to each other anymore. I'm sorry of what happened between us…but it's over okay? I really do love Derek. There never was something between us and if there was it probably didn't last. Helga was right all along. She was the first person who knew of my feelings for Derek. Be a good friend, Arnold and apologize to Helga. She really did love you to the point that she wanted to tell you the truth and free you from the lies that surround you." Lila said and walked towards Derek, who was waiting for her just before the stairs.
" Lila…" Arnold quietly said to himself, as he gazed at the girl that he still loved walk away with his teammate. He couldn't believe that even those words came from the girl that he loved. Why was everybody telling him that Helga loved him? Arnold wondered. He already knew that. Helga told him personally. But was that much that almost everybody had to remind him of it. Why can't they see that honestly…he didn't care… Arnold let out a sigh, trying to release the heavy feeling in his heart, as he trudged towards the gym.
-*-
The training was finally over. It was a good thing Arnold brought his car along. If he had to walk with all his aching muscles towards Helga's house, he'd probably drop dead at her feet. It wasn't along that he was greeted by Helga's mom at the doorstep.
" Hi Arnold. Come in. I just set Helga out for an errand. She'll be back any minute. If you want, you can wait in her room. I believe she's all set for your study session." Miriam greeted as she waved Arnold inside. Arnold smiled and expressed his gratitude as he went up the stairs.
Arnold opened the door and saw that Helga's mom was right. The books to be studied for that night were already on the desk, and in order. Pencils and pens were sharpened and placed neatly in a pencil holder. Papers and notes were stalked on the other side of the table. He decided to explore Helga's room for a bit. He saw how the face of Helga change from a baby, to a nine year old, to a lovely teenage woman.
He noticed a section of Helga's room that he's never seen before. A door, probably to a dressing room, was left ajar. He decided to peer inside it, not noticing a shoebox that was placed near the door. He tripped inside the small closet, revealing to himself a sort of small figure. He tried to find a flashlight as he felt his way inward. He felt was it seemed was a matchbox. He got a matchstick out and lighted a candle that was near him. The light from the candle brightened the small place, revealing what an altar of….himself?! Arnold was so surprised to see himself, made of bubblegum. He suddenly recalled what Helga told him that night. He looked towards his left and saw a box filled with dozens of books.
Are these the poems Helga was telling me about? So…Helga…loves me this much?…I don't believe it… Arnold thought as he opened the book and decided to read one of Helga's poems.
There you go again…
As if I am more invisible than the wind…
Oh, Arnold…with you…
Maybe it is better to be the wind…
Then maybe being it, I could follow you wherever you go
And hug you, as I envelope you while you sleep..
Loving you Arnold… can be so painful
That I am willing to deny myself as a human and be something else
For what am I Arnold…I am nothing to you…
Coz I am what you call…just a friend…
Arnold immediately turned another page, wanting to find out how Helga really felt. Reading that one poem almost felt like it had a world of his own. He slowly turned another page, excited at the same time afraid of what these poems would reveal about Helga's true self.
How I hate you, Arnold!
Can't you see me for what I really am…
Every time I get near you…
I try to shout to you how I really feel…
And for someone reason…no matter how hard I try…
You don't see to hear me…
Indeed, a heart breaking is at it's most painful point
When the very act of breaking cannot be heard
I hope you know how that feels like Arnold…
Because I do, every time you look at her…
Could I really have that impact on, Helga? Arnold thought to himself. It was funny how Helga could express herself in poems better than saying it. As time passed by, he found himself engrossed in those poems. Little by little, he began to understand what lies beneath the fiery angry eyes that always seems to look upon him. Little by little he saw himself relating himself to the poems Helga wrote, as he thought of Lila. He was so immersed in the intensity of each poem, that he didn't notice someone standing behind him.
" WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU'RE DOING?!" an angry voice boomed inside the small room. Arnold spun around and saw the pale and horrified face of Helga, as he realized that he had just been caught.
-*-
" I'm sorry, Helga. I just happened to look around and I stumbled in…and I read one poem…and there…well…I'm sorry…" Arnold explained. Arnold was sitting on the chair near the study table. Helga sat on the bed, looking hard down on the floor. She didn't know how she was suppose to feel. Again, Arnold was beginning to find out things that she didn't want Arnold to exactly know about. She knew that she confessed about the book of poems but she never really wanted Arnold to read them.
She remembered how she felt that moment that he saw Arnold reading those poems. She felt so ashamed and embarrassed. Nobody knew Helga's poetic and mushy side, except Phoebe. With Arnold reading her poems, she felt as if Arnold was knowing her very own secrets. She felt so violated that she didn't know if she was ashamed or mortified. Right now, she knew that she had to end the night. There was no way, she felt comfortable around Arnold.
" Look, Arnold…it happened already…so there's really nothing I can do about it. I'm sure you'll find that anyway, since I'm probably gonna die…" Helga said leaving the last part to herself.
" What?"
