Chapter 11
It was nearly three in the morning yet Michaela didn't sleep. She sat at the vanity, staring at her reflection in the mirror. The dim light of the oil lamp next to her bed graciously softened the dark rings under her eyes, but she didn't see them anyway.
The longer Sully was gone, the more questions arose, and at the moment she was wondering what was wrong with her. She had loved two men and they'd dearly loved her back. That she was certain of. They'd promised to share their life with her but it didn't take long for either of them to plan their future without her. Why had she lost their respect? How had she failed them?
She would never forget the expression on her father's face when David broached the news that he would join the army and leave in two days. They'd sat at the dinner table and she'd dropped her fork upon hearing her fiancé's words. Her mother, as usual, only cared about her misbehavior and cast her a disapproving look. She didn't understand, yet her father did. For the first time in her life Michaela detected pity for her in his eyes. He'd never felt sorry for her before, not when several universities rejected her or male colleagues refused to acknowledge her as a professional. He knew she would fight and was bound to reach her goal in the end. This time, however, she didn't have the chance. This was about feelings; you can't fight for being loved the way you want it.
Of course she wouldn't have held back David from working in the army; she knew how desperate doctors were needed. All she'd wished for was that he'd discussed the topic with her before he made his decision. Then she would have known that their relationship was as important to him as it was to her. It was humiliating to find out that her opinion didn't matter.
However, as devastating as it was to learn so many years ago that her fiancé had made a decision that might take him away from her for good - this time it was worse.
Sully and she were married. They'd made vows to each other. Knowing his honorable nature she'd never thought he would break any of them. Finding out that he had kept quitting his job at Preston's from her was nothing compared to the realization that he'd prepared his going away right under her nose. She still couldn't believe that he'd brought the horses for the Indians' escape to their property whilst making all family believe they were Robert E.'s.
Sully had lied without blinking.
Yet not this or the still unfathomable truth that he vanished without even saying goodbye was the worst. She'd once arrogantly told Marjorie that Sully would never leave her for some trollop. Although she was still right about that it didn't change the fact that she was alone with their children now. Leaving them was what she would never forgive him.
Growing agitated by this thought Michaela rose from her seat, hoping a look at the starry sky would soothe her nerves. Once at the window she pulled it wide open, allowing the soft breeze of the warm summer night to caress her face. She closed her eyes in order to savor this feeling yet sensing that someone was watching her destroyed the moment.
Turning her head she saw one of the soldiers at the post before the house gazing her way. Instantly, she took a step back.
In the morning she'd still thought she could just ignore O'Connor's men, not giving him the satisfaction that their constant presence irritated her. But now she began to feel as if living in a goldfish bowl. They'd searched the wagon when the family left for town after breakfast and did the same when they returned home in the evening. Outside of her property she wasn't left alone either; one man followed her on horseback outside of town, and in town her every step was observed as well.
But now the soldiers even watched her inside of her house. How much could they spot from their position? They might not be able to see her undress but they certainly could tell when she went to bed and that she didn't sleep well. No one outside of her family had the right to know such personal things. Feeling new anger rising, she quickly closed the window without looking in the post's direction again.
Then she went back to the bed that Sully had given her as his wedding present. Halting at its foot she looked at the piece of furniture as if seeing it for the very first time. It must have taken weeks to carve the beautiful pattern on the headboard, and the smoothed edges of every board and post showed the care the bed was built with.
She remembered when she first detected it. She'd been insecure, not only because of what would happen in the bed in the near future, but she was also wondering whether Sully secretly wished he'd left with Black Kettle's tribe.
"The Cheyenne are my family and always will be. So are you," he'd assured her, and she'd relaxed upon hearing these words.
She should have listened more carefully. Sully already had a family.
Suddenly she wasn't able to look at the bed anymore, and crawling beneath the covers would be no comfort as it used to be, no matter how dreadful a day she had had. This bed belonged to a couple that was broken now, and she would not sleep in it again.
After taking out a blanket from the drawer, Michaela pulled the rocking chair closer to Katie's cot. In the end, resting in the chair turned out to be even more comfortable than lying in bed. She could use the armrest as support for her still with pain throbbing hand.
xxx
"Michaela, it finally hit me. He's never gonna come back here."
Dorothy stood before her friend in the middle of the street, still breathless from rushing towards her.
Stunned, Michaela stared at the red-haired woman wondering why Sully's disappearance suddenly upset her so much.
Yet Dorothy recognized the puzzlement she'd caused and quickly clarified, "It's Cloud Dancin'. I'll never see him again. Things happened so fast; I never got the chance to tell him…"
She hesitated for a moment; it was still new to her to admit her feelings for an Indian to someone else. Yet she'd come for Michaela's advice, and it would be pointless to hold back now.
That was why she continued, "… what he means to me. I can't eat or sleep thinkin' 'bout it."
Michaela nodded; she understood for she went through a similar torture.
Encouraged by this response Dorothy revealed, "I was thinkin' I'd try to find him. Just to see him one more time… to say goodbye."
Being occupied by her own thoughts, she didn't notice Michaela's tensing up and went on, "I been lookin' at the maps; I know how to get to the Tongue River Valley."
Michaela had studied the route as well: a lot of hills and plains to cross on a way that was around five hundred and fifty miles long. In addition a war was going on out there, not to mention the danger coming from wild animals.
Dorothy would have no one to ask for advice, let alone for help. Michaela still heard her friend out though, even encouraged her to go. She knew about the importance of having a sense of closure in order to go on with your life.
