Author's Note: Yay for long chapters! Dedicating this one to the beautiful eclarefanxxx. Thanks girl, for your kind words and support! Hope you enjoy this one!
Chapter Elven
"He told me I couldn't tell her this…hell, I don't even know if I can tell you," Eli ran a hand through his hair as he paced around the living room, "But he told me Clare and I had made a mistake, and this was our chance to make it right. He said that…that James' would hurt her if I didn't make her see what a mistake she's making. I screwed up, Adam. I was supposed to protect her, and I didn't."
"Hold up," Adam tried to comfort his best friend, "We don't know what exactly happened. Maybe Clare herself doesn't even really know what happened this afternoon. Let's just wait until she gets home. Then we can figure this all out."
"I am supposed to protect her, Adam. Hell, I was supposed to protect her ten years ago, and I failed then too. I failed so many times, and I failed again today. What is he thinking, making me her guardian angel?"
"When I was a kid, we learned in Sunday School that he has a thing for misfits. He picks people who are flawed and imperfect all the time."
Eli raised an eyebrow, "How can he trust me with her, Adam?"
The front door swung open and Clare walked in. Her nose and eyes were red, and she dropped her bag and keys to the floor, not even caring enough to put them away. Eli and Adam were instantly by her side. They stood there staring at each other for a moment before Clare walked over to Eli, wrapped her arms around him, and clung to him.
"Shh," Eli smoothed her curls, "It's alright, Clare. Everything's going to be alright. Why don't you just tell me what happened."
Clare nodded and pulled away from the hug; she wiped her eyes and said, "When I went into his office, his receptionist wasn't there so I rang the bell on the desk. When she came out…her hair was kind of messy. But I shrugged it off. She…she told me that I could go on inside his office. So I did…and he was so mad to see me. His hair was a mess too…and he yelled at me for showing up…and told me he didn't want me bothering him at…at work. I thought about how weird it was…and how he had been gone with work and meetings so often…so I asked him if he had…had done anything with his receptionist. He called me immature…and told me he'd see me at home."
"Wow," Adam put a hand on Clare's shoulder, "I'm no expert, but it definitely sounds like something is up."
"I am so sorry, Clare," Eli twisted a curl around his index finger, "You don't deserve that."
"I just don't know what I am going to do. We're engaged! Our families…my mother and Darcy have started planning the wedding…I just don't know what I am going to do!"
"You're going to take your stuff, and come stay with me," Adam said adamantly, "I don't want to hear any arguments on that, Clare."
"I can't ask you to do that," Clare blushed, "I'm not your problem."
"You're never a problem," Eli told her, "I know you might not want to hear this right now, but at least this happened now as opposed to you two already being married."
"I guess you're right. It's just…so much is changing. I thought everything was going so smoothly. Now…everything is upside down."
"I know. Come on, we'll help you get your things together. You don't need to be here when James comes home. You don't ever have to see him again if you don't want to."
Clare touched the gold cross around her neck, "Everything happens for a reason right? I guess this is just God's plan…but I just…I don't know what I am supposed to do."
"You're not alone," Adam smiled at her, "You have us. We're here for you, and we're going to get through all of this together."
"I need to call my mom."
"After you get settled at my place. Let's just get your stuff together right now. I have a spare guest bedroom you can use until you figure something else out. You can stay there as long as you need, Clare."
"Thank you."
"Come on, let's get you packed up."
Together they went through the house, putting Clare's stuff into boxes and suitcases. She didn't have much, and everything managed to fit. She tried not to cry as the guys helped her pack her things away, but it was difficult. This apartment was her home. She and James had bought it together when they had first gotten engaged. She packed her laptop away and ran her hand over the desk.
"I was working on a novel here," Clare told Eli and Adam, "And doing some side jobs with my writing. I majored in creative writing and journalism. James told me I didn't have to work. I miss work."
"Now you'll get to," Eli nodded at the box in his hands, and Clare plopped the laptop inside.
"Thank you guys for helping me with all of this."
"Of course. Where else would we be?" Adam asked, accidentally dropping a glass paper weight he had been tossing in his hands, "Shit! Sorry, Clare!"
"That's okay, it's just James'. Something cheap the bank gave to him for Christmas or something," Clare looked down at the ring on her finger, "I guess I should take this off, huh?"
"That's a huge diamond. You could get some good money for that."
"Adam, I am not selling my ring. Maybe…maybe I'll just hold on to it for a bit. I can wear it on the other hand, right?" She slipped the ring off and put it on her opposite hand. Eli and Adam exchanged a look.
