A/N: I don't own Merlin. That was the luck of the BBC.
…Um, hi.
I disappeared. There's no excuse.
I got stuck with the writing, I got real busy… okay there's a few excuses, but not great ones.
I have a few chapters lined up that will definitely be uploaded this week. And I'm telling you this so I can't back out, and so I have people holding me accountable.
"So you're telling me," Gwaine paused for a moment, his hand resting underneath his chin, and a disbelieving smile plastered across his lips, "that the fucking bastard's not dead? That a tower toppling down on top of his head didn't kill him?" Still donning his armour from a patrol he'd been part of, the knight's free hand was fiddling with weight at the handle of his sword, which was sheathed and slung across his hip.
"As much as I wish it had," Arthur shook his head, his eyes askance as he glanced out of the archway they stood by, as if he was searching for Drin's presence amongst the people down below, "he's still out there Gwaine."
"Right." Gwaine calmly stood to attention, straightening his shirt. "Let's go." He made to dash down the corridor at an alarmingly brisk pace, but Arthur caught his arm just in the nick of time.
"What are you talking about?" His voice was no more than a harsh whisper as he scanned Gwaine's eyes for any sign of a thought or plan.
"I don't know about you," he scoffed, an unsettling grin still on his lips, his voice calm, "but I'm going to find him, and then I'm going to hurt him in every way he hurt Merlin, then and only then, will I give that fucking bastard the mercy of death!" His voice had grown to that of a shout, and the glare in his eyes was something Arthur had never seen of the roguish knight, even scaring him a little.
"You can't just march out of Camelot and kill him!" The king tried to reason with him, but all sense of reason had left Gwaine the minute he'd heard about the return of that monster. He didn't deserve to breath for one single day longer, and Gwaine was going to make sure he'd be the one to end it.
"Watch me." He growled, trying to shrug off Arthur; not having the patience nor the desire to have a moral discussion, especially not with Arthur.
"Gwaine!" Arthur barked under his breath, grabbing the knight's shoulder. Gwaine was taken aback by this, somewhat unaccustomed to the kingly voice he'd been subjected to, despite the amount of times he'd successfully managed to piss Arthur off, something of a hobby of his. "We have to handle this properly." His tone had softened a little. "We don't even know where he is."
"We know he's near the lowlands, and let's be honest, they're not that big, are they? Bastard's probably got a cloud of evil or something following him around." Gwaine waved his hands in the air for emphasis. "I'm sure I can find him." He tried once more to get Arthur to relinquish his shoulder, but the king held firm on his grip.
"We're not going off on a wild goose chase after him." He was struggling to understand why Gwaine was being so willingly blind to the circumstances. By the time they'd successfully tracked Drin to a location, he could've easily moved on, or easily overpowered them if they were as underprepared as they were last time.
"What are we supposed do then?" Gwaine scoffed, "wait for him to come after Merlin like Petch predicted? Do you know how bad that would be for everyone?" He raised his eyebrows at Arthur, daring him to challenge him, to prove him wrong. "Screw waiting! There is absolutely nothing to discuss about this. You saw what he did to Merlin, how can you just stand there whilst he's alive and breathing?"
"You think it's easy?" Arthur's voice caught in his throat. "You don't think the minute I heard I wanted to ride out and hunt him down? Tear him limb from limb for what he did?" The anger was palpable in his words as he fought to contain them.
"Then why don't you?" Gwaine pushed, though he'd backed off the king a little.
"Because…" Arthur grimaced, toying with how much to tell Gwaine. "I can't leave Merlin, not now."
"What do you mean?" He narrowed his eyes, "You've spoken to him?"
"He's not himself at the moment." Arthur fumbled for words. Merlin had entrusted him with this, but he wasn't telling just anyone, this was Gwaine. And you could rely on Gwaine to find out anything, especially stuff he wasn't meant to know.
"Arthur, he hasn't been himself for a month," he pushed closer, "I know this. What did he tell you?" Peering at Arthur earnestly, Gwaine held the king's gaze.
"It's Drin." Arthur relented. He really didn't want to tell Gwaine, but he knew the knight. Now he'd picked up on something he would absolutely not let it go until Arthur told him the truth. "Drin's still in his head." He breathed, gritting his teeth. It pained him to admit it, admit that Merlin was still damaged from their captivity, admit that his mind had been broken along with his body. And it was all down to him.
