The Tegan Chronicles 3
Silent Screams 11:
Famous Firehouse Chili
"Thanks for…" Janet opened the door to reveal Colonel O'Neill and Teal'c who looked like a pack mule.
Colonel O'Neill watched her brow crease into a frown. "Dinner's at six, Daniel, Sam and Cassie are coming."
"Sir, I don't think that's a good idea." She complained as Jack pushed past her.
"I'm fixing my five alarm firehouse chili," He smiled like that would make everything alright. "Tegan likes my chili."
"I do not believe Major Kiser has ever had your chili," Teal'c raised one eyebrow.
"Everybody loves my chili big guy," Jack looked around the living room. "Speaking of Major Kiser?"
"She's hiding in the coat closet," Janet pointed. "I was trying to get her out when you rang the doorbell."
"Teal'c why don't you take that stuff to the kitchen?" He jerked his head in the general direction. "Is she talking at all?"
"No sir, there's really been no change."
"Go on, get your shower. Take long hot bath if you'd like, Teal'c and I can handle this."
"Thank you sir."
Jack nodded as Janet headed up the stairs. He then turned to the open closet door. "What cha doing in there Kiser?"
She reminded him of a frightened child huddled in the corner as tight and as small as she could make herself. He sat down with his back against the doorframe so he was facing her. He didn't say anything, he just sat there. After ten minutes he stood up and held his hand out to her. He wasn't as young as he used to be and as the fifth minute ticked away he was ready to give up when he felt cool slender fingers wrap around his and he gently helped her out and back to the couch.
"How was your bath?" Jack looked up from where he sat on the opposite end of the couch from Tegan.
"It was a shower," Janet ran her hands through dark wet locks. "And it was very nice, thank you. How'd you get her out?"
"I told her there were hairy spiders in the closet." Jack smiled before winking at Teal'c who was sitting in the chair.
"You didn't?" Janet picked up the bandanna Jack had laid on the coffee table.
"No, I'm not really sure how, she just came out when she was ready." Jack checked his watch. "We're going to get the chili started."
Jack put a bowl full of steaming chili in front of Tegan, before taking his own to the only empty place left at the table. Just as he was about to take his first bite, he saw Tegan move, reaching for her water. Only she missed judged where it was sitting and knocked it over. Instinctively he jumped up to grab the glass, his chair toppling in the process.
Tegan froze, her eyes as big as saucers. Jack pulled her into an embrace holding her as tightly as he dared considering her injuries.
"It's ok," He whispered over and over again while Sam up righted his chair and placed it so he could sit back down without moving away.
Jack continued to hold her for several minutes before he felt the tension in her body release. He waited another minute before moving his hands carefully to her shoulders and moved back so he could look her in the eye. "That's what should have happened when you were little."
He searched her face until she slowly closed her eyes. He let his hands fall away, "Let's eat before it gets cold."
When she opened her eyes again Janet had cleaned up the spilt water and put a fresh glass in its wake.
"I don't know about you Tegan," Sam grinned, "But I'm starved."
"Me too," Cassie picked up her spoon and started eating.
Tegan stared at her chili while Janet watched her closely. She looked over at Jack and smiled when Tegan picked up her spoon and ate about a quarter of what was in her bowl. It wasn't as much as Janet would've like, but it was better than nothing.
Cassie eagerly answered the phone when it sprang to life while Daniel and Sam did their best to clean up the dishes, a few minutes later she bounced into the living room. "It's Gillian, she wants to know if I can spend the night."
"I thought you were staying with Sam?"
"I am, but…" She didn't want to hurt Sam's feelings by saying she wasn't as fun.
"I don't mind, if Sam says it's ok."
"Thanks," She smiled knowing she could get Sam to agree to anything.
Once the guys left with Cassie in tow, Sam joined Janet in the living room. "I don't mind staying, I can sleep on the couch."
