Chapter 11

Heracles was like a big cat. So much like one that Kiku wondered how anyone could mistake him for a promiscuous college student. Sure, he was handsome. Sexy, even. Kiku would learn from firsthand experience the allure of a pair of kissable lips, the delight of a toned strong body, and the glow of tanned skin in morning sunlight through the window. But there were also his sleepy gentle eyes, soft voice, and head of wavy, brown hair. Not that those weren't also attractive, but they were also endearing.

When Heracles slept over, he truly did sleep over. With finals approaching in the winter, Heracles was content to sleep in Kiku's bed while Kiku studied at his desk a few feet away. There was a lot of sleeping on Heracles' part. It wasn't that Heracles didn't have a place to stay. He found a job in a pet store by this point, and also worked next door at the florist's. The two jobs were often back to back, and Kiku's place was closer than his own. As long as he was not legally residing in Kiku's college dorm, it was fine. So Heracles slept, like an oversized house cat, in Kiku's room a few times a week.

Kiku didn't mind this. In a sense, Heracles' sleeping presence counted as company. His room became a more soothing place in a way, like everything he needed was in there. It didn't interfere with his studying, and at the end of the night when his hands were stiff and his neck cramped from hunching over keyboards and textbooks, his eyes strained from code, he could crawl into a bed already warmed. He felt small next to Heracles' larger frame, but safe.

Heracles would usually be gone by morning, and Kiku would miss the feeling of pressing his face against a back moving with steady breaths.

That was the extent of their physical intimacy in Kiku's room. When Heracles brought Kiku over to his place, on the other hand, was a different story.

It was still two weeks before finals, and fall was in full force, with winter peeking its way in. The ground held the bounty of leaves that had once been on the trees, and the air foretold of colder times ahead. Even so, the two of them were content to bundle up and walk in the park, taking delight in the changing of the seasons. Heracles' hands were always warm.

Kiku had been to Heracles' place before. It was sparse, but contained what Heracles needed. Heracles was not one for extravagant living in the first place and was satisfied with his modest furnishing. The space was small and the walls were a bit old, but it was a shelter from the outside world, from cold and from people. The first time Kiku came, he had brought tea and cat treats, for Nekokichi. This time, he tried something new.

It felt silly somehow, but he had brought a homemade bento. Where he had come from, it was usually the girl's role to do so, but that didn't seem to matter if both of them were guys. He worried about Heracles eating well, and admittedly, he wanted to be appreciated. So in line of the thinking he knew, he made a bento, like a shoujo manga schoolgirl.

That was the thought process behind it, but it didn't do much for Kiku once he was inside Heracles' apartment. Heracles was removing his jacket and hanging it on a chair while Kiku stood by the door, the bento hidden in a bag. Suddenly he regretted it. He wasn't much of a cook, being content with simple foods, but what if Heracles didn't like it? What if, God forbid, Heracles thought it was silly, or didn't understand it?

But after watching Heracles make cat noises at Nekokichi for a whole minute, Kiku decided that it would probably be fine.

"This is for you," Kiku announced as he walked over, almost sorry to interrupt Heracles in his coming-home-and-greeting-cat ritual. He held out the bag, the bento box shape unmistakable to him. To Heracles, it was a mysterious surprise, and excitedly without a word, he took it into his hands and unwrapped the bag.

Heracles stared in wonder at the box. It was lacquerware, and in the dim lighting of the apartment it had a dark, quiet beauty, unlike that of ceramic or porcelain. He lifted it to examine it on all sides, eyes completely absorbed in taking it in, mouth open slightly in wonder. He then set the box down in his lap.

"It's beautiful," Heracles breathed.

Kiku felt a beam of pride, but anticipated Heracles opening it and seeing the food presented inside. But instead, Heracles set the box on the table, stood, and gently grabbed Kiku's arm, tugging it. Kiku stared at him in confusion. Why didn't he open it?

Heracles tugged a bit harder, looking at Kiku in a way that made Kiku feel a bit funny. So Kiku followed him to… the bed. Whereupon immediately Heracles ushered him to sit with his back against the wall. Before Kiku knew it, Heracles came in close and kissed him. Kiku made a sound of surprise and Heracles pulled away, but stayed closed enough that Kiku could feel the space between their lips.

"I, um," Kiku stammered. He flushed and looked away, not sure where his eyes were supposed to go. He didn't know where this was coming from, but without thinking his hand had grabbed the front of Heracles' shirt, which Heracles, without thinking, took as a sign to go for more.

Kiku's mind went blank and he felt Heracles' lips pressing and moving gently against his. This was kissing. Kiku couldn't say he never tried to picture kissing. In his dating sim days, it was just a word, an option on a list of commands. When he started getting involved with Heracles though, his mind couldn't help but wander to the thought of the real, physical act.

A sound escaped from his throat, the tone of which pulled Heracles in closer. Kiku felt his face heat up tenfold, like his blood vessels were holding his cheeks. His legs felt light and his hands weak, like all the blood was rushing to the center. Heracles was definitely gentle, but Kiku felt like something was giving way, and the more Heracles gave the more Kiku wanted to give, until they couldn't meet halfway any more than they already were, and there was no more distance to bridge between them. Kiku became aware of a hand on his thigh, but there was a lot going on to process.