"Bastard. The utter, bloody, stupid bastard couldn't stay dead, could he? Not literally, not even figuratively!" Gwaine's temper was rising to unparalleled heights as he balled his hands into fists, and Arthur actually considered ducking for a moment, in case he decided to lash out and strike whatever was in front of him. Instead, Arthur caught his arm once more mid-rant, making sure he could look him in the eye.
"It's reckless to just go after him. We have the word of Lord Geowin that he's… around, that he's getting soldiers together, but we've no idea about numbers or plans or manoeuvres and if he outnumbers us again…" the thought of being back in Drin's proximity, never mind his prisoner, was stomach churning enough to calm Gwaine down, even a small amount.
"I can't just sit around and do nothing." He screwed up his eyes in frustration, turning from the King.
"I know it's difficult, but that's all we can do." Arthur sighed. "I'll send scouts, I'll get reports, but we cannot go charging in there with our eyes closed, do you understand me?" His was as earnest as possible, he would not allow the madman to get away unscathed, and they would find him. And then he'd be punished. Whatever the hell would be the punishment for what he did; Arthur was not usually one to seek grim executions, however, he'd make an exception for Drin.
"You better." Gwaine simply grimaced, his eyes still ablaze with fury.
"My lord." The captain of the guards nodded his head in deference as he approached the pair. "Sir Gwaine." He added, almost as an afterthought.
"We're not done with this conversation. I promise you that." Arthur let his arm drop from Gwaine's, turning to address the guard. "Yes?"
"We've had reports coming in throughout the lower town, there's some kind of creature attacking the farms towards the border with the Lowlands." He breathed, and Arthur thought he detected the smallest amount of excitement in the guard's voice. Very little had happened since the ensuing chaos following their disappearance, something the king was grateful of, not having the energy to deal with any kind of outside problems. It seemed the guards thought differently.
"Great, this is just what I needed." Arthur sighed, holding his hands on his hips. "I'll ride out with a patrol as soon as possible."
"Very well sire," he nodded, "I'll send word to the grooms, five horses?"
"Six. Merlin's coming with us." Gwaine raised an eyebrow at this, but said nothing, heading quietly off to grab his armour and sword, and alert the other's they were needed. Arthur spun on his heel, heading off to find his manservant, wherever he may be.
"Gaius, have you seen Merlin?" Arthur strode, albeit somewhat quietly, into the physician's chambers. "I need him for-"
"He's not going with you." Gaius, who was sat at the table eating a plate of bread and cheese, cut him off bluntly. He'd cast a single glance up at Arthur, before returning to the plate.
"I don't know what you're talking about." Arthur let out an unconvincingly ignorant laugh, but he should've know better than to try and lie to Gaius, who simply glared at him.
"I'm not an idiot, Arthur." He chided. "You are half dressed in armour," he motioned to Arthur's very obvious battle attire, "you're clearly going somewhere outside of Camelot, and whatever it is you're going off to do, Merlin is having no part in it." He stood to take his plate away.
"Why not?" He closed the door to the quarters, leaning against it, arms crossed like a child. "He says he's fit enough." He wouldn't even begin to consider Merlin for something like his if he thought he wasn't up to it, but after Merlin had finally opened up to him, he felt like he needed to try and bring some sense of normalcy back to their lives.
And for Arthur and Merlin, riding out far into the heart of Camelot and fighting some unnatural creature spawned of magic was normal for them.
"Do you just expect me to patch him up every time he comes home like he did?" Gaius' words were cutting, keeping his voice on the edge of restraint. Arthur hadn't heard the old man speak with such passion in a long time, but he could feel it. Merlin was a son in everything but blood to him, and he spoke as a father should. "Because I can't," His words caught in his throat, tight with emotion and almost cracking, "none of us are strong enough to go through that again."
"He'll be fine." It was a lame answer to such a powerful message, and a mantra Arthur seemed to have adopted as of late. When it came to Merlin, apparently denial was his go-to emotion. Convincing himself that Merlin would be fine, whether about his injuries, his mind or his future wellbeing, Arthur always had to assure himself that he would not be without his friend.
