Harry Potter Morgendorffer Part Eleven
Daria is the creation of Glenn Eichler and is the property of MTV Viacom. Harry Potter is the creation of JK Rowling and is the property of JK Rowling and Warner Brothers, as are its characters and situations. I don't own them, and neither expect nor deserve financial compensation for this story. I am writing for my own amusement and for ego gratification.
What if Minerva McGonagall had been able to persuade Professor McGonagall to place baby Harry Potter with different blood relatives instead of with Petunia Dursley and her husband: the Morgendorffers from MTV's Daria?
Rated "T" for language.
Harry Potter Morgendorffer*Harry Potter Morgendorffer*Harry Potter Morgendorffer
An older-model Japanese-made sedan with Texas license plates pulled into one of the vacant spaces to the left of the patrol car, then stopped. Petunia turned to look at it and saw Minerva McGonagall seated in what was the driver's side-no, the Americans drove on the right like the French—glaring at her. McGonagall lowered her window and said "Get in, you goose."
Petunia got into the car. Mrs. Morgendorffer was driving. It was a short drive back to the Morgendorffer's house. To Petunia's consternation, the Morgendorffers' house was a short six blocks and two streets over from the convenience store. She might have remembered the way back if she'd been more careful. She stepped out of the car and saw a squirrel perched on a tree branch in the neighbors' yard. The squirrel looked at her and chattered reproachfully.
Professor Dumbledore, Mr. Morgendorffer, the American officials, and Professor McGonagall's companion were waiting for her when she entered the sitting room to the right of the Morgendorffers' front door.
"Let's get this over with," said Petunia. "I'll sign the bloody paperwork." As she expected, it wasn't paper at all, but parchment. And the damn wizards expected her to sign with a quill. Petunia hated Quill pens. She'd never done well with them and spotted a felt tip pen on a small chest next to the table. She picked it up, uncapped the top, and wrote Petunia Evans Dursley with a flourish. There, done.
"How soon can I get back to England?" she said.
"Not for twenty four hours," said Professor Dumbledore. "I may be one of the select few wizards who can apparate across the ocean, but performing such magic takes a good deal out of me. I must rest before I try it again. I should be ready to travel tomorrow evening."
"What about you?" said Petunia to Professor McGonagall.
"Madam Braden and I flew to New York on a commercial airliner, then took the floo," said Professor McGonagall. "We'll be returning to Britain the same way, then I'll floo back to Hogwarts. No telling what sort of trouble my Lions have been getting into in my absence. We wouldn't be leaving until tomorrow evening in any case."
Petunia realized in despair that she'd have to spend at least one night here in Texas whether she liked it or not. "I need to stay somewhere," she said. "I don't have any money. I didn't bring my purse with me. She looked reproachfully at Professor Dumbledore. This was all his fault; if he'd given any warning at the very least she'd have her bank cards and, with more preparation, her passport.
"You can spend the night with us," said Professor McGonagall.
By the look on Petunia's face, Professor McGonagall saw that Lily's older sister thought of it as a hideous prospect.
"Or you can spend the night over here," Helen said grudgingly, the codes of Southern hospitality and that of her former commune rising from dormancy. She didn't really want to put Petunia up overnight, but she was not only her niece, but also a blood relation. "We don't have a guest bedroom, but the couch does convert into a futon. I can get you sheets, pillows, towels, and a blanket, and we can make up the bed."
Caught between the devil and the deep blue sea, Petunia thought glumly. The witches or the nutters. She decided to take her newly-discovered great-aunt up on her offer.
The magical folk left for homes or hotels shortly thereafter by automobile or by apparation, leaving the Morgendorffers and Petunia Dursley behind. Everyone left at the Morgendorffers was exhausted, and they all went to sleep afterwards.
Mr. Sanchez drove away in his pickup, but not before casting yet another admiring glance at the neighbors' vintage Silverado pickup truck. "What do you think about Helen Morgendorffer putting the Dursley woman up overnight?" said Tabitha, who'd decided to ride with him a way so they could talk.
"I'm reminded of a No-Maj saying I heard while I was in college getting a degree in administration," said Mr. Ortiz.
"What saying?" asked Tabitha.
"Home is where you have to go, and they have to take you in," he replied.
Petunia slept longer but not as well as she would have on Privet Drive. The Morgendorffer girl baby didn't seem to be as demanding as her own precious Dudders, but she started crying in the early hours, and Helen got up from her bed to change her diaper. Some rowdies made noises a short time later and woke her up again. Some particularly evil-minded hoodlum waited until she was finally drifting off to sleep, then knocked over the garbage cans and started rummaging around in the contents.