Heracles gave pause to allow Kiku to catch his breath, but not before he passionately pressed Kiku's bottom lip a bit harder between his own. Kiku sat there breathing heavily, his mind spinning.

"Kiku," Heracles said. "I'm going to use my tongue. Tell me to stop if you don't like it." And so he leaned in again, and Kiku didn't have time to think. Heracles reached around and softly gripped the back of Kiku's head, finger interweaving with his hair and holding on.


How much time passed before Heracles pulled away, Kiku could not bother to keep track of. When he did, he saw Heracles look at him as if he were the world, right now, a microcosm of everything that mattered. Kiku looked back at Heracles looking at him, lost in the windows of seeing someone see you, and seeing someone see you see them seeing you, before a thought occurred to him.

"Y… you should open it," Kiku said, his breathing now evened out. "The box, I mean."

Heracles eyes widened a bit in surprise, and Kiku almost smiled. That Heracles was so enamored with the box itself and didn't know the box contained something was so very cute.

He opened it and inside were compartments, filled carefully with rice, tamagoyaki, nori, and assorted sausages and vegetables, arranged to look like the face of a cat. His face did not change much, yet somehow Kiku could sense delight bubbling inside him.

"Ah." Kiku watched the pieces fall together in Heracles' head, and almost would've wanted to look at that moment forever. "It's a cat." Heracles blushed a bit. "You made this for me. Thank you, Kiku."

Later Heracles would actually eat the bento. But for now, he decided he wanted his mouth on something else. He couldn't articulate what specifically, so long as it was on Kiku.


Kiku hoped the cold wind would account for the glow in his cheeks on his way back. Even Heracles had a bit of glow himself, and with the two of them walking together, it seemed all to easy to guess what sort of thing they had been up to. Maybe it would be better if Kiku went home alone, but Heracles insisted on at least accompanying him to the door. Kiku couldn't argue; it was a nice decrescendo.

"I didn't think you'd like the bento that much," Kiku said, voice muffled by his scarf. His lips were still slightly swollen from having been kissed so much, not that he minded.

"I love it," Heracles insisted.

"That was… my first time," Kiku admitted, referring to both the bento and the kissing. Reflexively he wanted to retract the words out of the air, lest Heracles' next response was that of scorn or disbelief. But Heracles only looked at him fondly.

"I'm happy to be your first."

Kiku's heart skipped a beat. He basked in that feeling as they walked, now in the park. But it faded soon after another thought occurred—who was Heracles' first? He glanced at Heracles, who was now taking in the outdoors. Kiku was definitely not Heracles' first. It didn't really matter, Kiku thought to himself. But he felt a bit forlorn. If it was Sadiq, that feeling would grow heavier.

"My first was a girl from my hometown," Heracles shared without prompting, as if sensing Kiku's small upset. "It was just a peck. After that I had countless."

Oh.

"By the time I was 16, I had already been with at least the same number of boys and girls as my number of years."

Oh.

"When I came here, it was only with Sadiq."

Kiku felt like he was being punched in the gut. "Heracles—"

"But you're the first," Heracles continued. "The first that stirred my heart."

Ah. Kiku could feel heat spread to his ears.

"I hope you don't think I'm dirty…"

"No," Kiku responded immediately. "I just… before this, I…" Before this, he played dating sims. It was the pinnacle of his emotional investment in the romantic realm. It wasn't even emotional investment but rather, a safe grounds for interaction in a predictable manner. He delighted in the cute love interests the same way one would delight in an elaborately decorated cake slice, and he certainly did not view real women with the same lens. In fact, as far as he could remember, a girl never caught his eye in the same way that Heracles did.

"I'm physically demanding in certain aspects," Heracles continued. "I hope that's okay."

Kiku thought back to Heracles' apartment. Kiku was the first one on that specific bed. And Heracles was the first in his.

They stopped walking.

"I want to go all the way with you."

"What are you saying in broad daylight!?" Kiku blurted. Heracles just smiled shyly at him, and Kiku had to let it go. How could someone say that sort of thing so directly and look so innocent? And Kiku couldn't truthfully say he was surprised, he just didn't expect to hear it verbalized. He didn't know if he returned that sentiment quite yet.

He also didn't expect to see Sadiq in the park. Neither of them did. Sadiq was not expecting to bump into Heracles and Kiku walking together in the park either, of all people. But as the pair passed by the familiar pagoda-like gazebo, the two parties caught a glimpse of each other. Heracles and Kiku in broad afternoon daylight on the sidewalk, holding hands with flushed faces, and Sadiq having a smoke in the shade of the pavilion.

The tranquil, affectionate air of that afternoon collapsed into the ground, shattered in a single moment. A moment of fight or flight occurred to both Heracles and Kiku as Sadiq stood, his face reaching deeper into the shade of the gazebo's roof.

"If it isn't Karpusi."


To be continued...