" It's okay, Arnold. I mean..really…might as well know the whole story. But really, that was before…okay? I hope you don't go spreading the whole school about my mushy side, ruining my reputation in the process." Helga said.
" No, Helga…I promise." Arnold said. Helga looked into Arnold's eyes. She felt her feelings surge in as she look straight into Arnold's sincere eyes. She immediately looked away, refusing to let her feelings get out of control.
" Thanks, Arnold." Helga said, as she let out a sigh of relief.
" Look, I'm really sorry about what happened….between us…us…I mean…with Derek…and Lila…and you know…those things…I told you that night….you know…" Arnold stammered. Helga looked at Arnold. She knew Arnold was being sincere this time. She smiled to herself knowing that may be back to normal.
Helga immediately shrugged it off, continuing to show of her tough side. " You know what, Arnold really, it's okay. I'm over it already."
Arnold looked up, seeing Helga, smiling meekly. " Really?" Arnold said with skepticism.
" You want my forgiveness or not?" Helga said.
" I do…it's just that…I know I've hurt you and…"
" Really, Arnold. It's okay. Let's not get into the details. Let's just say, that I realize each has it's own side. Both of us are wrong and right at the same time. It's happened already, so there's no use carrying this grudge against you forever, right?" Helga said.
" Right…so friends again?" Arnold said as he held up his hand for a handshake.
Helga knew she was dying inside but refused to acknowledge that feeling for that moment. She let out a sight and nodded. She held out her hand but just as their hands were about to shake, she tricked Arnold as her hand went flying, as it hit his head.
" OUCH! What was that for?" Arnold exclaimed as he rubbed his head.
" Hey dude, we're friends! Don't expect me to hold your hand or anything!" Helga said as she let out a laugh, as she silently told herself, that somehow this was the right thing to do.
" Neruda….Neruda…." Arnold mumbled to himself as he scanned through the rows of books that filled the shelves in the library. His study session with Helga has been going on for at least 5 days. Arnold was close to breaking down, with the school's finals coming just before the game, and the longer harder training the coach was giving them.
The library wasn't Arnold's favorite place but for the mean time Arnold was doing what Helga asked him to do study the famous poet, Pablo Neruda. He was getting impatient. He had squeezed his library visit between his dismissal and basketball practice. He glanced at his watch and saw that he had to find the book in 15 minutes. His face lightened up when he saw the book that Helga asked him to read. He went out of the rows of shelves that towered over him and went over a table nearby, to fill up the card at the back of the book. He only had ten minutes left before basketball practice, just as he was about to leave the library. He saw someone that caught his attention.
It was Lila. She was about to leave the library, too. She looked straight into Arnold's eyes when there paths crossed. It was such a brief moment that after that, Lila left the library.
" Lila, wait!" Arnold called out, following Lila. Lila didn't bother to quicken her pace, slow down, or even look back to the yearning voice that was calling after her. After awhile, Arnold caught up to her.
" Umm…hi, Lila." Arnold managed to say.
" Hi, Arnold." Lila said politely.
" What were you doing in the library? Do you always go there?" Arnold asked. At that moment, he had this certain longing to talk to Lila. He had missed talking to her so much, her voice, her playful actions, and her bright eyes. He knew Lila had hurt her so much but he didn't care.
Lila stopped walking and looked into Arnold's eyes. " Arnold, look, I don't think we should be talking to each other anymore. I'm sorry of what happened between us…but it's over okay? I really do love Derek. There never was something between us and if there was it probably didn't last. Helga was right all along. She was the first person who knew of my feelings for Derek. Be a good friend, Arnold and apologize to Helga. She really did love you to the point that she wanted to tell you the truth and free you from the lies that surround you." Lila said and walked towards Derek, who was waiting for her just before the stairs.
" Lila…" Arnold quietly said to himself, as he gazed at the girl that he still loved walk away with his teammate. He couldn't believe that even those words came from the girl that he loved. Why was everybody telling him that Helga loved him? Arnold wondered. He already knew that. Helga told him personally. But was that much that almost everybody had to remind him of it. Why can't they see that honestly…he didn't care… Arnold let out a sigh, trying to release the heavy feeling in his heart, as he trudged towards the gym.
-*-
The training was finally over. It was a good thing Arnold brought his car along. If he had to walk with all his aching muscles towards Helga's house, he'd probably drop dead at her feet. It wasn't along that he was greeted by Helga's mom at the doorstep.
" Hi Arnold. Come in. I just set Helga out for an errand. She'll be back any minute. If you want, you can wait in her room. I believe she's all set for your study session." Miriam greeted as she waved Arnold inside. Arnold smiled and expressed his gratitude as he went up the stairs.
Arnold opened the door and saw that Helga's mom was right. The books to be studied for that night were already on the desk, and in order. Pencils and pens were sharpened and placed neatly in a pencil holder. Papers and notes were stalked on the other side of the table. He decided to explore Helga's room for a bit. He saw how the face of Helga change from a baby, to a nine year old, to a lovely teenage woman.