"I will write a note and explain to him that I am staying with a friend."
"You don't owe him anything," Eli reminded her, "You can just leave and never look back."
"I want to," Clare grabbed a sheet of printer paper and penned her note. As she was writing, she couldn't help but let the tears she had been desperately holding in, escape. Everything was just so much for her to handle. Handling stress had never been her strong suit but this…this was more than Clare could ever imagine. Everything was so overwhelming, and she felt her legs wobble underneath her. She grasped on to the edge of the desk for support.
"Are you okay?" Ada looked up from where he was trying to pick up the larger shards of broken glass with his hands, "Do you want to sit for a minute?"
"No, I'm fine," Clare lied and continued with her note. At first, she had no idea what to even say to the man who had, at one time, been her future husband. When he had put that ring on her finger, they had both seen it as a promise and had taken it so seriously. And here she had been, just a few hours earlier, making out with her ex-boyfriend, and feeling completely terrible about it. She had felt her insides rot with the guilt of what she had done. And then there was James, off doing Lord knows what with his receptionist, for Lord knows how long. The very thought made Clare sick inside.
Eli was right, she didn't owe him anything; however, as she was writing the letter, she thought of it more as something for herself. Writing the letter allowed her to put to words everything that was racing through her head. It allowed her a moment to gather those thoughts, and take a breath. Once she was done, she asked:
"Do you guys want me to read it out loud?"
"You don't have to," Eli told her, "It's something just between you and James."
"Eh, I kinda wanted to hear…ow," Adam winced as Eli kicked him in the shin.
"It's between her, and James," Eli said firmly, "It's none of our business."
"I want to read it," Clare explained, before clearing her throat and reciting, "James – I struggled a bit with determining rather or not to write this letter, or any letter, to you for that matter. I have no words to say to you that would be any sort of consolation for myself, or any explanation for you. Just know that after what I saw today, I cannot stay here anymore. I'll be staying at a friend's house, and I will be looking for a job soon. I wish you all the best, James. I really do. But what is going to happen when you grow tired of the receptionist? You tired of me, so you moved on to her. But who will be after her? The janitor, Helga, at the bank? Think about that for a moment, James. Clare."
"Wow," Adam's eyes were wide and he nodded his approval, "Nicely done!"
"You think?" Clare grimaced self-consciously, "It's not too much?"
"It's perfect," Eli put a hand on her shoulder, "Anything else you want to take with you?"
"Yes," Clare patted the dog at her feet, "Winston is mine. I was the one that went to the humane society to get him. I was the one that begged James to let us have a pet. Winston is mine."
Adam looked down at the dog, "Alright. As long as he doesn't poop in the house."
"Winston is way more civilized than that," Clare knelt down and hugged the dog closer to her, "Aren't you, baby? And besides, he and Eli have become best friends since Eli showed up here."
"Is that right?" Adam raised an eyebrow at Eli.
"He's not that bad," Eli shrugged, "So, are we ready? I mean, if you need more time Clare, that's fine…"
"No, I'm ready. I think we have everything packed up that's mine. I don't really want to stay in this apartment a second longer. Do you have enough room in your car for all of this and all of us?" Clare turned to Adam, suddenly feeling guilty that she was putting such a burden on him.
"I am sure it'll be fine," he assured her, "And if not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with making a few trips. Here, Eli and I will carry the boxes if you want to have a moment."
Clare greatly appreciated that. As Eli and Adam were loading up the boxes, she walked through the apartment. It wasn't a typical apartment – it was actually the size of a small house, and it had been her home for about two years. She started in the kitchen. When they had first moved in, James loved helping her cook. They'd have fun making new recipes together, with Winston at their feet just waiting for something to spill so that he could take over the daunting task of cleaning it up.
She headed into the dining room, where they had shared meals and talked casually about each other's days. She smiled as she remembered how Eli stood over her and told her inappropriate jokes while they were having dinner. Next, Clare made her way into the living room. She had taken all her framed photographs, and the room seemed barren without them. James hadn't been fond of them anyways.
Clare headed into the bedroom. The bedroom had been a safe haven for her with the huge bathroom attached and luxurious bedding. She would hide in there sometimes, using migraines or stomach pains as an excuse to hide away in there as escape James. There hadn't been anything necessarily "wrong" with him, but sometimes there were days where Clare couldn't stand the sight of him. She had known that wasn't a good sign, but they were engaged and honestly, she didn't really think at the time that there was a way out. She had felt stuck. She had made her bed, and she had felt like she had to lie in it – no matter what.