Affirmed in the rightness of her decision Dorothy hugged her friend gratefully and returned to her office, leaving Michaela where she stood.
Cracks of a whip, indiscernible shouts and the clatter of a fast approaching wagon distracted her though. Turning towards the noise Michaela saw a settler from outside of town hopping down from his vehicle in front of the barber shop, calling for Jake.
Jake instantly appeared on his porch, wiping his hands on a towel. "What's wrong?" he asked, assuming a citizen of his town wanted to complain about something to him, the mayor.
As the upset man let down the backboard of his wagon he pleaded urgently, "You gotta help my wife. Indians attacked our place and she hit her head pretty hard."
Attracted by the commotion, Loren came out of Jake's shop too, the newspaper he'd been reading still in his hand. Seeing Michaela heading towards them, he pointed at her, suggesting, "Why don't ya take her to Dr. Mike?"
Of course the old man knew the answer but since he'd never made it to the clinic the day before like planned he was determined to help now.
The settler, however, didn't respond and Jake was pleased that his medical knowledge was appreciated again. Opening his door wide he ushered the man with his precious burden in, ordering to put her on his chair where he turned down the back so the woman was in a half-lying position.
"She's unconscious," he diagnosed, lifting her eyelids.
"Aww, Jake," Loren grumbled, taking a step back to make room for Michaela who was joining them now. "Any fool can see that. Let Dr. Mike do her job."
Yet the settler fervently objected, almost yelling, "No Indian friend is touchin' my Rose!"
He didn't budge though when Michaela carefully palpated his wife's scull with her right hand and examined the wound above the temple that was encrusted with blood. Off Loren's glare, Jake had the sense to stay silent until Michaela straightened again.
"Mrs. Hopkins has a severe concussion," she summarized her findings in a neutral tone, not directing her words to anyone in particular. "And in the wound is a rather long splinter that has to be removed. I'd recommend bed rest for the next 48 hours. Do you have something to sterilize the wound?" she asked, turning towards Jake.
"Uhm…" Torn between his desire to be acknowledged for his medical skills again and the knowledge that Michaela would do a far better job than him, Jake scratched his head, his mind racing trying to figure out what's the right thing to do.
As his gaze traveled the room he saw a smirking Hank leaning with his shoulder against the doorframe, the inevitable cigar between forefinger and thumb. His friend's expression instantly kindled defiance inside of Jake yet when he shifted, his eyes met Loren's.
Watching the mute exchanges and reading it right, the settler insisted again, "No Indian friend will treat my wife."
"Aww, c'mon Hopkins," Loren gently scolded. "That's ridiculous. Ya didn't mind when she saved your boy's life last year and she's been the same Indian friend back then."
Despite herself, Michaela's lips curled up, if only almost imperceptible. She thought it sweet of Loren that he wanted to bring her patients back to her but she wasn't so sure whether he'd found the right argument.
The settler nervously shuffled his feet, still remaining resistant. "It's her husband's fault that we're in trouble again," he glowered at the storekeeper.
"Well, she ain't her husband, now ain't she?" Loren didn't waver, holding Mr. Hopkins' gaze. "And besides, don't ya want the best for your Rose?"
With that, he drove his point home.
"Alright," the settler finally conceded, and only minutes later he carried his wife towards the clinic.
xxx
Two more patients sought her advice over the course of the day, and Michaela dared to hope that she was still the town's doctor. She was, however, realistic enough to recognize that her financial trouble still increased. That was why she eventually wrote the letter to her mother, asking for her help with Colleen's tuition fees that were due in a month. As she explained her situation she played it down though and never mentioned the danger her family was in. She knew her mother - she would instantly come and meddle, and although meaning the best she would make things worse.
The next step Michaela would take was talking to Daniel. She met him on her way back from the mercantile where she had thanked Loren for his help in the morning. Of course the old man didn't want to hear of it but she could tell that he was pleased with her acknowledging what he'd done.
Waiting until Daniel was close enough so they could speak in private, Michaela considered how to broach the subject.
"Ready to go home?" he asked as he closed the distance between them. Matthew and he had just finished putting up a new front for the sheriff office and thought Michaela wanted to call it a day as well.
She didn't reply immediately but brushed some hair out of her face, still searching for the right words. As he eventually stood before her, Daniel recognized her worry mixed with embarrassment and quickly contemplated what it was that upset her.
Of course he was aware that there was a lot for her to be worried about. Sully had left her in a mess that would challenge all their skills to clear it up. But he was determined not to leave this family until it was, and Michaela knew she could rely on him. In the middle of this thought it hit him.
He ducked his head so she would look at him and could see that he was sincere. "Forget about the money Sully thinks he owes me. That's somethin' between him and me."
Surprised, Michaela lifted her head. She hadn't expected that she was so easily to read. "But…" she started to protest yet Daniel cut her off.
"No buts. That money can wait. We got more important things to think about." Seeing her relax somewhat he smiled, "Good."
As they slowly began to walk towards the clinic, Michaela remembered that she needed another favor before they left town.
Glancing at Daniel she asked, "Would you mind putting the cot from the examination room on the wagon?" Anticipating his question she explained, "It's time for Katie to move to her own room, but I don't want her to sleep alone. Not yet."
Daniel nodded. "Consider it bein' done."
He had a pretty good idea about what it really was that made her flee from the master bedroom. He stayed silent though. No need to rub salt in the wound.