He noticed a section of Helga's room that he's never seen before. A door, probably to a dressing room, was left ajar. He decided to peer inside it, not noticing a shoebox that was placed near the door. He tripped inside the small closet, revealing to himself a sort of small figure. He tried to find a flashlight as he felt his way inward. He felt was it seemed was a matchbox. He got a matchstick out and lighted a candle that was near him. The light from the candle brightened the small place, revealing what an altar of….himself?! Arnold was so surprised to see himself, made of bubblegum. He suddenly recalled what Helga told him that night. He looked towards his left and saw a box filled with dozens of books.
Are these the poems Helga was telling me about? So…Helga…loves me this much?…I don't believe it… Arnold thought as he opened the book and decided to read one of Helga's poems.
There you go again…
As if I am more invisible than the wind…
Oh, Arnold…with you…
Maybe it is better to be the wind…
Then maybe being it, I could follow you wherever you go
And hug you, as I envelope you while you sleep..
Loving you Arnold… can be so painful
That I am willing to deny myself as a human and be something else
For what am I Arnold…I am nothing to you…
Coz I am what you call…just a friend…
Arnold immediately turned another page, wanting to find out how Helga really felt. Reading that one poem almost felt like it had a world of his own. He slowly turned another page, excited at the same time afraid of what these poems would reveal about Helga's true self.
How I hate you, Arnold!
Can't you see me for what I really am…
Every time I get near you…
I try to shout to you how I really feel…
And for someone reason…no matter how hard I try…
You don't see to hear me…
Indeed, a heart breaking is at it's most painful point
When the very act of breaking cannot be heard
I hope you know how that feels like Arnold…
Because I do, every time you look at her…
Could I really have that impact on, Helga? Arnold thought to himself. It was funny how Helga could express herself in poems better than saying it. As time passed by, he found himself engrossed in those poems. Little by little, he began to understand what lies beneath the fiery angry eyes that always seems to look upon him. Little by little he saw himself relating himself to the poems Helga wrote, as he thought of Lila. He was so immersed in the intensity of each poem, that he didn't notice someone standing behind him.
" WHAT DO YOU THINK, YOU'RE DOING?!" an angry voice boomed inside the small room. Arnold spun around and saw the pale and horrified face of Helga, as he realized that he had just been caught.
-*-
" I'm sorry, Helga. I just happened to look around and I stumbled in…and I read one poem…and there…well…I'm sorry…" Arnold explained. Arnold was sitting on the chair near the study table. Helga sat on the bed, looking hard down on the floor. She didn't know how she was suppose to feel. Again, Arnold was beginning to find out things that she didn't want Arnold to exactly know about. She knew that she confessed about the book of poems but she never really wanted Arnold to read them.
She remembered how she felt that moment that he saw Arnold reading those poems. She felt so ashamed and embarrassed. Nobody knew Helga's poetic and mushy side, except Phoebe. With Arnold reading her poems, she felt as if Arnold was knowing her very own secrets. She felt so violated that she didn't know if she was ashamed or mortified. Right now, she knew that she had to end the night. There was no way, she felt comfortable around Arnold.
" Look, Arnold…it happened already…so there's really nothing I can do about it. I'm sure you'll find that anyway, since I'm probably gonna die…" Helga said leaving the last part to herself.
" What?"
" It's okay, Arnold. I mean..really…might as well know the whole story. But really, that was before…okay? I hope you don't go spreading the whole school about my mushy side, ruining my reputation in the process." Helga said.
" No, Helga…I promise." Arnold said. Helga looked into Arnold's eyes. She felt her feelings surge in as she look straight into Arnold's sincere eyes. She immediately looked away, refusing to let her feelings get out of control.
" Thanks, Arnold." Helga said, as she let out a sigh of relief.
" Look, I'm really sorry about what happened….between us…us…I mean…with Derek…and Lila…and you know…those things…I told you that night….you know…" Arnold stammered. Helga looked at Arnold. She knew Arnold was being sincere this time. She smiled to herself knowing that may be back to normal.
Helga immediately shrugged it off, continuing to show of her tough side. " You know what, Arnold really, it's okay. I'm over it already."
Arnold looked up, seeing Helga, smiling meekly. " Really?" Arnold said with skepticism.
" You want my forgiveness or not?" Helga said.
" I do…it's just that…I know I've hurt you and…"
" Really, Arnold. It's okay. Let's not get into the details. Let's just say, that I realize each has it's own side. Both of us are wrong and right at the same time. It's happened already, so there's no use carrying this grudge against you forever, right?" Helga said.
" Right…so friends again?" Arnold said as he held up his hand for a handshake.
Helga knew she was dying inside but refused to acknowledge that feeling for that moment. She let out a sight and nodded. She held out her hand but just as their hands were about to shake, she tricked Arnold as her hand went flying, as it hit his head.
" OUCH! What was that for?" Arnold exclaimed as he rubbed his head.
" Hey dude, we're friends! Don't expect me to hold your hand or anything!" Helga said as she let out a laugh, as she silently told herself, that somehow this was the right thing to do.
