She fought back the tears, fought back crying as he penetrated her, fought the desire to make him come too quickly. She had denied him for the past seven months and now on their 16th anniversary and just two days after her 47th birthday, Hannah couldn't keep denying him any longer. The look of hurt, frustration and even anger could be seen on her husband's face as she rejected him at every turn. He had even stopped coming home straight from work and she suspected that he had started visiting the Knocking Shop down in the mining community. This would not have bothered her, if she had thought that this would be something he wanted. He has been lying with a whore every night for almost sixteen years, Hannah had thought just two months prior. So why not lie with one honestly, at least she will do the things that I ... I won't. Not with you. That would make you like them. In their sexual life she had never been on her knees, never let him penetrate her anywhere but vaginally and he never complained. He always seemed content with anything that she gave him … and his willingness to accept her partially in everything, sometimes made her hate him. No, not hate him. She just wanted him to break through her pain, break down her walls. She wanted him to see Marguex, to see that part of her hidden away and bring her to the light … bring her to the light and say that he loved that part of her too.
He was struggling to not ejaculate too quickly. It had been so long that when she had kissed him, really kissed him and guided him to their bed he wanted to please her. He had always felt a capable lover with every woman he'd been with … every woman, except for her. He worshipped his wife ... just the way she would smile made his heart race ... even after all these years when she looked at him and brushed his cheek made him swell with pride that she had picked him. He watched as she walked down the street, saw how people admired her, loved her and it made him tear up. She had taken his last name ... given him a daughter and loved him. And when she wanted, she had a way of heating him up and just a shift in her hip, her hand sliding down his backside, her eyes looking into his, whispers in parle-vous never failed to result in the dreaded premature E. Tonight, he was intent on that not happening. Maybe if he could please her just once. Make her lose control. He wanted to please her, to be in charge this time. So he didn't look into her eyes, he tried humming in his head so that the sound of her voice didn't filter through and her hands, thank the Bacchus were pressed against his chest tonight. So he focused, painfully focused as he moved deep and hard. Tonight, I will satisfy you Hannah. Tonight, I'll be the man that you deserve.
She was trying to not use her tricks on him tonight. She knew how to make a man come quickly, a trick you learn when you spend time servicing them and little Marguex was a bright girl. She could read people and over time this gave her an advantage. She would read the response of the johns as she touched them. She would read them to get control ... Contrary to popular opinion, no man was the same; each required something just a little different if you wanted to control them. She even recognized and encouraged a politician's fetish of arm pits … Once she had encouraged him, all he wanted to do was smell hers while he jacked himself off. Understanding what sexually excited sometimes led her customers away from really touching her, at least down there. Yes, Marguex had been a bright girl. Now, years later she was trying to not make it quick. She was trying to let the man on top of her prolong his pleasure. She had her hands pressed against his chest as he pushed in and out, trying to at least keep some distance from him … no matter how slight. She was not whispering in her native tongue, not moving her hips, not touching him in his weak spots. And now as she had her head turned, fighting back the tears, she thought she heard him humming.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME? THEY HAVE TENTACLES ON THEIR HEAD! AND THEY ARE BLUE! Shepard typed to Ricky on her netbook. She took a drink of her tea and looked over at her model of the Serenity as she waited for his response. Normally they would do a vid-con but with it being so late and her head set torn to bits by her Gordon Setter named Moonie … they were just texting so neither of their parents would hear them chatting.
WHAT? ASARI ARE FRICKIN HOT! AND BRODER SAYS THAT THEY HAVE SEX WITH ANYTHING. ANYTHING!
Shepard laughed when the words popped up. "You frickin' dog," She whispered as she typed back, I DON'T THINK THAT THEY WOULD HAVE SEX WITH YOU RICKSTER. NOTHING WOULD TOUCH YOU! NOT EVEN KAY TRIPINSKI! HA! HA!
Shepard picked up her 13th birthday gift from her dad, a Gibson guitar, smiled and pulled the pick from beneath the strings of the neck, "What's that?" she looked over at her dog, "You say that you want to hear I Wouldn't Treat A Dog (The Way You Treated Me)? Okay." She was strumming when her netbook blipped and Ricky's response popped up, I SAID ANYTHING! THAT MEANS THAT EVEN SOMEONE LIKE ME MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE. HECK, EVEN YOU COULD GET LAID! I CAN JUST SEE YOU WITH A BLUE BABE!