The Morgendorffers arose around six the next morning. Helen crossed the living room to start some device in the kitchen and Petunia soon smelled and overheard the process of brewing coffee.
The sounds and smells of coffee caused Petunia to get out of bed. She spotted a bathrobe draped over a living room chair; she wore it when she went to the bathroom.
Helen Morgendorffer's kitchen made Petunia think of her mother Rose's back in Cokeworth, even though the Morgendorffers' kitchen was nothing like her mother's. Inspired by unexpected nostalgia, Petunia started to open drawers and doors to find cooking supplies. There were pots and pans, but it looked like the Morgendorffers rarely cooked meals.
Petunia opened the refrigerator. There were eggs, sausage, and grapefruit., as well as jars of baby food that must be for Baby Daria. She wondered where the Morgendorffers hid their bread, then discovered that they hid a load of store bread in a drawer below their silverware.
Jake was the first Morgendorffer to arrive in the kitchen. "I'll cook breakfast," she told him. It wasn't really altruism; she wanted to lessen her chances of food poisoning with these people.
Helen was the next. She was already dressed in an American-style businesswoman's suit. Petunia wondered if that was a typical American woman lawyer's attire and if she planned to wear it at the custody proceeding. Helen brought little Daria with her and seated the girl in the high chair.
Her great-aunt did not make much small talk. Instead, she excused herself and started making telephone calls. The woman's husband did ask her where she lived and what she did for a living. She told him that she lived in Surrey and that she was happy to be a housewife, thank you very much. Some people might have stopped there, but Mister Morgendorffer continued the conversation. Salesman, she thought. She learned that his parents Nathan and Ruth lived in a town called Coaldale in the American state of Pennsylvania. She also learned that his father had been in the Korean War and that his nickname was Mad Dog Morgendorffer. In return Petunia had to give up that her husband was named Vernon, her son was named Dudley, and that her husband worked for a company that made drills.
Helen's baby was unsettling. She was an extraordinarily quiet little girl, even if both Helen and Jake insisted that she could talk. She stared at Petunia with watchful skepticism, not sure what to make of her. Petunia might have dismissed it as something baby-like, but there was something about little Daria that was old beyond her years. She could almost believe that this one was a relative, she thought before stopping herself and then telling herself that the little girl would probably turn out to be a freak just like her nephew Harry.
It was then that she noticed that little Daria was staring at her with green eyes, not the brown eyes of her mum and her husband Jake. Green eyes, just like Lily's, fair skin, just like Lily's, auburn hair, just like Lily's. Petunia swallowed, trying to digest the implications.
The Morgendorffers would be leaving the house after breakfast. Helen informed Petunia that she had engaged a baby sitter for little Daria, and that she was welcome to either stay in the house and relax or walk around the neighborhood. Helen and her husband were going to go about formalizing their adoption with the magical and regular American governments. She left with her husband shortly after she introduced Petunia to Daria's sitter, an American college girl named Periwinkle Carruthers.
Helen and Jake took a cab to downtown Austin, and MACUSA's Austin offices. Helen expected the adoption to be a slow, elephantine process. It might have been so with another baby, even if it was performed solely under the auspices of MACUSA instead of in collusion with the State of Texas and the United States of America. But Harry Potter was no ordinary baby, and Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore was not only the hero of the Grindelwald War, but now the successful leader of the resistance to Lord Voldemort's attempt to take over Magical Britain. Helen was almost as stunned as Minerva McGonagall at the speed of which the adoption process was proceeding. Obstacles that would affect other, more ordinary adoptions disappeared. Mountains were leveled, crooked roads made straight, parchment and paperwork was quickly passed through, hearings and interviews waved, and form after form was judged completed as the adoption process continued.
In the meantime, Petunia had decided to stay in. She was not feeling adventuresome and the sooner she left, the better.
At first, she decided to watch television. The Morgendorffers did not have much of a selection. They had three commercial channels that broadcast in English, another one that called itself a public station, and a fifth that broadcast in Spanish.