"Like he was last time?" Gaius finally looked up at Arthur. He seemed so tired, and worn, and the lines in his face appeared to be etched deeper than ever. He hadn't thought of Gaius, he'd just assumed that everything would revert to how it had been before they disappeared, but the physician had obviously been worrying about Merlin as much, if not more, than they had.
"Gaius-" Arthur tried, but he was not nearly done yet.
"Can you guarantee that that will never happen to him again? That there will never be another Drin around the corner? Because I can, by keeping him safe." He stood firm, eyes narrowing at Arthur. "He's not going on any more patrols, or hunting trips, or quests." Arthur let out a short, disbelieving laugh, until he realised Gaius wasn't kidding, he meant every word he'd said.
"You can't-" He started, frowning. Merlin was a part of his everyday life, he had been for years and Gaius had never spoken out about the two of them leaving Camelot on such a regular basis. In fact, he'd even been the one to poke fun at Merlin's dishevelled form being hurried to a horse for an incredibly early patrol. Perhaps that was part of it though, in the past Gaius had been so willing to let Merlin go, and now he was trying to atone for that.
"Oh, can't I?" He raised a brow. "He's my boy and if I want to protect him then I will. I won't lose him, not again." The faraway look was back in his eyes, the one Gwen had described to him. He'd been like that for most of the time they'd been lost, present and there in the room, but his eyes were as if he wasn't. She'd made sure he was eating, and also sent him to bed most nights, though she realised very quickly that while he agreed to retire to his room, he did not sleep.
Arthur wondered if his father had ever felt that loss for him, truly as a son, and not just as an heir to carry on their dynasty. He hoped he had, but there was always doubt in his mind whenever he thought of his father as his father, and not as his king.
"I'm sorry Gaius, it's not your call." Arthur hated to do this, he really did. But this was what Merlin wanted, and he'd made it abundantly clear that he could stand no more babying or coddling or people treating him differently. This was Arthur's way of proving that could listen to Merlin, and he could help him how he wanted to be helped. "He's my servant and if I-"
"You're pulling rank?" Gaius' expression of hurt hit Arthur like a blow to the stomach. He wasn't his father, he didn't place his judgement above others just because he was born higher, but this time it wasn't his own judgement, it was Merlin's. "This is me, Arthur, and you're ordering me to stop worrying about Merlin? To stop caring if he goes out there and gets killed one day? Because that is an order I will defy a thousand times over." The physician could be stubborn at the best of times, but he was an immovable force when it came to Merlin.
"You can't cage him just because of some lunatic. He needs-"
"Don't you dare tell me what Merlin does or doesn't need." Uther may have been the king, and the one giving speeches to immense crowds, but Gaius had mastered the very octaves to command a room throughout his years. "I will tell you what he doesn't need and that is to be recklessly endangered, because you are the king and he is your servant. Not a knight, or a nobleman, but your servant and he doesn't need to go on every single trip with you. I shouldn't have to tell you that Merlin is not himself, I've never seen him in such a way before. He tries so hard to hide it from all of us, he's always tried hard, but lately he's having to put so much effort into just keeping up appearances, it's easy to see the cracks forming."
"You blame me for what happened." Arthur blanched, feeling a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Not for the most part, no." Gaius sighed, his eyeline anywhere but at the king. "You didn't take a knife or a boot to him, you didn't hurt him, that was Drin and his brutes. And yes, I understand it was Merlin's choice to go with you, it is always Merlin's choice," he scoffed ruefully, "but you left him, Arthur. You let him think he was alone and that is what's damaged him most. The fact he thought that everyone had left him and that is on you. There's damage that can't be undone, no matter how many times you apologise for it."
"I have to go." The king turned away from Gaius, unable to find any counteracting words, and opened the door.
"Arthur…" Gaius warned.
"I'm going to find Merlin, Gaius." Arthur's voice was soft but firm, ending the rest of the conversation. "We're leaving shortly, it'll do him good. I promise you I will look after him." Before the physician could argue another word, Arthur had left the chambers, the door swinging shut behind him.
"If only I knew you could keep that." Gaius muttered. If he'd been sprightlier on his feet he would've chased after him, but perhaps the king was right. Maybe he was being overprotective, but he couldn't bear to see his ward bleeding and half-dead one more time. "Stay safe, you foolish boy."
Chapter 12 shall be published within a few days if I can get the editing down.
