A/N – Sorry for the wait for this chapter. It's been a manic week! I'm getting married next month and had a lot of organising to get done, then had a fiancé who happened to be suffering from the dreaded man-flu to look after, then we went away for the weekend and to top it all off, this happened to be a difficult chapter to write. I knew where it was heading, but wasn't sure how far to take it. Hope this is ok! Please R&R!
We have only been in the Capitol for a mere hour or so when a Peacekeeper approaches me to hand deliver the message. Katniss and I had been spending some time together in the botanical gardens, a beautiful area we had never had the chance to visit on our carefully structured and strict schedules before, but while dad and the other tributes were meeting Auricula, Venia and the other prep and stylists, we found ourselves with a rare few hours of downtime. Seeing how panicked I was becoming over the inevitable, Katniss took me away from the training centre to find a moment of calm.
How this Peacekeeper knew where to find us I don't know, but I recognise the handwriting on the envelope immediately, and it is with a sense of dread that I read the contents.
I know you have a spare few hours while your tributes are in prep. Spend them with me.
"Let's go," says the Peacekeeper, gesturing ahead of him. I turn to Katniss for support but there is nothing she can do and we both know it. She kisses my cheek, squeezes my hand and whispers in my ear to be safe. "Let's go," repeats the Peacekeeper, louder this time. He appears twitchy and impatient; he is constantly looking around and only seems satisfied when it is clear we are alone.
The gardens are fenced in, with only four gated entrances. The training centre is to the south of the gardens, and Katniss and I entered by the nearest entrance. We are heading directly away from that entrance towards the northernmost gate. I steal a few glances over my shoulder and see that Katniss is still watching me as I walk away.
Knowing what to expect this time does not make it any easier. The thought of her touching me, of her hands on my body and of her lips on my own makes me shudder. The beauty of the gardens around me seems suddenly oppressive and so much at odds with the turmoil I feel.
We reach the gate and I am instructed to wait. The twitchy Peacekeeper darts outside, looks to either side then opens the door of the waiting hovercar. My stomach drops when I see it as all the memories of our last encounter come flooding back. "Inside. Quickly." I do as I am bid, and just like last time as soon as the door closes behind me I feel the hovercar taking off.
"Peeta!" Her voice sends shivers down my spine; just hearing it is enough to make my balls retreat. "So pleased you could join us!"
Us? It only seems to be myself and Briar present, unless of course she is talking about the Avox girl and the Peacekeeper. Somehow she doesn't strike me as the type to include them. My unasked question is quickly answered as Finnick Odair appears striding in from the bedroom. He is wearing nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, and is dripping wet as if he has just stepped out of the shower. He walks straight up to Briar, picks her up and spins her in his arms as if she is a long lost lover and kisses her deeply. She giggles like a schoolgirl and returns the kiss, snaking her arms around his neck and waist and weaving her hands in his hair.
I feel incredibly awkward and out of place, as if I am witnessing something I shouldn't be, something private and illicit. I look back at the door of the hovercar, but we must now be hundreds of feet in the air, and there is nowhere to go. On top of the feelings of awkwardness, and the feeling of being trapped, there is something else. With Finnick here my ordeal won't be anywhere near as straightforward as before. I dread whatever she may have planned for me today.
Eventually Briar peels herself away from Finnick, gasping and breathless. "I think someone is a little overdressed," she says, directing the statement at me. I don't want to; I feel terribly inadequate and self conscious next to Finnick's sculptured body but I know that protesting will do me no favours.
I begin to unbutton my shirt, fumbling as ever as I get more and more nervous. Out of the corner of my eye I see Briar smirking at me. "Finnick?" she says. "Help him."
He is behind me in an instant, leaning over my shoulder and pulling apart the buttons in seconds. The water from his hair drips down the back of my neck making me shudder, as his hands push the fabric of my shirt away from my shoulders and down my arms. Briar steps before me, gently raking those hideous fingernails down my chest. I have to bite hard on my lip as one of them catches on my nipple, sending a sharp jolt of pain through me. I am determined not to cry out, or show her my distress. I just want to get through this as quickly as possible. She pulls my head towards hers and I part my lips as she thrusts her tongue into my mouth. The mantra I used to get through this before starts up again. It'll be over soon, just focus. It'll be over soon.
She pulls away from me and pushes hard on my chest. I'm caught off guard and stumble back, collapsing in to the sofa behind me. She climbs on top, straddling my lap, "Strawberries!" she calls out, and moments later Finnick hands her a punnet of giant, gleaming red, jewel-like strawberries. She picks one up and bites the end, the juice running down her chin in blood-like rivulets. She runs the half eaten strawberry over my lips, gently pressing it into my mouth. I have never tasted anything so sickly sweet – these are nothing like the tart wild strawberries that grow at home; these are clearly Capitol engineered monstrosities. I place a fake smile on my face to indicate I enjoyed it. She seems satisfied and 'rewards' me with another kiss.