Janet shook her head, "You can stay if you want, but you can have the guest room. I'm going to put her in my room tonight. I think it's the only way she'll get any sleep. I know it's the only way I will."
"Yeah," Sam smiled sadly imaging her friend hiding under the bed in the infirmary and in the back of the coat closet. Despite knowing the stories weren't made up, she had a hard time picturing Tegan afraid of anything. Even now witnessing the shell of the woman, it all seemed so surreal.
"I'll be right back," Janet stood up and started to move away from the couch when she felt Tegan grab the hem of her t-shirt. "Tegan, it's ok I'm just going to the bathroom."
Sam moved to where Janet had just been sitting and carefully pulled Tegan's fingers free. Tegan turned and curled into her side as Sam wrapped an arm around her.
When Janet returned she took Sam's place in the chair. "Thanks Sam."
"I don't mind, really." She pulled Tegan a little tighter.
She could feel the warmth of a body pressed up against hers, as sunlight caressed her face; the rhythmic breathing beside her as her own heart rate quickened. She heard the breathing pattern change as the arm draped around her pulled her closer. "It's ok Tegan."
Her eyes popped open, she couldn't remember how'd she gotten there, or even why she'd be in Janet's bed. She pulled away as pain ripped through her upper arm, she couldn't suppress the agonized groan as it crossed her lips.
"Tegan," Janet sat up immediately concerned. "Do you need something for pain?"
"What am I doing here?" She looked around only slightly relieved they were both wearing pajamas.
"What's the last thing you remember?" Janet watched the cyclone of emotions brewing in the shifting green irises that looked back at her.
Tegan shook her head, "I don't know."
She was relieved Tegan was talking again, but the lack or memory concerned her.
She ran her hand over her head feeling the slightest stubble of a couple days growth on her head, she clenched her eyes shut. "He shaved my head."
"Who?" Janet moved so she was sitting Indian style next to her prone friend.
"My father," Her voice was detached. "I remember someone coming into the warehouse, and…"
"And?"
"Did we have chili for dinner?" Tegan opened her eyes again.
Janet smiled, "We did."
"I remember spilling my drink and Jack," She didn't correct herself, "holding me. Telling me it was ok."
"Anything else?"
"Not really," Tegan thought. "Well, aside from what my father did to me no. Is he…"
"He's still alive, but he's currently in jail."
"Good."
"Good?"
"Yeah," She grimaced as she moved her leg.
"Let me give you something for pain."
"No," She pushed herself to the side of the bed. "I need to go to the bathroom."
"Let me help you."
Tegan gave her, her best 'you've got to be kidding me' look. "No, I can do it."
Tegan closed the door to the master bath and flipped the light on, catching a glimpse of her hairless head for the first time. She let out an audible gasp.
"Tegan are you alright?" Janet's voice was muffled through the door.
"Fine." She shook her head and padded to the toilet. She didn't recognize the pajamas she was wearing, for one it was a matching top and bottom set with a button down top. She didn't own any button down nightshirts, but the pants fit so they didn't belong to Janet. She wondered briefly if they belonged to Sam, another moan escaping; a combination of pain assaulting her ribs, thigh and arm.
"Tegan?" This time it was Sam's voice coming through the door.
"I'm fine," She carefully lowered herself onto the cool seat before letting her overfilled bladder relieve itself.
"Janet wants to know if you want Demerol or Morphine with your eggs?"
"Funny," she sighed. "I don't want any of it."
"You need to eat," Janet called out.
"Think we can talk about this when I'm finished peeing?"
"So?" Janet asked from her perch on the side of the bed when Tegan came out of the bathroom.
Tegan looked at the oversized long sleeved men's chambray shirts lying on the bed, there was a blue one and a white one, and a pair of navy blue cargo shorts. Tegan was certain the cargo shorts were hers but she didn't recognize the men's shirts. "I have a couple t-shirts in the guest room."
"I meant breakfast and pain meds."
