Chapter Eleven: Out From Under.
Breathe you out, Breathe you in,
You keep coming back to tell me, you're the one who could have been
And my eyes see all so clearly, it was long ago and far away but it never disappeared
I tried to put it in the past,
Hold on to myself and don't look back
I don't want to dream about, all the things that never were,
Baby I can live without and I'm out from under.
I don't want to feel the pain, what good would it do me now,
Get it all figured out,
And I'm out from under.
Even when I cross the line, it's like a lie I told a thousand times,
I don't want to dream about, all the things that never were,
Baby I can live without and I'm out from under
I don't want to feel the pain, what good would it do me now,
Get it all figured
And I'm out from under.
Part of me still believes, when you say, you're gonna stick around,
And part of me still believes, we can find a way to work it out,
But I know that we tried everything we could try,
So let's just say Goodbye, Forever.
I don't want to dream about, all the things that never were,
Baby I can live without and I'm out from under
I don't want to feel the pain, what good would it do me now,
Get it all figured out,
And I'm out from under.
I don't want to dream about, all the things that never were,
Baby I can live without and I'm out from under
I don't want to feel the pain, what good would it do me now,
Get it all figured out,
And I'm out from under.
-.- -.- -.- -.- -.- -.-
"When?" I asked quietly, looking at the floor.
"5 o'clock"Alice whispered, we were currently sitting on the porch steps, and Alice had just told me that they were leaving town in a few hours, and I wasn't going with them.
I quickly glanced at the clock, it was 2:24 in the afternoon, only roughly 2 hours. "We were supposed to leave this morning, but I wanted one last day with you." she quickly explained.
"Alice, we need to talk..." I told her, my voice wavering, "In private" I quickly added.
She simply nodded and led me out of her room, we didn't go to the end of the driveway, like I thought we would, but instead, Alice took me out the back way and into the forest.
Finally she stopped and turned around to me, waiting for me to speak, "You can't leave," I started.
"We need to, you had to know that it was only going to be a matter of time before we did." she argued.
"Yes, but I didn't think it would be so soon," I whispered, sitting down on a fallen log, "You can't leave" I repeated.
"I'm sorry, Bella"
"You don't understand," I told her, "You and your family are my future. Edward, he's done more for me than anyone can even begin to understand."
"You'll move on, Bella. All humans forget, you'll grow up and have children and grandchildren." she said, smiling gently.
"I already had a child"
"What?" She asked sharply.
"A daughter," I smiled, Renesmee's face grinning in my mind.
"Nessie?" Alice whispered, "But I thought you and Edward got married." She mused.
I nodded, smiling more brightly, "Renesmee Carlie Cullen"
"Cullen?" Alice gasped.
"Edward and I had a daughter" I told her, when I saw her disbelieving face, I continued. "We didn't know it was possible, no one did. So, on our honeymoon, we conceived Renesmee. It was a quick pregnancy – only taking a month before she was born, it nearly killed me because she was so strong, but a friend figured out how to make it work," I shrugged, my mind resting on Jacob for a minute before I moved on "And then, I gave birth to a beautiful little girl, Edward changed me straight away, and saved my life." I smiled.
"But, we've searched for decades, trying to find some way that we could be able to have children, it's impossible!" Alice exclaimed, pacing in front of me.
"It is impossible for immortal women to have children, not immortal men. The woman's body can't change to support the growth of a baby, whereas the men don't have to change at all."
"You and Edward had a child, a vampire child?" She turned her musing into a question, looking at me.
"Yes, she is half vampire and half human. One of a kind. She has vampire abilities – though they aren't as sharp as ours were, she even had a gift of her own, kind of a mixture of both Edward's and mine, she could place her thoughts into other people's minds by touching their face – she could even penetrate my mental shield." Alice was looking at me with a memorised expression, listening to me tell her about her niece. "Her body temperate ran a few degrees warmer than a humans as well as her heart beat sounded something like a hummingbird, and she developed really quickly, by the age she would be 7, she'd look our age – where she would be frozen forever." I hadn't realised that I was crying by the end of it until a tear dropped onto my hand. "I was taken away from her before she was even one."
"She sounds amazing, Bella."
"She is" I smiled.
"How did you come up with her name? It's very unique." Alice asked, sitting next to me on the log.
I smiled again, looking at her, "It's a collaboration of Renee and Esme, her middle name is also one of Carlisle and Charlie."
