-1Mikey swallowed, his cheek still cradling his face. After a few false starts he began.
"It's about Leo..."
Raphael's eyes narrowed, this he had not expected. What about Leo? He remained where he was still kneeling in front of his baby brother waiting on him to elaborate. As the moments stretched between them and the silence continued a un healthy fear began to build in the second oldest.
"What about Leo?"
Raph's tones were careful, tentative. He wasn't sure he wanted the answer.
"He's Ok."
Mikey stated urgently, though the urgency of the ok made Raph wonder just how 'ok' he was.
"What happened? Where is he?"
"He's upstairs, in his room." Mikey started.
Before Mikey had finished his sentence Raph had stood and started for the stairs. Despite being exhausted from his break down Mikey managed a clumsy grab of his wrist.
"Wait, Raph."
"Why?"
"He's hurt, bro."
"Like I said, why should I wait?"
"Bro, when we got here he wasn't breathing."
Raphael froze, Mikey's hand no longer needed to hold him in place.
"You just said he was ok." Raphs tone raised,
"He is - well, Donnie says he should be.." Mikey offered, though in all truth Donnie had told their youngest brother he -hoped- Leo would be alright. That's just fine, Mikey would remember it how he wanted too.
Raphael watched him carefully, Mikey was probably the worst lair in their little group and it showed in the lines of fear etched across his brothers face.
"What happened to him?" Raph nearly growled, the tone made it clear he was already out for blood. The skirmishes that came from being family were natural. To be expected. But it was an unlucky bastard who came between him and his family.
"I…" Suddenly Mikey forgot how to talk.
Finding no answers with his younger brother and his patience gone Raph jerked his wrist free of his brother and started for the steps.
"Raph wait." Mikey was struggling to get up but his legs were still jelly and standing was proving difficult.
Raph wasn't listening, if someone had hurt his brother they would pay. Plain and simple. He was nearly half way up the stairs when one of the few things that could stop the hot head, stood in his path. A sixty pound weapon of mass destruction. Master Splinter.
His hand was raised in a halting signal to Raphael, who wonders of wonders…obeyed. He stopped two steps below where his father stood, leaving them nearly eye to eye.
"Calm yourself my son. Your brother is stable, but you need to understand this delicate situation before entering his room."
Leo's body was alive, breathing and going through the motions on its own. However, Splinter sensed in him a great fear of returning. He knew now just how carefully they had to tread, how attentively they had to take care only kindness and words of love would reach his son's ears.
"I'm trying to Masta Splinter, but Mikey can't seem to put to words together. What happened?"
There was a long pause and Raphael was both startled and scared when his father reached out and took his hand. That had happened only twice and both times he was sitting by Leo when his big brother was fighting for his life. Raph swallowed, letting his own hand close over his fathers. Behind him he could almost feel his brother hovering, glancing behind him he would notice a book in his hand. Leo's journal? He was one of maybe two who knew his brother wrote in a journal, only because he had been asked to get it by Leo when he was laid up.
"Raphael, Your brothers and I came home this afternoon and found Leonardo in the pool." He raised his hand to silence any questions from Raphael before continuing. "Your brother had stopped breathing, and his heart had stopped beating. With much effort Donatello was able to induce his breathing and heart once more. He is very weak, and has not yet wakened."
Raphael could feel his heart beating through his chest that steady mixture of anger and fear bubbling up inside him. He was ready to kill who ever had done this.
"Just tell me, Masta Splinter. Who?"
Mikey gulped audibly behind him and Splinter bowed his head. Raph tried again.
"Who?"
"Himself." Came the final word from splinter.
"Your brother, took a blade to his wrist. He meant to end his life."
Raphael actually faulted. The rage, and fear inside him seeping away into nothing. It felt as though someone had taken a cold bucket of water and poured it on him, in January.
He took a step back and into Mikey.
"I-" Raph's words failed him, looking between the oldest and youngest member of the family.
"Why?" He managed.
"That we do not know." Splinter told him, the soft squeeze of his hand to remind Raph he still held it.
"Actually." Mikey spoke softly holding up the book. "We do."
He handed splinter the book. Splinter offered it to Raph.
"Later" Was all Raph said before walking up the stairs and to Leo's room.
It didn't even feel like Leo's room. Normally everything was perfectly arranged with one candle on the floor. Now stuff had been pushed up against the wall and knocked this way and that to make it easier to get Leo and what ever machines Donnie needed into the room. Donnie was sitting slumped at the chair at the desk, his head down on his hand, snoring softly.
Raph swallowed, lingering in the doorway. His eyes moved to where they had been scared to look.
Leo.
He didn't look horrid, he certainly didn't appear to have been dead hours piror. A little pale…but nothing else.
He approached slowly, vaguely aware of the conversation he could hear on the steps. Something about a journal.