"I don't need them and I'm not hungry. Where'd the shorts come from?"
"I picked up some things from your place," Sam sat on the corner of the bed. "I hope you don't mind."
"Not at all, you could've brought me some t-shirts though."
Sam stood up to offer her seat to Tegan.
"No t-shirts," Janet watched Tegan decline the offer to sit. "You've got a fracture to your upper humerus. It was too high to cast, and I don't want you lifting and twisting your arm trying to get into a t-shirt. The shirts are mine, they're clean."
Tegan looked at her for a second.
"I sleep in them."
"I imagine they come down to your knees," She smiled.
"Back to breakfast," Janet ignored the short comment.
Tegan picked up the blue shirt. "I'm thinking sans bra."
"I don't mind helping you."
Tegan looked down at the sling and swath, it wouldn't matter if she wore a bra or not. "I'll just need help getting this thing back on."
"Alright."
Tegan followed Janet downstairs where Sam was in the kitchen cutting up cantaloupe. "Why don't you get comfortable on the couch, and I'll bring you something to eat."
She rolled her eyes rather than pushing the issue that she wasn't hungry.
Ten minutes later Janet came out with a plate loaded with eggs, toast, bacon, and cantaloupe. She handed it to Tegan and sat a glass of orange juice on the end table. Sam was right behind her with her own plate and settled in the chair while Janet went back to grab hers.
She managed to eat a couple bites of egg, a slice of bacon, and half her toast before moving it to the coffee table. "Janet, where do you keep the Tylenol?"
"You need something stronger than Tylenol." Janet sat her empty plate aside. "I had a prescription of Lorcet filled for you, take it."
"How about Motrin?"
"I wish you'd take the Lorcet."
"I can't."
"Why not?"
"Because, I… I need to tell you all my story. But I want the guys here so I only have to tell it once."
"Ok," Janet nodded.
"I'll give them a call," Sam pulled her cell phone out as Janet got up to get Tegan something for pain.
"I'm home!" Cassie yelled as she came in the front door.
"We're in the living room." Janet put four oblong pills in Tegan's hand.
"800 milligrams?"
"You're lucky it's not more, just take it."
"Gilly let me borrow her PSP," Cassie held it out to her mom as she came up to the couch. She looked at Tegan as Janet took it from her. "Feeling better?"
Tegan raised one eyebrow in question, "Thanks for the bandanna."
"Oh," Cassie unzipped her duffle bag, "That reminds me, Gillian's mom asked me to give you these."
Tegan took the stack of five bandannas from her, "I still like yours the best."
"Yeah," Cassie smiled more to herself. "You're a little better."
"You need to be really careful with this," Janet handed the portable game system back to her.
"I will be." Cassie held her fingers a few inches above Tegan's remaining bacon. "You done?"
"Help yourself."
Sam laid her phone on the coffee table, "they'll be here in about an hour."
"Cass, when the guys get here I want you to take the bean bags in the den and play your thing," She wasn't up on the things kids played these days. "Or play in the back yard or your room."
"Adult stuff?"
"Yeah," Janet agreed.
"Ok," she shrugged.
When the guys arrived Janet stood up, "I'll be up stairs if you need anything."
"No," Tegan spoke softly, "I want you to stay, please."
She didn't have to ask twice, Janet glanced at Colonel O'Neill who nodded as she sat back down beside Tegan.
Several minutes passed before Tegan spoke again, "I…" She sighed, "I don't know where to start… I mean, I guess there are some things I only kind of know. Things I've had to piece together, from snippets of my mom's journal and my own memory."
No one spoke in the silence that followed while Tegan collected her thoughts. She didn't want to appear weak, but she also knew she had to do this. Not just for herself, but for her team. Janet was there because she was her doctor, more importantly on some level they were all there because they were her friends. "I've never told anyone about this before. I guess my story started sometime after my parents met. My mom had been told at an early age that she couldn't have children, and that carrying a baby to term and delivering would ensure her own death. Even a c-section was too risky.
