21:09
A/N: Ha! How fast was that? And a oneshot in between to boot! I am on FIRE! So thank you oh thank you to you fantastic reviewers for both this and Feisty (which if you haven't read yet, you should- and review too! Yes, I'm shameless). I had a whole bunch of new people and a few regulars. You all rock my socks!
So this one is fairly serious and almost all talk. Not only is it longer than the last one, its also considerably more dense. It might end at a bit of an awkward point, but its not a cliffie, and with any luck, you won't have too long to wait.
Read!
XxxGo!xxX
Now that she was here, Sara's nerves began to creep back up. She crossed her arms over her chest as she followed Catherine into her living room. She took in the other woman's attire. Long-sleeved, white, knit shirt- three buttons. No bra. Sara swallowed and willed her eyes onward. Red flannel pajama pants with a drawstring. Barefoot. Her mouth twitched slightly, looking at the sky blue-painted toes. She hadn't noticed them earlier that evening. Catherine followed her gaze and gave a nervous chuckle.
"Lindsey picked the color. At our last mother/daughter pedicure."
Sara nodded, not sure where to start.
"Would you like some coffee?" Catherine pointed over her shoulder. "I was just about to make a pot anyway."
Sara nodded again. "Sure. You need help?"
"You can come pick your mug."
Catherine turned towards the kitchen, and Sara noticed that there were two rather large pink and white hearts on the rear end of her pajamas. As if she had realized the same thing, Catherine nonchalantly tried to pull her shirt down over her pants as she walked, but it just rose up again as soon as she released it. Sara couldn't help but smirk, amused in spite of herself.
"How'd you get off work so early?" Catherine asked casually as they entered the kitchen, "Still a pretty slow night?"
"Glaciers move faster," Sara said, glad to have this minute of small talk before the 'real' conversation started. She leaned against the counter and watched Catherine go through the motions of preparing the coffee. "I uh, just told Griss I had to take off and he could call me in if he needed me."
Catherine nodded, leaning against the opposite counter as the coffee brewed. "That's what I told him too."
Sara raised her eyebrows. "Before or after you asked him about sexual harassment?"
The older woman dropped her head to her chest. "Tell me he didn't."
"Told the whole team."
Cath shook her head. "That man."
"I think he was just worried about you. What possessed you to ask him that?"
"I wasn't thinking straight." She laughed darkly. "I wasn't doing anything straight."
The brunette frowned. "Does me being a woman really bother you that much?"
Catherine didn't answer right away. Instead she turned to see if the coffee was done. Then she lifted two mugs from the cabinet asking, "Is Charlie Brown okay? I've also got Snoopy and Linus if you want. Lindsey broke Lucy ages ago and I'm always Woodstock."
"Sure. That's fine."
The redhead busied herself, taking the cream from the fridge and then replacing it. "I don't have any Splenda, do you mind real sugar?"
"Just uh," she licked her dry lips, "just not too much."
Finally, Catherine turned to her, gave her a quick smile, and handed off the coffee mug. "Why don't we talk in the living room?" Careful not to overbalance Woodstock, she headed for the sofa and Sara followed.
Taking a seat beside the older woman, Sara sipped her coffee and, finding it a bit too hot for liking, set it down. Catherine did the same. She looked at Sara anxiously, expectantly. Sara nodded, understanding that the other woman didn't know where to start. What she really wanted to know was how Catherine felt about her. Why had she kissed her? Did she care for her? Did she want something more? What was it? But by the expression on her face, Sara doubted Catherine was ready to answer those questions. So she started with something else.
"Tell me about Julie. Tell me why you ran."
The older woman studied her from under knitted brows, biting her lip all the while.
"Nothing we say leaves this room, Catherine. You have my word."
Catherine nodded and exhaled, thinking before she began. "Julie." Her focus drifted into the middle distance as she remembered. "Julie was my best friend. Since forever. I don't even remember when we met. We had always been inseparable. As kids, we liked to do all the same things. Our moms would take us to the town pool in the summers. During the year we went to each other's houses everyday after school. Baked cookies, had slumber parties, just played and played for hours. As we got older, we just…got older. Started to become different people. But we were still best friends. We got into so much trouble," Catherine laughed lightly. "Julie would talk about when we grew up. All the big things we would do. I was always in awe of her bravery. Don't get me wrong, I was brave too, but different. I was sure of myself but never of my future, of my goals. But Julie. She was just so sure, you know? We were going to get out of that town and make something of ourselves, and no matter what, we would always be together." That quieted the older woman for a moment.