The little girl crawled over and sat. Not too close; she was a wary child, but near her. The sitter changed the channel to a program where ordinary people had been videotaped making pratfalls that they could have avoided if they'd been more sensible. The girl watched as grown men backed up and fell while posing for pictures, girls tried to high-kick and failed, a large dog took the edge of a tablecloth during a children's birthday party and then ran off with it, spilling the contents of a picnic table to the ground, and toddlers having mishaps while trying to master tricycles. One segment showed a grown woman trying to walk across a narrow beam while carrying two cakes in her outstretched arms and then falling off. The baby girl looked up at the television screen and said "Not smart." Petunia looked down from her seat on the couch with a half-smile and for a moment realized that whatever else the girl might be, in some things at least, they saw eye-to-eye.
Periwinkle sat on her seat reading some textbook while flicking an eye over at little Daria from time to time to see if she was staying out of trouble. That would not have worked with Lily, let alone Dudley. Petunia had faint memories of Lily crawling around their small house in Cokeworth, reinforced by her mother's reminisces when she and Lily got older. After an hour and a half of television, Petunia realized that she was excruciatingly bored. She went into the hall bathroom and discovered that Helen Morgendorffer had cleaning supplies stored in a cabinet under the sink, and started scrubbing.
The Morgendorffers returned in the early afternoon in a good mood. Little Harry was with him. Helen and Jake were almost giddy with joy. Goes to show what you know, thought Petunia. Just wait til he gets a little older, then you'll learn better. Helen paid off Periwinkle and the college girl left. She then saw what Petunia had done with the hall bathroom and thanked her profusely.
The magicals arrived shortly afterwards. The British arrived first, using apparation, which awed baby Daria as much as it awed her father Jacob. The Americans arrived twenty minutes later using conventional means. Mrs. Powter suggested a celebratory lunch at the Nighthawk, a local restaurant. The Morgendorffers at first demurred, having only one baby car seat. That changed with a flick of Professor Dumbledore's wand, and they all went over, Petunia uncomfortably crammed into the back seat with Daria, Harry, and two child safety seats.
Petunia had to admit that the restaurant had character. The Magicals did attract a few stares, but the babies were more the centers of attention. Upon her return to the Morgendorffer house, she telephoned Vernon. It was now evening in Britain and Vernon had been frantic with worry. He wanted to talk to Dumbledore and then the Morgendorffers and give them a piece of his mind. Despite her usual deference, Petunia spent the next ten minutes calming him down and got him to grudgingly agree to a scheme one of the American wizards presented at lunch: a courier would stop by Privet Drive and pick up Petunia's purse and passport. Petunia would floo to New York that evening and check into a Muggle hotel near an airport, then, reunited with her purse and passport in hand, jet back to Britain on the first available flight. The American witch, Tabitha Powter, agreed to drive her over to a local public floo terminal so she could start on her way back to Surrey.
Jake Morgendorffer drove her to a travel agency to book a hotel room in New York and then find a flight back to Britain. They said little to each other. Upon her return from the travel agency, the Morgendorffers asked her if she wanted to say goodbye to Baby Harry, now officially Harry James Morgendorffer. Petunia looked at the little black-haired baby. She still couldn't bring herself to think of it as Lily's child; she thought of him as that lay-about's brat. She didn't doubt that he'd come to some bad end.
"Goodbye," she said shortly.
She then said goodbye to the adult Morgendorffers, trying to observe the proper forms of house guest to hosts and recognizing that she'd fallen short. Her farewell to Helen's child was slightly warmer. In spite of her hatred of magic, she found that she had just a little bit of admiration for Baby Daria. The little girl was probably as wild and strange as her dark-haired cousin, but she seemed to have a good head on her shoulders.
"Goodbye," she said, then added "Watch yourself." She turned her back and left the house with Mrs. Powter so she could be driven to a floo terminal so she could start her travel back to Britain.
Helen and Jake decided to spend their evening in with the children. There'd be more chores in the morning; Harry, now HJ, would enroll in day care with Daria. He also needed baby clothes.
Professor Dumbledore said that he'd stop by the next day and set up wards around the house. This being Austin and an eccentric part of Texas, neither Helen or Jake expected the neighbors to object if they spotted some old bearded guy digging holes and burying stones around their house. He'd leave after he was done.
HJ snuggled in with Jake and fell asleep. He still missed Dad, but he felt safe snuggled in the crook of Jake's arm. Daria sat next to Jake and HJ. Things had already changed at her house. So far, the new baby was all right. She wondered what would happen next.
Author's Note: This story will have scenes covering the next ten years as I write them. Some will be out of order. I've just completed a camping scene involving HJ and Uncle Jake which seems appropriate for this time of year, despite the fact that it doesn't occur until HJ is eight.