"So they agreed before they got married they wouldn't have any children. Two years into their blissful marriage my mother was raped, so Randall isn't really my father, he never was. My mother made him promise to take care of me no matter what happened to her, and he did just that. He made sure I got an education, and that I had shelter and clothes, and to an extent food."
She shuttered lightly remembering some of the things that could be passed off as food. "Besides making him promise to take care of me and not put me up for adoption, she chose my name, and got her affairs in order.
"My maternal grandmother took care of me until I was about four," She closed her eyes for several minutes trying to remember what she'd looked like, her thick Irish accent. She shook her head lightly and opened her eyes. "One day she asked what I wanted for lunch, and then she fell over. When Randall came home her found her on the floor and I was hiding in the closet. She was dead; he blamed me for that too. It wasn't long after that, that he shipped me off to boarding school.
"I learned early on I was better off hiding in my room for long weekends and holidays than I was going home. The first couple holidays they had to call him to pick me up, he'd met a woman named Becky and she was living with him by then. I spent Christmas and winter holidays at home locked in the unfinished basement with a cot and a single forty watt light bulb over head, in the summer I was put in the hot attic.
"I was given one meal a day, and it was cold table scraps from off their plates. On more than one occasion I was given dog food for dinner."
Janet watched as Tegan shifted beside her. "Do you need something else for pain?"
"Not yet," Tegan shook her head and continued. "Life was pretty uneventful at school. I studied all the time, I joined a choir at seven or eight just to give my head a break from the books. I played soccer and volleyball when I was old enough. Once a year like clockwork Randal would call and remind me it was the day I killed my mother, and I knew from this I was another year older."
"At some point he signed guardianship over to the school, I think I had pneumonia or something, and he really didn't care about what was going on in my life. It was really a blessing, I don't think he ever would have let me go to college, but it wasn't really his decision when the time came." Tegan sat there letting the silence expand, she shouldn't be this tired, this worn out, but she was emotionally spent. "You pretty much know the rest of it."
Janet looked at her watch, "It's time for your antibiotic, I don't want that leg getting infected."
Tegan surprised her by asking her to bring her two Lorcet with it.
"Do you want something stronger? I've got morphine locked in my medical bag."
Tegan shook her head no as Janet stood up.
"I've got stuff for sandwiches and drinks in the fridge if anyone's hungry help yourself," Janet glanced back at Tegan who had closed her eyes.
"I've got a question," Daniel spoke softly as Janet went to check on Cassie in the den. "Why did he shave your head? And more importantly why did he come looking for you?"
"He wanted to kill me," She stated without opening her eyes and felt Sam shift on the couch. "My hair reminded him of my mother, and he couldn't kill me if I looked like her."
"Well," Jack watched Janet walk back in, "as far as I'm concerned this stays here, just like everything else we learned through Nirrti's torture sessions."
"Hold your hand out," Janet softly instructed.
Tegan lifted her head and watched as Janet tapped two white pills into her hand and a giant horse pill sized antibiotic. She put them in her mouth and then took the waiting bottle of water to wash them down. "I think General Hammond needs to know, and he can make the call as far as if it should go in my military record or not."
"Hey," Jack waited until she was looking him in the eye. "We've all got things in our past that haunt us."
"I realize that sir, I just…"
"I'll talk to him." Jack agreed.
"I think you can let Cassie out of the dungeon now," Tegan joked lightly wondering if she was feeling the effects of the pain meds, or all the stress she'd just been through.
"What's on your mind big guy?"
"I was just thinking how much Major Kiser's father sounds like a Goa'uld," Teal'c looked up from his spot on the floor.
"Thanks Teal'c, it makes me feel better."
"Everything considered, I think you turned out alright."
"Just alright Colonel?" Tegan closed her eyes a smile pulling at her lips.
"Nah, you turned out pretty good."
"Thank you sir."