"Finnick?" she purrs in a low voice. "Take over for me."
What? What does she mean? She clambers off of my lap and disappears into her bedroom. Moments later she is replaced by Finnick's larger, muscular frame. I struggle to push him off of me but he easily pins me in place. During my ineffectual struggle his towel has come undone and I can't help but look at his nakedness. Shit. I try to push him away from me again. I'd always been quite proud of what nature had bestowed upon me but…. Shit. I don't want that….thing…..anywhere near me. I am beyond terrified of what she plans to do with us both and put all my strength into throwing him off me, but it isn't enough. A tear escapes the corner of one of my eyes. "Please…." I manage to say before he cuts me off.
"Don't struggle. It'll be easier if you don't struggle." I increase my efforts to get him off me. I don't want it to be easier. I don't want any of this at all. I hear the click of a Peacekeeper gun and Finnick calls out, "It's ok. He's just a little over excited, that's all."
He grasps both of my wrists in his hands, pins them back to the sofa and leans his weight in to me. I cannot move at all, and the dawning horror of what will happen to me freezes me to the spot. I feel his breath, hot on my neck, as his lips raise to beside my ear. "How old are you?" he whispers.
"S-seventeen," I whisper back.
He lets out a low hiss of air. "Then stop struggling, and stop worrying."
He sits up and flashes me a small half smile and a wink. At that moment Briar comes back into the room. She is wearing nothing but an evil smile and a very thin camisole. "Well, don't you two look cosy? Stand up, both of you." Finnick does so immediately, re-wrapping the towel about his waist as stands. It takes me a moment or two to find the strength and willpower to obey.
She stands in front of us, eyeing us both up and down, then seats herself on one of the sofas. "Kiss."
I'm frozen again. Even Finnick seems to pause for a moment before he grabs hold of me and spins me round to face him. One arm snakes around my waist and pulls me closer to him while the other hand rests at the back of my head. He tilts his face down towards mine and presses his lips against mine. Everything feels so alien; the hard angles of his body, the stubble on his chin rubbing against my own face, the strength in the arms that hold me.
It'll be over soon. You're ok. Hold it together. It'll be over soon.
I take a deep sigh of relief when he finally lets go of his hold on me; it takes a moment to catch my breath. "Very nice," says Briar in a soft voice. "But, Peeta, don't keep trying my patience. Respond to him."
Once again I feel Finnick's body press in to mine, his mouth encompassing my own. I place my hands on his shoulders and try to respond to the sensations of his tongue probing my own, but all I can think of is how trapped I am in this hovercar, and how much I just want to get back to the ground.
"Stop!" calls Briar. "OK, we'll just have to try something else." She smirks and says with venom, "Get on your knees, Peeta."
Is she serious? Please don't let this be what I think it is. She wants me to…. Oh god, no, please….Why is she getting so much pleasure from watching my degradation? Before I can protest at all Finnick says, "Ahhh, gonna have to stop you there, Miss B."
She looks at Finnick incredulously. "I beg your pardon?"
"No can do, Miss B. Kid's underage. He's seventeen. Age of consent for sexual relations between two men is eighteen. You know me. I'll do some pretty weird shit. But I won't break the law." He says the last sentence pointedly, and for a moment Briar blanches.
"You were happy to kiss him."
"Kissing's one thing. Getting a child to suck my dick is another."
She is still and silent for a moment before she points towards the bedroom and says in a voice of forced calm, "Get in there, both of you."
"Threesomes count as sexual relations too, even if we don't go near each other. If you want us both it'll have to be individually if you want to stay on the right side of the law." She looks utterly furious, but Finnick just continues to smile pleasantly at her. I can hardly breathe. Have I managed to somehow escape, for now at least?
Her face has darkened as she turns to Finnick. "You then. Now."
He surreptitiously flashes me another wink before scooping Briar up in his arms, throwing her over his shoulder and striding towards the bedroom. I collapse back on the sofa, head in my hands. I'm shaking from the effort of keeping my tears silent. From the noises that soon start to come from the adjacent room Finnick has improved her mood somewhat, giving more credence to Haymitch's stories about her mercurial temper.