"Wow" She breathed, "Esme and Carlisle would be so touched to know that."
"I hope so" I told her, then turned more serious, "Do you see why you can't leave now?"
She simply nodded, and then sighed. "It's not up to me, Bella. We need to leave, if we don't, it'll uncover our secret."
I slumped my posture and looked at the ground, "Can I please come with you?"
Alice shook her head, "What about your parents? Your friends? You can't just leave them."
"I would rather live without my parent's than without you and your family, and I don't have any friends, I was new to town when I left." I briefly thought about Jacob, and how he had acted when we had actually met for the first time, I couldn't call him a friend.
"You can't come with us, it's too dangerous." she gave me a small smile and stood up, motioning for me to follow her, in the direction of the house.
"I won't be in any more danger than the humans you go to school with."
"I'm sorry, Bella." She whispered, walking off ahead of me. I didn't follow her though, I fell to the ground, leaning my back against the log I had just been sitting on.
Burying my face in my hands, I cried. Was it really over? Would I ever see them again? If Nessie is never born, my life would be over, I can't live without her, or Edward, or any of the other Cullens. My thoughts made me cry even louder, I didn't stop for what felt like hours, though I knew it would have only been a matter of a couple of minutes.
"Bella?" I heard Alice whisper softly.
"What am I going to do?" I asked, letting more sobs escape. "My whole life has been your family, now that you guys don't want me..." I trailed off, shaking my head. This felt very similar to when Edward had left me in my coma.
"It's not that, Bella. We just can't get involved with humans, it's dangerous for us all."
"You're a lot more opposed to this than when I was dreaming of it." I mumbled, sulking.
"Believe me, I would like nothing more than to get to know you better, but, I can't see anything good coming out of you leaving with us."
"That's because you can't remember Forks." I told her, crossing my arms over my chest.
We stayed quiet for a few more minutes until Alice looked up, to the direction we'd come, a second later, Edward walked into view.
"Yes, yes, I know" Alice said before anyone had spoken a word, I got up the moment she did, moving to follow her but Edward stopped me.
"I'd like to talk to you"
"Oh," I mumbled, and sat back down. I watched Alice walk out of sight before turning to Edward, seeing him lean against the tree in front of me.
"I'm not sure where to begin." he mused, looking at me hesitantly.
I could feel my eyes fill with tears before I asked, "Are you saying goodbye?"
"I'm sorry, Bella." he whispered, "I know you have an... attachment to me, I don't want to hurt your feelings..." he trailed off.
"Because you don't feel the same way." I finished for him, looking at the ground.
"No, that's not entirely true, I have an interest in you... you're the first person I've ever come across whom is immune to my powers." he told me.
"But that's not enough to hold your attention, I am human after all." I hadn't mean to let this come out, it'd just slipped and by the time it was spoken, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to take it back.
"You don't think of yourself very highly," he changed the subject, it wasn't a question, so I didn't answer, "You don't see yourself clearly, I think you would be surprised at how other people react to you – my family included."
I just gave a small smile, not wanting to look up from the patch of dirt I was staring at.
"Alice already pictures your future together, as sisters." that did make me look up though.
"She does?" I asked.
"It's absurd, but yes, she does." Absurd, I repeated in my head, he thinks it's a bad idea for me to be in his family.
"Do you...?" I asked quietly.
I saw a flicker of a smile pass over his features before he shook his head, "It's not healthy to linger on the what ifs." was all he said.
"Do you... do you want to know about our life? The one that I experienced?" I asked after 5 minutes of silence.
"No, that will only make this harder" I'd almost forgotten that he was here to say goodbye, the realisation made my chest restrict painfully. "Goodbye Bella"
I watched him move closer to me, hugging me close to him, "I'll miss you" I sobbed tearfully. He pulled back to give me a tight smile.
"There's someone waiting out there for you." He told me, I shook my head, wrapping my arms around him more.
"I don't want anyone else." I choked out, closing my eyes against his chest.
"You deserve to be happy, please don't dwell on me." I felt him stroke my hair, I quickly caught a tear before he noticed it and regain some composure. At least he'll be out there somewhere.
"We should get back" I whispered, but made no move to let go of him until he unlocked my hands from around his waist and held me at arms length.
"After you," he murmured softly, wiping a tear away with his thumb.
I turned and tried to take a step, but couldn't will myself to actually do it, if I walked out of this forest – it would be truly over, Edward would be gone and I would have given up. A whole new wave of tears poured their way down my cheeks and a couple of sobs escaped my lips.