Sara wanted to reach out to reassure her, but she didn't know how such a gesture would be received. She settled for taking another sip of her coffee and waiting for the story to continue.
Catherine also stopped to drink. She swallowed hard. She had never admitted this part to anyone. She had talked about Julie with her dancing buddies, but she had always laughed it off. Chocked it up to 'experimenting.' With the woman beside her, however, she knew she'd have to tell the truth.
"I started dating John when I was fourteen. He liked me…that way. He was a good guy and everybody expected me to go out with him. At first, Julie didn't mind being the third wheel, but after a while, it started to bother her. And I wanted to be with her more too, but between school and track and John, there just seemed to be less and less time to be together. Eventually- towards the end of our sophomore year, Julie confessed that she didn't like John, or any of my track friends. She said she was tired of being the weird artsy kid in the group. If I wanted to stay her friend, then we could only see each other away from them." Catherine shook her head. "And I was so headstrong, so stupid. I just cast her aside. I told her that John and the team were my new life and if she didn't understand that then she could just fuck off. And she did. Just left me. Not that I didn't deserve it, but…I don't know. I guess I never really thought she'd do it." Catherine's eyes glazed over and her expression saddened. Sara had the sudden urge to hug her, but once again she resisted. "For the rest of the school year we hardly talked at all. We would pass in the halls. Me surrounded by my new friends, and Julie by herself or a few of the drama/music kids. The looks she would give me. Like I had betrayed her- so angry and so hurt…I felt like the biggest bitch. And the worst part was that I missed her. I missed her so much. I would go out to movies with John or as big group and I would just feel like this shell of a person without her there. Like it was someone else making out in the back of the theatre or smoking outside the convenience store. I hated it."
Sara could see that Catherine's hands were shaking now where they cupped her mug, and her voice had gone tight and watery. Gently, the brunette took the quaking mug and placed it on the table. Then she took the fragile hands in her own and waited. Catherine didn't seem to notice.
"When school let out, it was just parties all the time- bonfires and nights out at the lake. I had a lot of older friends and I was popular by association with John and through my track wins, so I got invited. Julie didn't. Not that she would have gone. She always went her own way." Catherine wiped at her lower lids, trying to prevent the inevitable. "This one night, barely into the summer, I was at a party on the school field. Completely trashed- not unusual by that point. I was just trying to drown her out. Or drown me out. Either way. John and I were getting hot and heavy under the bleachers and it was really late. There was a raid. Somebody who lived close to the school had called the cops on us- disturbing the peace and all that. We all flipped and ran every which way. John and I got separated and I somehow ended up in the faculty parking lot alone." She rolled her teary eyes. "God, I was stupid. There was this guy there. Drew. He had graduated a couple of years ahead of me. He'd been at the party. In those days, if you didn't get married or leave town after high school, or if you didn't work the ranches, there wasn't much to do but hang around and…not change. So he was there, and if he couldn't tell I was three sheets to the wind, then he was even dumber than he looked. I didn't like him. He told me to hide in his truck and I just sort of laughed at him. 'Sure, Sparky. I'll get in your truck.' But I was in no condition to go anywhere else, so I just stood there for a bit. Talking. We smoked and he asked me about school. A lot of kids didn't finish back then. Especially girls. I told him I was going to finish. I wanted to tell him about Julie's plans. About college and then traveling and getting famous. He would have laughed in my face. And besides, Julie hated me."
Sara sipped at her coffee to find it had gone cold while she was listening. Catherine had not looked at her since she began, but their hands were still entwined. Sara had a feeling she knew where this story was headed and her grip tightened on the other woman encouragingly.