I don't know how long I am sat there listening to the sounds of moaning, groaning and screaming orgasms. This whole other world I never knew of or even dreamed could have existed, and I am being forced to dwell in it. The kinkiest fantasy I had ever had about Katniss involved taking her from behind while she was on her hands and knees. I masturbated furiously over the image in my mind then when I next saw her felt guilty for what I had been imagining. From what I can hear coming from behind that closed door, even my dirtiest thoughts are pure by comparison.
Eventually the door opens and out walks Briar. Her spiked hair is dishevelled, she is wrapped in a sheet and her eyes seem glazed and unfocused. She lights a cigarette and exhales a vile, pungent smelling cloud of smoke. "I don't know why I wanted you at all," she says suddenly. "You are nothing compared to him." I stay silent, unsure how to respond, or even if I should at all. "See. Won't even stand up for yourself. You're not a man. You'll never be a man."
I allow her to keep insulting me. I don't care. If it means I never have to spend another second in her presence I'll allow her to insult me as much as she wants. If there's one thing I learned how to do young, it was to switch off when an older woman was telling me how pathetic I am.
As Finnick comes out of the bedroom fully clothed she looks back at my naked torso in something akin to disgust. "Get dressed, boy."
I find my discarded shirt and pull it back on as fast as I can, and as I do I feel the hovercar begin to descend. When at last the door reopens and we find ourselves back at the Capitol's botanical gardens it takes all my self restraint not to run back outside to the relative freedom. Finnick bids adieu to Briar with a final lingering kiss and the promise of seeing her again. She doesn't even look at me as I leave. I'm more than fine with that.
I begin to trudge back through the gardens towards the training centre, when I hear Finnick's voice behind me. "Peeta, wait up!" He jogs to catch up with me. "It gets easier, I promise."
I don't want to hear advice like this; I don't want the confirmation that my life from now on is to be used and abused however the highest bidder sees fit. "I don't want it to get easier. I don't want to lose who I am."
"I know, but I don't reckon you want to lose your loved ones either, am I right?"
There is nothing to say. Of course he is right, and I nod tight confirmation.
He looks troubled, as if there is something he wants to say but is unsure of himself. "Look, Peeta…" he begins, "I don't think you have too much to worry about. Well… aside from Briar."
"What do you mean?"
"How many offers have you had?"
"Offers?"
"Yeah. Aside from just now, and the night the Quell was announced, how many other clients have you had?"
"None."
He keeps looking around, as if to make sure we aren't being overheard. "I thought that may be the case."
"How do you even know-"
"About that first night?" he cuts me off. "I was there, don't forget. When we get….paid for….the money goes directly to the Capitol coffers, but the clients still have to go through our District Reps to book us. Troya, our Rep, fucked up. So she took a backhander from Briar which she split with your Rep to introduce her to you. I don't think the Capitol know."
My hope lifts for a moment. "So… she can't do this then?"
He shakes his head sadly. "I didn't say that. She's rich, powerful and well connected. She can do pretty much whatever she wants. But you probably won't have to worry about sleeping with anyone with a bit of spare cash. I don't think you or your missus are officially for sale."
"We're not for sale? And she doesn't want me back, she made that pretty clear."
"Peeta, she gets off on this. She loves to pull mind games. She's not buying you legally, so she'll do whatever she can to keep you scared. She can still influence people, and she could easily pay for…accidents….to happen."
That hope that had appeared for a moment flickers and dies. "Thank you for… you know… stopping it just now."
He shrugs. "S'ok. Knowing her she'll still make me fuck you one day." The bluntness of the way he says it, so detached, stops me in my tracks. He grins and winks at me. "You could do worse than me!" Seeing that I'm not appreciating the joke he apologises. "Sorry, mate. The first time is the worst, but it really does get easier."
"You mean, you've-"
"Had it up my arse? Yup. Many times. As I said, the first was the hardest. Wasn't really how I'd planned spending my eighteenth birthday. With some dirty old man who had to take drugs to get it up, then made me suck his wrinkled cock, and as soon as he could get it up again bent me over his desk and fucked me. Made me take a piss in his face afterwards."
I'm shocked at his frank descriptions of the seedy underworld of the Capitol, but more shocked by the fact that he seems so unfazed by it all. "How do you do it, Finnick?"
He shrugs again. "By understanding that if I don't it'll be far, far worse."
We are almost back at the training centre. My mind is in utter turmoil, as the fear I feel at the immediate and distant future is almost entirely overshadowed by the dawning comprehension that Katniss probably won't have to face the horrors that I do.
Finnick's voice breaks through my thoughts once again. "For what it's worth, Peeta, you don't deserve this." He claps his hand on my shoulder. "Good luck at the Games, eh?"
He strides past me, leaving me alone in the Gardens, with nothing but my apprehension and fear for company.