Shepard laughed, shook her head, and typed, NOT IN A MILLION YEARS! YOU ASS! I'LL STICK WITH HUMANS! She strummed a little more as she pushed back on her chair, foot on her desk. Moonie raised his head and barked, causing Shepard to jump up and hold his mouth shut. "Shhhh," she quieted her dog. "Momma can't know you're in the house." Moonie had been another birthday gift just three months prior from her Aunt and her partner of two years, Lisa Hale. Of course, this was only after they had received approval from Hannah. At the birthday party when they had brought the dog over Shepard excitedly promised that she would feed the dog, walk the dog and never let the dog in the house. Her and Pierce had built a really nice dog house next to the garage ... it even looked like the garage but it never used it. Nope. Moonie was either in her room or in the actual garage.
WAIT! WEREN'T YOU THE ONE WHO WAS GOING TO MARRY A KROGAN JUST A FEW YEARS AGO? AND MOVE TO TUCHANKA AS WELL? SO YOU WOULD RATHER BE WITH A BIG REPTILE INSTEAD OF A BLUE SQUID? SIZE DOES MATTER?
Shepard read the response as she held Moonie and laughed. She kissed her dog, told him to pipe down, picked her guitar back up and then resting against it began typing back; I WAS JUST A DUMB KID THEN! AND IT WASN'T JUST ANY KROGAN. IT WAS BEAST! HE DOESN'T REALLY COUNT. AND YOU ARE REALLY GROWING UP INTO A PERV.
RIGHT. I'M THE PERV? CAN I BE YOUR BEST MAN? HUH, KROGAN LOVER!
The clock on her netbook read 12:02 and Shepard realized that she was hungry. FINE. YOU CAN BE MY BEST MAN. SQUID LOVER! BE BACK – RAIDING FRIDGE.
GOOD IDEA! WE HAVE SPAGHETTI IN THE FRIDGE. YOU?
MOMMA'S ROASTED CHICKEN. YUM!
Shepard put her Gibson on the bed, slowly opened her bedroom door, peeked out and then carefully headed for the kitchen, leaving her dog to stand watch on the bed.
She thought that she heard her parent's bed creak, smirked and tip-toed faster to the kitchen. She hoped that her parents were "celebrating" their anniversary, but she didn't want to hear it. Yuck-L-Frickin-Yuck! She thought. She had caught them once when she was around six. Someone had come to the door and so she had raced into their room to tell them. That was the first time that she had seen a male butt ... eck! She never again went into her parents room until she had knocked LOUDLY and heard a "come in" from them. Nope. Lesson learned.
Hello chicken, Shepard whispered as she pulled the plate of leftovers out. Let's not forget your friends Mr. Cheese and Ms. Tomatoes. Just as she placed them on the kitchen counter she heard a loud crash coming from her parents' room. Lesson learned forgotten at the sound of danger, she grabbed the butcher knife from the block and raced into the bedroom. She found her mother curled up and crying in bed so she rushed to her, layed the knife on the night stand and began cradling her, "Momma, what's wrong?" Her mother clutched on to her as she continued to cry which was scaring Shepard. She had never seen her mother cry ... not once. Well, she had seen her tear up out of pride, cry out of joy but not this ... she had never seen her cry in pain. Just as she stroked her mother's hair she heard movement coming from her parents' bathroom and as she continued to hold her mother, she grabbed the knife again. She pointed it towards the door without realizing what she was doing, only that she needed to protect her mother.
Hannah looked up, saw her daughter holding the knife towards the bathroom door ... pointing it where her husband was and pushed her daughter away. Shepard caught off guard, fell off the bed and Hannah yelled at her to get out of her room. Shepard struggled to her feet, confused and tried to touch her mother. "Elizabeth, get out of this room now!" She repeated, as she pulled the covers over her bare body.