Winston nudged her leg with his nose as they stood in the middle of the bedroom together, "I'm sorry to take you away from this apartment," she apologized, scratching his ears, "You loved this bed, and the couch in the living room. But I am sure Adam's couch is just as good, right? You'll learn to like it, and eventually, you and I will get our own place. You and me, and Eli."
And Eli. Clare's brow furrowed at that. How did she even feel about all of this? How did Eli feel about all of this? She knew her reaction to their kiss had hurt him, but she had been so confused – and still was. At the moment, Clare didn't know what to think, or feel. She felt lost.
I don't want it to be like this, Clare nibbled her bottom lip – it was still sore from their kiss, I want to like Eli again. I want to want to like Eli again. I do…I do like him. After everything, I am still head-over-heels for him. But I don't want to be. He's a ghost…or whatever he is. I can't have a relationship with a ghost. And even if I did, he still drives me completely crazy. Things seemed fine before he had to die and come back. But if he didn't, I would still be with James and he would still be cheating on me, and I'd be oblivious and alone.
"Are you ready?" Eli asked, peering into the bedroom, "If you need more time…"
"I'm ready," Clare hooked Winston's collar to the leash, "Just saying one last goodbye."
"Clare, I am sorry all of this is happening. Really. I know it's a lot on your plate right now."
"I'm fine," Clare lied, pushing herself up from the carpet she was kneeling on, "Let's get out of here."
They piled into Adam's station wagon – somehow all being able to fit in amongst the boxes and the dog. Adam and Clare were certain they could probably put a few boxes on top of Eli, but decided that probably wouldn't be the most respectful thing they could do. Clare sat in the backseat with Winston, and stared out the window and the apartment complex as Adam drove away. She didn't even feel sad that she was leaving. If anything, she felt numb.
They arrived at Adam's place – a small duplex he was renting. However, it would be just enough for them all to stay there. Together, they unloaded the car, and Adam gave Clare the grand tour. She would be staying in the guest room, and was pleased to discover that it had its own bathroom attached. Sharing a bathroom with Adam was not high on her list of things she necessarily wanted to do.
After getting everything situated (piling the boxes up in the guest room, and feeding Winston), Adam ordered pizzas for everyone. Eli suggested they have a movie marathon, and watch their favorites – Batman Begins, The Dark Knight, and Dark Knight Rises. Eli had a thing for Christopher Nolan.
"You would want to watch your boyfriend's movies," Clare teased as she nibbled her pizza, earning herself a smack in the face with one of the cushions from Adam's couch.
"Shut up," Eli rolled his eyes, "There's nothing wrong with admiring the man."
"Man-crush," Adam grinned, and Eli threw the pillow at him next.
They watched their movies and ate their pizza, and tried not to get too frustrated with Eli as he went on and on about the script, lighting, directing, acting, etc. After watching the movies, Clare yawned and Adam suggested that they hit they hay. Eli stretched out on the couch and Clare told the guys goodnight before heading into the guest room.
She dug her pajamas out of the suitcase, and changed. After crawling into bed, she patted the mattress, calling Winston up to lie down with her. It felt odd, lying in the guest bed…not being in her own bed. She wrapped an arm over Winston and cuddled close to the dog. It took her a moment to realize tears were rolling down her cheeks.
This wasn't what she had expected her life to be. She hadn't been extremely happy with James, but she had been content. Or had she been? Maybe she had been blind to everything, and it took Eli to make her realize that. Clare bit down on her pillow to keep from sobbing. Everything was so upside down. She would have to call her parents and let them know that the wedding was off. How would she even explain that? It was mortifying.
Clare felt her stomach church and she bit down harder on the pillow until her teeth and jaws ached with the pressure. She didn't want Adam or Eli to hear her crying. Winston snorted, and Clare felt like Alice in Wonderland when she spun and tumbled and slipped and fell down the rabbit hole. Confusion, craziness…nothing was the same. And nothing ever would be.
Her first true love had died. He had come back as her guardian angel. He had to be with her constantly to watch over and protect her. They had kissed. She had kissed her guardian angel. And she had loved it. It was the best kiss she had had in ten years. And then she had found out her fiancé was cheating on her, and now she had to cancel the wedding and inform every one of her family and friends that it was over. Everything she had known was over.