"I started to sober up a little. Decided I better get going and look for my friends. Well big surprise, Drew didn't like that idea one bit. He…uh, he slammed me up against his truck. He licked my face and neck. Started telling me it was time I learned what a real man felt like. His hands were all over me. I screamed and he tried to cover my mouth, but he wasn't that sober either. He missed and I bit him as hard as I could on his wrist. Bastard. I could taste his blood on my teeth and feel it on my chin as I ran. It was everywhere. I kicked off my sandals and just ran- really earned my track medals that night." She laughed darkly and Sara closed her eyes against the hollow sound. "I lived way out on the fringe of town. Everywhere was closed. I didn't have money for the payphone. Julie. Julie was the only one I could think to go to. Those other girls, they weren't my real friends- I would have been so embarrassed, and who knows how they would have reacted. And I knew I couldn't go to John. But Julie. I knew she would make everything okay. I ran the whole way to her house- at least two miles, barefoot, and I just about collapsed on her doorstep, sobbing and shaking. I was a real wreck. Her parents were home, but she was the one that answered the door. I hadn't knocked, but she'd somehow known I was out there. I can just imagine how I looked. Covered in his blood, clothes all torn, feet shredded- and wearing John's pin to boot. But she just pulled me up. Shielded me from her parents and took me straight to the bathroom and locked the door. She only asked me one question. No explanation needed, didn't waste breath asking if I was okay. Just one question. Who. Who had done this. I told her.
"She left me there. Got her camera. Came back and…photographed the evidence, basically. Then she undressed me and washed me. It wasn't sexual. I just couldn't do it by myself, I was so out of it. She gave me pajamas- her favorite Pink Floyd t-shirt, I remember. And just put me to bed. She held me all night and took care of me all the next day. She left at one point. To develop her photos and go to the police, I found out later. It was the seventies. Rape charges, even just assault charges…" she shrugged, "It was hard to make them stick. Even with the pictures, he was never convicted. My word against his. But at least the whole town knew what a creep he was. Nobody trusted him after that. I don't know what Julie told my mother, because she didn't come looking for me that day, or the next. The third night…" Here, Catherine paused and her hands began to shake anew. Sara thought she might stop, but she just took a deep breath and pushed on, "We were up late talking under the covers. I had apologized so many times over those last couple days, but she wouldn't even here of it. I guess she got annoyed with me saying it so much because she finally asked me why. Why was I so sorry? And I told her. Because I loved her. And then…I…kissed her." Her voice was faint now, and Sara bent closer to hear. "I don't even know why it even occurred to me to do that. I was a back country kid, a product of my upbringing. I'd never even heard of lesbians. But when I kissed her…it was just…peaceful. And yet exciting and thrilling. And she kissed me back. Didn't hesitate an instant. Didn't question me or anything. Just took me in her arms and…made love to me. And I let her. She made me go weak. I couldn't have fought her if I'd wanted to. But I didn't. I…I never wanted her to stop."
At last Catherine seemed to notice their joined hands, and for the first time since she began talking, she looked Sara in the eye, her tears free falling now. "For the next six weeks, we spent every minute together. I didn't break up with John, but I barely saw him. Julie and I spent all the days laughing and playing like we used to. And every night in each other's arms. It was almost perfect. Almost. But I…I was the problem. As the summer started to wind down, I got more and more nervous. It was one thing to do whatever it was we were doing when we could escape our responsibilities and everyone else. But what about when school started? I had it so good, you know? Most girls would have killed to be where I was. Decent grades, the 'perfect' friends, dating the hottest guy in school. If I gave that up to hang out with Julie, I'd be a social outcast. But I couldn't go back to ignoring her either. I was so confused. And there was Julie. Still with all her plans for us. Telling me we would make it through this and escape some day. But I couldn't see it. My father's- well, the man I thought was my father, his family had lived and died in that town for generations. How could there be a way out for me? I didn't know what to do. And it wasn't like there was a place where we could go and actually be accepted. Not that I knew of. Being with Julie meant a life of hiding and exile. Life without Julie meant staying in Montana. With John and all of the people I grew up with. There was no way out. Accept…to run. So I did. Packed my track bag, stole all the money my parents had in the house, and walked the six miles in the dark to the bus station. Straight to Bozeman and then the Greyhound all the way to Las Vegas. My mother used to talked about it like it was some Mecca. And I thought Uncle Sam might give me a job. Which he did. As a waitress at first. Found me a place to live with some of his girls. After a few weeks I sent a postcard to Julie. It just said…I'm sorry." She had gone back to watching their hands, but as she finished, she looked up once more. Trying to read the face in front of her. She didn't get the chance because an instant later, she was enveloped in a strong, caring embrace.
XxxUntilNextTimexxX
So you're proud of me, right? I mean, all that dialogue in only 10days? Not to mention the comic relief of Feisty. Not bad, eh? And the only way to encourage me to go even faster? REVIEW!