Pierce opened the bathroom door, jeans barely pulled up, grabbed his boots and mumbled "I'm going out." As he headed for the front door Hannah, seeing the pain in her husband's face, curled up on the bed out of shame at what she had done. Shepard looked at her mother and knew that if her dad left, their life would forever be changed. That he wouldn't come back. That her mother would not be the same. That none of them would. So she told her momma that everything would be alright, that she would fix this as she dropped the knife and chased after her father.
The jeep jerked to life just as Shepard jumped in front of it, arms out … "Daddy!"
Pierce yelled at his daughter to go back in the house, "Eli! Go back in now!" He did not want her to see him this way and he really wanted a drink. He needed to clear his head ... he needed to get as far away from Hannah as he could.
Shepard refused to move, "Not until you tell me what you did to momma!"
Pierce looked at his kid, standing firm in front of his jeep and wished he knew. He had been trying to please her and then she started pushing him away, "Stop. Please." He thought that if he slowed down it might make her change her mind, but then he heard her crying as she continued to plead that he stop. Stop touching her. Stop loving her. He had quickly pulled out, but kept his body against her as he tried to comfort her. He had asked what was wrong but she wouldn't answer. She would only say "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Instead of just holding her ... calming her, hell he was hurt. So he had pushed her to tell him "what the fuck is wrong?" ... his frustration moving towards anger.
She could feel him holding her tighter, pressing against her, his jaw locked in anger and so she had found herself getting angry, seeing him as one of the soiled men of long ago and she cried against him, "I can't stand you touching me! Being on top of me! It sickens me!"
Those words stung him! He had moved quickly from her, grabbed his jeans and went into the bathroom. As he put on his jeans he saw his reflection. You're 45 fuckin' years old! A fuckin' grown man and you can't please her. Still! She doesn't love you! Fuck! You sicken her! You sic- Tears began to burn down his cheeks and he picked up his bottle of aftershave cologne and threw it at his reflection … His face shattering into a thousand pieces. Fuck this! Fuck all of this! I can find a woman who will want me! Any woman at the pub would say yes ... fuck this life!
Hannah had tried to please him, but the pain was burying her. She had found the tears too strong, too heavy to keep inside and as they escaped she begged him to stop. When he wouldn't stop, when he kept stabbing her between the legs she cried out. "Stop! Please!" Then when he wouldn't just stop and give her space, but kept trying to get her to tell him what was wrong … she had struck out! She knew how to hurt him; she knew not only how to please a man but how to break a man. Telling him that she couldn't stand his touch … That he sickened her! She knew that she might as well have put a knife into his heart.
Then when she saw her daughter standing there with a knife … the memories flooded back. She was the same age as her mother when she … when she had killed her. She had driven a knife over and over into that body that was a haven to a cold, black, corrupted heart. That body that had carried her ... gave birth to her. She had remembered the look of surprise that had replaced her mother's sneer in that moment. How many times she had brought that knife down before the blade broke she couldn't say. Her own heart froze up at the sight of her daughter holding a knife, ready to use it. She had wanted to shake her daughter. You will never be like me! You will never be like her! You will never have blood on your hands! Never!
As she lay in the empty room she heard her mother, Poor, poor Marguex. I always said that you were a bright girl. You always knew how to manipulate when you wanted something. But tonight ... Hannah saw the knife on the floor, You thought that I was dead … Dead and buried. But I live just as sure as you still spread your legs. She heard her mother laugh. Yes, my pigeon … I live on in your daughter ... my granddaughter. We both do! "She's not like us!" Hannah fought. Oh, but she is. She has my anger and your ability to kill … n'est-ce pas? Hannah sat up, placing her hands over her ears. Even in hell I hear things … her fights, her temper tantrums. And tonight … she would have killed her own father. She would have killed him for you. Hannah, no Marguex tried to block out the sound of her mother. Still her spirit continued, You saw the look in her face. You should know it. You were … what? Only three years older than her and I was your age exactly when you sent me to hell … isn't that right? You were drenched in my blood ... drenched and laughing! Do you remember how you swore at me and laughed? And now you are a pastor! People see you as a ... a saint? Qui est inestimable! Hannah could hear her mother laugh, that bitter laugh! As she had killed her she had thought it was her mother laughing that bitter ... that bit- but no. It was her laughing as her mother as she tore into her. Just three more years and she will show her true side! Not even your empty god can stop her anger from taking over or keep her from killing! And she will kill. There is nothing you can do, my petit pigeon. Hannah crawled out of bed and as she pulled on her robe whispered, "My daughter, my Whisper, is not like us. She is a good person, a loving person … she is Pierce's daughter. She has his blood to wash ours away. She is a Shepard not a Levasseur."