He was surprised how badly he was shaking. He didn't shake. He started to touch his brother, to rest his hand on his shoulder and talk to him. After all, who was around to see such a sign? But something kept him from it. His eyes scanned over Leo. He had an IV in his arm and was covered with a blanket. His arms lay atop the blanket…bound.
Bound.
On each wrist were clean wait bandages.
Raph closed his eyes.
Why?
Behind him Donnie jumped in his sleep and effectively knocked over his water. Well, Donnie was awake. Raph with drew his hand that had been hovering over Leo, and did what he could to force an typical appearance.
"Why Don't you crash Don, I'll take this watch."
His tone was strained, like he was struggling to keep some emotion in. Hate, Fear, Aggression…guilt…who knows?
Donnie started to wave him off and argue but the glare he got from Raph caused any further comments to die in his throat.
"Maybe just a nap, call me if anything changes."
Raph gave a curt nod.
Once Don had left the room, only leaving the door slightly a jar he turned back to Leo.
Just him and Leo.
His brain was still doing loops. Trying to make sense of it all.
The morning had been typical. He had slept in because it had been a late night. By the time he actually got up, Leo had called him at least 10 times. Nothing unusual. He came down to late for breakfast but Leo didn't make them wait on him like normal, instead he was told he missed meal time…come practice. Course that made him mad and so I skipped the first 20 minutes of practice just to eat. Eating slowly on principle. He wouldn't let Raph spar with Don or Mikey, because he knew just how pissed Raph was. Training had been more fighting then sparing. Leo and Raph being…Leo and Raph.
Nothing terribly dramatic.
Oh.
Raph winced his eyes still on the white gauze so stark a contrast to Leo's skin.
Now he remembered.
Leo had won, and Raph had his normal usual graceful defeat. A blind side attack to which Leo moved and Raph went head first into the weapons rack. He had blamed Leo, maybe yelled…but he hadn't meant to say what he had said.
'take a long walk off a short bridge.'
Raph visibly cringed.
So this was his doing.
'We don't need you'
Damn Raph why can't you keep your mouth shut?
'I hate you'
No, I don't.
Raph slowly lowered his hand to touch Leo's. His hand felt cool but not cold. The touch seemed to almost send a jolt through him, when Mikey had told him what had happened, he thought for sure Leo was gone. He squeezed his hand softly, and received no response.
Well, Master splinter said he was still unconscious.
"Damnit Leo, why do you have to suddenly start listening to what I say?"
He searched Leo's face, it was still as always. What had he expected?
"Look, Splinter said not to say nothing bad and I'm not, now. But when your out of this we are going to hash this out. I don't know why ya did what ya did bro. I hope its not cause of what I said…ya got to know I was just blowing off steam. We spent our lives together I know you know me at least that well. But leave the hot head out of this ratio, Donnie's falling over tired but to worried about you to sleep. Mikey just spent the last 15 minutes crying on my chest. Me - Leo. That's your territory bro. I'm not so good on the sap stuff. Even Splinter is scared. Ya got to come out of this bro, give them a chance to rest. "
Raph raised his hands to scrub his face and looked at his finger tips in disbelief…his mask was wet. When had he started crying?
"Bro. Come on bro, you're the last one that we can do with out."
He slowly lowered himself down on the side of Leo's bed. His hand still over Leo's. He glanced toward the door, before scooting a little closer and taking Leo's hand with both hands .
"Leo. Please. I-I only got one big brother" A long pause before in a even quieter whisper. "and I need him around to keep me outta trouble. Come on bro, come back to us. Please….we love you"
Had it been any other day he wouldn't be caught dead saying he liked his brother, let alone that he needed him, or he loved him. His brother and he had always competed on every arena, and sometimes things got personal. However, right now in that moment, sitting beside him. Waiting for him to wake up and fuss at him for coming in so late, the prospect of suddenly being the oldest was terrifying. The thought of never having a conversation or sparing match with his big brother…never having a big brother. It was a prospect he couldn't live with out.
He paid no heed to the fact his mask was affixed to his face by liquid pain, he didn't care. He gave his brothers hand a final squeeze.
"…I love you.."
Raph watched Leo's face he could never remember saying thoes words to him, and apart of him felt ashamed for it. But in the dim light of his big brothers room something startled him.
Raph's eyes continued to search his face for a reaction, when he felt his hand squeezed in reply. It was soft but it was there.
Raph smiled.
"Atta boy, Leo."
The hand squeezed again.
--v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-v-
Don't worry this isn't the end.
I'm going to contiune through the journal.
Leo's recovery and more so no worries.
I just thought I'd been mean with the cliffies so heres one that isn't!
Thanks for reading.
Oh, and if you like this fic, you might be interested in BIG BROTHER,
It looks at the situation raph finds himself in now, with the possibly of looseing
Leo.