"We have a daughter" I spluttered out, not sure if he'd actually understood me.
"What?" He gasped, eyes narrowed at me. I proceeded to tell him all about Renesmee and how we didn't know anything like this was possible before I became pregnant.
"This isn't possible, Bella! Are you lying to make us stay?" He asked sharply.
"I would never make you stay somewhere against your will!" I retorted.
He paced back and forth, stopping every once in a while to ruffle his hair or glare at me. "In all of my 100 years, nothing like this has ever been heard of. Vampire's can't have children!"
"There's a first time for everything, she was our miracle." I smiled, the way I always did when I spoke about my baby.
"It's all the more reason to stay away from you, we can't bring a child into this world." He exclaimed, pinching the bridge of his nose. I felt my mouth pop open, Edward's head snapped up as if someone had called his name. He took one last look at me and with a quick stroke of the cheek and a blush on my part, "It was lovely to meet you", he sped off towards the house.
I sunk to my knees, Edward knew of Renesmee's existence and still didn't want anything to do with me, I could understand – as much as it tore me into pieces, that he might not care for me, but Nessie? How could Edward not care about having a daughter in the future.
I started crying again, this time it was a sort of grieving process, I'd never get my husband, my family, or my daughter. I'd have to die an old lonely lady.
"Bella?" I heard from my left, I quickly looked to my right to wipe my eyes dry.
"Yes?" I asked, throat thick. Alice stood there, looking apologetic.
"We're leaving now" I closed my eyes and tried to feel numb to the wave of emotions that flew through me.
"Okay" I said sullenly, getting up and brushing off my clothes.
"I'm sorry we didn't get more time" Alice murmured as we walked back to the house, I kept quiet, knowing that if I spoke about this, I would lose control of my composure.
"It's been wonderful getting to know you, Bella!" Esme told me as she gave me a gentle hug, I felt my control wavering.
"You too" I mumbled, clearing my throat afterwards, "Bye"
"Bye, Bella!" Emmett boomed as he spun me around in a bear hug, I gasped and fought to catch my breath when he released me.
"Goodbye" both Rosalie and Jasper said, from afar, Jasper somewhat nicer than Rosalie, I was just surprised that she had acknowledged me at all.
"Bye" I mumbled, smiling but keeping my eyes on the floor.
"I hope to meet you again someday soon, Bella" Carlisle told me, resting his hand on my shoulder briefly before ushering everyone out the door. How was I supposed to get to the airport?
"Jasper and I will drive you to the airport, and then meet up with the family." Alice told me as she led me to her yellow Porsche, I just nodded and watched Jasper put my suitcase in the boot.
I hope I have enough money on my key card for a plane ticket, I guess I could always call Charlie or Renee if I don't.
I watched the others get in their cars and drive down the long driveway, I almost lost it when I saw the last car pull away – Edward's. Rosalie and Emmett were driving in her BMW, Emmett's Jeep was getting shipped there, Edward drove his Volvo while Esme and Carlisle took Carlisle's Mercedes. Edward's Vanquish was getting shipped with Emmett's car.
I kept my eyes on my lap the whole time we drove, not wanting to see anything that I couldn't handle, not long and I would be back in Forks, back to where it all began – and where it would end. At least I could have Jacob in my life, if he would let me.
"We're here" Jasper announced, I looked out the window and saw the glass doors to the Domestic Airport in New Hampshire.
"Thank you," I mumbled, with a deep breath I said, "I hope I see you again soon" I quickly got out of the car and made my way to the boot, but Jasper was already there with Alice next to him.
"What are you doing?" I asked, looking at them confused.
"We're not just going to drop you and then leave, we're seeing you off." Alice said, pulling my hand as she walked inside, "Besides, we need to buy your ticket."
"I can pay for my own plane ticket, Alice." I mumbled, looking at Jasper for help, but he just shrugged and looked away.
"I don't doubt that you can, but I want to do it." I sighed and gave up, following her around the airport as she bought the ticket and checked me in.
"Are you hungry?" She asked as we sat down in the waiting area. I shook my head.
"Well, here's some money in case you need to eat on the plane." She told me, handing me a 50 dollar bill.
"Oh, Alice, I can at least pay for my own food."
"Your plane is in an hour, 6 o'clock," She started, ignoring me, "you'll have a stop in Philadelphia. And then you will have to get another plane from Seattle. Do you want us to wait?" I quickly shook my head, the longer they are here, the harder it will be for me to leave.