Pierce was still sitting in his jeep, demanding that his daughter go back in the house. But Shepard continued to stand in front of him. She didn't understand what was happening but she knew that she could not let him leave. "Daddy! Please don't leave. I need you here ... Momma needs you."
Pierce hung his head as he turned the jeep off and Shepard ran over to him, jumping up on the jeep just in case he tried to trick her. If only she did need him ... want him, he thought as his shoulders dropped. If only she loved me half as much ... hell, even a quarter as much as I do her. He looked up at his kid, their kid and he swallowed hard before he croaked out, "It's okay Eli. Everything will be okay ... I promise." As he looked at his daughter he saw her ... his wife peeking out in her. The kid was already beautiful and he knew that if she continued to look more and more like the preacher ... she would need him to sit on the porch with a shotgun. She would need protection.
"Daddy, I'll be better," his mini-Hannah said, "I can help ... I'll be good and make momma happier." He saw the fear, the desperation in his daughter's face and he began to cry. Shit Pierce! You can't let her see you like this! Shepard put her arms around her father, "I can make it better, daddy. I promise!"
Hannah came outside and saw her husband and daughter holding each other. She saw the only two people in her life that had ever really mattered, that she knew she couldn't breathe without and she was hurting them. Betraying them by letting her past demons control her and invade their home. She stepped down from the porch, feeling the wet grass on her bare feet and the mist in the night air on her face. Please Lord, help me be a better wife and mother. I can't hurt my two gifts from you like this, Hannah prayed as she slowly walked over to her loves.
Shepard looked up and saw her mother coming around the jeep and she began to cry. "Momma!"
"Shhh, my Whisper," Hannah said more huskily as she fought back tears ... and she kissed her daughter on the forehead, "Everything will be okay, I promise."
Pierce looked at Hannah as she put her hand on his cheek, "I am so sorry, Pierce. You must know that I love you. That you and Elizabeth are the best things in my life. That I can't live without either of you. Please forgive me for those false and unkind words ... please." Pierce grabbed his wife and as they held each other and cried, Shepard took the key to the jeep and left her parents.
HEY? SO DID YOU CHECK THAT ASARI SITE OUT YET?
HEY?
HELLO?
WHERE THE FRICK ARE YOU?
OK, STOP LOOKING AT THE SITE. OR ARE YOU LOOKING AT KROGANS? HA! HA!
FINE! IGNORE ME. I'LL CHAT WITH YOU TOMORROW ANTI-SOCIAL GIRL! REMEMBER THAT TOMORROW WE LEARN HOW TO PLAY SKYBALL. I STILL DON"T KNOW WHY SINCE THE ASARI OWN THAT GAME.
Shepard saw the messages from Ricky blinking on her screen and shook her head. Never one to share her fears she typed. YOU WERE RIGHT. I WAS LOOKING AT HOT WICKED NAKED ASARI. WHO NEEDS HUMAN MALES WITH BLUE ALIENS WAITING OUT THERE? WHERE CAN I PICK ONE UP? I'M SURE MY PARENTS WOULD LOVE ME BRINGING ONE HOME. NOT! SKYBALL WILL BE OURS ONE DAY! I'LL BEAT THE GOOBERS OUT OF AN ASARI AT THAT GAME ONE DAY! MARK MY WORDS! IT DOESN'T LOOK THAT FRICKEN' HARD!
Shepard turned off her netbook and desk light, turned on her KonStellation Light then pushed her dog over and crawled into bed. Moonie put his head on her legs as she looked at the planets and stars floating above her head. As she faded off she was worrying about her parents as she looked at the asari planet Aethoyner.