Clare furiously wiped at the tears, angry at herself crying. Why was she even so upset? At least James, the jerk of her ex-fiancé was finally out of the picture. Now she could move on. But that scared her. Having to pick herself up and brush herself off and start all over frightened her to pieces.
The bedroom door creaked open and Eli called to her, "Clare?"
Mortification flooded over her, and Clare quickly rolled over so that her back was to him, "Eli, please. I just want to get some sleep."
"I just want to make sure that you're okay," Eli stood in the doorway, "If you want to talk…"
"I just want to rest."
"You've been crying," Eli said, matter-of-factly as he shut the bedroom door.
"No, that's not true."
"I can hear it in your voice; you've been crying."
"Fine, sit," Clare scooted over, giving him room to sit on the bed.
"We don't have to talk. I will just stay with you until you fall asleep – is that okay?"
"That's perfect," Clare smiled in spite of herself, "Please stay."
"I will," Eli laid down on the bed, and Clare felt it sink under his weight.
"How do I feel you?" Clare asked, "How do you have weight?"
"I have no idea," Eli chuckled, "I don't know how any of this is working. I am just as confused and weirded out by all of this as the next person."
"I'm glad you're here with me," Clare admitted.
"Me too, hon," Eli said, rubbing her back with his fingertips. Clare was surprised by the nickname, but relaxed into his touch. Eli winced, feeling like a moron, "I'm sorry."
"For what?"
"That was inappropriate," Eli said, tracing his fingers along her back.
"Eli, we made out a few hours ago. Calling me 'hon' is perfectly fine."
He grinned, doodling little swirls, "Good to know. I've missed you, Clare."
"I've missed you too, Eli. Everything just is so crazy right now but I'm glad…I'm glad you're here with me," Clare's voice cracked, and Eli felt a sharp pang.
"Hey, hey now," Eli stopped rubbing her back and placed a hand on her shoulder, "Come here," Clare rolled over and faced him. Their noses were practically touching. Eli reached up and wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb, "Don't do that."
"I'm sorry, I'm a crying mess."
"That's not the problem," Eli smiled a sad smile, "Seeing you cry, it's always broken my heart, Clare Edwards."
Clare didn't really know what to say to that, "I'm sorry."
"I didn't mean to make you feel bad," Eli apologized.
"No, it's fine," Clare tried to smile a tight smile, "I don't like seeing you cry either," Clare reached up and gently touched her fingertips to the puffy part of Eli's cheek that was damp.
"I didn't know ghosts could cry."
"They probably can't; but guardian angels can."
"I just want you to be okay, Clare. I am your guardian angel. I was supposed to protect you from getting hurt, and I failed you."
"You didn't fail," Clare scooted closer to him, "Maybe you're job isn't supposed to be there to protect me from being hurt; but rather be there for me to help me find my strength when I do get hurt."
Eli nodded, liking the sound of that, "I just wish I could protect you."
"You being here is more than I could ever imagine asking for," Clare reached up and ran her hand through his hair, "Thank you."
Eli blushed and Clare couldn't help but smile. Rarely did Eli show much modesty, but sometimes with Clare, a blush or a shy glance would just so happen to appear.
"I know you don't sleep, but could you please stay here with me for tonight."
"I wouldn't dream of going anywhere else," Eli twisted a curl around his finger.
"Thank you, Eli. How are you so amazing?"
"Just amazing?" Eli raised a teasing eyebrow. Clare rolled her eyes, and he dropped his head so that his nose was touching hers, "Surely I am more than just amazing, Edwards."
"Could your ego possibly be any bigger?"
"Oh yes," Eli said plainly, "Would it be weird if I told you you're so incredibly beautiful right now?"
Clare blushed, "Would it be weird if I told you I wanted to kiss you again right now?"
"How about we wait on that," Eli traced his thumb along her bottom lip, "You're hurting right now because of James. We kissed before James, and we'll kiss again, but how about we just wait until tomorrow. I just want to make sure you're kissing me for the right reasons, and not because of James."
Clare felt a huge amount of respect and appreciation for Eli at that moment, even if she was a tad disappointed that she didn't get her kiss, "Thank you."
"Of course. Tomorrow, we can make up that kiss, alright?"
"I'll look forward to it."
"Me too," Eli nuzzled his nose against hers, "What are we going, Clare?"
"Don't ruin it by trying to analyze it," Clare smiled a shy smile, "Just enjoy it, whatever it is."
"Whatever it is," Eli smiled back.
Clare relaxed into her pillow, and Eli planted a kiss on top of her forehead, "Sweet dreams, beautiful."