"Okay, well... I guess this is goodbye again." I kept my eyes down as she hugged me, not trusting myself if I looked at them.
"It's been a pleasure meeting you, Bella." I heard Jasper say.
"You as well, Jasper" I murmured.
I looked up in time to see them walking away, my smile faded, and was replaced by a watery frown. I took a few deep breaths and took out my I-pod, hoping to distract myself.
The hour passed sluggishly, finally I heard the flight to Seattle being called.
7 and a half hours had passed when I finally landed in Port Angeles, I had just gotten my suitcase and was making my way out the the taxi cabs, when I saw a man in a black suit hold a sign – Bella Swan.
I stared at it for a few seconds before I smiled, "Alice" I whispered, before announcing that I was the person he was looking for.
The man took my luggage from me and ushered me out the doors to a fancy looking black car – it kind of looked like Carlisle's Mercedes.
"Miss Cullen didn't tell me where I was supposed to go..." The man explained to me once he'd gotten into the drivers seat – I was in the back seat.
"Oh," I thought for a second, it was 1:30 in the morning, should I really start knocking on the door at Charlie's house at this hour? I thought for another minute until I answered him, "433 Mill Creek Road, Forks. Please" Surely I can stay one night at the Cullen's old home.
It took an hour to get to the Cullen's Forks home, so I was exhausted by the time we did arrive, and I hadn't even thought of how I would get into the house.
I eventually made it inside – after having to break a part of the back glass wall, Esme would be so angry. I was glad to see there wasn't an alarm, who would be stupid enough to break into a vampire's home?
I didn't bother to venture into the house too far, I curled up on the sheet-covered couch – the only thing in the big room, it'd been pushed into a corner, and pulled the second half of the sheet over for some sort of blanket, falling asleep almost instantly.
I woke up to my phone buzzing in my pocket, the caller I.D said that it was my dad. I stretched, feeling the aches from sleeping on a cramped couch, and put my cell phone back in my pocket, letting it ring out.
I stood at the foot of the staircase that lead up to the Cullen's bedroom's, but decided that it would be healthier for me if I didn't see them completely empty.
I quickly picked up my bags, pausing to look around the room I was in, one last time, and walked out the front door, making sure it was locked.
I was just about to walk off the porch when I realised that I didn't actually have any way to get back to Charlie's house. I groaned loudly and extended the handle on my bag – glad that it had wheels, I sighed again and started my way down the long driveway.
I'd gotten about half way down the long highway when I heard a car horn behind me, the car pulling to a stop next to me.
"Bella?" Jacob's voice sounded from the drivers side.
"Oh, Hi Jacob" I mumbled, shocked.
"What are you doing?" he asked, turning the engine off.
"Walking to my dad's house" I said, motioning to the road ahead of me.
I saw him roll his eyes at me, "Get in the car, I'll give you a lift."
I frowned for a few seconds before dumping my suitcase in the back of his pick up truck and getting into the passenger side.
"Thanks" I mumbled.
"Sure sure" He dismissed, turning the car back on and speeding down the road. "Why did you leave?"
"Oh," I said, taken aback by his abruptness, "Well, I was looking for someone."
"Who?"
"No-one" I murmured, looking out the window, hoping he'd drop the subject.
"You scared Charlie" He told me, I nodded.
"I know, but it was important." I muttered, "I'm back now, for good..." I trailed off.
"Good" he ended, I watched the tree's and roads as he sped through the streets, not wasting any time when he came to a stop in front of Charlie's house.
"Thanks for the lift." I said quietly, getting out of the car, before I closed the door, I turned back. "I hope I see you again soon"
He just nodded, glaring at the street with his nostrils flared, do I smell like them? I quickly wondered, slamming the door closed and collecting my bag.
I watched him speed down the street and turned around when I couldn't see or hear his car anymore.
"Bella!" I heard Charlie exclaim, already in the doorway before I'd even made it to the porch.
"Hi dad" I said meekly, giving him a small smile, returning his hug when he embraced me. "You have some explaining to do, Isabella." he suddenly growled, snatching my bag from me and ushering me inside.
I mentally rolled my eyes and prepared for what would be a long discussion.
[Author Note: Before you all curse me into hell, everything will work out, BE PATIENT! :) lol, btw VOTE ON MY POLL! It's a new one! And also REVIEW THIS STORY! Xoxo]
